Calvin and Hobbes: The Series SEASON TWO
by Swing123
Summary: co written with garfieldodie. The Calvin and Hobbes TV show. Includes holiday specials, two parters, TV movies, a shocking season finale and a fun filled Bonus Chapter! SEASON TWO COMPLETE! PLEASE R&R!
1. Time Terror PART 1

**Summary: **When Sherman's new invention throws himself, Andy, Hobbes, and Socrates into different time periods, Calvin must use his own Time Machine to save them.

* * *

_Welcome to the Calvin and Hobbes: The Series Season premiere.  
__Written by garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Time Terror**

Mom came into the house one afternoon.

It was Friday, so that meant Calvin's pals were over.

I think I oughta explain the strange friendship that Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman share.

Calvin is friends with Hobbes and Andy.

Hobbes is friends with Calvin, Andy and Socrates.

Socrates is friends with Hobbes and Andy.

Andy is friends with all of them.

Sherman just comes because Andy makes him.

Did that clear it up?

Good, let's continue.

Calvin had requested a pizza for the afternoon while he and the gang watched Captain Napalm movies.

She'd obliged because Calvin had earlier been making a high-pitched whining sound.

"Calvin!" she shouted. "Pizza!"

Calvin shot downstairs and grabbed it and ran back to his room.

"You're welcome," Mom muttered.

Calvin shot back into his bedroom.

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were lying around on the bed.

"Okay, boys!" he said. "Pizzas all around."

Socrates shot forward.

"Aah, pizza," he said, ripping the box open. "Did you know that scientists have trained them grow all flat and inside cardboard boxes? It's true!"

Hobbes looked at the pizza.

"Umm, I don't suppose there's more?" he asked. "There are five of us, and that's only one pizza."

"Relax," said Calvin. "I'll take care of it."

Sherman snorted.

"Huh! How, may I ask?"

Calvin pulled out an unsharpened pencil.

Then he aimed it at the pizza and pressed the eraser.

BOINK! BOINK! BOINK!

Immediately, the Mini-Duplicator formed three pizzas that all looked exactly the same.

"Cool," said Andy, taking a slice.

"Really?" asked Hobbes. "I thought it was kind of terrifying."

Sherman looked at the pizza.

"Care to explain how I can eat this?" he asked. "It's too big!"

Calvin sighed, and then he pulled out the Mega-Shrinker 5000.

He plugged it into a headphone jack on a CD player. There was a SHIIICK, and the shrinker's neck shot out to full length.

Calvin flipped the switch to **SHRINK**, and pointed it at the third pizza.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!_

The pizza shrunk down to Sherman's tiny hamster size.

Sherman glared at Calvin.

"Why is it you're always showing off these inventions?" he demanded. "I'm the genius! I should be coming up with ideas like this."

"Huh. Yeah. Go figure," said Calvin. "Let's watch the Napalm movies."

And they took their pizzas downstairs and piled up on the couch.

But Sherman was still grumbling.

"I could invent my own duplicator and shrink ray," Sherman rambled. "And my own Transmogrifier, and scream horn, and hypercube, and—"

"Sherman?" interrupted Socrates.

"What?"

"Shut up."

"Yeah, the movie's starting!" added Hobbes.

As the opening credits for Captain Napalm started, Andy spoke up.

"Hey, you got any soda, Calvin?" he asked.

Calvin reached into the hypercube and pulled out four cans of Coca-Cola.

"This is warm," said Hobbes.

"No problem. We'll use my newest invention on them."

Calvin pulled out a clothespin.

"What's that?" asked Andy.

"This is the Atomic Freezer," said Calvin. "Just clamp it on to anything and it will automatically freeze it to the perfect temperature."

Calvin took his can of soda and prepared to freeze it.

"Wait!" said Hobbes. "We need to prepare."

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman ran out of the room, and then came back wearing hardhats, goggles and pillows.

"Okay," said Hobbes. "Go ahead."

Calvin ignored them and clamped the clothespin onto the can of soda.

Immediately, it glowed blue, and then a shivering sensation went through the can.

Then when it stopped, Calvin took the Freezer off and opened the can and drank the Cola.

"Perfection," he said.

Then he passed it around so that Hobbes, Andy and Socrates could use it.

But Sherman was still angry.

"I should be inventing all the stuff around here!" he shouted. "I'm smarter than you!"

"True," said Calvin, "but I'm bigger than you, and on this planet, size matters."

Sherman glared at him.

"So you think you're better, huh? I'll show you! I'll invent something just like one of your inventions, and it'll be even better!"

And Sherman jumped from the couch and ran out the door for his lab.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy stared as he left.

"Uh-oh," said Andy. "Shermie's upset."

"Yeah," said Calvin. "We'd better see how he is."

"Okay," said Hobbes. "We'll watch the movie and see how he is."

The four agreed, and then laid back to watch television.

* * *

Days went by after that, and none of them had seen Sherman.

Well Andy saw him from time to time, but mainly because he lives with him.

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates were relieved to be rid of him for a while, but every once in a while, they were inclined to ask where he was.

Andy simply told them he was busy with a new experiment, and that's all the others cared to know.

In fact, things were a lot better without Sherman.

No one was yelling six syllable words during Calvinball, and no one was calling Hobbes a scruffy nebulous idiot.

That means mangy furball in Sherman talk.

But best of all, no one was going on about "the university".

You see, whenever Sherman starts a sentence with the words, "When I was at the university…" Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy seem to evaporate and disappear.

However, something would happen in about two weeks.

* * *

Two weeks later, Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Socrates were standing in Sherman's impressive lab.

Calvin had asked why he didn't have his own lab, but Hobbes shut him up.

Sherman stood in front of them, wearing a blue cap and holding a tiny wrench.

"Hello, boys," he said. "You're probably wondering what's going on?"

"Duh," said Socrates. "Now get on with it!"

Sherman glared at him.

"I'm pleased to announce that I've finally completed my new time portal," he said.

Sherman yanked on a cord, and a curtain rose up.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy stared.

"Wow!" said Andy.

There was a giant spaceship-shaped structure standing in front of them. It was covered in wires that ran around and connected to it. There was a giant screen on it. There was a shiny red lever next to it, and next to that was a…washing machine?

"Time portal?" asked Hobbes.

Calvin snorted.

"I'll bet you can't go to cool places like with the Time Machine and the MTM," he sneered.

"Of course not!" said Sherman. "You see, it's not meant for actual travel, but it gives you a view of the actual past and future through the time portal. It's like a TV set; only what you're seeing is real."

"So you don't have to interact with what's on the screen?" Hobbes asked.

"Nope."

"Neat."

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

Sherman smiled smugly.

"Now I'll activate it for the very first time."

Sherman pulled out a nickel and scurried towards the washing machine.

"What's the coin for?" asked Andy.

"It's to activate the time portal," replied Sherman. "And this is not just a nickel! It is the key to great knowledge."

"Well, apparently great knowledge is pretty cheap," said Socrates.

Sherman ignored him and placed the coin in the washing machine.

Suddenly, the washing machine started up.

And then the time portal started to glow.

"WOW!" breathed Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy.

"The washing machine is providing the perfect ratio between the converted techno-bubble frequency, the molecular torch, and the spin cycle!" Sherman explained over the noise.

At first, it seemed as though everything would work.

Then there was a strange noise.

KER-KLUNK!

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

WHIR! WHIR! WHIR!

Sherman looked up in surprise.

"I'm guessing that wasn't supposed to happen?" asked Calvin.

"Run!" shouted Sherman.

But before anyone could do anything, the timer burst off the top of the time portal.

Then the screen was smashed.

Then the unexpected happened.

There was a gust of wind, and something long, round and blue came out of the place where the screen had been.

"Time vortex!" yelled Calvin.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman.

They all ran for their lives.

Calvin immediately grabbed onto an overhead pipe.

Suddenly, Sherman was sucked into the time vortex.

"HELP!" he squeaked.

But the genius hamster had vanished in the blue tornado.

"He had it coming," Hobbes muttered.

Everyone agreed.

But just then, Andy was lifted off the ground, and then he tumbled into the swirling tunnel as well.

"ANDY!" Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates shouted.

See? I told you he was friends with everyone.

"SHERMAN, YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!" Andy growled as he tumbled away and disappeared.

Just then, Socrates lost his grip on the pipe and slid off and tumbled away after Andy and Sherman.

"I DON'T THINK I'M IN KANSAS ANYMORE!" Socrates shouted.

"SOCRATES!" screamed Hobbes.

"LET HIM GO, HOBBES! IT'S FOR THE BEST!" Calvin said.

Calvin started to wrap himself around the pipe to get a better grip.

Hobbes was about to do the same, but it was too late.

With one more powerful WOOSH, Hobbes lost his grip on the pipe!

And he was sucked into the time portal.

"HOBBES!" Calvin screamed, holding out a hand.

"CALVIN!" Hobbes screamed back, and he vanished as lightening flashed.

Realizing it was too late to save his friends (and Socrates and Sherman), Calvin held on to the pipe.

The whooshing and sucking didn't stop until five minutes later, and then the time vortex went back inside the time portal and vanished.

Calvin jumped down from the pipe and ran over to the time portal.

He looked inside the hole.

There was a swirling, sparkling, blue whirlpool in there.

"HOBBES?" Calvin shouted.

The word 'Hobbes' echoed all around.

"ANDY? SOCRATES?"

The words 'Andy' and 'Socrates echoed as well.

Neat, huh?

Calvin gulped.

"Uh-oh," he said.


	2. Time Terror PART 2

"MOM! DAD! IT'S TERRIBLE!"

Slowly, Mom and Dad looked up from what they were doing.

"What is it, Calvin?" Dad asked.

"HOBBES, SOCRATES, ANDY AND SHERMAN ARE ALL TRAPPED IN DIFFERENT TIME PERIODS!"

There was a moment of silence.

Then, Mom and Dad returned to their books.

Calvin grumbled to himself, then ran back up to his room.

He grabbed his MTM, and started typing in names.

A holographic picture of Socrates appeared, and information came rolling out, next to it.

Then, a holographic picture of Hobbes came up, then one of Andy and Sherman.

Calvin stared at the information.

Then, before Calvin finished reading, The MTM started beeping, and a flashing red message came up.

_**WARNING!**_

**Socrates**, **Hobbes**, **Andy**, and **Sherman** are all unlocated!

**Last reported location:** Sherman J. Hamster's Lab

**Current location:** **_!UNKNOWN!_**

Calvin blinked.

He entered the search engine, and selected TIME PERIOD in the SEARCH BY check box.

_Specified Persons located_

**Socrates:** Old West

**Hobbes:** Mesozoic Era

**Andy:** Medieval times

**Sherman:** Future

Calvin blinked several times.

"WHAT!" he yelled. "They're all in _different _spots in time! That just makes everything more complicated!"

Calvin complained for fifteen minutes, then finally decided to actually go and save them.

"OK," Calvin said, setting dates. "I'm going back to the Late Jurassic Period to save Hobbes!"

Calvin pushed the Dates and Times button, set the dials, and pushed the GO button.

Nothing happened.

A message came up.

_Low Batteries_

Calvin blinked.

"That's weird. Ah well, I can always use the box."

Calvin tossed the MTM behind his shoulder, and it landed, CRASH on the floor.

Yes, that's how Calvin treats his inventions when he can't use them.

He rushed over to the closet, pulled out the Time Machine box, and leaped into it.

He pushed the button, and he rose into the air, and then blasted into a time vortex.

* * *

Hobbes lifted his head, and cut his eyes from side to side. 

He appeared to be sitting in a giant nest.

Make of sticks.

And, uh, logs.

And he was surrounded by huge white eggs.

"Oops." He muttered.

Suddenly, The cliff, where the nest was laying, started shaking, and the wind started to pick up.

Hobbes squinted his eyes, and looked up.

In the blinding sunlight, a giant pterodactyl landed on the nest, and it's eyes fixed onto Hobbes.

Hobbes' eyes popped open.

"Gasp." He muttered to himself.

The pterodactyl stared at Hobbes.

Hobbes stared back.

"Uh, hello."He said. "I don't suppose you'd be interested in discussing malnutrition, would you?"

The reptile stared at Hobbes, then made a snap at him.

"YEEK!" He screamed, leaping from the way.

The pterodactyl screeched, and made another snap at Hobbes.

Using his cat like agility, Hobbes dodged every peck.

The pterodactyl screeched, and extended its wings, before taking another snap at Hobbes.

"HELP!" Hobbes screamed.

* * *

At that very moment, A time vortex opened up, and Calvin came flying into the humid Jurassic in the Time Machine. 

"OK," Calvin said, rubbing his chin. "Now that I'm here, I have to find Hobbes."

"HELP!"

Calvin looked up, and saw a pterodactyl snapping at something in her nest.

"Well, that was easy." Calvin shrugged.

By this time, the pterodactyl had almost gotten Hobbes, when a voice rang out.

"GET AWAY FROM MY FRIEND YOU RAT WITH WINGS!"

The pterodactyl looked up, and saw a brown cube rocketing towards her.

Calvin steered the Machine to left, and grabbed Hobbes as he bolted past.

The pterodactyl looked up, and screeched.

Then, it lifted off its nest, and flew after Calvin's box.

Calvin shifted into third gear, and started flying away from the approaching terosaur.

It was gaining however.

And Calvin, who was too dramatic and lazy to turn on the Time Travel device, and zap out of there, altered his course, and zoomed towards a dried out riverbed.

The pterodactyl shrieked, and dove down after them.

Calvin skimmed the ground, making several lizards scatter, and glared at the pterodactyl as it lowered itself to Calvin and Hobbes' level.

"Oh, so he wants to play _tough_ does he? Very well! Hang on to something sturdy, Hobbes!"

Calvin gabbed a lever, and shoved it from "Fast" to Faster".

The Time Machine began picking up speed as it flew along the ground at ninety miles per hour.

Calvin jerked the wheel to the left, making Hobbes fly to the right, and started flying for a tall wall of rock.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!" Hobbes screamed, covering his eyes.

Calvin's eyes narrowed, and that same mischievous grin spread across his face.

He jerked the wheel upward, and roared up the rock.

The pterodactyl's eyes popped open, and it tried to stop.

CRASH!

Calvin stopped the Time Machine, and Calvin and Hobbes looked down at the pterodactyl.

Calvin grinned

"Well."He said. "I guess he learned to not deal with the Calvin!"

Hobbes looked down.

"Calvin, it's getting up."

"He should've known better. The dunce."

"Calvin, it's not even bruised."

"Yes sir, I'm sure he's learned a very valuable lesson about... what did you say?"

"When?"

"Right now, you tuna!"

"I can't remember."

"Something about bruises."

"Bruises?" Hobbes asked. "Hmm, nope. I'm drawing a blank."

"That's weird." Calvin said, rubbing his chin. "I could have sworn you said something about..."

_**CRASSH!**_

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_**" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, as the Time Machine went roaring upward.

The pterodactyl was floating where Calvin and Hobbes just were.

"Oh, now I remember!" Hobbes said. "I said that the pterodactyl was getting back up, and was about to fly after us, again."

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"Well, gee. Thanks for the information!"

Before Hobbes could reply, the pterodactyl crashed into them again, sending them higher into the air.

"FLOOR IT!" Hobbes yelled.

Calvin roared forward, and blasted away from the pterodactyl, who flew up where they had just been.

Calvin altered his course, and started roaring back to the nest.

"Why are you doing _that_!" Hobbes screamed.

"I don't know what else to do." Calvin shrugged.

"WHY DON'T YOU TRY GOING TO A DIFFERENT TIME PERIOD!" Hobbes screamed.

"I can't!" Calvin yelled.

"WHY NOT!"

"This chapter's not long enough, yet." Calvin sighed.

"Oh." Hobbes said,

The pterodactyl screeched, again, and started after the machine, again.

Calvin jerked the wheel to the right, and Hobbes shot to the left.

The pterodactyl screeched to a stop, and looked around.

Then it spotted the box again.

Calvin flew the box through a herd of Sauropods, and continued flying off.

By this time, the pterodactyl gave up, and returned to its nest.

Calvin was relieved.

"That was a close one." He sighed.

"Uh huh." Hobbes said. "You're a regular matador. Now keep the box from getting stepped on."

Calvin looked up, and saw an _Ultaosaur_ foot about to come on top of them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, and Calvin jerked forward.

STOMP!

Dust went everywhere, as that overgrown foot came to the ground.

Not two seconds after that one landed, another one came down inches where Calvin and Hobbes were.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_**" Calvin and Hobbes screamed.

Calvin and Hobbes spent the next thirty seconds dodging the progress of the wandering _Ultrasuar_.

Then, Calvin jerked the wheel upward, and rose above the sauropods' heads.

Which they should've have done in the first place, but like I said, Calvin was too dramatic and lazy to do so.

So, they rose above their heads, and Calvin turned a grin onto Hobbes.

"Well, Hobbes, once again, I have beaten all odds to save you from a bunch of dumb lizards. I'm sure you're flattered."

"Right. It was _your_ dumb inventions that got us into this mess. As usual." Hobbes muttered.

"_My _fault!" Calvin said, shocked. "It was Sherman's stupid Time Machine that got you stuck here."

"Yeah, but he wouldn't have built it, if you hadn't been showing off your Death Trap Inventions." Hobbes said.

"Good point." Calvin considered. "Well, when you're a child prodigy, like me, you have to put out your remarkable intellect, _somehow!_"

"You're unbelievable." Hobbes said. "Get me out of here."

"Very well." Calvin said, "But we can't go home, yet."

"I suspected as much." Hobbes sighed. "You just _have_ to make things more complicated by bringing _me_ along, don't you?"

"Well, I'm not wasting power going home, and dropping you off before I take off, again." Calvin spat. "Now, I think we should go save Andy, next."

"Very well." Hobbes said. "_When_ is Andy?"

"Let's see, here."

Calvin studied a small screen on the Time Machine.

His grin dropped.

"Whoops."

Hobbes leaped out of the Time Machine.

Calvin grabbed him by the tail, and somehow dragged him back in.

"Hobbes! Calm down! It's not that bad!"

"You said 'whoops', and that's all the warning I need! Get me out of this thing! I'll take my chances with pterodactyl!"

"Hobbes, it's in medieval times!" Calvin finally screamed. "We have nothing to worry about!"

"Medieval?" Hobbes demanded. "Andy was sent to the Knights of the Round Table Times!"

"Correct."

"Fine. I'll go." Hobbes said, calming down. "I've always wanted to meet a knight."

"Good." Calvin said.

He turned back to Time Machine.

"Andy, here we come."

Calvin set the dates and times, and pushed the GO button.

A red, swirling vortex appeared in front of Calvin and Hobbes' box.

Calvin revved up the engine.

"Don't worry, Andy! We're coming to get ya!"

Calvin burst into the vortex.

Once he entered it, the vortex imploded.

Calvin and Hobbes were off to save Andy from a bunch of knights.

Whether or not it was smart still remains to be seen.


	3. Time Terror PART 3

Calvin and Hobbes flew out of the time stream and landed in a place that looked a lot different than the usual places they'd been before.

For one thing, it looked a lot cleaner.

And there was a shortage of lizards, which Hobbes was thankful for.

"Okay, according to the Time Machine, Andy is located about half a mile from here," said Calvin.

"Uh-huh," said Hobbes.

Then Hobbes glanced over the side of the Time Machine.

He saw a gathering of people.

"Hey, maybe we can get directions from those people down there," he suggested.

Calvin looked down and saw them.

"Why don't we just use the Time Machine to guide us there?"

"Because I feel safer with something that actually gets things done," Hobbes replied.

Calvin glared at him.

But he steered downwards anyway.

They landed the box just in front of the group of men on horses.

They were all covered in metal.

I guess they were knights.

Calvin walked forward.

"Excuse me?" he said calmly.

One of the knights looked down.

"What doth thou want, young lad?" he asked.

Calvin stared.

Then he realized what had been asked.

"Huh? OH! I am Calvin, and I am on the lookout for my friend Andy. He's a kid a little taller than me, and he wears a red shirt with the number nineteen on it, and he has brown hair. Have ya seen him around these parts?"

"I hath not seen such a boy," replied the knight. "Perhaps thou might…"

Then the knight saw Hobbes.

Hobbes was sitting in the box, reclining and reading a comic book.

"That feline!" gasped the knight. "Look at him. He doth read multi-colored reading material, and he hath thumbs that can hold!"

Hobbes looked up.

He stared at the knights.

Then he looked around to see what the heck they were looking at.

Then he looked at them again.

"Oh, are you talking about me?" he asked.

The knights gasped.

"THE BEAST SPEAKS! WITCHERY, NO DOUBT!"

"Huh?" asked Hobbes.

"ATTACK, FELLOW KNIGHTS!" shouted the knight.

The horses charged at Hobbes.

"YIKES!" Hobbes shouted. "I DON'T WANNA MEET A KNIGHT ANYMORE!"

Calvin dove into the Time Machine and took to the sky with it.

"Phew!" said Calvin. "I think we're out of range for their swords!"

Suddenly, a sword stuck through the bottom of the Time Machine.

Calvin and Hobbes jumped aside.

Hobbes glared at Calvin.

"Well, I said 'I think'," Calvin said angrily.

Suddenly, the Time Machine sputtered and screamed and tumbled to the ground.

It crashed to the ground.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" screamed Calvin and Hobbes.

CRASH!

The knights and their horses stood over them.

Calvin stared.

"Ummm…," said Calvin, "…anyone here ever heard of Captain Napalm?"

Apparently not.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes hung in the dungeon by chains now.

"'Hey, Calvin! Let's go talk to da peoples down there! Maybe they know where Andy is!'" Calvin said bitterly. "Bah! You could've just trusted the Time Machine, and but no! You had to trust the natives! Typical."

Hobbes growled at Calvin.

"Are you through yelling yet?" he asked calmly.

Calvin thought for a moment.

"Well, if I knew any swear words, then I'd go on for about five more hours, but since I don't, then yes, I am done."

"Good. Now let's bust out of here."

Hobbes took out a single claw, and then poked the lock holding him into place until it opened, and then he was able to open all the other locks that held him and Calvin to the wall.

"All right," Calvin said. "First, we need to get the Time Machine working again."

The Time Machine had been tossed aside in the corner.

Calvin crawled into it, and then he pulled out the hypercube.

He pulled out a roll of duct tape, and then taped over the hole that the sword had put in it.

"There! All fixed."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin started typing in the search for Andy.

As he was waiting, Hobbes spoke.

"Look, Calvin, I don't really blame you for this," he said. "I guess when I blamed you, it was just the heat of the moment."

"Ah, don't sweat it," said Calvin. "If there's one thing we can agree on, it's that Sherman is the smartest yet dumbest hamster we've ever met."

"Indeed."

Suddenly, the Time Machine started to beep.

Calvin looked at the screen.

"Okay, Andy is on the premises. We just need to get to him somehow."

"Where is he exactly?" asked Hobbes.

"Somewhere on the top floor of this castle," Calvin said, reading the description. "The place has no stairs, so it may be challenging."

"How? This box can fly."

Calvin looked at the box.

"Huh. Forgot about that. Okay, let's go."

Hobbes jumped into the Time Machine.

Then, Calvin hit a button, and the Time Machine shot towards the door and then hovered so that Calvin could see through the barred window.

There was a guard with a hood on standing there.

It was a good thing the Time Machine doesn't make any noise.

They'd have been toast.

Calvin pulled out his Time Pauser and pressed the button.

_**BOOM!**_

Time came to a sudden and unexpected stop.

Calvin, Hobbes and the Time Machine floated there.

Then Hobbes used his claw to unlock the dungeon door.

They opened the door, threw garbage at the guard, and then carried on.

Once they had passed all the knights in shining armor, they came do a door and ducked inside.

They saw that it was empty, but the room was huge.

It has round, and it went straight up.

And wouldn't you know it?

On the ceiling, there was a door.

Calvin decided this was a good time to unpause time.

_**BOOM!**_

Time started up again.

Calvin and Hobbes sailed up to the door on the ceiling and knocked on it.

"ANDY!" Calvin shouted. "YOU IN THERE?"

"Huh?" said a voice. "Oh, yeah, hang on a minute."

Andy opened the door and let Calvin and Hobbes in.

"Hey, Calvin. Hey, Hobbes," said Andy, acting as though nothing major had happened. "You guys gotta check out this view! It's a beauty!"

Calvin and Hobbes looked out the window for a second and admired it.

Then they realized why they had come here to begin with.

"Andy, how the heck did you get here?" Calvin demanded.

"The time vortex opened up at the window and spit me out here. I've been waiting for you to show up," said Andy. "Oh, and you found Hobbes, too! Good for you."

Hobbes sighed.

"What do you plan to do to Sherman when we get him back?" asked Hobbes.

"You actually plan to get him back?" Andy asked, looking shocked.

Now get this.

Calvin and Hobbes actually nodded.

You would've thought they'd think about this for a while, but no!

"In our own unique way, Sherman is our friend," said Calvin. "Besides, I don't like the idea of being the shortest in the group."

"We're not going to get him next, are we?" asked Hobbes.

"Nah, we're going to get Socrates back next," said Calvin, climbing into the Time Machine.

Hobbes and Andy got in with him.

They all put on their goggles.

"Okay," said Calvin. "Let's see… Where is Socrates?"

Calvin looked at the screen in the Time Machine.

"Ah!" he said. "He's in the Old West. An old dusty place called Tire Flats. It's nice and peaceful with no desperados or bandits, so it shouldn't be too bad, okay, Hobbes?"

"Fine," said Hobbes, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Good, now let's go save Socrates," said Calvin.

"You're actually willing to save Socrates too?" Andy asked. "You hate him."

"Yes, I do," said Calvin. "But I hate him less than I hate Sherman, so let's go."

And with that, Calvin, Hobbes and Andy took to the sky.

Unfortunately, they were spotted, and at that moment, spears were soon being thrown at them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" they screamed.

Calvin decided maybe he should just skip being dramatic and lazy, and just opened up a time vortex.

Better safe than sorry.

"OFF TO THE OLD WEST!" he shouted.

The Time Machine flew into the vortex, and the vortex imploded just as a spear flew through the air at them.


	4. Time Terror PART 4

Socrates sat on a bench in an old fashioned jail house, with his legs crossed.

He was playing a harmonica, and tapping the foot that on the ground.

And no, I don't know where he got the harmonica.

After he got bored doing that, he rushed over to the jail bars, and started rattling a tin cup against it.

"LET ME OUT!" he screamed. "I'm innocent, I tell ya! I demand an attorney! I demand an attorney named Murray! I demand the right to a fair trail!"

An overweight sherif with a stringy mustache, who was sleeping his chair, lifted his head, tipped his hat up, and stared at Socrates.

"Shut up." he spat.

"I can handle that." Socrates said, sitting down.

The sherif then tipped his hat back over his eyes, and began snoring again.

Socrates' eyes cut from side to side.

He grabbed the harmonica, aimed with perfection, and threw it at the sherif.

CLANG!

The harmonia and the keys that were around the sherif's waist, collided, and the keys fell to the ground, feet from where Socrates was.

Socrates was an excellent aim.

Socrates grinned, and stuck his arm out the bars.

He groped for the keys that laid inches from his paw.

"Come on, come on." He muttered, shoving himself against the bars, in an attempt to reach the keys.

Suddenly, something hard came smashing on top of Socrates' paw.

"YEEEEE-OUCH!" Socrates screamed, shooting into the air, and causing the hair on his tail to fly up.

When his eyes came back into focus, he saw that the sherif was standing on his paw.

Socrates blinked.

"Excuse me, but I don't suppose you could remove your extremely heavy and painful boot from my paw could you?"

"Stop trying to escape, criminal." The sherif growled, snatching up the keys, and sitting back down in his chair.

"Sure thing." Socrates said, sitting back down.

Meanwhile, some distance away, A red swirling time vortex opened, and Calvin, Hobbes, and Andy came out.

"Alright." Calvin said, landing the box on the ground, making dust go everywhere. "According to my tracking device, which is right 99.9 percent of the time, Socrates is on the other side of the town."

"That's where the jailhouse is." Andy said.

"Yup." Calvin said. "Socrates is finally in his one true place that he belongs in this world."

Andy rolled his eyes.

"OK." Hobbes said. "Onward to the red tail!"

"Very well." Calvin said, revving the Time Machine engine up.

"I'll have you know that my badly dressed lawyer with the spikes on his head will be coming to bust me out, any minute now!" Socrates called at the sherif.

The sherif snorted, and didn't wake up.

"Ya know, if you don't get me out of here, then I'll bug you all day and all night, and you'll miss all your beauty sleep. Not that you've gotten any of it anyway!"

The sherif put on a pair of headphones.

Socrates blinked.

"Oh come on!" He screamed. "I didn't know you even _had_ those things here!"

The sherif snorted, again.

"Very well." Socrates growled, in a tough western accent. "I'll have to bust my way out of this joint."

Socrates grabbed the bars, and dramatically tried to bent them apart.

You can guess what good that did.

After fifteen minutes of tugging at the bars, Socrates had stop to catch his breath.

"I'm just... pant, pant... warming up."

And with that, he collapsed.

Two hours went by.

_**TWO HOURS!**_

After flying around the future ghost town for this amount of time, Hobbes finally said, "Calvin will you just ask someone for directions to the jailhouse!"

"Hobbes, I know what I'm doing." Calvin spat. "Besides, that would be the sissy way out."

"We've been doing this for two hours!" Andy said. "Would you please ask someone!"

"See, I think I see one of those signs!" Calvin said, pointing at a small sign, "I'll bet it'll tell you where it is."

Calvin floated up to it.

The sign had several weird symbols on it that Calvin couldn't make heads or tails of.

"Well, that's a dumb thing to put on a public sign." Calvin grumbled.

"ASK SOMEONE FOR DIRECTIONS!" Andy and Hobbes screamed.

"Fine, fine! Stupid directions."

Calvin floated the Time Machine up to one of the house, the engine humming as it went, and Calvin leaned over, and knocked on the door.

A man with a beard, and the classic cowboy outfit opened the door, and stared at Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and the flying box with the word _Time Machine_ written on it.

"Hello." Calvin said. "Would you please point out the direction to the jailhouse?"

The cowboy stared at Calvin, then slammed the door.

_SLAMM!_

Calvin was shocked.

"YEAH! YEAH!" He screamed at door. "THE NEXT TIME _YOU_ GET LOST, DON'T COME CRYING TO ME!"

Hobbes and Andy exchanged glances

Then, the man reappeared at the door.

"I knew you'd come to your senses." Calvin said, crossing his arms. "Now where is..."

The cowboy was holding a rifle. He cocked it.

"Calvin, get the box out of here." Hobbes hissed.

Calvin's eyes popped open.

He jerked the steering wheel to the left, and roared into the sky.

The cowboy rushed up to the gate, and started firing.

"AAAAAAA!" Calvin, Hobbes, and Andy screamed, dodging all the bullets.

After the man gave up, and went back into the house, Calvin turned a glare on Hobbes.

"There ya go, Hobbes. Ya ask a cowboy for directions, and you get shot at by a stupid rifle. And let that be a lesson to you."

"Well, maybe next time you could go up to the door, while you're _out_ of the bizarre flying cube!" Hobbes screamed.

"Geez, you'd think these people had never seen a box before." Calvin muttered, turning back to the steering wheel.

Hobbes and Andy sighed.

"FIVE HUNDRED SIXTY THREE MILLION AND TWO BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!" Socrates screamed, trying to annoy the sherif into letting him go. "FIVE HUNDRED SIXTY THREE MILLION AND TWO BOTTLES OF _BEER!_ YA TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, FIVE HUNDRED SIXTY THREE MILLION AND ONE BOTTLES OF BEER LEFT ON THE WALL!"

The sherif still didn't wake up. I mean, that guy was knocked out, completely.

Socrates tried to catch his breath, and then attempted to continue the song.

Finally, after another twenty minutes of flying around the town, Calvin, Hobbes, and Andy made it to the jailhouse.

Calvin landed the box, and he, Hobbes and Andy leaped out of the box.

Calvin ran up to the window, and peeked inside.

Then, he turned back to Hobbes and Andy.

"OK, Socrates is in there. The sherif is asleep, so we should be able to get in there without any trouble." He said.

"OK, good." Hobbes said. "Let's go."

Calvin tried the door.

It was locked.

Hobbes tried to open it with his claw.

No good.

"Well. This is just great." Calvin grumbled. "NOW how are we going to get in?"

Andy took off his backpack.

"I think I might have something that could help us." He said.

Calvin looked up.

"Ah good. What is it?"

Andy rooted through his backpack, and finally pulled out a large club.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at it.

"Where'd you get that?" Hobbes asked.

"It was in the tower I was in." Andy said. "I figured I'd need it."

"Great work, ANDY!" Calvin grinned, rubbing his hands together. "Can _I_ use it!"

"Sure, I guess." Andy said, handing the club to Calvin. "I don't see why not."

Calvin grabbed the club away, and lifted it above his head.

"We're dead." Hobbes said.

Andy and Hobbes stepped back, as Calvin wildly started whacking the door with the club.

WHAM! WHACK! BASH! BOOM! CRASH!

Finally, Calvin beat his way into the jailhouse.

The sherif didn't even wake up.

He seemed to only wake up if one of his poisoners were escaping.

Uh huh.

Socrates looked up.

"Look!" Calvin laughed. "Socrates is finally in spot where he belongs!"

"Well it's about _time!_" Socrates yelled, ignoring Calvin. "Do you know how long I've been waiting here! Plus, I have a sore paw to boot!"

"I'm, tee hee, sorry to hear that, Socrates." Calvin said to Socrates. "OK, Hobbes. See if you can unlock the door."

Hobbes extended a single claw, and stuck it into the lock.

It didn't work.

Hobbes wiggled his finger around in the lock, but it refused to come undone.

"I can't do it." He said. "The lock is old fashioned. I can't find the tumblers."

Andy gulped.

"Great." Calvin grumbled. "_Now_ what do we do?"

"The sherif has some keys." Socrates said. "They're on his belt."

All eyes went to the sherif.

He was still asleep, and the keys were hanging from his belt.

"Of course." Hobbes sighed.

He crept up the sherif, and took hold of the keys.

At that very moment, a huge hand came down on top of Hobbes' head.

"AAAAA!" Hobbes screamed, leaping into the air, and bumping his head on the ceiling joists.

The sherif was still asleep.

Hobbes landed back on the ground.

After his eyes came back into focus, they focused back onto the keys.

Calvin and Andy exchanged glances.

This time, instead of doing it slowly, Hobbes just walked up, and ripped the keys off.

"There," he grumbled.

He walked up to the lock, again, and unlocked the door.

He opened the door, and Socrates walked out.

"Ah, fresh, not inside jail, air." He sighed.

"OK," Calvin said, "That just leaves Sherman, and we go home."

"Finally." Andy sighed.

"We're going to get Sherman back?" Socrates asked.

Andy nodded.

"Yeah. Don't ask. Let's just get in the Time Machine.

At that very moment, the sherif woke up.

That was right in cue, wasn't it?

"HEY!" He yelled.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Socrates looked up.

The sherif got out of his chair, and marched over for the four time travelers.

"AAAAAAAAA!" Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, and Andy screamed, leaping out the door.

The sherif ripped his pistol out of his belt, and started firing, wildly.

The four raced out of the jailhouse, and raced for the Time Machine several feet away.

The sherif burst out the door, and glared at Calvin.

"CRIMINAL!" He screamed, holding his pistol up.

BANG! BANG!

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, and Andy leaped into the Time Machine, and Calvin frantically started the Time Machine up.

VROOM!

The sherif ran up to the Time Machine, as it slowly started to rise into the air.

Calvin blasted off, as the sherif ran up to where they just were.

"RESISTING ARREST WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE FOR YOU!" The sherif called. "I'LL PUT YOU ALL ON WANTED POSTERS!"

"How can you do that?" Socrates called after them. "You don't even have our pictures!"

"I'll hire an artist!" The sherif called back.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

He pushed a big red button in the box, and an electrified swirling red time vortex appeared.

Calvin flew inside it, and it imploded.

"Sherman! We're coming! And we'll be sure to delay saving you as long as possible!"

The sherif watched.

Then, he tipped his hat.

"That was weird." he said, walking back into his jailhouse to finish his nap.


	5. Time Terror PART 5

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Socrates tumbled through the swirling blue tunnel.

The Time Machine hummed and rumbled.

Lightning flashed and crashed everywhere.

Calvin guided them through the tunnel.

"Let's see," he said, glancing at the little screen. "We're about to approach Sherman's location."

"Where is he?" asked Andy.

Calvin searched the little screen.

They heard him gasp.

"HE GASPED!" shouted Hobbes. "ABANDON TIME MACHINE!"

Hobbes, Andy and Socrates attempted to jump out, but Calvin grabbed them all back in.

"Guys, get back in here!" he said calmly. "You're making me swerve. If we swerve, we might miss our stop, and then we'll run out of power before we get home. Besides, if you jump out, you'll land somewhere dangerous in time."

Hobbes gulped.

"Suddenly, I'm loving this box more and more," he said.

"Anywho, why'd you gasp?" asked Socrates.

"Sherman is in a place that might shock you," said Calvin.

"Where is he?" asked Andy.

"…the future," Calvin said quietly.

Hobbes, Andy and Socrates stared.

"FUTURE?" they shouted.

"Yeah, the year 4128, to be exact," Calvin replied. "I wonder what the future will look like."

"Well, something tells me we're about to find out," Hobbes said nervously.

Calvin looked up and saw a great white light just ahead.

"Whoa……," breathed Calvin.

Suddenly, the Time Machine started to gain speed.

The light grew brighter.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Socrates covered their eyes.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" they all screamed.

Lightning flashed and thunder crashed.

Suddenly, there was a loud WHOOSH!

The Time Machine flew out of a time vortex in the sky.

Calvin was the first to open his eyes.

"Whoa…," he breathed.

Hobbes, Andy and Socrates looked around.

Hobbes looked around.

"Where the heck are we?" Hobbes asked.

"I dunno," said Calvin. "Hang on. I'll set up a tracker to guide us to Sherman."

Calvin typed in Sherman's name, and then the Time Machine beeped.

The auto-pilot came on, and then it flew past several buildings.

Now I'll tell you about the scenery.

It looks like the Jetsons were pretty accurate.

Just a few centuries too early.

There were indeed floating cars and buildings.

Everything was a shiny silver metal.

"AWSOME!" said Calvin.

"Sweet," said Andy.

"Cool," said Socrates.

"Terrifying," said Hobbes.

As they continued to fly, Calvin gasped when he saw something just ahead.

"LOOK!" he shouted.

Hobbes, Andy and Socrates gaped.

There, in the center of a floating sidewalk, was a group of statues!

It was them!

That's right, marble statues of Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Socrates and even Sherman were standing in the middle of the floating city.

"Cool!" said Socrates. "They captured my good side."

Calvin flew the Time Machine closer and read the plaque.

It said, OUR WORLD'S HEROES.

"Huh," he said. "Go figure. We must have saved the world together at some point."

"Wow," said Hobbes.

The Time Machine flew off and carried on towards a small building.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Calvin stared at the tracker.

Then he looked at the sign in front of the building.

PETS AND PET FOOD MAKER.

NOW FEATURING SQUIGGLES THE MUTANT HAMSTER.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy stared.

"Ooh, this'll be good," said Hobbes.

Once they flew inside, Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Socrates started searching for Sherman.

He wasn't too hard to find.

There was a tiny creature up on a stage next to a giant machine.

It was Sherman, all right.

And he didn't look very happy.

He had somehow grown a penguin's beak, a turtle's arms, and a bear's legs.

Wow.

"That's right, America," he hissed. "Come buy this cheap stuff. It's good for penguins, turtles, bears, or all three wrapped into one."

Then he squeaked bitterly.

There weren't many people around, so Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy slowly approached.

"Shermie?" asked Andy. "Is that you?"

Sherman looked up and saw them.

"Well, it's about time you four showed up. Get me the heck out of here!" he demanded.

There was a pause.

Then, Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy keeled over on the floor, laughing.

"HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"

Sherman stood there, growling a tiny growl.

"Will you please…?" he grunted.

Finally, they all stood up and stopped laughing.

Then they all looked at him again.

Then it just started all over again.

"HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"

"ARE YOU ALL QUITE FINISHED!" Sherman shouted.

Finally, Calvin was the first to calm down.

"You see, Sherman?" Calvin said. "This is what happens when you try to outdo me."

"Just get me out of here!" Sherman yelled.

"Is that real stuff on you?" asked Socrates, looking him over.

"Yes it is. They put me in a machine and jumbled me up. Now get me out of here."

But Calvin was having none of it.

"No, no, I'm quite sure a genius rat like yourself could get yourself out of this," he said.

Sherman stared.

"How can you not!" Sherman bellowed. "This is your fault!"

Calvin growled. "Okay, you know what? I'm not going to take this anymore. This is so not my fault! Okay, this is your fault, and nobody else's. So I was showing off my inventions. BIG DEAL! So your ego was smarting from it. SUCK IT UP AND BE A HAMSTER! YOU COULD'VE JUST PUT UP WITH IT LIKE THESE GUYS DID, BUT NO! YOU HAD TO TRY AND BE BETTER! WELL, LOOK WHERE IT'S GOTTEN YOU! IT'S GOTTEN YOU A CAREER IN SHOW BIZ!"

Hobbes, Socrates and Andy clapped for Calvin.

Sherman glared at Calvin.

"Look, I'm sorry I got you all into this mess," Sherman said through a gritted beak. "Now please. Get me out of here so I can destroy the time portal."

Calvin thought.

"Okay, fine. We'll help you. Hobbes? Hand me the box."

Hobbes handed Calvin the box.

Calvin turned the box to the side that had a switch on it.

He flipped it towards the word TRANSMOGRIFIER.

The box flipped over so that the opening was on the bottom.

Calvin grabbed Sherman and tossed him inside, and then he turned an arrow to the word HAMSTER.

Then he pushed a button.

ZAP!

When he pulled the box off of Sherman, he had been changed back to his usual hamster self.

"Now what do we say, Shermie?" asked Andy, crossing his arms.

Sherman growled.

Then through gritted teeth, he muttered, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Calvin said sweetly. "And do you admit that my inventions could kick your inventions' butts?"

"Don't push it," Sherman hissed.

Calvin then turned the Transmogrifier back into the Time Machine, and then they all piled inside.

Calvin pressed a button, and a time vortex opened up.

They all flew inside.

They were reunited.

And they were going to something nasty to Sherman when they got home.

But first, they had to _get_ home.


	6. Time Terror PART 6

Calvin steered the Time Machine through the tunnel.

Everyone else, with nothing better to do, watched dates go by.

4065...4053...4044...4031 and so on.

"OK," Calvin said. "Everyone's back, now we just get back to the present, and I can recharge this thing before it runs out of power."

All eyes went to the Power Level meter on the dash.

The meter was on "60".

Calvin explained that 100 power was highest, and it went down by tens, and if it reached 10...

Then they were dead.

Sherman snorted, as if he was about to make some clever remark about it, but decided to be quiet.

At least until they weren't in the Time Machine.

Calvin continued steering.

Several more years zipped by them.

Just then, the power level switched down to "50".

No one noticed though.

They were still a long ways away from the present.

But after fifteen minutes of going, and the power level dropped to "40", that's when it happened.

_ZAAAAP!_

For a couple of seconds, the Time Vortex completely vanished, and all the screens on the Time Machine went blank.

"**_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**" Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, and Socrates all screamed, as the Time Machine went spiraling for the black pavement at the bottom.

Then, at the last possible second, the Time Machine roared back to life, and the red vortex reappeared.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!" Socrates screamed.

"WE WERE ALMOST KILLED!" Andy added, panic stricken.

Calvin rubbed his chin, and studied the power meter.

"Oops." he said.

"HE SAID 'OOPS'!" Hobbes screamed. "ABANDON SHIP! IT'S EVERY TIGER, BOY, AND HAMSTER FOR HIMSELF!"

Before Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, and Sherman leaped out of the Time Machine, Calvin caught them.

How did he catch all four of them at once?

I have no idea.

"Will you guys cut it out!" He yelled. "There was just a minor disturbance!"

"_MINOR!_" Andy, Socrates, Sherman and Hobbes screamed.

"I don't have time to argue with you!" Calvin screamed, turning back to the controls.

The power level was now on 30.

He licked his lips, and continued driving.

It was then, that the vortex started to flicker.

All at once, the tunnel became a less brilliant red, and the outlines of mountains began to show through.

Everyone exchanged glances.

"Uh... Calvin...?" Andy started.

"Da da da!" Calvin yelled, holding a hand up to stop him from talking. "I know what I'm doing!"

"Ya know, I can give the Machine more power." Sherman said, crossing his arms.

Calvin made a sound with his lips.

"Ppphyt! Yeah right! Like I need _you_ messing around with my invention,"

At that very moment the meter reached 20.

A red light began blinking, and an alarm went off.

"ALERT! ALERT! ALARM! ALARM! TIME MACHINE SHUTTING DOWN TO SAVE POWER!"

Everyone stared at the message.

"Calvin?" Hobbes asked.

"Mm, yes?"

"You programmed the Machine to shut down so it would save power?"

"Yes."

"And this saves us... How?" Socrates asked, holding a hand out.

"It doesn't. We're doomed." Calvin said.

There was a moment of silence.

"Calvin?" Andy said. "You're unbelievable."

Then, the vortex completely vanished, the Time Machine went dead, and now the box was hovering three miles above the ground.

"Sherman, about that offer of _YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOURS!_"

The Time Machine dropped.

Sherman crossed his arms, and turned away.

"I thought you didn't _want _my help, Calvin." he sniffed.

"FIX IT!" Hobbes and Socrates both screamed.

"Nuh uh." Sherman said, shaking his head.

"SHERMAN!" Andy shrieked. "YOU FIX THIS MACHINE OR I'LL MAKE YOU SLEEP IN THE GARAGE, AGAIN!"

Sherman's eyes popped open.

He grumbled to himself, and, with Calvin's help, of course, climbed into Main System.

There was a moment of silence.

Then Sherman stuck his head out.

"This thing's being fueled with apple juice?" he demanded.

"What, does _orange_ juice have more energy in it?" Calvin asked.

"I still think he should have used grape juice." Socrates said.

Sherman sighed, and said, "Fine. Do you have any apple juice with you at the moment?"

"What, do I look like some kind of walking Hypercube?"

Everyone stared at him, as if he was some kind simpleton.

Calvin blinked.

"Oh... right."

Calvin reached into his pocket, and pulled out a glowing green box.

He reached inside it, and rooted through all the junk he had inside.

"That's odd." Calvin said. "I knew I had it in here, somewhere."

Andy looked over the edge of the machine.

The ground was coming up fast.

"Calvin!" He yelled. "Hurry up!"

Calvin stuck his arm deeper into the Hypercube, and tried to find the...

Suddenly a grin formed on Calvin's face.

He pulled his arm out of the Hypercube holding a jug of freshly squeezed apple juice.

Sherman leaped back into the panel, and came out, again, holding a small black tube.

Calvin took hold of the lid on the bottle, and tried to get it off.

It wouldn't come off.

Calvin tugged and pulled at the lid, but it was on too tight.

"Well, this is certainly unfortunate." Calvin said, finally, taking his hand off the lid.

Socrates hit the switch blade in his paws, and threw a wild punch at Calvin.

"AAAA!" Calvin screamed, trying to jump out of the way.

_**SLASH!**_

Socrates made three long cuts in the apple juice bottle.

Calvin stared at the jug.

"Oh." he said, watching the apple juice flow out.

Quickly he put the rips next to the tube, and listened as the juice flowed down it, and into the tank.

When it was full, Sherman put the lid back on, and leaped into the Machine.

"OK!" he yelled. "Let's get out of here!"

"And we shall!" Calvin grinned, putting the juice back into the Hypercube. "Just as soon as this things loads."

Calvin pointed at a small loading bar on all the screens.

There was a moment of silence.

"CAAAAAAAAAALVVIIIIIIIIIIIIN!" Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, and Sherman screamed, as the ground came up at ninety miles per hour.

Calvin frantically started pushing buttons.

Then, the computer finished loading.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!**_

Electricity went flying around the box, and then it vanished.

The Machine began spinning.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Everyone screamed, covering their heads.

Then, the Machine started to slow, and the wind started to quiet.

Calvin's eye popped open.

They were in his room.

Calvin's eyes cut from side to side.

"We're home." He said.

Hobbes was the next to open his eyes followed by Andy, Socrates, and finally, Sherman.

"We're back!" Socrates yelled, leaping out of the Time Machine. "YES! OH YES! OH YES! YES! YES!"

"Well," Sherman snorted, stepped out of the Machine with Andy's help. "I think you owe me a thank you, Calvin."

Calvin stared at Sherman.

Then a grin formed on his face.

"Yes... I suppose I _do_, don't I?" He said, in a low, sneaky voice

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

"What are you going to do to him?" Andy asked.

"_I'm_ not going to do anything." Calvin said. "Someone else is."

"What are you going to do!" Sherman demanded. "TELL ME!"

"Come on, Shermie." Andy sighed. "He's just trying to scare you."

Andy picked up Sherman.

"Now have you learned your lesson, about fooling with Time Travel?" He asked, shaking a finger at the hamster.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"Yes." He growled.

"Good." Andy said. "Now let's go destroy that Time Machine thing you made."

And with that, Andy said goodbye to Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates and then walked out the door.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates waved goodbye.

"Oh, Socrates?" Calvin sang just then, throwing his head around. "Wanna earn five bucks?"

"Keep talking." Socrates grinned, leaning against the wall.

Later that day, Socrates installed cameras into Sherman's lab, and released a trained cockatiel into it.

The cockatiel, perched on Sherman's desk and shelves, continuously knocked several delicate items off them and sent them crashing to the ground.

Sherman had a lot of things to say about that.

And most of them were seven syllable words, and they made Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates all burst out in insane laughter, watching it on the big screen TV in Socrates' house.

And that's the story.

Sherman destroyed his Time Machine, and from then on, just ignored everything that Calvin and Hobbes did.

According to him, a genius has better things to do than see what a couple of idiots are doing.

So, I guess that's the end.

No, I don't know where a Socrates got a trained cockatiel.

**The End**

**Voice work**

**Pamela Segall Adlon:** Calvin

**Tom Hanks:** Hobbes

**Ryan Stiles:** Socrates/Knight 1

**Andrew Lawrence:** Andy

**Colin Mochrie:** Sherman/Knight 2

**Bill Murray:** Dad

**Jennifer Love Hewitt:** Mom

**Tim Allen:** Sheriff

**Coming up Next: **It Will Biuld Character


	7. It Will Build Character

**Summary: **When Calvin is forced to go camping without Mom, Socrates is accidentally brought along. And as if things can't get worse, there's a mountain lion loose on the lsland.

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
__Written by garfieldodie and Swing123_

**It Will Build Character**

Calvin was reading a comic book on the living room couch.

Hobbes was watching Animal Planet.

Mom was writing a letter.

None of them were expecting danger to occur.

Just then, a duffel bag flew down the stairs and landed at the door.

They all looked up in surprise.

"What was that?" asked Calvin.

Just then, another one flew down, and then another.

Calvin, Hobbes and Mom stared.

Then, three fishing rods were tossed down.

Then a bag with the word TENT written on it fell.

Finally, a cooler fell down the stairs into the pile.

Calvin, Hobbes and Mom's eyes all got wide.

Then they started to put the pieces together.

"Uh-oh," Mom muttered.

Just then, Dad came downstairs.

And he was wearing a plaid button down shirt with his sleeves rolled up, hiking boots, a sun hat, rope coiled around his right shoulder, a baseball cap on his head and black sunglasses on.

Everyone looked at him.

Then Dad asked the question nobody wanted to hear.

"Everyone ready to go camping?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Calvin. "HOBBES! MOM! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! CALL THE HUMANE SOCIETY! PACK YOUR BAGS! WE'RE RUNNING TO ORLANDO!"

Dad grabbed Calvin by the head.

"Come on, everyone! Let's hit the road!"

Mom held a hand up.

"Actually, dear, I, uh, have to stay here," she said.

"TRAITOR!" Calvin shouted.

"I have to clean for some guests that I invited over tomorrow."

"BENIDICT MOTHER!"

"Well, can't it wait?" asked Dad. "Reschedule or something."

"WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!"

"I can't."

"DESERTER!"

"Why not?"

"WEASEL!"

"Because he's your boss."

"SNEAK!"

Dad went pale.

"Okay, have fun scrubbing," he said in a high voice.

Mom grinned smugly at Calvin, and went upstairs.

Calvin glared at her.

And because he couldn't think of anything, he and Hobbes were forced to go.

"Well, looks like we get some real father / son time now, huh, Calvin?" Dad said with a grin.

"Gee, Dad, that's swell," Calvin said through gritted teeth.

Dad, oblivious, loaded everything into the car.

Calvin and Hobbes loaded all their stuff into the hypercube, and they tossed it into the car.

Socrates and Andy were watching the operation.

Dad was loading various objects into the car.

Calvin and Hobbes were refusing to help.

"What's going on?" asked Andy.

"We're going on another of Dad's famous torture weeks to an unknown location," Calvin muttered.

"Where is it?" asked Socrates.

"Well, you've heard of Dante's Inferno, right?" asked Hobbes.

Andy and Socrates nodded.

"That's where we're going."

"Oof," said Andy. "Stinks to be you."

"Come on, Calvin!" shouted Dad. "We're leaving now!"

Calvin and Hobbes sighed.

"Bye, Andy. Bye, Socrates," they said.

And they got in the car.

Calvin grunted.

"This'll be the worst week of my life!"

Socrates ears picked this up.

"Calvin's going to be miserable for a full week?" he asked. "Wow! I live for that kind of stuff! I've got to see!"

Andy scoffed.

"Oh brother. Calvin and Hobbes would never let you in that car because they know you'd make the week worse by pranking them all the time."

"You know me so well," said Socrates.

Andy rolled his eyes.

Then Socrates saw the trunk was still open.

And Calvin's hypercube was sitting in it.

Open.

Unguarded.

Socrates got an evil grin.

Andy noticed.

"Okay, fine. Have fun. I've got to stay here. Someone's got to keep Sherman out of trouble," he said.

"See ya in a week!"

And Andy went home.

When no one was looking, Socrates climbed into the trunk, and squeezed into the hypercube.

Huh boy.

Once he was completely out of sight, Dad slammed the trunk shut.

But notice that Calvin never said where they were going.

Neither did Hobbes.

Meaning that Socrates didn't know they were going camping.

Hee, hee.

See where I'm going with this?

Dad got in the front and started the car.

They drove off.

Calvin was in the back, grumbling with Hobbes.

Hobbes just sat back reading, a comic book.

Can we say, "Long tip"?

About two hours of driving later, Dad leapt from the car and rented a canoe.

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting on a log in front of the lake.

They were watching the world pass them by.

Dad approached with the canoe and shoved it in the water, and then loaded everything into it.

"Come on, Calvin," said Dad.

"Sorry, Dad. I have a great fear of dying," replied Calvin.

Dad responded by using the fishing rod to hook Hobbes, and get him into the canoe.

Calvin, of course, followed, and Dad shoved off before Calvin could get away.

"Gotta say, that was clever," Calvin muttered.

"Said the guy who did get stuck with a hook," replied Hobbes. "Ouch!"

They paddled for a while, and then they arrived at the island.

Itchy Island, home of the Nuclear Mosquitoes.

Dad was elated.

"It hasn't changed a bit!" he said happily.

"Darn," said Calvin. "I was hoping it would."

Dad had the tents set up in minutes, and Calvin dove inside his with Hobbes right behind him.

Calvin pulled the hypercube out of his pocket.

"Okay, this go around, I decided that we're not only going to duct tape the zipper shut, but we're going to be a sound barrier around the tent," said Calvin.

"I'm liking this a lot more now," said Hobbes.

Calvin reached into the hypercube, hoping to pull out duct tape.

Instead he pulled out something furry.

"Hobbes?"

"Yes?"

"Did you pack anything with hair on it?"

"No."

"Then what the heck is this?"

Calvin pulled out the last person neither he nor Hobbes wanted to see.

"Hey, boys," said Socrates.

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

The next thing Socrates knew, he was sitting outside the tent.

"Hey! Don't throw me!" Socrates ordered.

Then he realized where he was.

He saw the lake, the canoe, the tents, the campfire, the trees…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed. "I'M IN THE GREAT OUTDOORS! I CAN'T BE! I'M NOT BUILT FOR IT."

Calvin and Hobbes were debating what to do with Socrates when he burst back inside and dove back into the hypercube.

The hypercube started to tremble.

"Socrates, what are you doing here?" Hobbes demanded.

"I'M NOT GOING OUT THERE! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" Socrates shouted.

Calvin shook the hypercube until Socrates finally tumbled out.

"What is your problem? I hate camping as much as you do, but—"

"NO!" shouted Socrates. "You don't. You could never! You see, I'd expect you to tolerate it. You're lower-class. But me… I'm upper-class. The top! The coliseum! I like being pampered and telling people to do stuff for me!"

"You've got servants in that mansion?" asked Calvin.

"No, but that's not the point! The point is that I'm a cat of class. I don't belong here! It's just not natural! Being seen here with such filthy objects! I can just barely hang out with you two!"

Calvin and Hobbes glared at him.

Socrates was once again sitting outside the tent.

He clawed at it and screamed, but Calvin and Hobbes refused to let him in.

Calvin eventually installed the sound barrier around the tent, and then he did that thing where he removed the zipper and applied duct tape, keeping Dad and Socrates out.

Speaking of whom, Dad came out and shoved the stuffed tiger aside that was blocking the tent.

Socrates landed in an ash covered fireplace.

"HEY!" he shouted.

Dad saw that the zipper was gone again.

"Oh, come on! The trip has barely started!" he yelled. "Come on out!"

But Calvin and Hobbes couldn't hear Dad. They had just decided to watch a movie on the Mini-DVD player that Calvin had brought.

"Okay, fine," said Dad. "I'm going fishing. I'll let you know when it's supper time."

No response.

Dad rolled his eyes and got into the canoe.

Socrates dusted himself off and bathed in the lake for a while.

Then he hid in Dad's tent, hoping the trip would end soon.

A little later, Calvin decided he'd better come out for a moment to check on things.

The last time he'd done this, Mom and Dad had been trapped in a cave.

He'd have to make sure everyone was okay.

Calvin made a small opening in the tent and looked around.

He saw that Dad was on the lake, and he saw Socrates sound asleep in the tent.

Deciding that all was well, he went back to his movie, and turned the sound barrier off.

However, five minutes later, something came wandering through the campsite.

It was a mountain lion.

It was probably twice the size of Hobbes or Socrates.

It growled as it roamed through the campsite.

It scrounged the area, looking for food.

Seeing there was none, it growled and prepared to leave.

But then it noticed Socrates, who was sound asleep in Dad's tent.

It growled and started approach.

But then Socrates made a loud snorting noise.

"ZZZ-SNORK-MURGLE-GNFF-ZZZ!"

The mountain lion stared at Socrates.

Then Socrates made more noises.

"ZZZ-SMICK-NIGGLE-FRAKENBERRY-ZZZ! ZZZ-REGIS-KATIE-AL-ZZZ! ZZZ-DREW, LEWIS, KELLIE, OSWALD, MIMI-ZZZ! ZZZ-JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO-ZZZ! ZZZ-GREG, WAYNE, COLIN, RYAN, KATHY, CHIP, BRAD, DREW-ZZZ! ZZZ-GARFIELD, ODIE, JON, ARLENE, NERMAL, LIZ, POOKY-ZZZ! ZZZ-ERIC, DONNA, KELSO, HYDE, JACKIE, FEZ, RED AND KITTY-ZZZ! ZZZ-JON, ROB, ED, STEPHEN, SAM, JASON, DAN, NATE, STEVE-ZZZ! ZZZ-DICK, SALLY, HARRY, TOMMY, MARY, NINA, DON, DUBCECK-ZZZ!"

Okay, this was wierding the mountain lion out, and he decided to get out of there.

It let out a low growl and ran off.

Oh and here's a fun fact.

A certain species will not kill their own species.

However, they will fight a lot and possibly get injured.

So there's still reason for Hobbes and Socrates to get scared should it ever come back.

Three days went by.

Calvin and Hobbes would only come out three times every day to get the food, then go back in the tent.

As for Socrates, He spent all his time hiding.

Where was he hiding?

Random places.

The cave Mom and Dad got lost in, the tents, the Hypercube, Calvin even caught him trying to squeeze himself into a hole in a tree where an owl was living.

On the fourth day, Dad announced that he was going to go on a hike through the woods.

Calvin had replied with, "Try not to bring a bunch of boulders down onto you, while you're in a cave."

Dad muttered to himself, and left.

Calvin and Hobbes immediately fell asleep.

Socrates climbed out of the tree, and hid in Dad's duffle bag.

Meanwhile, the mountain lion was hunting on the other side of the island.

It wasn't having any luck.

After a while, it began to wander back to Calvin and Hobbes' camp.

Calvin and Hobbes were still asleep in their tents.

Socrates, however, was far from sleep.

He was hiding in Dad's duffle bag, and his eyes were wide open.

He was not having a good day.

"I can't believe they tricked me into coming to this place." He growled. "Tricking is _my_ job!"

He peeked out of the duffle bag, and cut his eye from side to side.

Nothing happened, so he stood up, and stepped out of the bag.

He hadn't blown up, yet, and that gave him enough confidence to take two more steps.

He cast a glance at Calvin and Hobbes' tents.

They were snoring.

Well, that was good enough for him.

He made a mad dash for the canoe.

He was almost there, when all of a sudden, he crashed into an invisible, electrified force field.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Socrates screamed, as the field surged electricity through him, and sent him flying backward into the dirt.

Calvin stuck his head out of the tent.

"By the way, Socrates," He said. "I put an electro-shield around the canoe."

Socrates rubbed his head, and shot Calvin a glare.

Calvin went back into the tent, and began snoring again.

Socrates stood up.

He cut his eyes from side to side, then dove into the lake.

He began swimming like crazy for the far shore.

_ZZZZZZZZZZZT!_

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Socrates went flying backwards into the island's soil again.

"I put one around the island, too." Calvin said, without even bothering to look out.

"_WHY!_" Socrates screamed.

"Didn't want any intruders."

There was a moment of silence.

"...escaping." he finished.

Socrates' eyes slammed shut.

Meanwhile, the mountain lion was standing next to the woods where the campsite was in sight.

It growled, and began to move forward, towards the yellow tents.

After a while, the Hypercube and MTM began to run out of food, and Calvin and Hobbes had to come out of the safety of their tents to raid the food bag in Dad's backpack.

Calvin piled his arms full of energy bars, and prepared to go back into the tent.

Socrates took this chance.

There was a blur of orange, and a large gust of wind, and Socrates was suddenly in the tent.

And before Calvin or Hobbes could react, he did a cannonball into the hypercube, and pushed himself as far from the entrance as he dared go.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

Then Calvin jammed his hand into the hypercube, and yanked Socrates out.

Socrates blinked several times.

"Well, next time, I'm going to make sure I can't see the exit." He said.

He then got down onto his hands and knees, and pleaded, "_PLEASE _don't sed me back out there! It's too buggy! It's too hot! It's too humid! **_IT'S TOO REAL!_**"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"I guess it _is_ a pretty cruel fate." Calvin said. "Even for _Socrates!_"

Hobbes nodded.

Calvin turned to Socrates.

"Alright, Crateso, We'll let you stay in here on _one _condition. No pranking."

Socrates did a salute.

"You have my word! Scout's Honor!"

"You're not a scout." Hobbes said.

"Tiger's honor."

"You're barely even a tiger." Calvin said.

Socrates shot him an ice pick glare.

Hobbes quickly changed the subject before things got nasty.

"Who's up for the _What About Bob?_ movie!" He yelled, holding up the mini DVD player.

Calvin and Socrates looked up.

"I AM!" They yelled in unison.

And with that, Hobbes popped in the DVD, and they began watching it.

About half way through the movie, something very bad happened.

All at once, there was a loud screech, that sounded like a woman

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates looked up.

"What the heck was that?" Calvin asked.

"I'm guessing that it wasn't one of our stomachs." Socrates said.

Just then, they heard it again.

Except this one seemed a lot more...gulp... closer.

The trio exchanged glances.

"Who wants to go and look and see what that extremely haunting and terrifying noise is?" Socrates asked.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at Socrates.

Socrates' eyes went from Calvin to Hobbes, then back to Calvin.

"No." He said. "Forget it. _ABSOLUTELY NOT!_ **_NO!_**"

And with that, he dove into the hypercube.

Calvin reached his hand in, and pulled him out.

The scream sounded, again.

This one was right behind the tents, and it made the hair on the back of Calvin's neck stand up.

And for Hobbes and Socrates, _all_ of their fur shot up.

"Socrates, here's your big chance to redeem yourself, and start over with a clean slate."

"Yeah right." Socrates mumbled.

"Now go out there, and make us proud! And if the ghost eats you, you'll get a tombstone all to your own!"

And with that, Calvin threw Socrates out of the tent.

Hobbes blinked.

"Calvin, _everyone_ get's their own tombstone." He said.

"Socrates never said he knew that." Calvin answered. "Now come on, let's return to the movie."

Socrates landed face first into the dirt.

"OOF!" He yelled, landing on his chin, and doing a somersault.

The end result was him laying on his back, staring up at the tops of the trees, the blue sky, and the few white clouds surrounding it.

The woman scream sounded again.

Slowly, Socrates lifted his head, and stared forward.

A wide grin spread across his face.

He saw a tan tail flicking back and forth behind Calvin and Hobbes' tent.

He didn't know what it was.

All he saw was something to pull a prank on.

Socrates giggled to himself.

He crouched down, and began slinking for the tail.

It began to come closer to him, as he crept forward.

It was still twitching.

When he was five inches from it, he prepared his launch procedure.

"_3...2...1... **BANZAI! LOOK OUT FOR THE MOUNTAIN LION!**_"

Socrates jumped right over the tent, and it was then that he saw...

_**HUH!**_

A mountain lion?

Uh oh.

Socrates panicked in midair, and tried to correct his course, but it's kinda hard to change directions when you're falling.

He landed right into the middle of the mountain lion!

All at once, the mountain lion screamed, again, and began bucking.

It threw an arch into its back, and tossed Socrates straight up into the air, and then back down again.

But before he reached the ground, this giant maniac of a cat slapped Socrates across the nose with a T-bone steak sized paw, and sent him crashing into a tree.

CRASH!

The tree shook, and several leaves fell to the ground.

Socrates looked through the stars and checkers and little pink elephants with umbrellas, and took a good look at that monster of a cat.

"Hobbes!" he called. "HOBBES! A little help! We have a mountain lion out here!"

"Oops." Hobbes said.

Socrates heard a swish of something moving at a high rate of speed, and then, silence.

"Hobbes? HOBBES!"

"He just pulled his vanishing act, again." Calvin called back.

Socrates' eyes shot back to that huge deranged cat in front of him.

It was growling, slightly, and moving towards him.

"Oh, hi there." he said. "I don't believe we've met. I'm Socrates the tiger."

He took another step for Socrates, his teeth gleaming.

"Now, I know it was bad of me to ram into you like that, and perhaps a little mean, but maybe you'd like to discuss..."

No, he wouldn't.

This mountain lion appeared not to be a talker.

Socrates learned this when the mountain lion delivered a punch at Socrates' chin, and sent him flying into the tree.

He crashed into a branch, and tried to hold on to it.

He couldn't hold on.

He fell down to the ground, again, but he never reached it, because the mountain lion delivered another blow to him, sending him south.

The next thing Socrates knew, he was draped across a tree branch.

His eyes popped open, and he looked down.

_That lunatic cat was climbing up the tree towards him!_

Socrates jumped up, and started hissing at the mountain lion.

It ignored him, and continued climbing upward.

Socrates cut his eyes to side to side.

Then, he leaped off the tree.

"REMEMBER THAT PLACE IN TEXAS!" He screamed, bouncing off the tent, and landing in the charcoal in the fireplace.

The mountain lion leaped out of the tree, and landed right in the middle of Socrates.

_BANG!_

Calvin peeked out of the tent in time to see Socrates' screaming face roar up towards him.

_**CRASH!**_

They both collided and tumbled out of the tent, and into the tree.

The mountain lion glared at Calvin and Socrates, and began to move forward, growling, dangerously.

It appeared that it enjoyed sending Socrates and Calvin flying through the air and into something hard.

Because that's what it did for the twentieth time.

WHACK!

Calvin went flying into a tree.

BONG!

Socrates went flying upside down face first back into the electro-shield Calvin put around the canoe.

_ZZZZT!_

"EEEEEEAH!" He screamed, splashing into the water.

Calvin as the first to open his eyes, and see the mountain lion galloping towards him.

"AAAAAAAAAAA!" Calvin screamed.

Suddenly, a white paw grabbed Calvin's shirt collar, and yanked him into the tree.

It was Hobbes.

Calvin stared at him.

"How long have you been there?" He growled, grinding his teeth.

"Fifteen minutes." Hobbes said.

Calvin almost grabbed Hobbes' throat, but a punch from the mountain lion's paw stopped him.

WHACK!

Calvin went flying out of the tree, and landed in another one.

Do you know what the mountain lion did then?

You think it attacked Hobbes?

HA!

No, it completely ignored Hobbes, leaped off the tree, and started for Calvin again!

How did Hobbes do that? If he was the closest one to the mountain lion, why didn't it slap _him_ around a few times?

Never mind.

Calvin screamed, and leaped off the tree branch.

He made a frantic dash for the tent, and dove inside.

The mountain lion screeched, and started for him.

But, suddenly, Calvin reappeared at the entrance of the tent, holding the MTM.

The mountain lion opened its jaws, and pounced right into the air.

Calvin flipped a switch on the MTM.

Suddenly, a blue light shot out, and covered the mountain lion.

It screeched, as the hypercube was engaged, and the mountain lion went screaming into the MTM.

Calvin turned the MTM off, and grinned.

"Mission accomplished." He grinned. "Suspect apprehended."

Hobbes climbed out of the tree, and Socrates got out of the water.

"Yeah, the mountain lion's gone." Hobbes said.

"But now we have to spend another three days on this death trap island." Socrates sighed.

Calvin's mouth curled up into a sinister grin.

"Or _do _we?" He asked himself, tapping his chin, and looking down at the MTM, where the mountain lion's screeches were emitting from.

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances.

Another two hours went by.

Dad returned from his hike, and came back to the tents, Calvin was waiting, a big grin was on his face, and a stuffed tiger with red tail stripes was behind him.

"Hey, sport!" Dad said, cheerfully. "You missed out on a great hike!"

"I'm sure I did." Calvin said. "Dad, when can we leave?"

Dad stared at him.

"Calvin, we don't leave for another three days."

"Really?" Calvin asked. He gave the signal to Hobbes, who was in the tent. The signal was three taps on the ground with his shoe. "But _we_ have to go, now!"

Dad stared.

"_Why?_" He asked.

At that very moment, a loud woman like scream sounded from the tent.

Calvin and Dad looked over at it. Calvin still had a grin on his face.

Suddenly, a giant mountain lion leaped from the tent, and landed on the ground in front of Calvin and Dad, flicking its tail back and forth.

Dad's eyes popped open, and his mouth dropped several inches.

Oh, and he said, "**HUH!**"

There was a mad scramble, Dad grabbed up the duffle bags, and threw them into the canoe.

Calvin grabbed the hypercube, which had all of Calvin's stuff, including Hobbes and Socrates, and he leaped into the canoe with Dad.

They didn't even bother to get the tents as they paddled like mad to get away from the mountain lion that was staring at them from the island.

When they reached the shore, they all dove into the car.

And without another word, they drove off.

The first fifteen minutes of driving was silent.

Then, Socrates asked, "How did the mountain lion get onto the island in the first place? They hate water."

Calvin repeated this question to Dad.

"There's a small path that leads across the island to the mainland." Dad said. "It's only there during low tide, but it must have gotten there through there."

"Oh." Socrates said.

When they got home, Socrates walked back to his mansion, completely exhausted, and went in.

Mom was sitting in her chair, watching a soap opera, and when Calvin, Hobbes, and Dad came through the door, she quickly turned it off, and greeted them with wide grins, and servings of cookies that she had baked.

Calvin gobbled them all down before Dad took his second one.

When he was scolded for this, he had replied with, "Well, this is better than eating _spam_ all week!"

And Mom let him off the hook from there.

Well, that about wraps it up.

Socrates now kept a safe distance from Calvin and Hobbes when it got around to him that they were going camping.

The mountain lion was never seen again, and Calvin and Hobbes didn't have to deal with camping for another year.

**The End**

**Voice work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon:** Calvin

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes

**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom / the mountain lion screeching

**Bill Murray:** Dad

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Andrew Lawrence:** Andy

**Coming up next: **Monkey See, Monkey Maim


	8. Monkey See, Monkey Maim

**Summary: **When Calvin and Hobbes find a strange box after a circus truck goes by, Socrates convinces Calvin to open it. Chaos soon follows.

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
__Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie_

**Monkey See, Monkey Maim**

Calvin and Hobbes stood across from each other.

Hobbes was in the crouch position, and Calvin was holding a football.

Calvin was shouting random numbers.

"24! 16! 57! 75! 82! 93! 4! 67! 40! 1-800-345-5634!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"16! 15! 10! 30! 74! **_HIKE!_**"

_**POW!**_

Calvin's socks, shoes, and the football went flying, and Calvin and Hobbes went bolting into the ground making a deep rut.

Hobbes climbed out, first, followed by Calvin. Both were covered with dirt.

"There was a fumble!" Calvin gasped. "Aren't you going to get the ball?"

"No, you can have it." Hobbes sighed.

Calvin muttered to himself, and picked up the ball.

"It's no fun to play with someone who'd rather tackle than play." He grumbled.

Hobbes got back into the crouching position.

"Go ahead. Take a head start." He grinned.

"Oh, you think you're so darn funny." Calvin growled.

Hobbes nodded and grinned.

"Well, I'm sick of football." Calvin said, throwing the ball over his shoulder. "What else can we play?"

Hobbes scratched his head in thought.

"We could play Calvinball." He suggested.

"Wonderous idea, Hobbes!" Calvin grinned. "I'll go get the flags, wickets, masks and Mom's eggplant casserole."

Calvin rushed off, and before they knew it, they were playing the greatest, unorganized sport in the universe.

Just then, who came walking down the sidewalk, but red tail himself.

Socrates was whistling to himself, playing with a paddleball, and eating an ice creme sandwich.

He saw Calvin and Hobbes running around in masks. Calvin holding the Calvinball in one hand and a wicket in the other, and Hobbes holding a clock in one hand, and a red flag in the other.

He waved, and grinned.

"Hey, Hobbo! Hey, Static Electricity Lad!"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Calvin screamed, shooting the Calvinball through a basketball hoop.

"I wanted to tell you, that a circus just pulled into town." he said. "They're putting up the tents right now."

"Eh," Hobbes smacked, grabbing the Calvinball, and slamming it into a tree. "I've never been much of a fan of circuses. They're like zoos. The animals are always caged up, and they don't even have enough room to sneeze. Plus, all they can do is eat and sleep."

"So?" Calvin asked. "That's pretty much all _you_ do!" Calvin said, kicking the wickets out of the ground, and catching them in midair.

"You know what I mean." Hobbes said, grabbing one of the flags out of the ground, and touching it to a tree. "OK, I touched the tree of paper with the flag of scissors. Scissors beat paper. Now you have to roll around on the ground three times."

Calvin grumbled to himself, put the Calvinball down, and started rolling around on the ground.

Socrates took a bite out of his ice creme sandwich.

"Well, OK. I'm going home to watch all the pathetic commercials that those circus executives can come up with."

"You don't go to the actual thing?" Calvin asked.

"Nope." Socrates said. "The commercials are better. Especially when I watch the bloopers and mistakes on the Bonus Features on my DVD."

"Well, have fun." Hobbes said, as Socrates walked away.

"Nuh huh." Socrates said, taking another bite out of his sandwich, and continuing to play with his paddleball.

Calvin and Hobbes continued playing Calvinball to noon.

Then, Mom came out, and said it was time for lunch.

Calvin sighed, and put the Calvinball down.

But before Calvin and Hobbes could go into the house, there was a musical sound that suddenly appeared.

"ICE CREME TRUCK!" Calvin screamed. "HURRY, HOBBES, WE STILL HAVE TIME!"

"What about lunch?"

Calvin ignored him.

Calvin and Hobbes leaped off the front step, and rushed over to the road.

However, the sound grew fainter and fainter.

"It's passing Sneer Hill!" Calvin yelled. "WE CAN STILL CATCH IT!"

Calvin took out a remote control, and pushed a big red button in the middle.

Calvin's box flew out of Calvin's bedroom window, and landed in front of them.

Calvin climbed in, followed shortly by Hobbes, and they blasted off for Sneer Hill behind their house.

Calvin landed on the trail that started for Sneer Hill, and stopped in front of the road.

They watched, as a...

Uh...

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the approaching vehicles.

"Hobbes?"

"Mm, yes?"

"That's not an ice creme truck."

"Uh, no."

At that very moment, a giant colorful truck with a clown on it past by. That one followed by another one. And that one followed by another one.

All of them were playing music.

"Well, Hobbes, do you know what this means?"

"No ice creme?"

"Yes, right, but do you know what _else _it means?"

"No."

"It means that circus trucks are now using phony imposter ploys to get us out here! We should sue them!"

Hobbes sighed.

Just then, the last truck hit a hole in the road, and the back opened up.

A large red box tumbled out, and crashed in front of Calvin and Hobbes, making them jump.

"AAA!" They yelled.

Then, the trucks all left.

Calvin and Hobbes turned their attention to the box.

It was made of three-quarter inch plywood.

Calvin stared at it, and then walked up to it, and attempted to push it away.

Hobbes stared.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to push this box into our bedroom. I could use it for an invention!"

"Calvin, that box belongs to the circus."

"They dropped it, and I don't see them coming to get it." Calvin said. "Help me out, here, I can't move this thing on my own."

"I think I'll just watch. Hey look! There's some writing on it!"

Calvin looked up, and saw some big white letters on the box.

"How observant of you, Hobbes, but I noticed the letters long before it even fell off the truck."

"Uh huh." Hobbes said.

Calvin squinted at the writing.

WARNING! MONKEY!

DO NOT OPEN THIS BOX!

Calvin stared at it.

"That's weird." He said.

"Why?" Hobbes said. "It says Warning, Monkey. Do not open this box. What's that mean?"

"Give me a second to piece this together." Calvin said, beginning to pace. "Unless I'm reading it wrong, Hobbes, there is something in this box that monkeys are not suppose to see!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Huh?" He asked.

"It was the first line that gave it away. It contains a warning to all monkeys. Now, the only question is, _what is it that they don't want to monkeys to see?_"

"I dunno." Hobbes shrugged. "Bananas?"

"Possibly." Calvin said. "Or maybe peanuts. Or monkey wrenches! That's it! We've uncovered an illegal shipment of monkey wrenches!"

"I guess so." Hobbes said. "Or, instead of guessing, we could open the box, and look inside. See, there's a wooden peg holding the hasp shut."

Calvin stopped pacing, and stared at Hobbes.

"_Hasp?_"

"Yeah, the hasp is the thing that locks the door."

"Where did you learn _that_ word?"

"Oh, I don't know. Just picked it up, somewhere."

"Well, I've never heard of it, and I don't like you using big words around me!"

"It's not a big word, Calvin" Hobbes said. "It only has four letters."

"Right. And I've warned you about using four lettered words, Hobbes. For you see, four letter words are casual, and unsophisticated! If we want to sound sophisticated, we must _not_ use four lettered words! Am I making myself clear?"

"Yeah."

"There's another four lettered word!" Calvin yelled. "You better be careful, Hobbes!"

"Okay."

"That's my last word on four letter words."

"Good."

"Now come on, we need to inform Mom that we've uncovered an illegal shipment of monkey wrenches."

"Okay."

"You're just doing this, because you know it bothers me, aren't you?" Calvin growled, climbing into the box.

"Yeah." Hobbes replied, following him.

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes rushed off for the house.

"MOM! MOM! WE'VE RECEIVED AN ILLEGAL SHIPMENT OF MONKEY WRENCHES!" Calvin screamed, bursting into the house.

Mom rolled her eyes, and told Calvin to sit down, and eat.

After lunch was done, Calvin went grumbling up to his room, where he found Hobbes.

"Well, Hobbes, she doesn't believe me." Calvin said. "She wont even come out, and look at the box."

"I told you you shouldn't have taken Socrates' advice to drop mayonnaise on your Mom when you got her outside." Hobbes said.

"That was six months ago!" Calvin yelled. "Now come on, we're going to go and open that box."

"Oh, that's OK, I'll stay here." Hobbes said.

"Suit yourself." Calvin said.

He walked out of the room, and started downstairs.

He walked out the door, and ran right into...

BUMP!

Socrates.

"Oh, hi, Static Electricity Lad. How ya doing?"

"Stop calling me that!" Calvin spat.

Socrates ignored him.

"What are you going to do with the box?" he asked.

"We're going to leave it right where it..." He stopped, and stared at Socrates. "How do _you _know about the box, cat?"

"Oh, I know everything." Socrates chuckled. "And I happen to know that you found a box."

"Oh yeah!" Calvin spat. "We'll see about that! Was it a red box with three inch plywood?"

"Uh huh."

"Fell off a truck next to Sneer Hill?"

"That's the one."

"Had big white letters on it?"

"I believe so, yes."

"You're lying, cat! Hobbes couldn't have possibly told you! He was with me, the whole time!"

Calvin poked Socrates in his furry white chest.

"How do you know about the box, Socrates! OUT WITH IT!"

Socrates yawned.

"We cats are very observant, Calvin, we know just about everything. Do you want me to tell you what the words on the box said?"

"NO, I don't! _I_ found the box, so _I _get to say what the words said.

"Fine with me."

"It said, 'WARNING! MONKEY! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOX!' So there you are, Crateso! Once again, I have beat you at your own shabby game."

"Yes, you certainly have." Socrates said. "Are you going to let the monkey out of the box?"

Calvin stared at him.

Then he started laughing.

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! MONKEY! OUT OF THE BOX! AH HA HA HA! Where have you _been_ all your life, Socrates! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Socrates continued playing with his paddleball, and waited for Calvin to gain control.

Finally, Calvin's laughter faded.

He though to himself for a moment, then lowered his voice.

"What makes you think there's a monkey in the box, Socrates?"

"Because that's what the sign said, Calvin" Socrates said, continuing to whack his paddleball.

Calvin stared at him.

"OK, Socrates, I'm going to have to ask you a few questions." He said, finally.

"Oh joy. I just _love_ questions."

Calvin and Socrates walked over to a tree.

"Do you now, or ever had known the meaning to the word 'hasp'?"

Socrates stared at him, then grinned.

"Of course I have, Calvin. Everyone knows that a hasp is used to secure the lid on a box. And I'll bet there's even one on the box the monkey's in."

"Quit showing off, cat. Next question. If you were shipping wrenches to another state, would you close them with a hasp?"

"Oh, that a toughie." Socrates took his sweet time in answering. "No, I wouldn't put a hasp on the box, if that was what I was shipping." Then he grinned, again. "But if I was shipping a monkey, I would."

"Ah ha!" Calvin yelled. "Just as I suspected."

Calvin paced back and forth, then spun back to Socrates.

"You idiot! That box didn't have wrenches in it! That was a monkey!"

Socrates stared at him.

"I thought you said..."

"Never mind. One last question, and you're free to go."

Calvin leaned in, and whispered, "How much do you know about monkeys?"

Socrates rolled his eyes around.

"Well, let's see, here. They're cute, smart, they can do things with their hands, and... hmm, that's about it."

"Very well, kitty, you are excused."

Socrates grinned, again.

"Would you like some good advice, Calvin?"

"No, I don't take advice from you."

"You took my advice about dumping all that mayo on your mother."

"That wasn't advice, it was another one of your sneaky pranks to get me in trouble."

"Well, if I were you..."

"But you're not me. Too bad for you, and goodbye. Scram, Get lost, and go chase your tail."

And with that, Calvin ran off.

Socrates held his ice creme sandwich up, and took another bite out of it.

"My work here, is done." He said, walking off, whacking his paddleball.

Calvin ran over to Sneer Hill.

The box was still there.

Calvin approached it, slowly.

He still wasn't completely sure that there was a monkey in it, but he didn't want to take any chances.

"Hello? Hello?" he spoke to the box. "You are hearing the voice of Calvin the Bold. I demand that you get out here, and identify yourself! That's a direct order!"

He paused.

"And if you aren't there, fell free to disregard this message." He added.

He waited.

Then, he heard... scratching?

He heard scratching in the box!

Calvin backed up slightly.

"Get out here, right now!" Calvin demanded. "Or I'll..."

He spotted the lid.

"Ah, yes, the hasp." He said. "Do you know about hasps?" he asked the box. "They're used to keep you inside."

He walked over to the hasp, then stopped.

Then, he wondered to himself, did he want to take the hasp off, and let that whatever come out onto his property?

Yes he would.

There was just one problem.

The box said, DO NOT OPEN.

As you know, Calvin is independent, and thus, he doesn't take orders from a box.

He marched over to the box, and ripped the wooden peg out of the hasp.

Just then, he heard footsteps.

Loud footsteps.

Heavy, loud, fast footsteps.

Calvin looked up, and... uh oh.

Moe, and his gang of thugs were approaching.

Calvin spun around.

"Hey twinky!" Moe growled. "What's in the box?"

"Nothing." Calvin said,

Moe grabbed Calvin shirt, and pulled him over.

"I said, what's in the box?" He said, more dangerous than ever.

"A monkey." Calvin said.

Moe stared at him.

Then he and his thugs started laughing.

"Yeah, Twinky, I like the circus, too."

And with that, he threw Calvin onto the ground next to the box.

"Can you spare a quarter?" Moe asked, holding his hand out.

"I don't have any money." Calvin muttered. "What, do you think I carry money around with me everywhere?"

Moe stared at him.

"Tell ya what, punk." He said. "Tell me what's in the box, and I'll let you live. Maybe."

"I told you what was in the box, Moe." Calvin growled. "There's a monkey in there."

Moe narrowed his eyes.

But Calvin couldn't tell.

Which is pretty obvious for people who read the strip.

"Listen, twirp, it's not that funny the second time around. What's in the box?"

"Well, Moe, put that tiny mind of yours to work. Can you see that there's a hasp on it?"

Moe and his thugs looked over at the box.

"Now, if it was anything that wasn't alive, don't you think there wouldn't be a hasp on it?"

"What's a hasp?" Moe asked.

Calvin chuckled.

"A hasp, Moe, is a very technical term, and Hobbes and I use it all the time. For you see, a hasp is connected with the box and the lid, thus when the wooden peg is in the hasp, it keeps the whatever from getting out."

"That's amazing, Twinky." Moe said. "But I don't see a peg in it."

"Oh I have the peg right here." Calvin held up his empty hand. "Uh, I know I had around here, someplace."

Calvin got down on his hands and knees, and stared looking for the peg that he had dropped in the grass, somewhere.

He couldn't find it, and Moe and his gang were getting impatient.

Finally, Moe got sick of waiting, and grabbed Calvin off the ground.

"Listen, punk, I'm getting tired of waiting! Now either you cough up the money, or the vultures will be coming to pick clean up the mess."

"Moe, I have two things to say." Calvin said. "Number one, you're disgusting. Number two, I don't have any money!"

"Well, then," Moe growled, raising a fist.

Just then, the lid on the box flew open, and this weird brown thing wearing a hat and armless jacket jumped out of it, and let out a screech.

Moe, Calvin, and Moe's gang looked up.

There was a monkey on the edge of the box.

Moe and his gang all screamed.

Moe dropped Calvin on the grass, and they rushed away, leaving Calvin alone with whatever it was that had gotten out of the box!

_That should not have gotten out!_

Calvin watched as Moe and his gang ran off screaming.

Then he glanced at the monkey.

"What are they so scared of?" he wondered. "You're just a harmless little monkey, aren't you?"

The monkey just stared.

Calvin grinned.

"Come on, little chimp. Let's go to my place. I'm sure Hobbes'll know what to do. He watches Animal Planet."

The monkey stared some more.

Calvin saw that he wasn't going to get this primate moving any time soon, so he just decided to get the wagon and pull the monkey there.

Hobbes was lying in a tree branch, soaking up sun.

Calvin saw him, and then got an evil idea.

He let the chimp out of the wagon, and the chimp started for the tree.

It climbed up the tree and towards the branch that Hobbes was sleeping on.

Then it made a loud screeching noise.

"_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!_"

"AAAHH!" shrieked Hobbes.

And he tumbled out of the tree.

Calvin burst out laughing.

He thought it was the funniest thing he'd seen all day.

Then the monkey got down in the grass with Hobbes.

Hobbes opened his eyes and saw a monkey wearing a vest looking down at him.

"You released the hasp, didn't you?" Hobbes grunted at Calvin.

Calvin grinned and nodded.

"Yeah, this monkey scared off Moe for me. He's okay in my book."

The monkey picked his nose.

"Kind of," Calvin said sheepishly.

"Calvin, monkeys have very little brains," Hobbes said warningly. "By taking it out of the box, you've practically released a storm of destruction. Kind of like you, only hairier."

"Relax. I'll get him back in the crate. However, I lost the peg that holds him inside the crate, so we need to find a new one. I'll look inside the house. You keep him entertained."

And Calvin ran for the house.

"But…! But…! But…! But…!" Hobbes said nervously.

Then he looked back at the monkey.

The monkey was grinning stupidly.

"Huh oh," Hobbes muttered.

Suddenly, the monkey started running around and making noises.

Hobbes stared at the wild circus animal.

"Help. Cry for help," he muttered.

Then the monkey grabbed Hobbes' tail and gave a hard yank.

"WHOA!"

Hobbes fell to the ground.

Then the monkey dragged him around the backyard.

"STOP THAT! STOP THAT AT ONCE! STOP THAT AT ONCE OR I'LL MURDER YOU!" Hobbes hollered.

But Monkey just ran around the yard, whooping and yelping.

A man with a mustache was walking past.

He saw a deranged circus monkey pulling a stuffed tiger around in circles in someone's backyard.

"Mmm-Hmmmm," he said, and he continued walking.

Hobbes continued to be dragged around until the monkey finally hurled Hobbes into the air.

Hobbes landed with a loud _CRASH_ in a trashcan.

The trashcan tipped over, and he began to roll down the sidewalk until he crashed into the mailbox, where a ton of mail poured all over him.

Hobbes managed to get out of the junk, mail, and junk mail and stagger over to the mailbox to regain consciousness.

"Boy, for a poo-flinging primate, he sure is strong."

Then the monkey came into view.

Hobbes immediately screamed and dove into the mailbox, slammed the door shut and raised the flag.

Just down the sidewalk, Susie was playing with her dolls.

Monkey saw her.

Oh boy.

Monkey charged at Susie.

Susie looked up and saw him.

"WHAT THE HECK!" she screamed

Monkey charged into her.

He ripped the head off of one of the dolls, the arm off another, and the leg off of another.

Then it hurled them all away into the yard.

"HEY!" Susie hollered "Those were mine!"

Monkey then grabbed Susie.

"AH!"

Then he lifted her over his head and started to spin her around.

Then, using his left foot, Monkey started to toss the broken dolls into the air, and soon, he was juggling Susie and the dolls.

Hobbes was watching this from nearby.

Calvin ran up.

"Okay. I found a Lincoln Log," he said. "We'll use this for a peg."

"Good, but first, let's get him away from Susie."

Calvin looked, and then he started to laugh.

"HEY, SUSIE! HAVING FUN?"

Susie let out a scream.

"STOP THE RIDE! I WANNA GET OFF!" she wailed.

Then Monkey hurled her aside, and Susie landed in the mud.

Monkey screeched triumphantly and then ran off.

"Uh-oh," said Calvin. "If he heads into town, then we'll never be able to get him back!" cried Calvin.

"Then let's get him back!" said Hobbes.

And they ran after him.

Monkey ran past a few houses, and then dashed across the street.

Cars swerved as a deranged circus monkey ran past them.

Monkey had arrived at Andy and Sherman's house.

Somehow, Monkey managed to open the door and sneak inside.

Andy's parents weren't home.

Andy was upstairs.

But Monkey walked over to the wall and pulled on a knob.

It opened the secret door and revealed Sherman's lab.

This should be good.

Monkey snuck downstairs and looked around.

First on our tour of the lab was the massive library on the first half of the lab.

Monkey started to climb up it, and then bring the whole thing down.

_CRASH!_

The giant shelves that held so many books tumbled to the ground.

Books flew everywhere.

Dust flew.

Monkey emerged from the broken bookcase.

Then he ran into the technical part of the lab.

He took beakers and test tubes and hurled them everywhere.

Inky chemicals landed on the floor and sizzled.

One batch of green stuff was thrown at a computer, and the computer evaporated.

Then a blade was sent through the air, and sliced through a bunch of wires.

_ZZZT!_

Some of the lights zapped off in the house.

The computer started beeping.

BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP!

WARNING! SYSTEM OVERLOAD! WARNING! SYSTEM OVERLOAD!

This went on for a while, and finally, Monkey got bored and left.

A minute after Monkey left, Sherman came down the slide and looked around in shock.

"What th—!" he gasped.

Then he saw the computer screen was bright red with white letters that said SYSTEM OVERLOAD! And then he heard the blaring alarm.

Sherman gulped.

"Hoo boy," he said.

_KABLAM!_

_CRASH!_

_BANG!_

_KABLOOIE!_

The whole house shook.

Andy ran downstairs and into the lab and looked around.

He saw a sickly green gas floating in the air, broken wood and glass and plastic lying on the ground, and a small flame flickering in the corner of the room.

And a small charred ball of fur was sitting there in the middle of the room.

Andy looked at him.

Sherman looked back.

"I said it before, and I'll say it again," said Andy. "_I _didn't tell you to build the lab."

And with that, Andy left.

Sherman scowled and started to put the fires out.

Monkey then ran towards another driveway, and then ran into Rosalyn's house.

Rosalyn was reading on the couch when suddenly the window was smashed open over her.

"AAACK!" she shrieked, jumping off the couch.

And then she saw a monkey wearing a vest jumping up and down on her.

"WHERE THE HECK DID YOU SPRING FROM!" she demanded.

Monkey replied by lifting up a porcelain figure and hurling at the TV and smashing the screen.

Electricity spewed from it and lit the carpet on fire.

"AAH!" Rosalyn shrieked, and she jumped up and tried to put out the fire by stamping it out.

Then Monkey tried to climb a CD case holder, and it tipped over.

Rosalyn put the fire out and frantically tried to grab Monkey.

But Monkey ran forward and hopped into the kitchen, ripped the fridge open and started to pull stuff out.

Milk spilled, grapes squirted, eggs smashed and a ham was thrown into the sink.

"WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF!" Rosalyn shouted.

Monkey stared, and then ate a banana and left out the window.

Rosalyn groaned and started to clean up the mess.

"Calvin, you have met your match," she muttered.

Moe was walking down the street when he heard a noise.

"OOH, OOH! EE, EE!"

"What the heck…?" he wondered.

Just then, the monkey came scampering down the sidewalk.

"AAAAAHH! MONKEY!" he screamed.

Moe whirled around and ran.

"HELP!"

Monkey thought Moe was playing tag.

So Monkey shot forward and attacked Moe!

Cool, huh?

Moe was on the ground in seconds.

"OWW!"

Monkey danced on Moe in victory, and then he ran off.

"Mommy…," Moe wailed pitifully.

Downtown in his expensive mansion, Socrates was in the dining room by himself, eating some peanuts and reading a comic book.

Just then, he heard a loud crash just outside.

_LOUD CRASH!_

Socrates looked up.

"What the heck was that?" he wondered.

Just then, he heard a loud noise.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"Sherman?" he asked.

Just then, a loud deranged hairy creature that had thumbs on both the hands and feet came bounding into the kitchen.

Monkey stared at him.

Socrates stared at Monkey.

"Calvin opened the hasp," he muttered.

Monkey let out another screech.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Socrates held his ears, and then ran away.

"My owner will kill me," he muttered.

Just then, Monkey burst through the door and started to go mad.

Big surprise.

"Down, ape! Down, I say!" Socrates wailed.

Monkey chased Socrates all over the place.

"HELP! DERANGED PRIMATE! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

Several things got broken, smashed, ripped, tarnished and stained.

Socrates' red tail got bitten several times.

Outside, Calvin and Hobbes were out of breath and at the door of the mansion.

"Okay, the footprints end here!" said Calvin. "Let's get in there!"

Calvin and Hobbes ran inside the mansion and watched Socrates run around with a monkey chasing him.

"HELP! HELP!" Socrates shouted.

"OOH! OOH!" Monkey shouted.

Calvin laughed.

"Having fun, Crateso?" he shouted. "Consider this revenge for the mayo incident!"

"THAT WAS SIX MONTHS AGO!" Socrates hollered.

Hobbes reared up and then pounced Monkey…

…only to be flung across the room and into a marble statue.

_SMASH!_

"Thanks a lot, Hobbes!" Socrates hollered. "My owner will have my neck!"

"Best news I've heard all day," replied Hobbes.

Just then, Monkey got hold of a battle armor suit that was situated near the stairs.

It held a sword in its grasp.

Monkey grabbed it and threw it through the air.

Calvin ducked and it missed him, and instead stabbed the stairs.

"YIKES!" said Calvin. "HE'S USING SHARP STUFF! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!"

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates dove into the kitchen and hid.

Once there, Calvin suddenly got an idea.

He dove into the cabinets, and then pulled out a bunch of bananas.

"Socrates, are these all the bananas you have?" he shouted.

"I think so," Socrates replied. "Why?"

"Don't worry. I'll take care of it."

Calvin set the bunch of bananas on the table.

Then he pulled out the Mini-Duplicator.

Hobbes and Socrates watched.

_BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK!_

Soon, there had to be at least over a thousand bananas sitting there in the kitchen.

"Okay, Socrates. Get him in here," said Calvin.

"You got it, Static Electricity Lad."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

Socrates walked out the kitchen door and saw Monkey wiping his snot on the wall.

"HEY, CURIOUS GEORGE!" he shouted. "WE GOT A SNACK FOR YA!"

Nothing happened.

"WHAT ARE YA, DEAF? GET IN HERE AND EAT!"

Still nothing.

"What's wrong with him?" Socrates wondered.

Hobbes shoved Socrates out the door into full view.

Monkey looked up and saw Socrates staring at him.

"OOH! OOH!"

And Monkey charged.

"EEP!" Socrates squeaked, and he dashed back into the kitchen.

Monkey burst into the kitchen, knocking the door off its hinges, and screeched to a halt.

Calvin and Hobbes were pointing at the giant pile of bananas.

Monkey's eye twitched.

I'm not kidding.

Then, letting out a triumphant screech, Monkey dove into the pile of bananas.

Next it was time for a feeding frenzy.

Monkey ate banana after banana.

"Okay," said Calvin. "Hobbes and I will get the crate. Socrates, keep our hairy friend here eating."

And Calvin and Hobbes left.

Socrates stared the monkey, eating and eating.

Huh boy.

When Calvin and Hobbes returned with the crate, Socrates was splattered all over with banana mush.

"Oh, hey, Crateso," said Calvin. "How was he?"

Socrates glared daggers at Calvin.

"Where…were…_you!_" he demanded.

"Captain Nitro was on," said Hobbes.

"NICE TO KNOW WHERE YOUR PRIORITIES ARE!" Socrates screamed.

Calvin glanced at Monkey.

Half the bananas were devoured, and Monkey had swelled up to a large size, and was sitting in a pile of banana peels.

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates didn't have to work to hard in getting him back into the crate.

He was pretty winded.

Then, Calvin jammed the Lincoln Log into hasp.

It was held shut.

"Phew!" said Calvin. "Thank goodness. Thanks for the help, Socrates."

Socrates sighed, and then fell in the pile of bananas.

Calvin and Hobbes loaded the crate into the wagon, and they pulled it away.

"Do you think God accepts plea?" Socrates asked, looking at the state of the mansion.

"I'd be more worried about your owner," replied Hobbes.

And they left.

Socrates groaned.

"Note to self, Socrates," he thought. "Never suggest anything mayonnaise related to Calvin again."

Calvin and Hobbes reached the circus tents safely later that evening.

The circus ringmaster was very grateful.

Calvin was given a free circus pass, and was allowed in for a show later that week.

So things basically worked out.

No one ever found out it was Calvin's fault that a monkey got loose.

Socrates got in trouble with his owner, but then his owner got in trouble with his parents, so Socrates got off scot-free.

Andy and Sherman soon rebuilt the lab.

Susie got new dolls, and Rosalyn got in trouble with her parents.

And as for Moe, he spent some time in therapy due to his new fear of monkeys.

And all Calvin has to do to get rid of him is make monkey noises, and then all is well.

Plus, as an added bonus, he now knows what HASP means.

**The End**

**Voice Work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon:** Calvin

**Tom Hanks:** Hobbes

**Jennifer Love Hewitt:** Mom

**Dakota Fanning:** Susie Derkins

**Elizabeth Daily:** Moe

**Daveigh Chase:** Rosalyn

**Ryan Stiles:** Socrates

**Andrew Lawrence:** Andy

**Colin Mochrie:** Sherman

**Coming up next: **The Transmitter Conspicracy


	9. The Transmitter Conspiracy P1

**Summary: **After Dr Brainstorm learns about Socrates and his transmitter, he captures him, and does everything he can to activate it.

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
__Written by garfieldodie and Swing123_

**The Transmitter Conspiracy**

Oh, hey.

I'm Calvin.

You're thrilled to meet me, I'm sure.

Don't worry. I won't be here the whole time.

I'm just here to host the flashback until we make to the present time.

Where are we flashing back to, you ask?

Well, as you know, Hobbes and I have three friends.

Socrates, Andy and Sherman.

Well, we aren't exactly friends with Sherman.

And Socrates and I don't get along much.

And Socrates and Sherman aren't very fond of each other.

But anyway, we're kind of friends.

Now, you already know how we met Socrates.

And you already know how we met Andy and Sherman.

But how did they meet each other? Well, its how they met that kind of sets this story up.

Let's flashback to just a few weeks after the Teacher Creature incident.

Okay, two weeks after Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and I defeated the Teacher Creature (who was really just some nut in a suit), we decided we might as well introduce them to Socrates.

It was only fair.

Or at least Hobbes said it was.

I thought it was cruel and unusual.

But we decided to.

Socrates was sitting in his lawn in front of his mansion.

Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and I approached him.

"Hey, Socrates!" said Hobbes.

Socrates looked up.

"Hobbo!" he said.

Why does Socrates call Hobbes "Hobbo"?

Then he looked at me.

"Oh, hi, Calvin," he said.

"Crateso," I replied.

Socrates then noticed Andy and Sherman.

"Who are these two?" he asked.

"These are our friends, Andy and Sherman," said Hobbes. He paused. "Or at least, Andy is. They live in the house with the fancy satellite dish four houses down from us and across the street."

Andy extended a hand.

I was expecting Socrates to do something cruel to him like he did to me.

Nope.

Socrates seemed to just…shake hands with Andy.

"Hello," he said. "Socrates' the name, and pranking's the game!"

"Hey," said Andy. "I'm Andy. I enjoy video games, basket ball, and putting up with pet talking hamster."

It was an interesting introduction.

I think Andy liked Socrates.

However, Sherman was particularly ticked off at being referred to as a pet.

I try not to refer to Hobbes as a pet. He's nothing like a pet.

Pets aren't always trying to kill me.

"And I take it this is Sherman, is he not?" Socrates asked, eyeing the light brown hamster on Andy's shoulder. "Aren't you adorable."

"Don't fall for it," Hobbes whispered.

I agreed.

Sherman is _far_ from adorable.

He means well, I'm sure, but he's just…

…annoying.

I'm sorry. I couldn't think of anything better.

"Adorable, huh?" Sherman said. "I'll have you know that I was never thought of as adorable at the university. I was a well-respected individual by all. Everyone listened to my opinion, and I always gave my fair share."

Socrates looked a little surprised this guy could talk, and a little annoyed.

He never gave _me_ that look.

Boy, looks like Sherman is a whole new _level_ of annoying.

"Well, aren't you just a little lawsuit waiting to happen?" Socrates commented, apparently unfazed.

Strange.

Socrates didn't seem as annoyed as the rest of us.

You know what that means?

Prank time.

That's right, Socrates was thinking up a storm right there.

I would've warned Sherman, but I think I'd actually like to see this.

Later that day, we were lounging by the pool.

Hobbes was on an inflatable chair in the water, wearing jams and sunglasses, and sipping pink lemonade.

Andy and I were in the pool as well, playing with the beach ball.

Socrates was sitting practicing underwater handstands.

Sherman was sunbathing.

I don't know how.

He's covered in fur.

Anyway, Socrates was obviously still planning a prank for Sherman.

I was a little excited.

I wasn't the prankee this time.

Finally, Socrates got out of the pool and dried off.

"Say, Sherman, you up for a quick dip in the pool?" he asked.

"No," said Sherman. "I'm too small and might drown."

"Oh, heavens no," said Socrates. "I mean sitting on a floating chair like Hobbes over there."

"I refuse to do anything that flea-ridden fuzz ball is doing," Sherman replied.

Yeah, Hobbes and Sherman have never seen eye-to-eye.

After all, Sherman is something Hobbes would consider his prey.

Socrates got behind Sherman.

"Well, how about going in the house where you don't have to look at Hobbes?" Socrates offered.

"Fine."

Sherman got up from the bench and scurried for the bay doors.

It happened then.

No one saw it coming.

One of the stones Sherman was walking over suddenly sprung into the air when the hamster stepped on it.

_SPROING!_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

At first, we had mistaken his scream for a balloon with air rushing out of it.

He's got a tiny voice for something so loud.

Anywho, Sherman flew through the air, and he landed in one of the palm trees.

The tree bent back, and then flung him thought the air.

Sherman hurtled past us and crashed into a carefully placed pillow, and then he rolled into the bucket filled with mustard.

_GLOOP!_

When a yellow-coated hamster emerged, he saw all of us laughing at him.

Socrates had fallen over on the ground laughing.

Andy and I were laughing and pointing.

Hobbes had fallen out of his inflatable chair laughing.

Sherman growled at us.

"RED-TAILED CAT!" he shouted. "YOU JUST TRIGGERED HURRICANE SHERMAN!"

Socrates stared at him.

Then he keeled over laughing some more.

Let's face it.

Sherman didn't have much authority covered in mustard.

He stomped away and left for his house.

Socrates didn't look worried.

And we all went back to our games.

A few days later, I was heading over Andy and Sherman's to see if I could borrow a comic book from Andy.

As I walked into the house, I realized that Andy was not home right then.

"Strange," I thought. "Where is he?"

While I was thinking, I leaned against the wall.

Odd. I felt something kind of round on it.

When I looked, I saw it was a doorknob.

There was a tiny steel door underneath.

Interesting.

I turned the doorknob and opened the door. I gasped.

I had opened a secret door!

I walked down into a secret lab down below. There was a little slide that Sherman obviously used to get down there.

There was a massive library to one half, but the other half had tiny tables that held beakers and test tubes.

Whoa.

For a puny little hamster, Sherman sure was busy.

Speaking of whom, I could see Sherman working on something that was about as big as he was.

Sherman was humming his symphony, and then he looked up in surprise when he saw me, and then he got on the defensive.

"HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?" he demanded.

"I was looking for Andy, and then I found your doorknob," I explained. "Did you build this place all by yourself?"

"Yeah, so?"

I opted not to ask about how a puny furball built this stuff.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

Sherman looked around.

"Your tiger friends aren't here, are they?" he whispered.

"Well, Hobbes is at home watching a documentary about jungle cats, and, well, Socrates and I aren't exactly friends, but he's not here."

Sherman grinned darkly.

"I understand why you hate Socrates, Calvin," he said. "And you and I can do something to get a little revenge."

Wow. He was reading my mind.

"I'm listening," I said, crossing my arms.

"Well, you told me about two aliens named Galaxoid and Nebular, and how you needed to keep in contact with them because they think you're the Earth Potentate."

"Correct."

"Well, I have constructed a transmitter / receiver chip that we could place in anyone's brain, and that person would act as a telephone so that you can talk to them as long as you want."

I was liking the idea.

"That's all well and good, but where does the revenge on Socrates come into play?" I asked.

"Simple: _he'll_ be the telephone."

I stared.

"Wait… You plan to install that chip into Socrates' head? How is that good revenge?"

"Because every time it is activated, he'll do something incredibly funny. Trust me."

I wasn't so confident anymore.

Sherman and I have very different senses of humor.

But I decided it wouldn't be too bad.

All we had to do was get Socrates over here without him knowing.

Later that afternoon, Sherman sent me with a sedative to put Socrates out.

I activated the Time Pauser.

_**BOOM!**_

I ran up to the mansion and went around back.

Socrates was lounging by the pool, wearing sunglasses and jams.

He was frozen, reaching for the lemonade nearby.

I was thankful this stuff was flavorless.

I dropped the sedative pills into the drink, where they dissolved instantly.

Then I briefly unpaused time.

_**BOOM!**_

Socrates finished reaching for the drink, and then drank it all in one swig.

He lingered for a moment, and then he fell asleep.

Success.

I jammed him into the hypercube, and snuck him back to Sherman's house.

Late into the night, Sherman and I got busy.

Socrates was still sedated.

Sherman was wearing tiny gloves that were hooked up to animatronics in a pair of robotic arms.

I was impressed.

However, I was forced to turn away as the arms put in the chip.

Let's just say there was blood on the table when it was done.

Don't worry.

Socrates wasn't hurt. He was sedated.

Amazing stuff, those sedative pills.

And he healed fast when it was done.

No kidding! We didn't need bandages when we were done.

"The chip should be up and running by morning," said Sherman. "The activation code is 98462."

I just stared.

"That…was…so…_cool!_" I shouted.

According to Sherman, I was continuously saying that for weeks afterwards.

I had to take Socrates home myself, but it was worth it.

The next day, Socrates came over to my house with Andy and Sherman, not suspecting a thing.

"Hey, boys," he said, joining me and Hobbes on the couch. "Movie time?"

"Movie time!" said Hobbes.

"Let's flip the channel!" said Andy.

As they sat down, Sherman and I exchanged winks.

I was beginning to wonder whether or not Hobbes and Andy should know.

I was sure Andy would keep it secret, but as for Hobbes…

That was kind of iffy.

It didn't matter.

I was itching to tell them.

So I decided to disguise my motives with small talk.

"So, Socrates," I said. "Prank anyone other than me lately?"

"Nah," Socrates replied. "I'm taking the day off from pranking."

"Man, how many pranks have you performed over the years?"

Socrates stopped to think.

"Well, I'd say…98,463," he concluded.

So close.

"So before Sherman it was…?" I asked.

"98,462."

Bingo!

At that moment, something weird happened.

Socrates, and I'm not kidding, jumped into the air, landed on his tail, spun around, closed his eyes and put his hands up.

We all stared at him.

Then Sherman and I burst out laughing.

Andy was looking confused.

Hobbes was _shocked!_

"Tigers…can't sit on their tails like that," he said slowly.

And then, in a deep voice that almost sounded like a telephone recording, Socrates spoke.

"This is the Galaxy Transmitting System sending out a transmission from Earth. Please state the planet you are trying to reach?"

Sherman and I laughed some more.

But we stopped when Hobbes and Andy glared at us.

"Sherman?" asked Andy. "Do you have anything to do with this?"

I decided to get it out in the open.

"IT'S ALL SHERMAN'S FAULT! HE MADE ME DO IT! HE INVENTED THE CHIP AND PUT IT IN! I JUST GAVE SOCRATES THE SEDATIVE AND WATCHED! IT WAS SO COOL!"

Hobbes and Andy looked Sherman.

He had to explain his revenge plot.

Why?

Because Andy told him to.

Nice to know he's good for something.

And in the background, Socrates would repeat in his high-tech voice, "Please state the planet you are trying to reach?"

Eventually, Sherman turned Socrates off.

And because they knew we needed to stay in contact with Galaxoid and Nebular (and because they thought it was funny when the chip was activated) Hobbes and Andy agreed that Socrates would keep it.

Galaxoid and Nebular were informed of the chip and the number, and they've talked to us through Socrates since.

And now the flashback is over, and we are now going on to present time.

I'd like to thank you for your patience, and I hope that you will enjoy the rest of our special. Thank you.

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting in the front yard, watching the clouds go by.

They were pointing out different shapes in the sky.

"I see a duck!" said Calvin.

"I see a leopard!" said Hobbes.

"I see a book!"

"I see a puma!"

"I see a train!"

"I see a lion!"

"I see a suitcase!"

"I see a panther!"

Calvin looked at Hobbes.

"Hobbes, every cloud you've seen is a jungle cat of some kind. Can't you see anything else?"

Hobbes thought for a moment.

"Okay, I see a bucket of water coming down straight at us," he said.

"Very good," said Calvin. "That's… Wait, what?"

_SPLOOSH!_

Calvin and Hobbes were both soaked by an oncoming bucket filled with ice water.

"ACK!" they screeched.

Then they heard the maniac laughter of…

"SOCRATES!" they shouted.

Socrates came out of his hiding place, holding his sides as he laughed.

"HOO!" he chortled. "That was awesome! What a sight! What a splash! What A GREAT BIG INCOMING MESSAGE! INCOMING MESSAGE!"

During his maniacal laughter, Socrates had done his little transmitter dance.

Just in time too, because Calvin and Hobbes had just been about to pummel him.

"A transmission!" Calvin cried. "Galaxoid and Nebular must be calling!"

But much to their surprise, it _wasn't_ Galaxoid and Nebular.

"Incoming message from Diggerino Burgers," said Socrates' high-tech voice. "The best intergalactic fast food joint in the galaxy. May I take your order?"

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

"Huh?" asked Hobbes.

"I said, may I take your order?"

The voice was that of a teenage alien.

"Uh, sorry," said Calvin. "I think you dialed the wro—"

"I'll have a Diggerino Burger with fries and a large recto-shake, please," said a female adult voice.

"That'll be five geekoids and twelve froiks. Please fly up to the first portal, please."

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

"Uhhh," said Calvin.

Hobbes pinched Socrates' nose, which was how you deactivate the transmitter.

"Resume normal functions in three…two…one…"

Socrates started to get shake his head.

"Wow," he said. "What just happened?"

"We laughed so hard you blacked out," said Hobbes.

"Yeah, and we're about to kill you for it," said Calvin.

And they did.

Socrates got out without a scratch.

But after he escaped, Calvin and Hobbes thought for a while.

"What the heck was with Diggerino Burgers?" asked Calvin. "Why did the transmitter chip pick that up?"

"I'm not sure," said Hobbes. "Maybe Sherman will know."

"I don't know," said Sherman.

"How can you not?" demanded Hobbes. "YOU INSTALLED THE DUMB THING!"

"Well, I'm not sure. Maybe Socrates found out and he's pranking us again."

"I sure as heck didn't tell him," said Calvin. "Did he see the video recording you made of it?"

"No, I made sure it was a private screening only," said Sherman.

Just then Andy arrived.

"Guys?" he said. "I was just walking past Socrates, and his chip was activated, and instead of someone we know, he said something about an ad for Zokian battle armor."

Sherman thought for a moment.

"Calvin? How long has it been since we installed the chip?" he asked.

Calvin thought back.

"Ummmm…," he said. "Maybe about six months. Why?"

"Then that explains it!" Sherman exclaimed. "Socrates' transmitter chip is worn out and needs to be upgraded."

"Will that be hard?" asked Hobbes.

"No, of course not!" Sherman replied. "I have all the necessary parts. It should be a half hour job tops."

"Great!" said Andy. "Can you fix it soon?"

Sherman then looked contemplative.

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy stared at him.

"Hmmmm," he said thoughtfully. "Maybe…but I'm not really in the mood."

Hobbes stared at him.

"WHADDYA MEAN YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD?"

"WILL YOU STOP YELLING? YOU'RE SENDING SPIT EVERYWHERE!"

Hobbes wiped his mouth and growled.

"Look, it's not like the chip can do any damage. Socrates will be fine. Trust me."

And with that, Sherman disappeared into his lab.

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy exchanged glances.

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay," said Calvin. "Anyone wanna play Calvinball?"

Hobbes and Andy stood there for a moment.

"Okay."

"Sure."

And they left, not thinking anything strange had happened.

Meanwhile, in a lab under Yellowstone National Park, not too far Old Faithful, Dr Brainstorm was running around, looking at various papers and such.

Jack the robot was standing nearby, leaning against the desk.

"Are you about finished?" he asked.

"Almost!" said Brainstorm. "Is this all the information we have on that kid?"

"It's all I could get."

"So let's see… His name is Calvin, his best friend is Hobbes, who is a tiger, and he has a Miniature Electronic Swiss Army Knife, a structure-changing rifle, a time stopper, and a flying corrugated cube."

Jack rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, and if I recall correctly, that's all the stuff we already knew," he said sarcastically.

"Well, we also know he has another tiger companion named Caesar."

"His name was Socrates," said Jack.

"Was it? Well, it was Roman, I know that."

"Uh-huh."

As you can see, nothing's changed.

"We still need to steal his inventions," said Dr Brainstorm. "Once we have those, we could easily take over the world."

Jack simply stared.

"Let's see…," said Dr Brainstorm. "How could we steal them? Hmmmm……"

Dr Brainstorm started pacing around in front of Jack.

"EUREAKA!" he shouted. "I HAVE A PLAN!"

"Great," said Jack. "And I'm sure that I can find a way to demean it."

Brainstorm glared at him, and then resumed.

"HIS BEST FRIEND IS THAT ROBOTIC TIGER!"

"He was a real tiger, Frank," reminded Jack.

"**_DR BRAINSTORM!_** And whatever! We'll kidnap that tiger named Hobbes, and we'll hold him ransom in exchange for Calvin's inventions!"

Jack sighed.

"And that's supposed to be a flawless plan?" Jack asked.

"Well, _I_ thought it was."

"And you rarely think these things through, so…"

"I DO TO!"

"Remember when you tried to build this thing, and you forgot to add a door?"

"Uh…"

"Or how about when you made Yellowstone erupt?"

"Oh, shut up! We'll leave straight away!"

Dr Brainstorm ran out of the lab.

Jack waited for it.

Then Brainstorm ran past again.

"I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!" he shouted.

"Thought so," Jack muttered.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy were all in the field playing Calvinball.

They were having a merry time.

"OKAY!" shouted Hobbes. "I HAVE THE CALVINBALL, SO THAT MEANS THAT ALL OF YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO CRAWL AROUND ON THE GROUND LIKE WORMS, AND THE FIRST WHO HAS TO STAND UP WILL GET HIT WITH THE CALVINBALL!"

At that instant, Calvin, Socrates and Andy got down on all fours and crawled around.

Suddenly, Socrates jumped in the air and did his little dance that happens.

Socrates put his paws up, closed his eyes and started to shout.

"I heard that the dictator was planning to give us all free merchandise for our moderate behavior!" said a female voice.

Hobbes threw the Calvinball at Socrates, and knocked him a different direction.

Now he was picking up a different signal.

"AND THE COUNT IS DOWN!" shouted an announcer. "OOH, THAT WILL DEFIANTLY LOOK HORRIBLE IN THE MORNING!"

Calvin grabbed the Calvinball and hurled it at Socrates' nose, and that turned him off.

"Resume normal functions in three…two…one…"

Socrates fell back onto his stomach and started to crawl again like nothing had happened.

Everyone stared at him.

Calvin broke the silence.

"HA! I have the Calvinball now, and that means that the next person I hit will have to go jump into the tree over there, and find the tree of mystic mayhem in three seconds."

Calvin then threw the ball at Andy, who managed to catch it.

"I caught the Calvinball instead of being hit by it, so that means it gets bounced off to the one next to me."

"That's you, Socrates," said Hobbes.

Socrates got up.

"This'll be cake!" he shouted.

And he ran up the nearest tree, but as he started to reach for a branch, he suddenly did the dance again.

And in a tree, that looks really weird.

"Well, I wrote a little ditty, and it goes a little somethin' like this! Ba, ba, ba-da! Do, do, du-do! Laa, laa, laa, laa, loo, loo, loo, loo!" he said in another voice.

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy watched him.

Then a branch hit Socrates' nose.

Socrates then said the "resume normal functions" bit, and then he got the branch and climbed down.

He sneezed.

"Gee, My nose sure has been sure been sore, lately." He said.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Okay!" he shouted. "Once I plant this stick into the ground, Andy has to get the Calvinball to hit it by throwing it over here!"

"You're on!" shouted Andy, and he ran forward.

Calvin and Hobbes watched from nearby.

"Sherman better fix Socrates soon, or else we might never get anything done around here," said Hobbes.

"It's either that, or we ditch him, and I'm all in favor of the ditching one."

Hobbes glared at him.

Just then, there was a rumbling from above.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy looked up that a storm was coming.

"Uh-oh!" said Calvin. "GAME POSTPONED DUE TO WEATHER! SHALL RESUME TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL!"

"Right!" said Andy. "See you guys tomorrow!"

And Andy ran off.

Socrates stuck with Calvin and Hobbes.

"Can I stay with you guys tonight? The storm's gonna start soon, and the mansion's clear across town."

Calvin looked at Socrates thoughtfully.

"Do you promise not to prank us tonight?"

"Scout's honor."

"You weren't a scout," said Hobbes.

"Let's pretend."

They sighed.

"Fine, come on," said Calvin. "But one prank, and out ya go."

And the trio entered the yellow house.

But what was above wasn't a storm.

It was rather a weather-maker that Dr Brainstorm had created.

It had created the allusion a storm was coming.

Brainstorm and Jack were above the Calvinball field in a helicopter, watching.

"Excellent!" he said. "Tonight, I'll sneak down there and take Hobbes. Then I'll leave the ransom note."

"Whatever, Frank," said Jack.

"**_DR BRAINSTORM!_**"

That night, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates were sound asleep in bed.

Hobbes was asleep under the covers, and Socrates was at the foot of the bed.

Calvin was next to Hobbes, sound asleep.

As the three slept, a shadowy figure appeared at the window.

The window slowly opened up.

A head peeked through the open window.

"All clear," whispered Dr Brainstorm. "Send in the claw, Jack!"

"Uh-huh."

The claw extended from the helicopter and into the window.

On the tip was a video camera.

Now here's where the trouble started.

Since Hobbes was under the covers, he wasn't seen.

And Socrates _was_ seen.

And the camera filmed in a minty color, so everything was in shades of green, and the red stripes were invisible.

Jack couldn't tell, and he grabbed Socrates by mistake. Socrates woke with a start.

"WHA—!"

He was cut off when Brainstorm stuck duct tape over Socrates' mouth.

Then he wrote on a piece of paper, and left it for Calvin to find.

Then he hopped onto the claw with the squirming Socrates, and they flew off.

Whoops.

The sound of the window closing woke Calvin up.

"Huh…?" he asked.

Calvin looked around.

He noticed the piece of paper.

He turned on the light and read it.

"Hmmm," he said. "Dear Calvin, I, Dr Brainstorm, have kidnaped your friend, Hobbes, and in exchange for his safe return, you must surrender all of your inventions. BWA, HA, HA, HA, _HA!_ Sincerely, Dr Brainstorm. PS, Jack says 'Hi'."

Calvin raised an eyebrow in confusion.

He checked under the covers and saw that Hobbes was still there.

Then he looked at the note.

Then he looked at the foot of the bed, and saw that Socrates was gone.

"Strange," he said.

Calvin looked all around the room.

No sign of Socrates.

Normally, Calvin would be relieved to be rid of him, but with his malfunctioning transmitter, if Socrates was out and about, there was no way to turn him off.

"Hobbes, wake up!" Calvin said.

Hobbes stirred.

"Huh? Wha?"

"Did Dr Frank Brainstorm come through here?" he asked.

"I don't believe so, why?"

"Because he left this note saying he kidnaped you, but here you are, safe and sound."

"Yes, that's true."

"And I also noticed that Socrates is nowhere to be found, and with his transmitter chip malfunctioning, it could be dangerous for him to be out there."

"Good point."

"And since Brainstorm is an idiot, is it possible that he mistaken Socrates for you and took him instead, and that he might make a transmission in front of Brainstorm?"

"Sounds likely."

"Do you know what to do?"

"No."

"We go to Andy and Sherman and start screaming at them to get us to help us find Socrates and defeat Dr Brainstorm."

"Excellent idea. Let's go."

Calvin dove into the dresser and changed into his normal attire, and then he dove into the closet and got the box and each of his inventions.

Hobbes hopped in, and they flew out the window.

And once they were sure Mom and Dad wouldn't hear them, they started screaming.

"ANDY! SHERMAN! HELP!"

Meanwhile, up in the helicopter, about a quarter of a mile from Yellowstone, Dr Brainstorm was flying Socrates to his possible doom.

"So, Hobbes?" he asked. "How's it feel to be kidnaped by me?"

Socrates was getting frantic.

Jack gently removed the duct tape from his mouth.

"Thank you," said Socrates.

"No prob," replied Jack.

Socrates then turned to Dr Brainstorm.

"Look, pal. You got the wrong tiger. I'm Socrates. Hobbes is still at Calvin's."

"I'M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR GAMES, ROBOTIC CAT!" Brainstorm hollered.

"Robotic cat?" asked Socrates. "Look, I'm not Hobbes, and I'm not a robot. I have red stripes on my tail, see? Hobbes has black stripes."

He held up his tail.

Dr Brainstorm stared.

Then he glared at Jack.

"My bad," said Jack, leaning back in his seat.

"I'll say," said Socrates. "Look, just take me home."

"No way!" said Brainstorm. "Maybe I can get Calvin to fork over his inventions if _you're_ held for ransom."

"Now look!" said Socrates. "I'll have you know thAT I'M PLANNING TO—!"

Suddenly, Socrates did that little transmitter dance.

And in a helicopter, that's pretty dangerous.

"Hey, knock it off!" shouted Brainstorm.

"Incoming transmission from Planet Zok! The caller's name is Lenny the alien."

Just then, Lenny the alien's voice came on.

"Hi, Pizza Place? I'd like to order an extra, extra, extra large pizza with everything on it! How much will that run me?"

Then the Pizza Place's employee came on.

"About seven sandlumbs," he said.

"Perfect!"

Dr Brainstorm and Jack stared.

"Is he going Hulk on us?" asked Brainstorm.

"No, Hobbes told me that Socrates has a transmitter/receiver chip in his brain, and that it can reach any planet in any galaxy."

Then Brainstorm got an idea.

"THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA! HANG ON, JACK!"

In the process of going down, the rearview mirror fell off and hit Socrates' nose, and it turned him off.

"What happened?" he asked.

Uh-oh.

_**To Be Continued…**_


	10. The Transmitter Conspiracy P2

"HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!" Calvin and Hobbes both screamed, exploding into Andy and Sherman's house.

Andy went tumbling out of bed, and Sherman leaped five feet into the air.

Calvin and Hobbes ran around in circles in Andy's room, going, "HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!"

"JUST TELL US WHY YOU'RE HERE!" Sherman screamed.

"DR BRAINSTORM HAS SOCRATES! HELP! SOCRATES BEEN KIDNAPED! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!"

Andy and Sherman stared at Calvin and Hobbes.

"Who's Dr Brainstorm?" Andy asked.

Hobbes was the first to stop running around in circles, and stop in front of Andy and Sherman.

"Dr Brainstorm is a complete lunatic, who wants to take over the world, but he can't, because he's too stupid, and all his inventions don't work, so he's trying to take Calvin's by holding me ransom, but he took Socrates instead, and now Socrates in mortal danger!"

And with that, he took a deep breath in.

"Wow, that took a long time to explain." He sighed.

Minutes later, Andy, Sherman, Calvin and Hobbes were in Sherman's lab, and Sherman was typing several things into a keyboard.

A map of the United States came up on the screen.

Then, a spot on the map started blinking.

Sherman pushed a button.

The map zoomed in on the Montana / Wyoming boarder.

The red light continued blinking next to Old Faithful.

Then, a warning sign came up.

**WARNING!**

**TRANSMITTER / RECEIVER MALFUNCTIONING!**

**GOING CRITICAL!**

**HEAD EXPLOSION WILL RESULT IF NOT REPAIRED IN**

_**4:55:24**_

_**4:55:23**_

_**4:55:22**_

"AAAAAA!" Hobbes yelled. "Socrates' head is going to explode in five hours!"

"Unless, precious hamster here fixes it!" Calvin said, turning a sharp glare onto Sherman. "I suggest you start upgrading, rat!"

"Call me rat, will you!" Sherman snorted. "Maybe I'll just _let_ his head explode!"

"Andy, will you step in, please?" Hobbes inquired.

"Sherman, make that upgrade, _right now_, or no watching The Science Channel for a month!" Andy threatened.

Sherman stared at him.

"A _month!_" He demanded. "But _Carl Sagan's Cosmos_, is coming on next week!"

Andy crossed his arms.

Sherman grumbled to himself.

"OK, fine, I'll make the stupid upgrade."

And with that, he leaped off of his chair, and ran over to his little desk, where he began making the new chip.

* * *

Meanwhile, Dr Brainstorm had finally made it back to Yellowstone, and he had thrown Socrates into a little cell. 

"And now!" he yelled. "I will activate you, and communicate with the most dangerous alien nations, and they will help me _TAKE OVER THE WORLD!_"

Socrates stared at him.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME!" He screamed.

At that very moment, Jack came into the room, sipping on a milkshake.

He leaned against the wall, and watched Dr Brainstorm will bored eyes.

"Now, how do I activate you!" Dr Brainstorm demanded, studying the tiger.

"Activate what?"

"YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT ROBOTIC CAT'S ROBOT FRIEND!"

Socrates eyes looked Dr Brainstorm up and down, from his freaky electronic hairdo, to his brown sneakers.

"Is he always like this?" he asked Jack.

"Yes." Jack replied.

Socrates turned back to Dr Brainstorm.

"Listen, junior, I have a whole bunch of things tO DO AND...!"

Suddenly, Socrates leaped into the air, landed on his tail, and twirled around.

"HA HA!" Dr Brainstorm yelled, throwing his arms in the air. "I DID IT!"

"He did it on his own." Jack said.

"Says you."

"INCOMING MESSAGE! INCOMING MESSAGE!" Socrates chanted.

Then, an answering machine message came out.

"Oh, hi there. You've reached Dave the alien. I can't come to the foam right now, because I'm probably flying around that thing called space with Earl. So be sure to leave a message, and I'll try and learn how to use this thing."

Dr Brainstorm blinked.

"HA HA!" He screamed, throwing his arms into the air, again. "I'VE CONTACTED AN ALIEN ANSWERING MACHINE! _I'M A GENIUS!_"

And with that, he did some kind of weird victory dance, and accidently kicked Socrates in the nose.

"AH CHOO!" He sneezed, flying into the wall. "OUCH! What happened?"

Jack rolled his eyes and didn't answer.

"Now," Dr Brainstorm walked back to Socrates. "Now I know how to work you!"

Socrates stared at the lunatic in front of him.

"Are you on some kind of new allergy medication?" He asked.

"Jack! Options!" Dr Brainstorm yelled.

"Usually it takes an activation number." Jack said.

"OF COURSE!" Brainstorm screamed. "Alright! Let us begin searching for the correct number!"

He turned to Socrates.

"ONE!"

Nothing happened.

"TWO!"

Nothing happened.

"THREE!"

Nothing happened.

Dr Brainstorm scratched his head.

"This could take some time." He said. "FOUR!"

Nothing happened.

"FIVE!"

Nothing happened.

"SIX!"

Jack would've told Brainstorm that _Socrates_ had to say the number, not him, but he wanted to see him wear his vocal cords out completely, before he told him.

* * *

After much wiring, and sparks flying everywhere, Sherman finally finished making the new chip. 

He held it up, and studied it.

"OK, this chip has an automatic upgrading system." He said. "It will use an intergalactic..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... big complicated words. They're all the same!" Calvin spat. "Let's just go save that computer chip... I mean... Socrates." Calvin said, quickly, as Hobbes shot him a glare.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman all rushed out of the lab and towards Calvin's house.

Calvin rushed to his closet, and pulled out his Time Machine, turned the Time Travel Device off, and instructed everyone to get in and shut up.

Which they did.

Calvin set the coordinates for Yellowstone National Park, and they flew out the window.

* * *

"Ninety three thousand, four hundred sixty?" Dr Brainstorm gasped. 

Nothing happened.

"Ninety three thousand, four hundred sixty-one?"

Nothing happened.

"Ninety three thousand, four hundred sixty-two?"

He found the correct number.

But Socrates was the one who was suppose to say it, so nothing happened.

It was then, that Jack decided to make things more interesting.

"I do believe Socrates is the one who's supposed to say the number, Frank." He said.

"**_DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!_**" Brainstorm shrieked. "Why didn't you tell me that, sooner!"

"I was still working on my milkshake." Jack said, throwing the empty bottle away.

Dr Brainstorm began banging his head against the ground.

Then, he shot back up to Socrates.

"Alright, robot!" he snarled. "Start counting!"

Socrates stared at Dr Brainstorm.

"What?"

"_START COUNTING!_" Brainstorm screamed.

Before Socrates could reply, he leaped into the air, landed on his tail, and began playing an alien news radio station.

"AH HA!" he yelled. "I've activated him!"

"He activated himself." Jack said.

"Whatever!"

Dr Brainstorm spun around, and his lab coat brushed against Socrates' nose.

That's all it took.

Socrates stopped playing _Steer, steer, steer your UFO_ and turned back to Dr Brainstorm.

"NOW!" Brainstorm screamed. "_START COUNTING!_"

"Fine." Socrates grumbled. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven..."

Dr Brainstorm and Jack both watched Socrates counting.

Then, Jack got bored, and walked out of the room.

* * *

The Time Machine continued flying down the landscape. 

Calvin was keeping his eyes on the map next to him.

They still had a long way to go, before they reached Yellowstone.

And according to Sherman's watch, they only had three hours left.

Calvin began to pick up speed.

* * *

"Nine thousand." Socrates said. "Nine thousand one, nine thousand two, nine thousand four..." 

"HALT!" Brainstorm screamed. "YOU SKIPPED A NUMBER!"

"What?"

"YOU DIDN'T SAY NINE THOUSAND THREE!" Brainstorm shrieked, hysterically. "THOUGHT I'D MISS IT, HUH! _SAY IT!_"

"Fine!" Socrates spat. "Nine thousand three. Are you happy, now?"

"NO!" Dr Brainstorm screamed. "I'M NOT HAPPY! **_I'M NOT HAPPY AT ALL!_**"

Socrates rolled his eyes, and, at Dr Brainstorm's request, continued counting.

* * *

Finally, one hour later, The Time Machine finally reached the deserted night version of Yellowstone Park. 

Calvin activated the Metal Detector, and he scanned the area.

He finally made contact, and uncovered Dr Barnstorm's _HUGE_ underground lab.

Calvin flew the box over to the edge of Dr Brainstorm's radar.

"Brainstorm is constantly checking his radar." Calvin said. "But the catch is, that only stuff that's in the _air_ gets picked up by the radar. We have to land the box here."

"And _walk?_" Andy asked.

"Yes." Calvin said.

Calvin landed the box, and he, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman exited it, and continued on foot.

Calvin climbed over a fence, and started towards the Old Faithful water geyser.

"98,459... 98,460" Socrates counted. "98,461... 98,46..."

"FORGET IT!" Dr Brainstorm screamed. "You've been counting for hours, and I still can't find it! Just stop there, and I'll try to find some _other_ way to activate you!"

Huh boy.

Socrates rolled his eyes, and sighed.

"You're a lunatic." He said.

"I WILL FIND THE WAY!"

* * *

Finally, after much walking, Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman reached the secret entrance to Dr Brainstorm's hideout. 

Calvin opened the door, made of steel that had grass glued to it to make it look natural, and he, Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman climbed inside.

* * *

Jack, who was in charge of the security cameras, watched the screens closely, while everyone climbed in. 

Jack watched the monitor, sipping his soda, as Calvin pulled out his MTM, Time Pauser, Mini Duplicator, Mega-Shrinker 5000, Atomic Freezer, and Transmogrifier gun out of his Hypercube.

He grinned.

"Oh, _this_ is going to be good." He chuckled, reaching for some popcorn, and preparing for the show.

* * *

Calvin and the gang crept forward, Calvin holding the Time Pauser and Mega-Shrinker 5000, Hobbes holding the Transmogrifier gun and Atomic Freezer, Andy holding the Mini-Duplicator and Hypercube... and Sherman didn't hold anything, because all the inventions were larger than him. 

The four looked around the giant hallway in front of them.

Calvin opened up the Tracking Device, and located Socrates.

He was in the Control Room, which was at the very end of the hallway.

Calvin's eyes slammed shut.

"How much longer before Socrates' head explodes?" He asked.

Sherman checked his watch.

"One hour." He said.

"Let's move!" Hobbes yelled, running off.

* * *

Dr Brainstorm attached several wires and tubes to Socrates' head, and he was now analyzing Socrates' brain. 

The computer screen was facing away from Socrates, so he didn't see it.

Brainstorm rubbed his chin, as he studied the X-ray of Socrates' skull.

He saw the computer chip.

He couldn't do anything else about it.

"OK!" Brainstorm said. "I know where it is, now!"

"Where what is?" Socrates asked. "You were looking at my head, you nut."

Brainstorm glared at Socrates.

Then, before Dr Brainstorm's very eyes, Socrates did another weird dance, and landed on his tail.

He then began transmitting the radio station, again.

Brainstorm grumbled to himself, and turned back to the...

SLAM!

...computer, and he suddenly heard a loud slam, almost like that of a door and...

"UNHAND OUR TIGER, YOU UNSPEAKABLE FIEND!"

Dr Brainstorm whirled around, and saw Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman.

Brainstorm acquired a triumphant look and said, "Ah ha! So, you have come to my secret lair, Galvin!"

"It's Calvin."

"Whatever. You've come to my secret lair! And now you will relinquish your inventions to _me!_ **_DOCTOR BRAINSTORM! _**AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Everyone in the room stared at Dr Brainstorm.

Except Socrates, of course, who continued to play radio songs.

"Is there any reason why we can't just use the inventions against you?" Andy asked.

Dr Brainstorm's grin faded.

"Uh... well, that would be taking unfair advantages." He said.

Calvin cocked his _Mega-Shrinker 5000_, and the end started glowing red.

"AA!" Brainstorm screamed, diving behind one of his computers, as Calvin shrunk it.

_**ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee**eeeeeeep!_

Dr Brainstorm grabbed his _Servant Ray_, and screamed, "DEVICE! DESTROY THESE INTRUDERS!"

The pistol like device didn't do anything.

Brainstorm blinked.

"DEVICE!" He yelled. "DO NOT DESTROY THESE INTRUDERS!"

_**ZZZZZAP!**_

"YAAAAAH!" Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman screamed, leaping from the way of a blast of hot electricity.

"DO NOT DO IT, AGAIN!" Brainstorm cackled, sending blast after blast at the four heros.

Calvin took out his Transmogrifier Gun, switched it to LASER, and met Brainstorm's blast with his own.

_**ZAP!**_

Red light threw shadows all over the lab, as Calvin and Dr Brainstorm both battled each other.

* * *

Jack watched from in the control room. 

He took his lips away from the bendy straw in his soda long enough to say, "three... two... one."

* * *

_**BOOM!**_

Dr Brainstorm went flying backward into the wall, as his _Servant Ray_ went out, and Calvin's Transmogrifier Gun zapped him.

"DOUH!" He screamed, as he made contact with the wall. "STUPID SERVANT RAY! NO BATTERY CHARGING FOR _YOU_ TONIGHT!"

He threw the pistol away, and turned his attention back to Calvin and Hobbes, and Andy and Sherman.

He held his arm out, and a glowing red laser ray extended out of his lab coat arm.

Everyone gasped, and covered their heads.

The ray went out.

"Darn it!" Brainstorm screamed.

He then spent the next fifteen seconds trying to get it to turn back on, and then pointed it at them, again.

By that time, they had moved, and Brainstorm had to put the laser back.

I know that just killed him.

"Andy and I will hold Frank, here, off." Hobbes said.

"**_DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!_**" Brainstorm shrieked.

"You fix Socrates."

Calvin ran up Socrates with Sherman, and Calvin poked Socrates' nose.

The radio station stopped playing, and before Socrates realized what was going on, Sherman put a couple of his sedative pills in his mouth.

Socrates keeled over backwards, and Sherman went to work.

Calvin checked his watch.

"Sherman?" he asked.

"What?" Sherman replied, now beginning the surgery.

"Perhaps you could hurry this up a little?" Calvin asked. "_WE ONLY HAVE TEN MINUTES LEFT!_"

Dr Brainstorm advanced over Hobbes and Andy.

"Out of my way, _fools!_" Brainstorm commanded, holding a hand up. "I have alien nations to contact!"

Hobbes grinned, slightly, and gave Andy a wink.

Neither of them answered.

Brainstorm's eyes narrowed.

"OUT OF MY WAY!" He screamed.

"Make us." Andy said.

Brainstorm's eye twitched.

"Very well!" He yelled. "If you do not move, then you will have to face the awesome wrath of my inventions!"

Brainstorm grabbed a microphone and shouted, "JACK! **_GET IN HERE!_**"

There was a moment of silence, then Jack the robot entered the room, still sipping his soda.

"Jack!" Dr Brainstorm yelled. "Show these _fools_ all your amazing blow up stuff feature!"

Jack leaned against the wall, put the soda down, and said, "You didn't instal any 'blow up stuff' features into my system."

Brainstorm blinked.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean!" he demanded. "I fixed a laser gun in your arm!"

"That wasn't a laser gun." Jack said.

"Really?" Brainstorm grumbled. "What was it, then?"

Jack held up his arm, and a small weird looking device came out.

"It was a radio." He said, turning it onto some news station.

Brainstorm blinked several times.

"Jack! You're fired!"

He whirled back to Hobbes and Andy.

"Disregard everything Jack says." He said.

Back to Jack.

"Jack, I'm afraid this will have to go into my report."

"Oh no. Not that." Jack said, with no change in expression or tone.

Back to Hobbes and Andy.

"Alright, then, you'll not move, Jack won't kill you, then _I_ will be forced to **_destroy_** you!"

"This should be good." Jack said.

"Shut up." Brainstorm snapped.

And with that, Brainstorm whipped out a spoon from his pocket.

"Gaze upon my latest invention!" Brainstorm declared, holding the spoon over his head.

Jack rolled his eyes, and picked his soda up.

Brainstorm began laughing.

"You're not a genius, like me!" He cackled. "Prepare to succumb to my awesome power, you... not genius person!"

Hobbes and Andy exchanged glances.

"This guy's way off his rocker." Andy said.

"You're telling _me?_" Hobbes scoffed.

Brainstorm pushed a button on the spoon he was holding, and the end started glowing red.

The end he was holding it by.

"YAAAAAH!" Brainstorm screamed, throwing the spoon away, and sticking his burnt hand into his mouth.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sherman had still not gotten the old chip out of Socrates' brain. 

Calvin was not looking at the surgery, and he was watching his watch, as the time ticked down.

They only had one minute left.

Sherman was working like crazy.

I will not go into details about how he was performing the operation. This story is only PG.

When the chip was revealed, it was sparking, and sizzling, and ready to blow up.

Sherman grabbed the old chip, and slowly started to work it out.

30 seconds.

Sherman continued to slowly pull the chip out.

20 seconds.

Still working on it.

10 seconds.

"SHERMAN! HURRY UP!" Calvin screamed.

Sherman gritted his teeth, and ripped the rest of the chip out, and flung it aside.

_BOOM!_

The chip blew up in midair.

Calvin blinked.

"We sure get some dramatic writers for this show." He said.

Sherman ignored him, and proceeded to insert the new chip.

When he was done, he took his surgeon mask, and gloves.

"He's upgraded." Sherman said. "No more random transmissions."

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes and Andy were having no trouble keeping Dr Brainstorm away from Socrates. 

Probably because most of Dr Brainstorm's time was spent screaming at Jack to help him.

To which Jack replied, "Wait for me to finish my soda."

When Socrates woke up, he rubbed his head, and asked, "Ooh, what happened?"

"You fainted." Calvin said. "Don't worry. We saved you from Dr Lunatic over there."

Socrates' eyes came into focus.

"Oh. It's you."

Calvin glared at him.

"Well, who did you expect!" he demanded.

"Well, I was kinda hoping for Superman." Socrates replied.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Come on!" Calvin called to Hobbes and Andy. "Stop torturing Frank."

"**_DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!_**"

Hobbes and Andy stepped away from Dr Brainstorm, while he attempted to get his _laser-shooter_ out of his shoe.

"GET BACK HERE!" Dr Brainstorm screamed. "I'm not finished with you, yet! YOU JUST GOT LUCKY!"

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and Socrates told Jack goodbye, and rushed out of Brainstorm's lab.

Jack waved goodbye, and continued sipping his soda.

Brainstorm finally got his ray gun out of his shoe, no I don't know how it got there, and he rushed over to the computer screen.

"I'll deal with you, _later!_" he said, dramatically, pointing a finger at Jack.

Jack gave Brainstorm a blank stare, then sipped more of his soda up.

Brainstorm began typing several things into his keyboards, and Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, and Socrates appeared on the screen.

Brainstorm pushed a big red button.

Suddenly, lasers and rocket launchers extended from the walls in the hallway, and began firing wildly at the intruders.

However, several rocket launchers and laser rays didn't do anything.

Of course.

"**_YAAAAAAAAH!_**" Everyone screamed, leaping from the way.

Rockets went flying past them, and the walls started shaking.

Suddenly, a big steel barrier began close down onto the floor, keeping everyone in the lab.

Calvin slid right under it. Hobbes slammed onto his back, and slid out, too. Andy and Sherman squeezed through it.

But Socrates was a step too slow.

BANG!

Socrates came to a screeching stop in front of the steel barrier.

Dr Brainstorm made a goofy grin.

"Wow, it actually worked." He said.

Jack rolled his eyes.

"Your rockets destroyed your hallway." He said.

"Shut up," Brainstorm growled.

Socrates began clawing at the barrier.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman were behind the wall, trying to lift it. But it was too heavy.

Let me rephrase that.

Calvin, Hobbes and Andy tried to lift it.

Sherman didn't. For obvious reasons.

"I can't get it." Andy gasped.

Hobbes leaned back, and tried to catch his breath.

Then, they all heard footsteps.

Fast footsteps.

Socrates looked up, and saw some deranged scientist, with a tall red hairdo, lab coat, and a lunatic grin on his face, running towards him.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman exchanged glances.

"What are we going to do!" Hobbes asked, frantically.

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

Which was a bad sign.

Then, a wide, devious grin spread across his face.

Which was a terrible sign.

"Socrates!" Calvin called. "There's only one thing we can do to save you!"

"I'm listening." Socrates said, backing into the wall, as Dr Brainstorm advanced over him.

"Tell him how many pranks you've done! _BEFORE SHERMAN!_"

Socrates' brow furrowed.

"How's _that_ going to..."

"JUST DO IT!" Calvin yelled. "WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOOSE!"

"Well, let's see. My dignity, my health, my life. Just the little things." Socrates said.

"**_JUST DO IT!_**" Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman all screamed.

Socrates sighed.

"98, 462." He said.

_**TRA-BOING!**_

Suddenly, Socrates leaped into the air, and did a back flip.

He kicked Dr Brainstorm in the jaw, sending him to the wall, and knocking him unconscious.

Socrates landed on his tail and said in a robotic voice, "Welcome to the Galaxy Transmitter sending a message out from Earth. Please state the planet you are trying to reach."

Calvin whipped out his MTM, and blasted a hole into the wall, and they ran over to Socrates.

Andy pushed his nose, and he collapsed back onto the ground.

"Ooooh." He groaned. "What happened?"

"He punched you out." Hobbes said. "Then we, uh, kicked him out."

"Oh." Socrates said. "Funny. I never even remember him coming over to me."

"Right." Hobbes said.

And with that, they all ran out.

Jack didn't even looked up from his book as Dr Brainstorm came back into the lab, holding an ice pack to his jaw.

"Didn't work?" he asked.

"Didn't work." Brainstorm grumbled. "Do you have any cute remarks about it?"

"Nope, I'm good." Jack said, turning the page.

Dr Brainstorm grumbled to himself, and sat down.

"Well, they may have won the battle!" He yelled. "But the war goes on! I SHALL RETURN BIGGER AND WORSER THAN EVER!"

"I think you mean worserer." Jack said.

"Shut it!"

"Yes, your majesty."

Dr Brainstorm turned back to his computer.

"Time to make new inventions!" He yelled.

"Whatever you say, Frank."

"FOR THE TEN MILLIONTH TIME! **_IT'S DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!_**"

"Yes, Dr Frank."

"**_DR BRAINSTORM!_**"

Well, I guess there isn't much more to tell.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, and Socrates got home, Socrates' chip didn't ever malfunction, again, and Galixoid and Nebular were able to stay in contact with Calvin and Hobbes.

And Socrates never did find out that Sherman had installed a computer chip into his head.

Which is probably for the better.

Who knows what Socrates would _do_ to Sherman if he found out?

**The End**

**Voice work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon:** Calvin

**Tom Hanks:** Hobbes

**Ryan Stiles:** Socrates

**Andrew Lawrence:** Andy

**Colin Mochrie:** Sherman

**Neil Crone:** Dr Brainstorm

**Michael Brandon:** Jack

**Dee Bradley Baker: **Miscellaneous voice work

* * *

**Coming up Next: **Nighty Shut up!


	11. Nighty Shut Up!

**Summary: **Hobbes tries to help Calvin fall asleep after not being able to for three days.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
__Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie_

**Nighty Shut up!**

Calvin tried in vain to fall asleep.

He might as well give up. It had been three days since he had gotten a good night's sleep because of the monsters under his bed.

It seemed to be someone's birthday, and the monsters had been partying for THREE DAYS!

Just then one the monsters turned up the volume on _The Best of Little Kids Screaming_, and the party really got going.

Calvin laid in bed all night, his eyes as wide as dinner plates. And whenever he dared get a minute of scream filled sleep, one of the monsters would start playing Pin the Pain on the Kid.

WHO COULD SLEEP THROUGH ALL THAT NOISE! Calvin knew. Hobbes and a rock.

Oh and his parents. Mr. And Mrs. "Call us agin to shut the monsters up, and we'll dunk you in the rain barrel!"

The next day when all the monsters had retreated to wherever monsters go in the morning, Calvin was just about to doze off when...

"CALVIN! ITS TIME TO GET UP!" Mom's yell sent Calvin flying out of bed.

There was a moment of silence, then Calvin started screaming in frustration.

He then took his baseball bat, and started slamming it into the bed.

Hobbes rubbed some sleep out of his eyes, and yawned.

"Good morning, Calvin." Hobbes said, as if Calvin acted like this every morning. "How'd you sleep last night?"

Calvin stared at Hobbes with his half mad eyes.

"**HOW DID I _SLEEP_ LAST NIGHT!**" He roared. "**I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A DECENT _WINK_ OF SLEEP FOR _THREE DAYS!_**"

Hobbes stared at the lunatic who he was only three feet away from him, and he thought to himself, "I sleep with _him_?"

Calvin continued. "**AND FURTHER MORE, HOW ON EARTH ARE YOU ABLE TO SLEEP WHEN WE HAVE BLOODSUCKING CREATURES OF DOOM THROWING PARTIES UNDER THE BED!**"

"The monsters are throwing parties under the bed?" Hobbes said, shocked. "Without inviting me?"

Just then, Mom burst into the room.

There, she saw some red eyed creature with yellow spiked hair staring at her, with the baseball bat raised above it's head. Beside him, the bed was ready collapse.

Mom kicked Calvin out the door.

Calvin stood at the bus stop. He didn't move.

Then Susie came up.

"Good morning Calvin." She said.

Calvin spun around at her with total rage.

"**_WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT IT!_**" He screamed.

"Well," Susie said. "The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and we're about to learn important information for when we take PSAT test."

Calvin stared at her.

"**_OH REALLY? ARE YOU INSINUATING THAT I'M STUPID AND CAN'T LEARN ANYTHING FOR THE SPAF?_**"

"I never said that." Susie said.

"**_YOUR JUST TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE FACT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE MONSTERS UNDER YOUR BED, AND YOU GET TO SLEEP!_**"

"All I said was..."

"**_YOU THINK I'M WEAK! YOU THINK I CAN'T HANDLE IT! WELL I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, BUDDY!_**"

"The bus is here." Susie muttered, walking onto the bus.

Calvin trudged onto the bus, and started screaming at the driver.

"**_AND YOU! THE PRISON GUARD OF THE EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM! DO YOU FELL _PROUD _THAT YOU ESCORT DEFENSELESS CHILDREN TO THEIR _DOOM!**"

"It puts food on the table." The driver said. "Sit down."

Calvin grumbled and complained as he sat down at the back of the bus.

* * *

Once at the school, Calvin caused all kinds of trouble. He tied a rubber glove to the facet, and turned it on, Calvin then lured the principal over, and rushed off, as the glove exploded with a splash of water. He never talked. He screamed. He raced into the classroom before class started and tore everything apart, then he ran back outside, and screamed at Moe to get out of his way. He ended up face first into the floor.

And when he got home, he opened the door, but before Hobbes got to him, he slammed it shut again, and Hobbes crashed into the door.

"Calvin, did you realize that half of this episode is being used up with you screaming?" Hobbes asked.

"**_I'M NOT SCREAMING!_**" Calvin screamed.

Just then, Dad walked up.

"Hello, Calvin." he said. "I heard that you weren't getting any good night's sleep, so I took your old mattress out, and replaced it with one of those foam mattresses."

Calvin stared at him.

"YOU WHAT?" He yelled. "WHAT THE HECK IS CHANGING THE STUPID MATTRESS GONNA DO!"

"You'll sleep more comfortably." Dad said, proudly.

"I AM OUTRAGED!" Calvin screamed, walking off.

Dad blinked.

Calvin grumbled all evening.

"I OUGHT TO SUE!" He screamed, when Dad said, have good dreams.

* * *

That night, Calvin lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

John Greene's Runaway was playing under the bed now.

Hobbes was sleeping like a baby.

Calvin had this urge to get up and strangle him for being so darn lucky.

Better not.

The mattress was not helping one bit.

Just then, the bed leapt into the air, and then landed with a loud WHAM!

Calvin stared.

He looked at Hobbes.

He was still asleep.

Calvin glared at him dangerously.

Finally, he got out of bed and went downstairs for a drink of water.

And wouldn't you know it, Hobbes' eyes popped open and glowed in the dark.

Hobbes snickered to himself and then snuck after him.

Calvin got a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with water.

Hobbes snuck down the stairs.

Calvin drank the water.

Hobbes peeked around the corner.

Calvin put the glass in the sink.

Hobbes crouched and got in position.

Calvin started to walk out of the kitchen.

Suddenly, Hobbes pounced.

BAM!

Hobbes came in contact with Calvin, and they both started rolling around on the floor.

"AAAH! HELP! HELP! MONSTER! SAVE ME!" Calvin screamed.

CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! BOOM! SMASH! SPLUT!

Finally, after knocking over a few objects in the hall, the light turned on, and Calvin could finally see his attacker.

"Hobbes…," he hissed.

Mom and Dad were suddenly standing over him.

"Calvin, what are you doing?" Mom demanded.

"I was getting a glass of water, and then this deranged monkey we call a tiger jumped me," Calvin said.

Dad threw Calvin into his room and slammed the door.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"You know, it's heartbreaking that you would do that during my time of need," Calvin snarled.

Hobbes mocked sympathy.

"Aww, has oo got da sniffooes?" he said sweetly.

Calvin sighed.

"Hobbes, this is serious. Those monsters are keeping me awake all night, and if I'm awake all night, I can't be my usual sweet self in the morning."

"Uh…yeah."

"You've gotta help me, Hobbes. How do you sleep through all the noise?"

"It's just something we cats can do," Hobbes replied. "We can sleep through anything."

"Lucky."

"Look, this shouldn't be too hard," Hobbes said. "All we gotta do is think of the perfect sleeping technique, and do it within the next nine hours so that you'll get your full allotment of sleep."

"How do we do that?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes put a sleeping cap on Calvin's head.

"Don't worry your spiky little head about a thing," Hobbes said. "Leave everything to me."

Calvin gulped.

* * *

_**Method #1: **Rock-a-By_

Hobbes had found an old rocker in the attic, and Calvin was now wrapped in blankets and being rocked back and forth in it.

"Rock-a-by Calvin, on the small bed," sang Hobbes. "When I put my paw on it, the bed moves. Enough said. If this plan doesn't work, it'll be quite a waste. And whoever thought of this tune had really bad taste."

Calvin was gritting his teeth.

"Asleep yet?" asked Hobbes.

"No."

* * *

_**Method #2: **Milk_

Hobbes poured some milk into a mug, and then heated it in the microwave.

"This is one of the more popular methods," he said. "Warm milk is supposed to make you drowsy."

DING!

The milk was finished and brought out.

Hobbes handed the warm milk to Calvin.

Calvin drank it down.

There was a pause.

"I don't feel any sleepier," he said.

"Here. We'll try some more."

Hobbes filled about six mugs worth of warm milk.

Calvin drank them all.

"Well?" Hobbes asked.

"Not really tired," said Calvin. "But I seriously need to go the bathroom."

And Calvin ran upstairs.

* * *

_**Method #3: **Earplugs_

Calvin and Hobbes got into bed.

"Okay, seeing as how the monsters are the root of the problem, I suggest earplugs," Hobbes said.

He handed Calvin a pair of corks.

Calvin jammed them into his head.

"Well…?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin listened.

"Hmmm," he said. "I don't hear anything."

"So they work?"

"I think they work."

"Nice. Do you think you'll get any sleep now?"

"I hope I get some sleep now."

"Uh, I just asked you that."

"Well, I'll try going to sleep now."

Calvin lay down in bed.

Hobbes shrugged and went to sleep.

But Calvin isn't a person who sleeps on his back.

He usually sleeps on his sides.

And with earplugs in his ears while he was sideways wasn't comfortable.

Plus, the bed did a huge leap into the air.

WHAM!

That one woke Hobbes up.

"What th—!"

"It's no good, Hobbes," said Calvin, yanking the earplugs out. "It's more than sound keeping me awake."

"Huh," Hobbes considered. "Well, we'll try something else."

* * *

_**Method #4:** Giving Up_

"It's hopeless, Hobbes!" Calvin wailed. "I've only got an hour before school starts, so even if I do get to sleep, it won't be enough."

Hobbes considered this.

"Don't worry, Calvin," he said confidently. "I've still got some ideas in my brain somewhere. We just need to figure out what to do."

Calvin sighed.

"If only there was a way I could make all noise stop all together!"

Hobbes' eyes popped open.

"Hmmm," he said. "I think I may have one last idea."

Hobbes ran over to the dresser and ripped open the sock drawer, and rooted around through it.

Then he pulled out a yellow device with a red button it.

"Okay," he said. "Cue the fancy method card."

* * *

_**Method #5:** Pausing Time_

Hobbes handed Calvin the Time Pauser.

"What good will this do?" he asked.

"Simple. Just use it to pause time. While you're in time stop, you'll have plenty of time to get as much sleep as you want. The bed won't jump, and the noise from under the bed won't come through."

Calvin considered this.

"Okay, I'll try. But you'll have to go into the hallway. I can't sleep with you lording over me."

"Okay," said Hobbes, and he left. "Nighty night."

"Nighty shut up." Calvin spat.

He pressed the button.

_**BOOM!**_

A white shockwave exploded from around Calvin, and he entered time stop.

Then he got up on the bed.

He sat there for a moment.

Nothing happened.

No loud music.

No crazed monsters.

No jumping bed.

Nothing loud at all.

Calvin grinned happily.

"Now this is more like it," he said.

And Calvin laid his head on the pillow.

His eyelids got heavier and heavier until he finally drifted off to sleep.

The best sleep he'd ever had, come to think of it.

He slept for what felt like hours, but it was really hardly a millisecond.

Finally, Calvin got up, feeling refreshed.

"Ahhhh," he said. "That's what I'm talking about."

_**BOOM!**_

Calvin started time up again and the noise started to come back.

But he didn't care.

He was rested.

"Okay, Hobbes, you can come in."

Hobbes came back.

"Well, how'd it go?" he asked.

"Perfectly!" Calvin said. "I feel like I could take on the world today! Thanks for the help, Hobbes!"

"Sure," yawned Hobbes. "Now I need some sleep. It's been a long night helping you, and since I don't have to go to school, I can sleep all I want."

"Whatever."

So Hobbes went back to sleep.

And Calvin did some other stuff for the extra hour he had before school started.

When it was time for school, Calvin didn't fall asleep in class, and he didn't snap at anyone, and he had enough energy to escape Moe.

Plus, Calvin got his first "A" ever on a paper!

I'm not kidding!

And to celebrate, and he and Hobbes later threw a water balloon at Susie, and then he got punished for it, and he was able to chase Hobbes for getting out unscathed without getting tired.

"Yep," said Hobbes as he ran. "The little fireplug is back on top."

**The End**

**Voice Work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon: **Calvin

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes

**Bill Murray: **Dad / Bus Driver

**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom

**Dakota Fanning: **Susie Derkins

* * *

**Coming up Next: **A Day at the Office 


	12. A Day at the Office

**Summary: **Calvin causes chaos at a court room when Dad tries to do a defense.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
__Written_ _by Swing123 and garfieldodie_

**A Day at the Office**

Dad came home a little happier than usual that day in September.

He came into the house, wearing a big grin.

"Dear, guess what?" He asked his wife.

"I don't think I want to." Mom sighed.

"Some person called Jack Freewater is being sued."

Mom stared at him.

"_So?_" she asked, in amusement.

"I've been hired as his defense lawyer!" Dad said, happily.

Calvin, who was watching TV, nearby, burst out in lunatic laughter.

"_You!_ do a defense!"

Calvin fell out of his chair, and held his stomach in laughter.

"What are you going to do? Tell the judge it will build character to rule not guilty? AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Dad scowled at Calvin.

Calvin was still screaming with laughter, at the thought of the Dad in a court room.

"When's the trial?" Mom asked.

"Sunday, 4:00." Dad replied.

Mom's eyes went blank.

"Uh-oh." She said.

"What?" Dad asked.

"I go to the barber's at four o'clock on Sunday. I'm not taking Calvin."

"Why not?" Asked Dad.

"Remember what happened last time we took him there?" Mom asked.

"I wasn't there." Dad said. "All I heard was the explosion and the sirens."

Mom and Dad looked at Calvin.

He was now banging his fists into the floor, and holding onto the coffee table leg, for support, still laughing.

"Rosalyn made a pledge not to babysit Calvin again, until she forgot what happened to her the last time. And the Dirkins certainly won't take him in." Mom said.

"So what are you saying?" Dad asked.

"He's gonna have to come with you." Mom said.

* * *

Hobbes was reading out of his Superman comic book, when he heard a thud.

He looked up, and saw Calvin laying face down on the carpet.

Hobbes hid the comic under his pillow, as Calvin got up.

"Well, Hobbes, guess what?" Calvin asked.

"Ummm..."

"Dad has to go to court! What a scream, huh?"

"He's being sued?" Hobbes asked.

"No." Calvin said. "He's going to do a defense for someone who's being sued!"

Hobbes chuckled.

"That'll be interesting. What is he going to do? Tell the judge it will build character to rule not guilty?"

Calvin and Hobbes laughed.

Just then Dad came into the room.

"Listen bucko!" He snarled. "Due to circumstances, beyond my control, I'm gonna have to bring you to the court room."

Dad leveled down to Calvin.

"And if anything goes wrong..."

He ran his finger across his throat and hissed, "zzzzziipppp!"

Calvin grinned and nodded.

"Sure thing, Dad, you don't have to worry about a thing! Me and Hobbes will be angels!"

Dad studied Calvin, and closed the door.

Calvin turned to Hobbes.

"Lets get ready! The hearing's in two days!"

Calvin grabbed his backpack, and started shoving things in, including his Stupendous Man cape and cowl, his Transmogrifier Gun, his MTM, his Time Pauser, and his other inventions.

"You promised your dad you'd be good. Why are you packing all the stuff?" Asked Hobbes.

"I need to help Dad with the trial, right?"

"Uuuhhhh..." Hobbes rolled his eyes around.

"You can give me an answer any day now." Calvin said.

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

There was a long moment of silence.

"I really don't think bringing you inventions are gonna help, Calvin." Hobbes said.

"You just wait!" Calvin grinned.

"Oh no." Hobbes said.

* * *

Sunday came quick.

Dad put Calvin in the car, and started off.

"OK, Calvin, look," Dad said. "Just sit quietly in the chairs, and let me do my defense. I have a lot of work to do. The prosecution is probably going to have a lot of evidence against him."

"Whoop dee doo." Calvin scoffed. "Don't mind us, Dad. You just go and defend What's-his-name."

"_Jack Freewater!_" Dad spat.

"Whatever. Don't you worry about a thing!"

Calvin winked at Hobbes.

Hobbes sighed.

At that very moment, a skunk ran out into the middle of the road.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Dad all screamed, and Dad jerked the wheel to the left, and then the right.

The skunk rushed out of the road as Dad zoomed past.

Dad sighed.

"Oh, thank goodness! What would I have done if I had run over that thing?"

"The only decent thing." Calvin said. "Stop the car, and bury it in the ditch. You might just bury the skunk along with it."

Dad rolled his eyes.

"So, when are we going to get to this court room?" Calvin asked.

"Soon." Dad said. "Just be patient."

Another hour went by.

Calvin and Hobbes were still in the car.

"Thank goodness for patience." Calvin said, sarcastically.

Dad rolled his eyes.

"Look, we're here." He said.

Dad pulled into the parking lot, next to a huge brick building with that old fashioned scale on the top.

Dad turned to Calvin.

"Come to think of it, Calvin, it shouldn't take me that long to do this, why don't you stay in the car?"

Calvin's eyes popped open.

"What!" He screamed. "No way! I wouldn't miss the world for this! Dad doing a defense!"

Dad, taking this message the wrong way, agreed, and let Calvin out of the car.

It was then that Calvin gave Hobbes a signal to grab the evidence out of Dad's suitcase.

Hobbes saw his hand signal and... Oh brother. He waved back, and yelled, "OH! HI THERE!"

Sometimes, Calvin thinks that... Never mind.

Calvin cast a glance at Dad.

He was shifting through his papers, and trying to get prepared.

Calvin innocently stepped up to Dad's suitcase, which was tucked in his arms, and quickly scanned everything inside it with the MTM.

Then, he stepped away, and printed the information out.

He took hold of Hobbes' shoulder, and took out his Time Pauser.

_**BOOM!**_

A white shockwave exploded from Calvin and Hobbes, and traveled outward.

Hobbes looked up.

He saw a bird stuck in midflap above him.

"Ah, Time Pausing." He said.

He turned to Calvin.

Calvin took out the papers, and handed them to Hobbes.

Hobbes studied them.

"Well, what do you make of them?" He asked.

"Well, this paper just looks like a bunch of contacts."

"Well, go through them, until you find the one named Jake Freewilly."

"Jack Freewater, Calvin." Hobbes corrected.

"Whatever."

Hobbes shifted through the papers.

Calvin did too.

"Here it is." Hobbes said. "Jack Freewater. He's being sued for five thousand dollars for not paying for some house painting service or something."

Calvin took the paper, and studied it.

"Hmm, interesting."

Hobbes peeked over Calvin's shoulder.

"He says that they did a horrible job, painting his house." Calvin said. "And they said he destroyed the paint on purpose."

"Does that sound like something someone would do, just to get out of paintng it?"

"We're dealing with humans, here, Hobbes."

"Ah yes."

Calvin held up some pictures of the house.

The pink paint was missing in some places.

"Oh my gosh, that's horrible!" Hobbes gasped.

"I'll say!" Calvin yelled. "What kind of sicko would paint their house _pink?_"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Well, we can look at the rest of the evidence in the court room. Let's go." He said.

"Agreed."

Calvin took the Time Pauser, and hit the button.

_**BOOM!**_

Time started back up, again.

Dad finished filing through his papers, and told Calvin to follow him.

Which he did.

And they entered the court house.

And if Dad would've known what Calvin had planned... Well, he probably would have left him in the car.

* * *

But just then, the skunk from earlier came meandering up.

It was apparently mad at Dad for nearly killing it.

Dad was just about to open the door when suddenly it stood in front of him.

Dad stared at the angry skunk.

"Oh…hi?" he tried.

The skunk raised it's tail.

"HIT THE DIRT!" screamed Calvin.

He and Hobbes dove into the potted plant outside the building.

PSSSSSST!

Calvin and Hobbes emerged wearing gas masks.

"That was close!" said Calvin. "Dad? You okay?"

Dad was standing there, dizzy and about ready to barf.

The skunk had a self-satisfied smirk and was walking away.

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

Then suddenly, Dad passed out on the ground.

THUD!

Calvin and Hobbes stared at Dad.

"Dad, you okay?" Calvin asked again.

No answer.

Hobbes put his head to Dad's chest.

"He's still breathing, but I think that skunk's stench temporarily fried his brain."

"Uh-oh," said Calvin. "What do we do now? He's got a trial to do, and here he is, passed out from skunk stench."

"Well, first, let's keep him far away from fire. Second, I guess we'll have to tell them what happened and have them rescheduled."

"I THINK NOT!" Calvin shouted. "I refuse to let poor Waterlilly fall victim to the court! His house was painted pink! That just proves that he's too sissy to pull a stunt like that."

"Jack Freewater."

"Yeah, whatever. Look, I have an idea, but we're going to need to look professional."

Calvin pulled out the Time Pauser.

"This could take a while," he said.

BOOM!

When time started up again a little while later, Calvin was standing there, wearing one of his sport jackets, a white shirt and a blue tie. His hair was moussed down to combed style. He had on a fake mustache. Plus, he had a little device attached to the tie.

Before we go onto that, I must bring up that Calvin was way taller now.

That's because he had pulled a pair of stilts out of the hypercube, and put on an extra-long pair of pants, and on the bottom were Dad's shoes.

"What's that thing on your tie?" asked Hobbes.

"It's a voice box," said Calvin. "It'll make me sound older."

Calvin turned on the voice box.

"Testing. Testing. 1, 2, 3…"

Calvin's voice sounded slightly nasal, but it did sound more adult-like.

Hobbes was trying hard to hold in his laughter.

"Okay, now I need a fancy lawyer name."

Calvin thought for a moment.

"I've got it! Ryan Segall Hanks!"

Hobbes stared.

"Where'd that come from?"

"Eh, it just came to me," Calvin said, shrugging.

Hobbes looked at his watch.

"Okay, get in there."

Calvin nodded, and then walked in.

Hobbes watched him leave.

"I feel sorry for Mr Freewater," he sighed.

* * *

Inside, the trial was just starting.

"The court will come to order. Judge Klein residing," said the bailiff.

A judge, wearing the usual garb, stood at the podium.

"Mr Freewater, where is your attorney?" asked Judge Klein.

Freewater shrugged.

"I'm not sure."

WHAM!

The door swung open.

Everyone looked back.

"Here I am!" said Cal…er…Ryan.

He made his way for the table where Freewater was sitting.

"Thank you for joining us, Mr…?"

"Hanks. Ryan Segall Hanks, your honor," said Calvin.

Calvin sat down.

"Where were you?" hissed Freewater.

"Car trouble," replied Calvin.

Hobbes was watching from nearby.

"This should be good," he muttered.

"Does the defense of an opening statement?" asked Klein.

"Yes, your honor," said Calvin, standing up.

He turned to the jury.

Calvin stared at them.

"Poor slobs," he muttered.

Then out loud.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the court, this is a court about facts. No doubt you're going to hear exaggerations and such from both sides, but hey, that's America for ya. Just a tip: listen to nothing but the facts. Got that? Nothing but facts. Facts like, for example, we're indoors. I'm devilishly handsome. My client has eyes. All are facts. Yes, eyes. The innocent eyes of a puppy."

"That's enough facts, Mr Hanks," said Judge Klein.

"A puppy, your honor!" said Calvin, turning back to his chair. "An innocent, cute puppy."

Freewater put his head in his hands.

"I'm doomed."

Later on, Calvin was standing at the evidence table.

"Okay, this is Exhibit A: the paint can. A can which held pink paint. This brings me to another point: what kind of self-respecting guy paints his house pink!"

Freewater glared at him.

"Anywho, this paint was used to paint my client's house, and it is reported that the house's fresh paint job was a mess. So I guess calling it 'fresh' would be somewhat pointless."

Calvin put the paint can down and approached the bench.

"And due to this bad paint job, Freewetwilly here didn't pay the two hundred dollar paint job. This leads to another point: you're suing him five thousand dollars for a two hundred dollar paint job? That's asking a bit much, isn't it?"

The opposing force glared at Calvin.

"Okay then, I'm no expert on paint, but I'd say that we're looking at an easy problem: the paint was probably just bad to begin with. Color aside."

Freewater sighed.

Hobbes was enjoying this. He was at the window eating a bag of chips.

Judge Klein stared at Calvin.

"Um, okay?" he said. "Is that it?"

"Yes, your honor."

Calvin sat down next to Freewater.

"So, how're we doing?" he asked.

Freewater stared at him.

"Don't you know?"

"Not a clue."

Freewater smacked his forehead.

"Defense calls the leader of the painters company, Tom Adlon Stiles to the stand," said Calvin, reading off a piece of paper.

Tom stood up before the court and got into that little box thingy next to Judge Klein.

"Mr Tom, my client has been accused of purposely ruining your paint job. Now what exactly was the end result after painting the house?"

"Right after we finished? It looked pretty good. The paint was even, no bubbles, high-gloss, like he asked…"

"So it didn't look like this?"

Calvin held up a picture of a pink house with red and orange splotches all over it.

"Nope," said Tom.

"I see. Do you have any proof?"

Tom held up a picture of the same house, only with a fresh coat of pink pain.

Calvin stared at it.

"Hmmm," he said.

Then he figured there was no point in digging himself deeper.

"No further questions, your honor. And if it pleases the court, the defense requests a fifteen minute recess."

"Fine, whatever," said Judge Klein.

And he smacked his gavel.

Calvin walked back to Freewater.

He sat down next to him and glared at him.

Freewater looked at him.

"What?" he asked.

"You screwed up your house on purpose, didn't you?" Calvin sighed.

"What? NO! Heck no! I didn't!"

"But they have evidence, Mr FreedH2O!"

Freewater groaned.

"Look, I left them to their own devices by leaving for a few of days on vacation. When I came back, the house was a mess!"

Calvin thought for a moment.

"How long were you gone?"

"About five days."

"I'll be right back."

Calvin approached the opposing force.

"Excuse me, but I have to ask another question," he said to Tom. "How long did the paint job take?"

"About four days," replied Tom.

Calvin thought.

Then he checked his watch.

He still had eleven minutes left.

He looked up towards the window and saw Hobbes.

He motioned for him to go the front door.

Hobbes disappeared.

Calvin requested permission to go outside for a moment.

Once outside, Calvin grabbed Hobbes and pulled out the Time Pauser.

BOOM!

"Okay," said Calvin, taking the voice box off. "Did you hear any of the trial?"

"I heard parts," Hobbes said. "It got boring, so I took a few naps here and there."

"Well, we have eleven minutes left in the trial, so we have to act fast. I have Mr Gratisirrigate's address, and we're going to go there now."

"Why?"

"I have a theory to test."

Calvin yanked the stilts off and jammed them into the hypercube, and then put his regular pants and shoes on.

Then he and Hobbes raced down the streets.

Sometime later (they were still in time stop), they ran up to Freewater's house.

It looked like it did in the after picture.

"Okay, I'm going to unpause time for a minute," said Calvin.

BOOM!

Calvin and Hobbes felt time start up again.

Calvin then pulled out the MTM and looked at the little screen.

Then he hit REWIND and pointed it at the house.

"Okay, the way I figure it, Mr So-and-So couldn't have ruined the paint himself because he was out of town at the time. And it couldn't have been the paint company because they finished the day before he came home, and the picture shows that everything was on the up-and-up when they were done."

"So what does it mean?" asked Hobbes.

"It means that something unexpected must have happened between the time the photo was taken and Mr Whatever came home."

Calvin and Hobbes watched the little screen for a minute.

Then, they saw something amazing.

They saw Moe and his gang, and they were throwing things at the house!

Mainly tomatoes and the like.

"Whoa!" said Hobbes. "Betchya no one saw that coming!"

Calvin froze the image and then printed out a copy. He folded it and stuck it in the hypercube.

Then he checked his watch.

Eight minutes left.

He and Hobbes held on to the Time Pauser.

_**BOOM!**_

* * *

Next, Calvin and Hobbes went back to their own neighborhood.

They found Moe holding a kid named Alex by the collar and in mid-punch.

They grabbed onto Moe, released Alex, and dragged him away.

To Alex, he was about to be pummeled when Moe evaporated and he fell to the ground.

Calvin and Hobbes took the frozen Moe to the courthouse.

Once there, Calvin slipped back into his disguise, along with the voice box.

Calvin and Hobbes exited time stop.

BOOM!

Moe looked around at where he was.

"What th—?"

"Moe?" said Calvin in his fake voice.

Moe looked up.

"Get in there. You're in big trouble."

Moe stared.

"What'd I do?"

Calvin shoved Moe inside.

Then he removed his fake mustache for a minute to wink at Hobbes.

Hobbes winked back.

Calvin entered.

He found Moe stared at the judge and jury nervously.

Moe is very scared of authority.

He was sweating.

"Not in public, kid. People are watching," Calvin whispered.

Judge Klein stood up.

"Okay, recess over," he said. "Everyone sit the heck down and let's just get this over with."

Calvin stared.

"I'm starting to like this guy," he muttered.

Calvin sat down next to Freewater.

"Where were you?" Freewater demanded.

"Relax, Mister," Calvin replied. "Everything's under control."

Judge Klein smacked the gavel.

"Okay, do you have anything up that sleeve of yours, Mr Hanks?" demanded Klein.

"Yes, your honor, one more thing," said Calvin.

He stood up and pointed at Moe.

"Defense calls Moe to the stand!"

Moe jumped in surprise.

"What?" he shouted.

"Are you sure?" asked Judge Klein.

"Do I look unsure to you?" Calvin said, making the most disgusting face ever.

"Uh…?"

"Good. Moe, take the stand."

Moe got into the box.

"Mr., er, Moe, is it?"

Moe nodded nervously.

"Moe, where were you on March 27th between the hours of twelve noon and seven thirty pm?"

"Uh, I was hanging out with my friends."

"Friends?…or gang?"

Everyone stared.

"Either way."

"Mmm-hmmm," said Calvin. "Were you hanging out around at the home of Mr Freewater?"

There was a pause.

"Hey, I finally got his name right!" Calvin exclaimed.

Moe sat for a minute.

"I guess so."

"Well, I know so!" Calvin said. "From an anonymous source, I give to you photographic evidence that it was this young man and his gang of hooligan accomplices that ruined the paint job of Mr Freewater's house just a mere three hours after it was finished being painted, and then another day before Freewater returned home from his trip."

And Calvin handed Judge Klein the photo.

Klein stared at it.

"Huh," he said. "Would ya look at that. Young man, what have you to say for yourself?"

Moe was sweating now.

"I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I WAS FORCED! TEMPORARY INSANITY! I'M SORRY! DON'T SEND ME AWAY! WHAAAAAAAA!"

Calvin stared.

Was Moe…crying?

"Cool," he whispered.

"All right, all right, shut up, shut up!" Judge Klein shouted, whamming his gavel. "I sentence you to five hours in a jail cell and a phone call to your parents, young man! Has the jury reached a verdict?"

"NOT GUILTY!" they shouted.

Freewater looked so relieved.

"Case dismissed," said Klein. "Now get the heck out of my courtroom!"

Everyone started to leave.

"Thanks for everything, Mr Hanks," said Freewater. "Especially for getting my right at last."

"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure," said Calvin.

Suddenly, Calvin's fake mustache came loose, and it tumbled to the floor.

Everyone stopped and stared at him.

Just then, two of Calvin's spikes broke through the mouse.

POING! POING!

Everyone was gaping at him now.

Calvin gulped.

"Um…OH LOOK! A WALL!" he shouted, pointing.

Everyone looked.

ZOOM!

Calvin ran out of there like all get out.

Calvin dove into the hypercube that was waiting outside with Hobbes.

Everyone ran past, not suspecting a thing.

Calvin peeked outside, and then climbed out in his normal attire.

"How'd it go?" asked Hobbes.

"Not bad," said Calvin.

Just then, Dad stirred and began to get up.

"Ooooh," he said. "What happened?"

"You got sprayed by a skunk and passed out," said Calvin. "Don't worry. They decided to settle out of court anyway."

"What? Aw man!" Dad whined. "I was looking forward to this."

"Well, I'm looking forward to you getting rid of that stench. Let's go home," said Calvin.

"Okay."

Dad got in the car.

Calvin sniffed him.

"Phew! On second thought, I have a better idea."

Dad drove on home, still feeling disappointed.

And on the roof was Calvin, who was sitting lying down strapped to the roof with Hobbes right next to him.

"Look on the bright side!" Calvin shouted. "It's more fun this way anyway! WOO!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes and groaned.

It would be a long ride home.

**The End**

**Voice Work**

**Pamela Segall Adlon:** Calvin

**Tom Hanks:** Hobbes / Freewater

**Bill Murray:** Dad / Tom Adlon Stiles

**Jennifer Love Hewitt:** Mom

**EG Daily:** Moe

**French Stewart:** Ryan Segall Hanks

**Robert Klein:** Judge Klein

* * *

**Coming up next: **Camp Blues 


	13. The Great Halloween Heist

**Summary: **Dr Brainstorm attempts to scare Calvin and Hobbes when Halloween comes.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
__Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie_

**The Great Halloween Heist**

_tick, tick, tick, tick, tick..._

Calvin eyes were glued on the clock on the wall in the livingroom.

The clock was only seconds away from...

The minute hand moved ever so slightly, and the time changed to nine o'clock.

Calvin's eyes burst open, and he let out a whoop of glee.

"CANDY TIME!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

He raced up the stairs to fetch Hobbes.

Hobbes and Socrates were sitting on Calvin's bed, reading comic books, when Calvin suddenly burst in.

"Aright! Let's get down to business." He shouted. "Hobbes! Fetch my costume for the evening! Socrates! Get off my bed you horrible mistake! Hobbes! Get your bags ready! We're going treat or treating!"

"I think you mean trick or treating." Socrates said, not taking his eyes off his comic book.

"Not the way I do it." Calvin said.

"Well, have fun Calvin." Hobbes said.

"Oh no!" Calvin yelled. "You're coming with me!"

ZOOOM!

Instantly Hobbes vanished from the bed.

The comic book hovered in the air for a second, then fell onto the bed.

Calvin blinked.

He rushed over, and somehow pulled Hobbes out of the closet.

"Come on!" Calvin yelled. "I don't understand why you're so afraid! It's just a bunch of kids in stupid costumes!"

"Yeah right. You go ahead and go ask that ghost in our cellar for some candy! I'm not moving from this spot!"

"Oh you're so morbid! You act like the ghost actually _got_ us that time! Besides, that was before I had all my wonder devices."

Hobbes began struggling harder, scuffing up Calvin's wood floor with his claws, and trying with all his might to get back into the closet.

"EVEN WORSE! The last _I_ need is you attaching some new invention to my head!!"

"I was talking about the MTM." Calvin sighed.

Suddenly, Calvin became aware that Socrates was no longer in the room.

He yanked Hobbes back over to the bed, and looked around, cautiously.

Halloween was Socrates' second favorite holiday in the year (his first being April Fool's Day), and Calvin wasn't taking any chances of getting pranked.

Again.

Suddenly, Socrates reappeared in the doorway, wearing the most ridiculous outfit you can imagine.

He was wearing giant red shoes, a loose, multicolored suit, a red glove on one hand and a yellow one on the other, and a wig with seventeen different colors on it.

Guess what he was dressed up as?

Calvin had to seriously try and hold his laugh back as he stared at Socrates' clown costume.

He managed to do it though.

If he had started laughing, Socrates would've killed him.

Anyway, Calvin finally got Hobbes to give up, and come with him on the trick or treating trip.

Calvin got dressed up in his green Tyrannosaurus costume, and turned to Socrates.

"Where's my bag?" He demanded

Socrates stared at him.

"Why on Earth do you think _I _would have it?" He asked, innocently.

"Because last year, you used it to make your little Frankenstein mask! HAND IT OVER!"

Reluctantly, Socrates handed Calvin his bag, which he had stuffed under his wig.

It was a giant, paper grocery sack which had "GIVE CANDY OR DIE" Written on it.

Calvin grabbed the bag away, and tried to smooth out the wrinkles.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

Calvin's head came up.

He cut his eyes from side to side.

"Hobbes, sneak outside, and get into our tree." He whispered.

"Calvin, after last year, none of those kids are ever coming back to this house." Hobbes said.

Socrates walked over, and opened the door.

"TRICK OR TREAT!"

Calvin leaped in front of Socrates.

"THE CANDY IS MINE! _MINE I TELL YOU!!!!_"

He blinked.

It was Andy and Sherman.

Calvin relaxed a little bit.

"Oh, I thought you were someone else." He sighed, wiping some sweat from his brow.

Andy was dressed up as a vampire.

He was wearing one of those fancy capes that are red on the front, and black on the back, and then curved up over his head. He also had a black suit on with a red tie. He had white makeup on his face, as well as some black eyeliner, and some of those novelty plastic vampire fangs.

In other words he was all set.

Sherman, on the other hand, who was perched on Andy's shoulder simply his usual lab coat, which you always see him wearing when you're in his lab.

He was glaring out at the world through his beady little eyes, which had green glasses over them.

Calvin guessed he was working on something in his lab when Andy forced him to come trick or treating with him.

"Alright Mom, we're going now!" Calvin called.

"Be back by eleven!" Mom called back.

"Righto!" Calvin called back.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates walked out onto the leaf scattered porch in front of Andy and Sherman.

"Well, are you ready to get some candy!" Socrates yelled.

Andy chuckled.

"Always ready for that." He said.

"Good!" Calvin said. "Because we're going to get as much candy as we can! Right Hobbes?"

Calvin turned around.

"Hobbes?"

Hobbes wasn't there.

He had vanished.

Calvin growled, and walked over to the bushes on the side of his house.

He dragged Hobbes out, and took him back to Socrates, Andy, and Sherman.

"What's his deal?" Andy asked.

"Oh, we saw some ghost in our cellar last year, with horrible taste in music I might add, and now Hobbes is scared of getting eaten."

He reached into his pocket.

"But never fear! For I have my MTM to protect us!"

Socrates, Andy, and Sherman stared at Calvin for a while.

"Is this supposed to be comforting us?" Socrates asked.

Calvin glared at him, and didn't answer.

"Anyway," he said, putting his MTM away. "I don't think we'll have to worry about that ghost _this_ year! I took all the necessary precautions, and used advanced Ghost Busters technology to keep that ghost out of our hair!"

"Really, what?" Andy asked.

"Let's just say that when we get home, we'll have other things besides a ghost to worry about." Calvin said.

"Dear, did you nail three inch plywood to our cellar door?" Dad suddenly called.

"And that's our cue to leave." Calvin said, turning around, and rushing out of the yard.

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared at him for a while, shrugged, then followed him.

* * *

By this time there was already over a hundred kids on the sidewalks, wearing some pathetic costume, and holding a bag with had the unmistakable rattling of candy in it.

Calvin cupped his hand to his ear, and sighed.

"Music to my ears. Let's try this house!"

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman turned up a sidewalk, and began up to a house which already had several kids at the door.

Calvin stood impatiently at the bottom of the steps, while other kids were getting their candy loot up at the front.

"Ho hum, could this get any more boring?" He complained.

At last the kids started to leave, and Calvin and the gang were next in line.

Calvin stood at the front of Socrates, Andy, Sherman, and Hobbes.

"Trick or treat-eth!" Calvin yelled.

The man at the doorway stared at Calvin.

"Oo-kay, do you want the Herseys bars or one of these Willy Wonka bars?"

"Both please." Calvin said.

"Whatever."

The man threw both bars into Calvin's bag.

Calvin stepped aside, and suddenly, a stuffed tiger dressed up as a clown appeared in front of him.

The man stared at the tiger.

"What the heck, I don't have anything better to do with all this candy."

He threw two bars into Socrates' bag.

He then gave Andy some, then threw some in Hobbes' bag, while rolling his eyes.

"Good luck with tonight." He said, before closing the door.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman exited the man's yard.

"Let's try next door." Socrates suggested.

They turned, and went down to the next house.

Calvin rang the doorbell.

A woman threw the door open, wearing a werewolf mask.

She made claws with her hands, and roared in Calvin's face.

ZOOM!

Hobbes vanished.

Calvin, Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared at the woman with no reaction whatsoever.

Finally, she gave up, gave Calvin and the gang their candy, grumbled to herself about nobody being scared of her, then wished them a good night.

It took Calvin three seconds to find Hobbes.

He was hiding in the bushes, again.

Somehow, Calvin pulled him out by the tail, and they continued their Halloween Heist.

Suddenly, a terrible blood curdling scream echoed throughout the neighborhood.

Hobbes spun around, and began running in the opposite direction.

Socrates grabbed him by the tail.

"Just relax, Hobbo," He said. "It's just that girl on that roof there, trying to scare us."

He pointed at a roof overhead.

Hobbes looked up, and saw her.

He relaxed a little, and continued to walk with the gang, but grimaced every time she screamed.

* * *

After Calvin and the gang had just finished their fifteenth house, they were heading off for their sixteenth one.

While they were at the door, ringing the bell at house number sixteen, the bushes across the street began rustling.

Suddenly, Dr Brainstorm's head emerged from the bushes.

Yep it was the genius.

He pulled his head out of the bushes, and turned to Jack, who was leaning against one of the houses, sipping lemonade.

"OK, Jack, the victims have been sighted!" He cackled.

"Goody." Jack said, completely uninterested.

"Once I've used my terrible inventions of _death_, I'll scare Calvin and his robotic tiger so badly that they'll just _have_ to leave me alone while I _TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!! BWA_ _HA HA HA!!_"

"Uh huh." Jack said, his gaze wandering.

"Jack! Give me my Storage cube!!"

Jack flung a small glowing box into Brainstorm's hands.

Brainstorm stuck his hand inside it, and began rooting through it.

"Hey man!" Shouted a voice. "Great costume!"

Jack turned around.

He saw an eleven year old boy wearing a pirate costume.

He gave Jack a thumbs up, then moved on.

Jack blinked.

He turned back to Brainstorm, who currently had his arm stuck in his hypercube.

"JACK! HELP!!!" He yelled, tugging at the cube with all his might.

Jack sighed, and walked over.

He slid the hypercube off Brainstorm's arm with no effort at all, and threw it aside.

"Stupid thing's always jamming up." He growled. "BUT... I managed to get all the inventions I need! Get ready to hear some terrified screams, Jack, because I'm going to go all Halloween on Calvin and Bobbes!"

"Hobbes."

"Whatever!"

He turned back to where Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were.

They weren't there, anymore.

"As soon as we find them, again." He muttered to himself, gathering his inventions in his arms, and rushing off.

Jack sighed, and followed him.

"This is gonna be a long night." He said.

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman had been through the entire neighborhood in half an hour.

They were sitting on a park bench, going through their candy.

"I've got six chocolate chip cookies, two Kit-Kats, a Willy Wonka, five Hersheys, a Crackel Bar and two tubes of M&M's Minies," said Calvin.

"I've got a Crunch Bar, three Kit-Kats, a bag of M&Ms, Cookies and Cream Hershey bar and a bag of Pop Rocks," said Andy.

"I've got a Willy Wonka, a Hershey bar, two jawbreakers, two bags of M&Ms, one bag of M&Ms with a peanut, and a gumball," said Hobbes.

"I've got a Hershey bar, a Willy Wonka, two chocolate chip cookies, a Pixie Stick, two bags of M&Ms with the peanut, a jawbreaker and a bag of Pop Rocks," said Socrates.

"_I've_ got a flaming temper because everyone who saw me said I looked _cute_!" Sherman complained. "I'm trying to look _serious_!"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Sherman, I hate to break it to ya, but these days, no one really sees Halloween as a scary _or _serious time of year anymore. Nowadays, it's either cute or creepy."

"What qualifies as creepy?"

"Usually when the trick-or-treater is over thirteen," said Andy.

The others nodded in agreement.

Calvin stared at his bag of candy.

"Well, this is all nice, but it won't even last us until morning!" he complained. "There's gotta be at least _one_ house we haven't hit yet."

"I'm afraid not," said Hobbes, examining a map of the city. "We've pretty much combed the entire town."

"_WHAT?!?_ We went through all those houses, and this is the best we could _do_?" Calvin demanded.

"Well, taking into consideration that some people weren't home tonight to offer candy, yes, I'm afraid so," said Hobbes.

"If they weren't home, why didn't they leave candy out for everyone?" asked Sherman.

"Ooh, that's a Halloween No-No," said Calvin. "The thing is that if you're the second kid to a house that left a bowl out, odds are the bowl _itself_ won't even be there."

Hobbes checked his watch.

"Okay, it's ten o'clock. We have another hour to go before it's time to go home," he said.

"What do we do now?" asked Andy.

"I dunno. Just stick around here and see what happens," Calvin decided.

Unknown to them, a bush was slowly making its way toward them.

Inside were Jack and Dr Brainstorm.

"What are they saying?" whispered Dr Brainstorm.

"I dunno. Something about a stick and the ocean," Jack replied.

Brainstorm grumbled to himself.

"Ooh-kay, shove over," he whispered, pushing the robot aside.

Brainstorm peeked through the brush.

"Maybe there's another house with candy we haven't been to yet," said Socrates.

"Like where?" asked Andy.

Dr Brainstorm's face lit up.

"I've got it!" he hissed. "There's an old broken down house just up the road from here."

"Point being?" asked Jack.

"It's the perfect place for scaring! We'll lure them there and scare the bejeebers out of them!"

Jack blinked.

"Nice one. How do we plan on _getting _them there?"

Brainstorm chuckled and pulled out a notepad.

"They want candy? _I'll_ give 'em candy! Ha, ha!"

He yanked out a pen and wrote on the pad. Then he ripped off the piece of paper and tossed it out of the bush and towards the five trick-or-treaters.

The paper floated along towards them and landed on top of Sherman.

"Hey!" he shouted. "Where'd this spring from?"

Calvin noticed (who couldn't?) and pulled it off of him.

"Huh. It's a note."

"What's it say?" asked Hobbes.

"It's says, _WANT MORE CANDY? GO TO THE FOLLOWING ADRESS: 303 Fullalot Rd_," he read.

"Hmmm," said Andy. "How fortuitist."

Hobbes examined the map.

"It's only half a block away from here," he said.

"Candy, candy, candy, candy, candy!" said Calvin excitedly. "Off we go!"

They all ran in that direction.

Check that.

Hobbes ran the other way.

Calvin ran after him and dragged him in the other direction.

* * *

Five minutes later, they all stood in front of the giant house.

They stared at it with nervous expressions.

The house was two stories high, was made with rotting wood, was surrounded by the forest, had broken windows, and a crooked chimney.

"Wow," said Andy.

"Creepy," said Socrates.

"Cool," said Calvin.

"Are you sure this is right?" Hobbes asked nervously.

Calvin checked the map.

"Yep. 303. This is it!"

There was a long pause.

"Okay, let's go get the candy," said Calvin.

He started towards the house.

There was a pause as the others watched him walking towards it.

"COME ON!" Calvin shouted over his shoulder.

Andy and Sherman were the next to follow.

Socrates followed close behind them.

Hobbes remained at the edge of the sidewalk.

He didn't move at all.

Socrates and Andy had to come back and pull him along.

* * *

Finally, they were all inside.

The house was deserted.

"Yeesh," said Andy. "Do the spiders on that wall _own_ this dump?"

"HELLO!" Calvin shouted. "ANYBODY HOME?"

There was no reply.

Just the noise of wood creaking.

"Maybe the ghost is out to lunch?" suggested Socrates.

"Maybe _you're_ out to lunch," retorted Sherman.

Just then, the floor beneath Andy, Sherman and Socrates collapsed, and they tumbled through the floor into the basement.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!" everyone screamed.

When the dust cleared, Calvin and Hobbes fanned the air and saw their friends had vanished through the hole.

"Whoo!" cheered Socrates. "Wasn't that fun?"

"Yeah, if you like fun in a painful sort of way," replied Andy.

Calvin nervously looked down.

"Andy? You guys okay down there?" he called.

"Hm? Oh, we're hunky-dory," said Sherman. "I nearly broke my _neck_ on the way down!"

"Well, some good came out of tonight," said Hobbes.

Sherman stuck his tongue out at him.

"Can you guys get out of there?" asked Calvin.

"I think we'll find a way out," said Andy. "You guys go ahead and look for the candy. We'll catch up."

"Okay."

Calvin and Hobbes left the hole in the floor.

Socrates, Andy and Sherman proceeded in looking for the way out. They eventually found the stairway out of there and made it to the hallway on the first floor.

They stared down the long hall.

"We're gonna need cab fair," said Andy.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were slowly making their way around corners and edging past scary paintings on the walls.

Hobbes kept trying to escape from Calvin, but it was no good. Calvin kept catching him.

"Okay, which way are we supposed to go now?" asked Calvin. "Did they say which way to go on the piece of paper?"

"Nope," said Hobbes.

"Huh. Where do you think we are?"

"South America's got my vote."

Calvin walked to a fork in the hallway.

"Okay, which way is it? Left or right?" he wondered.

A painting on the wall suddenly pointed to the left.

Calvin noticed it.

"Oh! Thank you!" he said.

He casually reached for Hobbes' tail as he tried to run away, and dragged the tiger down the hall.

"You know, there's one thing I like about creepy places like this: the paintings are _so friendly_!"

Hobbes glanced at the picture nervously.

The eyes seemed to follow them.

* * *

On the other side of the wall, Jack was watching them pass.

"Okay, they're here," he said.

"Excellent," said Dr Brainstorm, who was using one of his inventions to do himself over. "It's time for me to start."

Then he cleared his throat and spoke in a voice that didn't seem like his own.

"Don't be afraid. I've only come here to suck your blood," he said in a thick Transylvanian accent.

Jack stared at him.

"What the heck…?"

Dr Brainstorm whirled around. He was dressed as Count Dracula.

"You like it? It's the Voice-Enhancer 550. I'm going to scare the heck outta those punks. Now then, time for the next part."

Brainstorm pulled a small box from his disguise, and then propped it up against the wall.

It suddenly grew until it took on the shape of a coffin.

"Excellent!" he said.

He jumped inside the coffin and slammed the lid shut.

Jack carefully opened a secret door and checked to see if anyone was coming.

He could see Socrates in his clown costume, followed by Count Andy and Dr Sherman.

"Okay, Frank, hang on," he whispered.

"That's _COUNT BRAINSTORM!_" he whispered angrily.

Jack pulled his head in and waited.

Socrates was walking around in his big floppy outfit. He simply walked past without noticing Jack.

Once he was out of sight, Jack shoved the coffin outside.

Then he closed the door and sat in a chair in the back room and pulled out a magazine and waited.

Outside, Andy and Sherman walked down the hall.

"Socrates?" shouted Andy. "Wait up!"

"Oh forget him," said Sherman. "It's kind of a relief to not have to put up with his humming."

Just then, the coffin door flung open and Brainstorm emerged in his Dracula outfit and with his voice thing on.

"HALT!" he shouted.

Andy and Sherman jumped in surprise.

"Obviously, you have never met royalty. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the great Count Dracula, the World's Most Distinguished Vampire. Now…for a bite…"

He moved in close to Andy and Sherman.

They were both staring at him.

Then they both started to laugh.

Brainstorm frowned.

"You laugh?" he demanded.

"Ha! That's great. Oh, that's a good one!" chuckled Andy.

"I get it!" said Sherman. "This is one of those haunted houses where people from the neighborhood dress up to scare people."

"No, it's not," said Brainstorm defensively. "I'm the _real_ Count Dracula! And you, little boy, are in_sult_ing me with pathetic costume!"

Andy glanced at his costume, and then turned a glare on Brainstorm.

"Besides, if I were fake, why am I sitting in coffin?"

"No cost housing?" Andy asked.

"Very funny."

"Thank you."

"And another thing!" said Sherman. "If you're a vampire, how come you have no fangs?" He pointed at Andy's fake fangs for emphasis.

"Because…we don't have fangs in Transylvania no more. We have…very good dental plans."

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

"Okay, come here. Let me tell ya a secret about what we got here," said Andy.

Brainstorm leaned in close.

Andy breathed in his face.

"BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! WHAT IS _THAT_?" he demanded, waving his hand in front of his nose.

"Well, if you were a _real_ vampire, you would have just keeled over from the garlic," said Andy.

"Yes, well, fortunately I have odor-eaters implanted into my body," Brainstorm said.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, okay. And another thing! That coffin looks very small. It looks very cramped for a big guy like you," he said.

Brainstorm glanced at the coffin.

"No, actually inside is very roomy. In fact, I am contemplating including Jacuzzi."

"Really? Could you show us?" asked Andy.

"Sure, I show you."

Brainstorm got into the coffin in the casual Dracula style.

"Do I look like my current jurisdiction? You believe I'm a vampire?" he asked.

"Sure," said Andy, who slammed the coffin door shut.

"Just not a very smart one," said Sherman, who locked the lock on it.

And they ran off, leaving Brainstorm pounding on the door frantically.

"JACK! HELP ME! _FREE ME_!"

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes continued to make their way through the house.

"Where is the candy?" demanded Calvin.

"Seems like an eternity we've been walking," said Hobbes.

"I wonder what's keeping it."

"You mean, _who_."

"Who what?" asked Calvin.

"Who what, what?" asked Hobbes.

"Who what, what's keeping it?"

"Is someone keeping it?"

"No one."

"No one is the ghost."

"No one is the ghost?"

"Right."

"Then how can _he_ be keeping it."

"Why not?"

"Why not? How can someone who's no one keep anything?"

"Who?"

"The ghost."

"The ghost is no one?"

"Exactly."

"Exactly what?"

"No, not exactly what. Exactly _who_?"

"Who what?"

"Who is who?"

"Who is no one?"

"The ghost is no one!"

"That's what _I _said!"

"NO, YOU SAID NO ONE WAS THE GHOST!"

"He is?"

"Yes. So how can he be keeping it?"

"Keeping what?"

"THE CANDY!"

"Don't ask me. I'm not a ghost. I'm just a tiger!"

Calvin growled in frustration.

* * *

Socrates, meanwhile, had just now figured out he was alone, and was wandering the halls on his own. His floppy shoes made noises each time they hit the ground.

"Hello?" he shouted. "Hello? Calvin? Hobbo? Andy? Anyone?"

As he walked, he didn't see a hole in the wall, and Jack was watching through it from the next room.

"Here comes Socrates," he said.

"Excellent," said Brainstorm.

Brainstorm emerged from a closet, now out of his vampire disguise, but now he looked _really _different.

He had dyed his hair brown and made it wavy, put on a matching false mustache with a white streak in it, green glasses, a green lab coat with a blue button-down shirt under it, brown slacks and black shoes.

"What the heck…?" he asked.

"I'm Dr Frankenstein! And now, I'm going to deck up the room for the scene."

Brainstorm set up a projector and turned it on.

A hologrammatic projection was set up that made the room look like a laboratory.

"Oo-kay, whatever," said Jack. "I'm gonna go watch Comedy Central in the next room."

Brainstorm set up the room so that there was a giant chair in the middle of room. Then he quickly hooked it up to a giant electrical device, and then dove for the door as Socrates was walking by.

Socrates walked past and the door flung open.

"Welcome!" Dr Brainstorm shouted. "We've been expecting you!"

"Oh! Uh…I'm just looking for the free candy!" he said.

"Do come in!"

"This is it? Good! I was beginning to think I was _never_ gonna find this place."

Socrates entered the room. He was surprised by the design.

"Please sit down," said Brainstorm, motioning towards the giant seat.

Socrates plopped down in the chair.

"Man, what is this? Some sort of high-tech toilet?" he asked.

"Yes, put this on," said Brainstorm, holding up a helmet attached to a cord.

"What is that? A hat?"

"No. Put it on."

"Are you _sure_ it's not a hat?"

"Definitely."

"Because I _hate_ hats."

"It's not…_a hat_!"

"Good, because a hat would simply ruin my clown wig. Elliot wanted me to wear a hat because it was cold out, but I didn't—"

"IT'S NOT A HAT, YOU LITTLE FOOL! IT'S AN OMNIPOTENT MIND-MELDER! THE LATEST IN MIND TRANSFERNSE TECHNOLOGY!"

"…Good. As long as it's not a hat."

"It's _not_," said Brainstorm through gritted teeth.

And he jammed it onto his multi-colored head.

"And when the transfer is complete, my beautiful creation shall have your brain!"

"What creation?"

Brainstorm yanked the closet door open, and revealed Jack, who was wearing a monster mask.

"Yo," he said, holding up a hand.

Brainstorm slammed the door shut.

"_He'll_ have my brain?" asked Socrates. "Do you think it'll fit?"

Brainstorm sighed. "With room to spare," he said.

"Well good for him, but what about _me_? I mean, I'm gonna have a hard time trying to get around without a brain."

"No, not to worry! You'll have _his_ brain! A _new _brain!"

"A new brain? Wow! Does it come with a warranty?"

"Yes! Fine! _Anything_!"

"Well then, I think that the batteries should be included."

"Good. Now close your eyes and count to three," Brainstorm said, reaching for a lever.

"Uh, forwards or backwards? I could count one, two, three. Three, two, one. I could go both ways, but I—"

"SHUT UP! I'LL JUST DO IT MYSELF! ONE! TWO!"

"I wonder if my new brain could speak French," Socrates said suddenly.

"THR— Wha…?"

"Well, it's just that I've always wanted to speak French. It's such a beautiful language with so many good-sounding foods in it."

"TWO AND A HALF!"

"Hold it!"

"_NOW WHAT?_" Brainstorm screamed, now ready to explode.

"Could you please hold this for a second?" Socrates asked, handing Brainstorm the helmet.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he took the helmet.

"I'm doing three!"

Socrates flipped the switch.

****

BRZZZZAAPP!

Brainstorm was given a powerful shock through the helmet.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHH!" he screamed. And he fell to the ground in a heap.

"Honestly!" Socrates snapped. "How stupid do you think I am?"

And exited the room in a huff.

Jack emerged from the closet.

"How'd it go, Frank?" he asked.

"Shut up, TV's Jack," Brainstorm muttered.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes walked through various rooms on the top floor.

"Can we leave yet?" Hobbes sighed. "I'm more tired than scared."

He glanced at his watch.

"Plus, we only have fifteen minutes before your parents can ground you."

Calvin climbed out of a chest.

"It's official, Hobbes. We've been bamboozled," he sighed. "I _hate_ it when pieces of slightly crumpled paper lie to me!"

"Look, we've got our candy from earlier. Let's just go home and eat it."

Calvin sighed.

"I guess you're right. Let's go."

The two friends prepared to leave the room.

As they left, they spotted Andy, Sherman and Socrates at the end of the hallway, talking to each other.

"Hey, guys! Find anything?" asked Calvin.

"Nope," said Socrates. "All I found was a guy who tried to offer me a new brain."

"A new brain? You should've taken the offer."

"Well, I said no because it came with a hat."

Calvin arched an eyebrow.

"Okay, well I guess we got tricked. We might as well leave now."

Everyone groaned.

"NOT SO FAST!" yelled a voice.

Everyone looked up.

Dr Brainstorm was standing there at the end of the hall.

But this time he was wearing a Wolf-Man disguise.

"YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! I SHALL FEAST UPON YOUR BRAINS! ROAR!" he screamed in a rasp voice.

Everyone exchanged unsure glances.

Brainstorm slowly started to advance, but he tripped over his own feet, and he fell to the ground.

This caused his mask to fly off.

"OW!" he shouted.

Calvin picked up the mask, and then stared at Dr Brainstorm.

"Hey, Frank," he said. "Happy Halloween."

Brainstorm growled angrily.

"DARN IT! I DIDN'T SCARE ANYBODY! YOU'RE NOT SCARED IN THE LEAST BIT, ARE YOU?!?" he yelled, getting to his feet.

"Well, if by scared, you mean disturbed, then yes, I'm scared," said Hobbes.

Brainstorm glared at them.

"YOU MAY HAVE OUTSMARTED ME _THIS_ TIME!" he yelled. "BUT I'LL BE BACK! _I HAVE NO LIFE OF MY OWN TO DISTRACT ME!_ COME, JACK!"

Jack suddenly dropped from the ceiling on a rope, dressed as a giant spider.

"Did I miss my cue?" he asked.

Brainstorm grabbed him and ran off.

"VENGENCE SHALL BE MINE! _I HAVE A RECIPT!_" he hollered.

Everyone stood in that one spot for a long time.

"Okay, we have about ten minutes to get home," Calvin said, looking at Hobbes' watch. "Shall we take the aerial route?"

"Sure, why not?" said Hobbes.

Calvin pulled out the box, and everyone climbed in.

The box flew out the window, and Calvin steered out over the town.

They watched trick-or-treaters from overhead, looked at spooky decorations and swiped candy from some houses.

And as they flew into the full moon, a ghost flew up to the screen and held up a card that said,

**The End**

**

* * *

**

**Voice work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon: **Calvin

Tom Hanks: Hobbes

Ryan Stiles: Socrates

Andrew Lawrence: Andy

Colin Mochrie: Sherman / Man giving candy

Neil Crone: Dr Brainstorm

Michael Brandon: Jack

Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom

Bill Murray: Dad

* * *

**Coming up Next: **Camp Blues 


	14. Camp Blues

**Summary: **Calvin and Hobbes return to Camp Pine.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
__Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie_

**Camp Blues**

It started out one bright day in June.

June 19th, I believe.

Yes of course it was. Calvin and Hobbes wouldn't have gone to summer camp in winter because... Well, that's obvious, isn't it?

Hobbes was sitting on Calvin's bed, reading a Captain Napalm comic, when all at once, a blood curdling screech traveled throughout the entire house, signaling Calvin's return from school.

Hobbes looked up, and hid the comic book under Calvin's pillow.

Calvin continued screaming.

Hobbes waited for Calvin to come bursting through the door, and complain to him about all the terrible things that happened to him at school.

He didn't come. He just kept screaming.

Hobbes waited, patiently, but Calvin didn't come to the door.

Just then, Socrates climbed in through the window.

"Hello, Hobbo." He said, cheerfully. "Has Calvin drank forty cups of coffee or something?"

Hobbes shrugged.

"I don't know what's wrong." He said. "Usually, He stops screaming after the third minute."

But Calvin just kept on shrieking.

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances.

Hobbes reached for the doorknob, and opened the door.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_**"

The force sent Hobbes and Socrates flying into the wall.

Hobbes hooked his claws into the carpet, and climbed across the room, and slammed the door.

Then, the door flew open, again, and there stood Calvin.

He was panting from screaming so long, and his eyes looked like two fried eggs.

He shoved Socrates out of the way, and marched up to Hobbes.

"**_THEY DID IT!_**" He screamed. "**_MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE! THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_**"

Hobbes slapped a paw over Calvin's mouth.

"PLEASE!" He hollered. "For the sake of the neighborhood, _calmly_ explain why the heck you're screaming!"

Calvin's eyes slammed shut.

"Alright." He said, calmly. "I've been signed up for Camp Pine, again."

Hobbes gasped, and Socrates looked up.

"Camp Pine?" He asked. "You mean that place in the middle of nowhere, where you two got lost in the mountain range?"

Calvin and Hobbes nodded.

"You were attacked by aliens?"

Calvin and Hobbes nodded.

"A deranged camp instructor was involved?"

Calvin and Hobbes nodded.

"I'm extremely handsome?"

Calvin and Hobbes shook their heads.

"I almost had you there." Socrates clicked, snapping his fingers.

Calvin turned back to Hobbes.

"We have to leave tomorrow! And I'll be there for an _ENTIRE WEEK!_ Don't Mom and Dad love me anymore?! How could they do this?"

Hobbes took the piece of paper Calvin was holding.

"Hey, this is a list." He said.

"Yeah, it's the people who are signed up to go this year." Calvin growled.

**Camp Pine**

Calvin

Alex

Susie

Moe

Andy

Candace

Elliot

"Hey." Hobbes said. "Andy's been signed up for it. See? It can't be _that_ bad."

He studied the list, again.

"Elliot?" He asked. "Never heard of him."

"WHAT!" Socrates screeched, snatching the paper away from Hobbes.

He scanned the paper.

"Oh come on!" He yelled.

"What?" Calvin asked.

"Elliot is my owner!" Socrates yelled. "_HE'S _BEEN SIGNED UP FOR SUMMER CAMP! HE'S GOING TO FORCE ME TO COME ALONG! SOMEONE KILL ME!"

"With pleasure!" Calvin said, happily. "This will cheer me up!"

"Get away from me!" Socrates growled.

"Yes sir." Calvin said, stepping back.

Socrates spent the next few minutes complaining.

Calvin and Hobbes sat around, and watched him.

Correction.

Calvin was complaining, too.

Hobbes sat around, and watched both of them, with nothing else to do.

Then, he took the paper out of Socrates' hands, and studied it, again.

"Says here that John Chill isn't going to be the counselor." He read. "It's someone called Bob Stone."

"Oh great." Calvin yelled, grabbing the paper away. "And I'll bet that Bill Stone, a.k.a. demented planet dictator, will be impersonating him!"

Hobbes took the paper back.

"Ya know, maybe camp wont be as bad, this year." He said.

"Yeah, and pigs ride sidesaddle." Calvin spat.

"The only reason everything went wrong, last time, was because Moe chased us off."

Calvin took the paper back, and jabbed his finger into it.

"**_MOE... IS... COMING!_**" He screeched.

"So is Andy." Hobbes said. "Moe never beats up Andy. If you just hang around Andy the whole time, you'll be safe."

Calvin gave that some thought.

"Hmm, good point." He said.

"What do you think, Socrates?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin and Hobbes turned around.

Socrates had vanished.

Calvin turned back to Hobbes.

"How do you two **_DO_** that!" He demanded.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and turned back to the piece of paper in his hands.

He spent the next few hours studying it.

Calvin spent the next few hours packing. And complaining.

Do you know what he packed?

In his hypercube, Calvin packed his MTM, Time Pauser, Mega-Shrinker 5000, Atomic Freezer, Transmogrifier gun, Time Machine / Duplicator / Transmogrifier / Book Transport / Movie Transport, comic books, Mini Duplicator, a can of tuna fish, a mini DVD player, several DVDs, a DVD recorder, a digital camera, more comic books, a box of Milky Way chocolate bars, A _Far Side_ day calender, a computer keyboard, a bird cage, a grandfather clock, A box of Oreo cookies, a bag of Kispy Kreme doughnuts, 450 M&M tubes, a tapestry, a Spongebob Squarepants pinata, a baseball bat, chocolate chip cookies, another keyboard, and a three inch tall batman action figure.

OK, I think that covered about two or three percent.

No, I don't know where he got all that junk.

Well, after he finished packing all the so forth, he then turned to the great task before him.

GETTING HOBBES TO COME WITH HIM.

For you see, Hobbes had somehow vanished, when Calvin started packing.

He was still terror stricken with the last time he and Calvin went there. Which was ages ago.

See, When Calvin first went to Camp Pine, he didn't have his Time Pauser, Mega-Shrinker, MTM, hypercube, or Mini Duplicator. They hadn't even met Socrates or Andy or Sherman yet. In other words, it was quite a while ago.

Calvin began searching for Hobbes.

He checked the air vents, the basement, the bathroom, the vacuum bag, the fridge, under the couch, got in trouble with Mom, and it took an hour to get out of his room, checked under the rug, sent the chest of drawers over when he was climbing up it, knocked the trash can over, trying to get away from Mom, the honey bottle and the flour bag somehow managed to get mixed together on the floor, and uh... did a pretty good job destroying the house.

Hobbes had found a good hiding place, this time.

Not so luckily for Hobbes, Calvin happened to have his MTM with him.

Hiding under the couch, as Mom went by, searching for him, Calvin opened the Main Menu, went to tracking, and typed in Hobbes' name.

A hologram with a green arrow appeared, and pointed at the closet.

Calvin blinked.

"Why didn't I look there?" He growled, to himself, closing it down.

Calvin crawled out from under the couch, and crept towards the closet door.

He ripped the door open, and screamed, "AH HA!" and dove inside.

Jackets, shoes, ties, hats, shirts and socks went flying everywhere, as Calvin and Hobbes started rolling around inside it.

Mom came running up, and grabbed Calvin out of the closet.

She threw him into his room, and slammed the door.

Calvin and Hobbes sat in the middle of the room, blinking.

Then, Calvin stood up, and began tying bed sheets together.

"We're going out the window?" Hobbes asked.

"We're going out the window." Calvin said. "I need to see Andy and Sherman about this."

Calvin threw the bed sheet rope out the window, and he and Hobbes began climbing out of the house.

When they reached the bottom, they ran off for Andy and Sherman's house.

* * *

"Yeah, my Mom signed me up for Camp Pine." Andy said, pulling a soda out of the fridge. "She thinks I need to spend some time away from my computers and in the great outdoors."

"I hate it when parents do that." Calvin grumbled. "Where's Precious Hamster?"

"He's in his lab." Andy said. "Making a super powerful mosquito repellent. So far all he's made is a perfume that smells like pine."

Calvin and Hobbes blinked.

"Uh huh." Hobbes said.

"So, what are you bringing?" Calvin asked.

"Hand held video games, some Gumi Worms, clothes, just the basics."

Just then, Blue smoke exploded from the air vents, and the sound of a coughing hamster began to echo through the house.

Calvin sniffed the air.

"Hmmm," he said. "Two year old gym socks and sweaty cookies."

Andy sighed.

"This is the third time today that this has happened." He muttered. "SHERMAN!"

And with that, Andy said his goodbyes to Calvin and Hobbes and went down to Sherman's lab.

Calvin and Hobbes walked out of the house, which had a thick blue fog all around it.

"You have to admit, I've never done _that_ before." Calvin said, pointing at Andy's house.

"True." Hobbes said, "The smoke that you filled _our_ house with was black."

"Har har." Calvin grumbled. "Come on, let's go finish packing."

* * *

And so, after much packing and preparing, Calvin and Hobbes were ready to go to Camp Pine.

If they wanted to or not.

* * *

The next day, a green bus with the Camp Pine logo pulled up at Calvin's driveway.

Calvin was the first pickup.

Calvin climbed onto the bus, Hobbes, in stuffed animal form, thrown over his shoulder as he climbed aboard.

Calvin picked the seat right up front, and the bus continued.

The bus then picked up Susie, who sat as far away from Calvin as she could get. She was still angry at him for last week's "Soda can incident". No comment.

Then, Moe came onto the bus, he gave Calvin a glare, and sat down in the seat behind Susie.

Then, Andy came onto the bus. In one hand, he held a duffle bag, in the other, he held Sherman's cage. Sherman was squeaking in protest, and it made Calvin's heart leap with joy, seeing Precious Hamster in a cage.

Next stop was Socrates' mansion.

The bus pulled out in front.

Socrates came onto the bus, first. He had a homicidal glare on his face, and he was carrying several suitcases.

Then, a boy that looked no taller than Calvin walked on.

Yup, it was Socrates' owner, Elliot.

He was wearing a blue jacket with a Nike logo on it. The jacket had a hood on it, and the hood was over his head, so Calvin couldn't see his face. He had his hands in the pocket of his jacket, and he was wearing blue jeans, and brown sneakers.

He didn't say a word, as he shuffled past Calvin, and sat down with Socrates at the back of the bus.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

Next the bus picked up Alex, who Calvin didn't know whatsoever.

He had glasses, and buck teeth.

No comment.

Then, Candace, Susie's friend, came on, and with that, they started off for Camp Pine.

They traveled out of Calvin's city, and far off into where Calvin had only been once. The last time he went to Camp Pine, of course.

It was in the opposite direction that Dad takes to go camping, so the family had little reason to ever go back there.

The bus drove into a thickly wooded area.

Calvin and Hobbes watched the trees shooting by, as they moved forward.

Then, the bus went past a billboard that said, CAMP PINE, ADVENTURE CAMP. EXCITEMENT IS JUST A STEP AWAY!

"I'll bet." Calvin muttered, as the bus came to a stop.

Everyone walked off the bus, and stood in front of a cabin in front of them that had a sign on that said, SIGN UP.

A tall skinny guy walked up to the crowd.

"Hello." he said. "Welcome to Camp Pine. I'm Mr Sharp. I'm one of the counselors."

"What happened to John Chill?" Candace asked.

"He's retired." Mr Sharp replied. "He's working at some fancy restaurant as a waiter."

"COOL!" Calvin screamed. "THE ALIEN'S BROTHER IS CONTAMINATING EVERYONE'S FOOD WITH DEADLY TOXINS!"

Everyone stared at Calvin.

Mr Sharp rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure you all remember Calvin. He was with us a couple of years ago."

"Yes." Everyone said in unison.

"COOL! I'M FAMOUS!" Calvin shrieked, throwing his fists to the sky.

Hobbes stepped away from Calvin, and next to Socrates.

"I'm with _you_." He said.

"Very well." Socrates said. "You have to be wearing a joy buzzer, like me, though."

"Now, I want you to form a small line, go into the cabin, and sign your name on the sheet of paper."

Calvin ran over to Hobbes.

"They probably just want a sample of our handwriting, so they can forge it, and send it to our parents, after they kill us saying that we've run away!!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and walked around to the other side of Socrates.

Mr Sharp walked away, and the kids formed a group in front of the cabin.

Socrates was in front of Calvin.

When it was his turn, he walked up to the paper, took the pencil, and looked down at the paper.

It had four names on it.

"Names are so last year." he scoffed.

And with that, he proceeded to draw a picture of himself in an F-14, shooting enemy jets down with missiles.

It took him five minutes to do this, and Calvin finally lost patience, burst in, and kicked him out before he finished the twentieth missile.

Calvin then wrote his name next to the crashed jet at the bottom of the page.

Then Hobbes wrote his name next to the smoke rising from that crashed jet.

Then Susie wrote her name next to the F-14's left wing.

When everyone had their name written, Mr Sharp walked in, and stared at the paper.

"Good enough." He said, putting the paper in the desk.

* * *

Things didn't necessarily improve after that.

Let's just have a nice little montage showing what happened during the week with music playing, shall we?

Okay.

First thing that happened was sports. That one didn't go over so well.

The first game was horseshoes.

Calvin threw his through the air, and it crash-landed in Mr Sharp's cabin, via a closed window.

Then they ran a race.

Basically a repeat of last year.

Susie won, and Calvin came in last.

This time, Calvin decided he'd just do nothing about it so as to avoid what happened last time.

Then they played baseball.

Moe hit the ball and it went to outfield.

Calvin and Andy were out there with gloves.

They both ran towards the descending white ball…

…and smacked right into each other.

WHAM!

The ball landed a few feet away from them.

Everyone started laughing at them.

* * *

On the last day, they all went to the cafeteria for lunch.

"Well, that was fun," said Calvin, rubbing his bandaged forehead.

Sherman was grumbling in little plastic ball.

You know, that one ball that you can open up and put your rodent inside and let it run around in it? That's the one.

"I just wanna know what's for lunch," he said. "Anything could be better than those cardboard pellets back home."

Then a blue mushy thing was set down in front of him.

Sherman stared.

"Check that."

"Huh," commented Socrates, staring at the stuff. "I wasn't aware there was any blue food."

"Maybe they're trying to hide something awful by dying it my favorite color," suggested Andy.

Calvin sniffed it.

"Strange. It smells okay."

"Never judge a mush by its odor," reminded Hobbes.

Socrates stared at the stuff.

Then he saw Susie and Candace sitting a few tables down.

He got a sneaky, devious grin on his face.

Socrates grabbed his serving, and then he put his perfect aim to use.

"INCOMING!" he shouted.

And he hurled the blue blob at Susie.

It smacked her in the back of the head.

"HEY!" she shouted. "WHO THREW THAT?!? THEY'RE DEAD!"

She grabbed some blue stuff and hurled it at Calvin, who got a face full of mush.

"OH, YOU DID NOT!" Calvin shouted.

He threw a blob, but he couldn't see, and it hit Moe.

Moe threw some at Calvin, but missed and hit Andy.

Andy threw some and hit Alex.

Alex took three blobs and threw them in several directions.

"FOOD FIGHT!" shouted Moe.

Calvin, Susie, Andy, Moe, Alex, Candace, Socrates and even Elliot started to hurl this stuff everywhere.

Hobbes and Sherman hid under a table and watched.

"Pass the popcorn," said Sherman.

Just then, Mr Sharp entered.

Moe threw a blob of blue, and it smacked him in the face.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!?" he demanded.

Everyone froze.

They stared at Mr Sharp.

Then they all pointed at Calvin and Andy.

They were standing there with a stuffed tiger with red stripes behind them.

Calvin pointed at Socrates.

"Well, he started it," he said.

Andy nodded.

Mr Sharp growled and told them to go back to the cabin and think about what they'd done.

So Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman left to clean off.

Everyone started laughing at them.

Until Mr Sharp told them to clean up the mess.

As they left, a blob of blue hit Calvin from the ceiling, and when he looked up, his back pocket loosened.

This cause the hypercube to lean out and out of it tumbled the MTM.

It landed in a pile of blue goop.

And then Alex, who didn't notice it, cleaned up the goop, and poured it into the trashcan.

And the MTM went with it.

Calvin didn't know this yet.

Uh oh.

* * *

Later that afternoon, everyone was out playing around.

Everyone except for our five heroes.

They had opted to stay in the cabin and not risk getting beaten up by everyone for what had happened.

Near dinnertime, Mr Sharp came out of his cabin.

"ATTENTION, CAMPERS!" he shouted.

Everyone stopped and looked at him.

"I have just received a report that there are bears loose in the area!" he said. "I need you all to go back to your cabins immediately, and dinner will be served there."

Everyone groaned, but went back to their cabins anyway.

But there was a catch.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman weren't informed about this.

We're building plot here. Stay with me.

Dinner wasn't an improvement over lunch.

No food fights though.

After all, they gotta sleep in there.

Night came fast, and everyone was asleep.

Well, all except for our two humans, two tigers and one hamster.

They were in a sound-proof barrier in Calvin's bunk and watching The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle movie.

They were eating popcorn and drinking sodas and laughing.

They still didn't know about the bears.

As the credits started to roll, Calvin turned to get his MTM to take out another movie.

But something was wrong.

There was no sign of the MTM anywhere.

"Guys?"

"Hm?" asked Hobbes.

"Did any of you take my MTM?"

"Nope."

"Uh-uh."

"No."

"Did you say something?"

Calvin was confused.

Then he saw a blue splatter on his hypercube.

"Uh-oh. I guess I must have dropped it in the cafeteria," he commented.

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman weren't listening.

They suddenly snapped to attention Calvin turned off the movie.

"HEY!" they shouted.

"Guys, if my MTM is out there, someone could steal it, and then they could use it dangerously."

"Don't you mean normally?" asked Andy.

Calvin glared at him.

"Look, I'm going to need your help to get it back. If the five of us search for it, then we'll find it faster, and we can resume."

They all stared at him.

Calvin sighed.

"Fine, and after we find it, I won't use any of my inventions until we leave."

"Let's go," they all said.

Calvin turned off the barrier, and they all snuck out of the cabin.

Then they crept through the woods.

It would be a long walk.

They had to go down a hill through the woods.

As they walked, a pair of eyes peered through the brush.

Sherman was riding on Andy's shoulder.

He glanced and saw two little circles glaring at him through the bushes.

Sherman stared, arched an eyebrow, and then looked back ahead nervously.

The eyes followed them.

Finally, they arrived at the cafeteria.

Hobbes unlocked the door with his claw.

Then they snuck in.

Calvin turned on the light.

"Okay, let's split up and search," he ordered.

They all went in different directions.

Calvin looked under the tables.

Hobbes looked in the dirty dishes.

Socrates under some chairs.

Andy took Sherman to a trashcan, and had him wade through it.

Then Andy went to look in pots and pans.

Just outside the cafeteria, a giant something was moving towards the cafeteria.

Socrates was examining some gum stuck to a chair.

Then he heard a noise.

"GRRRRRR…"

Socrates looked up.

He glanced outside.

He couldn't see anything.

"Strange," he commented.

Hobbes got an idea.

"Okay, I'm going outside to look around for it," he said.

"Oh no ya don't, furball!" Calvin shouted. "You'll just sneak off to the cabin! I'll search the perimeter of this establishment myself!"

And Calvin opened the door.

There was a grizzly bear staring at him.

Calvin stared.

Hobbes, Socrates and Andy stared.

Sherman hid in the trashcan, out of sight.

The bear growled at Calvin.

Calvin turned back to Hobbes.

"On second, you can go out if you want," he said.

Andy dashed forward and slammed the door and locked it.

"GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLL!!!" roared the bear.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" everyone screamed.

"RUN AWAY!" shouted Hobbes.

They all ran to the far corner of the cafeteria.

The bear broke the door down and start to chase them.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy scrambled up into the rafters in the ceiling.

The bear was starting to climb upwards toward them.

Then it fell down and landed on the floor.

Then it started to circle them from below.

But as it passed Sherman's trashcan, it knocked it over.

Sherman tumbled out amongst a pile of rubbish.

"Ow!" he squeaked.

Just then, a red CD player slid past him.

"CALVIN!" he shouted. "I FOUND THE MTM!"

"Good!" Calvin replied. "Open up the menu by pressing the PLAY button."

Sherman opened the holographic menu.

"Now just press the LASER option."

"Wouldn't firing a laser at the bear make things worse?" asked Hobbes.

"Not at the bear. Fire through the ceiling."

Sherman was confused, but he decided to do so anyway.

He pushed the MTM up against a soda can to prop it up, and then pressed the laser option.

A blast of red shot out of the MTM and blasted a hole in the ceiling.

ZZZZZAP!!

POW!

The blast made a loud noise that echoed all around.

It woke up Mr Sharp and a few of the camp staff.

They all ran out of their cabins and looked around.

"What the heck was that?" asked a counselor.

"It came from the cafeteria!" said Mr Sharp.

They all ran down the hill and through the woods.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Socrates continued to dangle from the rafters of the cafeteria.

Sherman was hiding in the trashcan with the MTM.

The bear was still waiting for them to fall, circling below.

"Are sure that Mr Sharp will show up?" asked Socrates.

"Positive."

"How can you be sure?"

"I can't. But he will."

Just then, there was a loud CREEK, and the four of them suddenly slanted downward.

The rafter was breaking in two.

"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEE!!!" the screamed.

Just then, the door burst open, and in came Mr Sharp and the staff members.

"CALVIN! ANDY!" they shouted.

"Oh, hey!" said Calvin. "How are y'all today?"

Mr Sharp whipped out a tranquilizer gun, and sent a blast at the bear.

The bear was struck by a dart.

The bear whipped around at Mr Sharp.

And then he passed out.

And at that moment, the beam they were on snapped, and Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Socrates tumbled to the ground.

"Ouch!" said Calvin.

"That's putting it lightly," said Andy, rubbing his sore butt.

Mr Sharp ran forward.

"Are you boys okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess," said Calvin. "However, I would like to have one thing."

"What's that?"

Calvin stared at him for a moment.

"I WANNA GO HOME! I WANNA GO HOME! I WANNA GO HOME!" he screamed.

Mr Sharp groaned.

"Fine," he said. "Just shut up."

"Thank you," said Calvin quietly.

The next day, everyone boarded the bus.

Then they all were driven home.

Socrates and Elliot got off at the mansion.

Andy and Sherman got off at their house with the fancy satellite dish.

Susie, Moe and company got off as well.

Finally, Calvin and Hobbes got off the buss and went home.

"Finally!" Calvin said. "We're back!"

"And more tired than ever," Hobbes added.

Calvin and Hobbes burst inside.

Mom and Dad were there.

"Well, how was it?" asked Mom.

"Not bad," said Calvin. "But then again, I didn't get attacked by aliens this time."

Mom sighed.

"Well, you didn't get lost," said Dad. "You know what? We'll send you again next year!"

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

Then Calvin acquired a lethal expression.

"BANZAI!"

Calvin knocked Dad to the ground and proceeded to beat him up.

Dad struggled to get Calvin off.

Mom shouted and yelled at Calvin and tried to pry him off.

Hobbes watched with great interest.

Holding a bag of popcorn, he leaned back and watched.

"Be it ever so violent, there's no place like home," he sighed happily.

**The End**

**Voice Work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon: **Calvin

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes

**Ralph Grairl: **Mr Sharp

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Andrew Lawrence: **Andy

**Colin Mochrie: **Sherman

**Bill Murray: **Dad / Camp Staff member

**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom

**Dakota Fanning: **Susie Derkins

**EG Daily: **Moe

**Tom Kenny: **Alex

**Lauren Tom:** Candace

* * *

**Coming up next: **Calvin, Hobbes, and the Pilgrims 


	15. Calvin, Hobbes, and the Pilgrims

**Summary: **Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates go back in time, and take the pilgrim's supply of turkeys.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie_

**Calvin, Hobbes, and the Pilgrims**

"Well!" Dad said. "Four days until Thanksgiving!"

"So?" Calvin asked, staring at the TV with half open eyes..

"SO?" Dad repeated. "Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks!"

"I've noticed that." Calvin said, still not taking his eyes off the TV.

"The company I work for is giving us a free turkey for tomorrow."

"Whoop-dee-doo." Calvin muttered, turning the volume on the television up. "what's so great about a dead bird?"

"It's what the pilgrims had on the very first Thanksgiving." Dad declared.

"Why didn't the pilgrims go out for pizza?" Hobbes asked, his eyes half closed, too.

"Why didn't the pilgrims go out for pizza?" Calvin asked his father.

Dad rolled his eyes, and walked away.

"What a dumb holiday." Calvin muttered. "Thanksgiving has to be the stupidest idea ever."

"It was made back before DVDs were invented." Hobbes said.

"Figures." Calvin replied.

Calvin and Hobbes were watching a Thanksgiving special on TV.

It was about a deranged turkey running around The United States, and pecking everybody who tried to cook him to death.

* * *

The next day, Dad came home from work holding a big package. 

Calvin stared at it.

"What the heck is that thing?" he asked.

"It's the turkey!" Dad said proudly.

"Ah." Calvin said. "And, uh, did you mug and defeather this thing on your own? Or did some other lunatic do it?"

Dad ignored him.

He set the turkey on the table, and walked into the livingroom.

Hobbes walked up, just then.

"What's that thing?" Hobbes asked. "Do I want I know?"

"I'm not sure if you do, old buddy." Calvin sighed, patting Hobbes on the shoulder. "Somebody killed a bird."

Hobbes sighed and shook his head.

* * *

A few minutes later, Dad came back into kitchen.

His eyes fell on the turkey.

Except it wasn't there.

"CALVIN!!" Dad screamed.

Calvin walked into the house. He was holding a shovel, and had dirt all over him.

"Where is my turkey?" Dad growled.

"Me and Hobbes gave it a proper burial ceremony, and funeral." Calvin said.

"**_YOU BURIED MY TURKEY?!?!?_**" Dad screeched.

"Yeah, and you wouldn't believe how tight those murderers had that wrapping on it. Hobbes had to cut it up with his claws. Would you like to join the funeral? Socrates and all of Farmer Brown's chickens are there."

Dad stared out the window at two stuffed tigers, and twenty seven chickens staring down at a dirt pile.

"**_YOU LET CHICKENS INTO OUR YARD?!?!_**" Dad demanded.

Calvin shrugged.

"Hey, it wasn't me. They wanted to come."

* * *

The next thing Calvin knew, he was laying face down in the carpet in his room.

"TAKE YOUR STUFFED TIGERS, AND DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME, AGAIN!!!"

Dad threw Hobbes and Socrates into Calvin's room.

"But one of these tigers aren't mine." Calvin said.

Dad slammed the door.

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates stared at the door.

"Well," Socrates said. "Funeral's over?"

"I hate this holiday!!" Calvin screamed. "every year, I'm forced to eat a headless bird! ORGANS AND ALL!!!"

"How cruel." Socrates said, and he and Hobbes rolled their eyes.

"I refuse to take this injustice ANY LONGER!!!"

Calvin marched over to the closet.

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances.

Calvin reached into the clutter, and brought out a box.

It had the word TIME MACHINE on it.

Socrates stared at it.

"What's that?" He asked.

"It's a Time Machine, you tuna!" Calvin spat.

Calvin leaped into the box, and started setting the dials.

November 23nd 1621 8:37 AM Plymouth County

"What are you doing?" Hobbes asked.

"I'm going back in time, to convince those idiot pilgrims to eat something else!" Calvin spat.

He walked downstairs, and grabbed some things out of the fridge.

Including, Ice Creme, Steak, bread, peanut butter, tuna, pickles, jelly, mustard, ketchup, mayo, French Fries, three hamburger buns, and a bag of chips.

He stormed back up to his room, and gave Hobbes and Socrates a blank stare.

"You can come if you want." Calvin grumbled. "It means nothing to me!"

He dumped the food into the Time Machine and got in.

Socrates grinned.

"I want to go!" he grinned.

"I don't." Hobbes added.

"Oh come on, Hobbes!" Socrates yelled. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Somewhere back by the duplicator incident." Hobbes replied.

"Well, then, lets go back in time and fetch it!" Socrates yelled.

"I'm not going near that box." Hobbes said. "And that's final."

"Oh, Hobbes, we never get to go on these kind of trips!" Socrates yelled.

"Thank goodness." Hobbes said.

"Can we _please_ go?" Socrates begged.

Hobbes rolled his eyes around.

"Oh, very well." He said.

"WHOO HOO!!!" Socrates yelled.

He and Hobbes crawled into the Time Machine.

Calvin hit the GO button.

ZA-A-A-AP!

With a blast of electricity, Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates vanished.

* * *

The box tilted, and turned as it zoomed down the winding Time Tunnel.

Then, they landed.

Calvin looked around.

They had landed in the middle of an old town.

"Alright." Calvin said.

He handed Hobbes and Socrates a couple of round discs.

Hobbes stared at it.

"What's this?" He asked.

"It's a Time Disc!" Calvin said. "It's hooked up with the original Time Pauser. When I hit the button on the Time Pauser, the Time Discs will be activated and you'll fall into Paused Time along with me without touching me."

"Nice touch," Socrates said.

"Just carry it around with you, while you're in the dimension of no time. Then, when I hit the button, again, you'll fall back into Time Start again."

"Alrightee." Hobbes said.

There was a moment of silence.

"Um... any particular reason why we have two Time Discs and the Time Pauser?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes." Calvin said.

"What?" He asked.

"We're going through this town, and hiding all the turkeys in the area." Calvin said. "We'll hide them in my Hypercube. Then we'll replace them with this food."

Calvin took the mini duplicator, and duplicated the Hypercube twice, so everyone had one

Calvin then handed them the two Hybercubes, and started piling food into them.

"Let's get moving people!" Socrates yelled.

"I hate it when he says that!" Calvin mumbled.

Calvin picked up his Time Stopping Device, and hit the large red button in the middle.

_**BOOOM!!!**_

The Time Pauser send out a large shockwave of Time Stop.

At the same time, the Time Discs that Hobbes and Socrates were holding also sent out large shockwaves.

The three Time waves collided with each other, and exploded.

Large areas on the Earth instantly froze in sequence. But they weren't all stopped at the same time like it was with Time Pauser alone. Instead, it was one little area stopping in a very fast pattern.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates watched.

"Why did you program it to do that?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, it was cool." Calvin said.

In mere seconds, all time had stopped.

"Ok, get to work!" Calvin yelled.

And with that, the three split up.

* * *

"Here turkey, turkey, turkey." Hobbes said, grabbing one that was crossing the road.

He stored it in the hypercube.

* * *

Socrates wandered around the town, looking for turkeys.

He found one.

"Here we are." He said, grabbing it, and throwing it into his Hybercube.

Then he found another.

"Ah ha!" He stored that one.

Then he found another, and another, and another.

Then he came across a whole field of the dumb birds.

"WAFFLES IN THE MORNING!" He exclaimed. "I've hit the jackpot!"

* * *

Calvin walked down the road.

He walked behind a house, and into a small enclosed area.

"Hello, what do we have here?" He asked, walking into the fenced off area. "Three stupid birds."

Calvin gathered up the three Turkeys, and replaced them with a jar of mustard, a can of pickles, and a donut.

"Goodbye, Thanksgiving tradition!" Calvin grinned.

* * *

After about fifteen minutes, the three met back at the Time Machine.

"OK," Calvin said, dumping his share of turkeys into the Time Machine. "Phase one of the Phase number plan is complete!"

"Phase what plan?" Socrates asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm making this up as I go, you noodle!" Calvin spat.

"Ok." Hobbes said. "What's the next phase?"

"Wild Turkeys." Calvin replied. "These people may be dumb, but they can count past one, so we have to gather up all the wild turkeys."

"Calvin," Hobbes said. "Do you realize how many turkeys there are in this one small area? It would take us _years_ to gather up all those turkeys!"

"No," Calvin replied. "It would only take one millisecond. We're in Time Stop you dolt!"

Socrates and Hobbes sighed.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates spent the next few hours gathering up turkeys, and putting them into Calvin's Hypercube.

After they were done, they were all exhausted.

Calvin was the first to speak, as he dumped his Hypercube into the Time Machine.

"Well," He squeaked. "That's it. That's the last turkey in the area. Let's go home."

"What are we going to do with the turkeys when we get back?" Hobbes asked, as he and Socrates climbed in with Calvin.

"We'll find something to do with them." Calvin said.

He engaged the hyperdrive, set the date for present, and they the dust started to rise.

The Time Machine rose upward, then blasted forward into a time portal.

They flew through the tunnel, then reappeared in Calvin's bedroom.

Calvin turned time back on with the Time Pauser, then he combined Socrates' and Hobbes' hypercube into his with the Mini Duplicator, then set the lone Hypercube on the desk.

"OK." Calvin said. "We'll think about what to do with these dumb clucks after we see how we've altered the time stream."

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates went downstairs.

Once there, they saw something a little strange.

Mom and Dad were at the counter, and Dad was wearing a black pilgrim hat with a buckle on it.

But they were still cutting up a dead bird.

"What are you guys doing?" asked Calvin.

"We're cutting the Thanksgiving Duck, Calvin," said Dad.

Calvin glanced at Hobbes and Socrates.

They just stared.

"Umm, duck, huh?" he said. "Excuse me."

Calvin ran outside, ran through the Calvinball field, up Sneer Hill, stopped at the top, took a breath and basically blew his top.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Then he ran back to the kitchen.

"That sounds nice," he said. "Hobbes? Socrates? Upstairs."

Calvin whirled the two of them around and shoved them upstairs.

He shoved them into his room and slammed the door.

"Okay, this can't be right!" Calvin complained. "Why are we eating duck?"

"Well, that was the original first meal of the pilgrims. Turkeys didn't come until later," said Hobbes.

"WHAT?!?" Calvin shrieked. "Why didn't you tell me? We could've saved a lot of trouble!"

"Well, I figured you'd find another way to ruin my day, so I figured, why prolong the suffering?"

Calvin slapped his forehead.

"Well, isn't that just nice?" he said angrily. "Well, why didn't they just eat the food we left for them every year?"

Hobbes reached into Calvin's backpack, and he pulled out a history book.

"History was changed, so maybe we'll get some answers from this," he said.

Calvin sat down to listen.

Socrates, however, was fiddling with the hypercube.

"Okay," said Hobbes. "Let's see here… Ah, here we go! It says that the pilgrims found strange foods in packages, including round pastries with holes in them and a brown sugar coating, a yellow spicy substance in a jar, and a jug of flavored dairy."

"Yep, I recall leaving donuts, mustard and ice cream there," Calvin agreed.

"However, they didn't know how to reproduce these items, and spent most of their time searching for more. Most of them died in vain, and the rest got diseases from foreign plants during searches. If it weren't for Native Americans, the remaining pilgrims would have died from hunger. They were introduced to ducks and fish," Hobbes finished.

Calvin stared.

"Whoa…," he said. "So…we didn't make things better. We made them worse…"

"Yeah, that about sums it up, Einstein," Hobbes said, slamming the book shut.

"Okay, this isn't a problem," Calvin said. "All we gotta do is simply take the turkeys back and set them free for the pilgrims to get. It may not be perfect, but eh, so is life."

Hobbes nodded.

Calvin looked at Socrates.

"Socrates, hand me the hypercube filled with turkeys."

Socrates stared at him sneakily.

"Oh, you really want me to do that?" he asked.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

"Uh, yes, Socrates. If you please…?" Calvin tried.

Socrates got a devious grin and held the hypercube upside down and out the window. He shook it hard, and then dumped all the dumb birds out on the ground.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him with sheer horror.

Calvin looked out the window as a bunch of turkeys ran out into the street.

Then he looked at Socrates.

Socrates seemed to look very proud of himself.

Then Calvin got a very homicidal look on his face.

Hobbes got a nervous look on his face.

"Uh…Socrates?" he asked.

"Yes, Hobbo?"

"Why'd you do that?"

"Simple: to wind him up!"

Hobbes glanced at Calvin, who was beet red and steam was leaking from his nostrils.

"I think you did a little more than winding," Hobbes said. "I think you cranked him up."

Socrates looked at Calvin and finally saw the look on his face.

And his proud look quickly disappeared.

"Uh…Hobbes? Would you mind holding him down?" he asked.

Hobbes thought for a moment.

"No, no, I believe you earned this one," he said at last.

And with that, Hobbes dove under the bed.

Calvin was on Socrates in a second.

"DIE, PRANKSTER! DIE, DIE, DIE!"

Calvin punched, hit, bit, kicked, kneed, punched again, kicked again, elbowed, gave a black eye to, punched once again, and finally, clobbered Socrates.

A badly beaten red-tailed tiger limped from a dust cloud of fury.

Calvin stood there, breathing heavily and twitching slightly.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND NEVER COME BACK!" he hollered.

"Yes, sir!" Socrates whimpered, and he dashed out the door.

Hobbes stuck his head out from under the bed.

"Not bad," he said. "Now, what'll we do about the turkeys?"

Calvin calmed down.

"We're going back out there and we're going to round up those turkeys," he said simply.

Calvin handed Hobbes a Time Disc.

Calvin pressed the button the Time Pauser.

BOOM!

Everything went into to time stop.

All dramatic like.

Calvin and Hobbes looked out the window.

Already, they could see several turkeys.

None of them were moving.

"Okay, let's get started," said Calvin.

"Calvin, Socrates let loose over two hundred turkeys," said Hobbes. "It'll take forever to find them!"

"No, it won't!" objected Calvin. "We're in—"

"Time Stop, I know. But it'll still feel like it."

"Look, we made this mess, and so we're fixing it. Let's go."

"'We'?" asked Hobbes skeptically.

"Shut up, let's go."

Calvin and Hobbes ran down the stairs.

On the way, they passed Socrates, who was paused.

They stopped and looked at him.

Then they got a devious look on their faces.

They picked him up and carried him away.

* * *

A little while later, Calvin and Hobbes started to search for turkeys.

At first, it was easy. They hadn't gone far, so they easily rounded up fifty into the hypercube.

But then it got a bit harder, and the turkeys were more scattered around the neighborhood.

Calvin found three attempting to hop a fence into the neighbor's house.

Hobbes found four swimming in someone's pool, and the owner's were running away in terror.

Next, Calvin saw five turkeys chasing Moe, who was running in terror. He quickly snatched them all up.

Later, they both found a bus frozen in a swerve to avoid six turkeys that were in the middle of the road.

They scooped them all up.

Then Hobbes saw one that had somehow made its way into a tree. He climbed up, and got it down.

Next, Calvin saw that three turkeys had gotten into a fight with an ice cream man.

Calvin scooped them all up, and then ate all the ice cream.

Then he put a bandage on the ice cream man.

Finally, Calvin saw a field that was loaded with turkeys.

He activated the suck option on the hypercube, and set it on the ground.

Then he dove behind the hill.

The hypercube immediately sucked all the turkeys inside of it.

Calvin quickly shut it off, and then peeked inside.

He frowned, held it upside down, and then started shaking it.

A tree fell out. Then a barn, a cow, a tractor, an entire garden, a windmill, a silo, a bunch of animals, mud, and a confused farmer who was frozen fell out.

Calvin shrugged and left.

Finally, they had rounded up all the turkeys.

They met back at the house.

"Okay…," said Hobbes. "This had better work. I'm not going through all this again."

"You said it," Calvin said, wiping sweat from his forehead.

Calvin held up the Time Pauser and pressed the button.

BOOOM!

The white shockwave exploded from it and Hobbes' Time Disc.

All over the place, time started up.

The people in the pool stared at their now turkey-less pool.

Moe stopped running from nothing.

The bus swerved from trying to miss nothing and caused a traffic jam due to knocking over a street sign.

And Socrates fell into a river.

"HEY! HELP! CALVIN! HOBBES!" he screamed.

* * *

And back at the house, Calvin and Hobbes climbed into the Time Machine.

"Okay, let's go back and fix this," said Calvin.

"Whatever," said Hobbes.

They slipped on the vortex goggles, and started it up.

Calvin opened up a time vortex, and they flew back to Plymouth Rock.

In a field of electricity, the Time Machine appeared in the middle of the same field.

The town was just at the bottom of a hill.

"Okay," said Hobbes. "Let's just release them and go home."

Calvin nodded, and he took out his hypercube.

Then he opened it up and let the dumb clucks out.

"GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!" they all shouted.

And they flooded back into the town at the bottom of the hill.

They watched for a while.

Then they tipped over and landed in the box, collapsing from exhaustion.

"Phew," Hobbes said. "I'm beat!"

"I'm Calvin," said Calvin. "You look like you're Hobbes, beat."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

They slipped their goggles back on and went back into the Time Machine.

"Homeward bound!" Calvin shouted.

ZZAP!

ZZAP!

Calvin and Hobbes reappeared in the bedroom.

"Okay, get the book!" shouted Calvin.

Hobbes hopped out of the box and started to read the history book.

"Let's see…The Pilgrims did have a feast in 1621, after their first harvest, and it is this feast which people often refer to as 'The First Thanksgiving'. This feast was never repeated, though, so it can't be called the beginning of a tradition, nor was it termed by the colonists or 'Pilgrims' a Thanksgiving Feast. In fact, to these devoutly religious people, a day of thanksgiving was a day of prayer and fasting, and would have been held any time that they felt an extra day of thanks was called for. Nevertheless, the 1621 feast has become a model that we think of for our own Thanksgiving celebration and we do know something of the truth about it."

Calvin stared at him.

"Did we fix everything or not?" he demanded.

Hobbes flipped forward another page.

"Okay, it says here that turkey became the tradition, so yes, I'd say we did," said Hobbes.

"Phew! Good," said Calvin, leaning against the Time Machine.

Hobbes put the book away.

"I hope I never see another turkey for as long as I may live," Hobbes moaned.

"CALVIN! DINNERTIME!" shouted Mom shouted.

Calvin and Hobbes flew downstairs and to the table.

They stared at the food.

Mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, biscuits, pie…

And in the middle was a gigantic…TURKEY!

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fainted.

Calvin rolled his eyes and sat the table.

"Well, Calvin, I managed to get a new turkey," said Dad. "Just don't do anything bad to this one, and we can actually enjoy Thanksgiving."

Calvin nodded, and he took his chair.

Mom and Dad took their respected seats.

"Okay, let's give thanks," said Mom. "I'll start… I'm thankful for my family, friends, and that I finally got back to work on that novel I've been working on."

"Well, I'm thankful for you guys," said Dad. "And I'm especially thankful for all the character we've built over the past year."

Calvin and Mom glared at him.

"Okay, Calvin, your turn," said Mom.

Calvin pondered for a second.

"Let's see…," he said. "I'm thankful for Hobbes, Pop Tarts, VW vans, Coca-Cola, orange Pez, those moments when Sherman is quiet, the fact that none of my inventions have killed anyone, Captain Napalm comic books—"

"AHEM!" Dad said, giving him an angry glare.

"Oh yeah, and thanks for life and stuff," he said.

"Amen," muttered Mom and Dad.

"But wait! There's probably one more thing left, but I can't exactly place it…," he said.

DING-DONG!

"Strange…," said Mom. "Someone's at the door."

"I'll get it," said Calvin.

Calvin got out of his chair, stepped over the passed out Hobbes, and opened the door.

On the front porch was Socrates, who was beaten, muddy, soaked and covered in weeds.

"Oh, that's what it was!" said Calvin happily. "Thanks, Socrates. Happy Thanksgiving."

And he slammed the door in Socrates' face.

**The End**

**Pamela Segall Adlon:** Calvin

**Tom Hanks:** Hobbes

**Jennifer Love Hewitt:** Mom

**Bill Murray:** Dad

**Ryan Stiles:** Socrates

* * *

**Coming up Next: **The Falling Sky


	16. The Falling Sky P1

**Summary: **Socrates convinces Calvin and Hobbes that the sky is about to fall.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
__Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie_

**The Falling Sky**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Calvin screamed, as he flew across the lawn, and into a barrel of catsup.

Socrates and Hobbes toppled over laughing.

Calvin crawled out of the barrel, dripping with the red condiment.

"HA HA HA!" Socrates exploded. "Wait there's more!" he alerted Hobbes.

"Hee, hee, hee. OK, let's see it."

Calvin's head shot up.

Socrates was pulling out a remote control, and preparing to push the button.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!" Calvin screamed.

He leaped out of the barrel, and scrambled for a safe spot.

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT PART OF THE YARD I HAVE RIGGED!" Socrates called after Calvin. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GO?"

"What'll it do?" Hobbes asked.

"Nothing, It's my old TV remote."

He winked.

Hobbes grinned.

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHH." he chuckled.

Hobbes and Socrates watched Calvin scrambling around in circles, trying to look for a safe place to hide.

After a while, they couldn't hold it back, and they burst out laughing.

When Calvin realized that he had been had, he stopped running around, growled, and stormed over to Socrates.

"YOU!" He screamed.

Socrates stopped laughing, and his eyes popped open.

Calvin was storming over to Socrates, his eyes aflame.

"Oops." He said. "Well, Hobbes, I think if I care about my physical health, I better jet!"

There was a moment of silence.

Then Socrates and Hobbes burst out laughing again.

This didn't help Calvin's emotions towards Socrates.

"Seriously, though." Socrates finally said. "I better go. _The Sci-Fi_ channel is showing _Close Encounters of the Weird Kind_."

And with that, Socrates leaped over the fence, and rushed off towards his mansion.

Hobbes waved goodbye.

Calvin didn't.

He rushed to the edge of the fence, and screamed, "YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN! AND IF YOU EVER SHOW YOUR SORRY FACE AROUND HERE, AGAIN, I'LL DO EVEN WORSE THAN WHAT I DID TO YOU TODAY!"

In the distance, Calvin could hear Socrates laughing.

Calvin growled, and spun around.

Hobbes was staring at him.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Calvin bellowed, storming into the house.

Hobbes blinked.

He checked his watch.

7:00 PM.

Calvin spent the rest of the day vowing to get revenge over the first red tailed cat he saw.

And around nine, he decided to carry out his vow.

Heh, heh.

Calvin laid motionless in his bed with his eyes closed.

But suddenly, they burst open, and cut from side to side.

Hobbes was sleeping next to him, and the room appeared to be empty.

Calvin then complained to himself about if he had glowing eyes like Hobbes, his eyes bursting open would have been a lot more dramatic.

He does that every time he wakes up in the middle of the night.

Calvin climbed out of bed, and tip toed down the stairs.

He walked outside into the cool night air.

Bats swooped around him, and caught moths hanging around the lights, as Calvin crept across the sidewalk, and onto the road.

He tossed his head over his shoulder, made sure no one was watching, then darted down the road.

Soon he came to that big mansion at the end of the block.

It looked a lot more spooky at night.

Especially since it was sort of designed like a castle.

Calvin stared at the mansion for a second, then tiptoed into Socrates' yard.

But as he walked in, his leg snapped a string that in the gate.

SNAP!

Oops.

Calvin began towards the big door that lead into Socrates' prank headquarters.

Suddenly the string that had been broken by Calvin's leg went through a paper cup with a hole at the bottom, making a loud hissing noise.

Calvin halted dead.

He looked around, trying to get a fix on where the sound was coming from.

The string then went through the paper cup, releasing it.

It fell to the ground, and landed on a small peg.

The peg went down, and released a wind up car.

The car zoomed across the grass, past the stunned Calvin, and hit a piece of wood.

It sprang up, and slammed into a garbage can lid.

_CLANG!_

Calvin leaped three feet into the air, and landed in a heap on the ground.

The loud noise shook another piece of sting, that ran across from the fence to Socrates' house.

A can of red paint began shaking on Socrates' roof.

It tumbled off the roof, and landed on a piece of wood, which catapulted it towards the sidewalk.

_SPLASH!!_

"**_AUUUUUGH!_**"

Inside the mansion, Socrates snorted in his sleep, and turned over in bed.

Calvin stood there, dripping with paint, and glaring into the darkness.

"That stupid cat has _way _too much time on his hands." He growled.

He tried to wipe all the paint out of his eyes, as he walked over to the porch.

He took out of his hypercube, and pulled out a towel.

When he was completely paint free, again, Calvin grumbled to himself, put the towel back, and snuck into the house.

He cut his eyes from side to side, then tiptoed up the stairs towards Socrates' room.

Then he saw the elevator.

He grumbled to himself, stepped off the stairs, and took the elevator.

He stepped inside, and pushed the button marked TOP FLOOR.

Suddenly, Socrates' voice rang out inside the elevator.

"Welcome to the elevator of Socrates. If you are me, then please state the password. If you aren't me then prepare for your utter downfall!"

Calvin's brow furrowed.

"You've got to be kidding me." He growled.

There was a moment of silence.

"No password, eh?" The elevator snarled. "Very well. I shall now showeth you all the cool features this elevator has!"

"You have no idea how much I don't care." Calvin hissed as the elevator started upward.

"Are ya a little too warm?" The elevator asked. "not a problem in this baby."

Suddenly a tube came out, and shot a ton of snow on the top of Calvin.

"AAAAAAAAH!" Calvin screamed.

"And we also have a feature for identifying intruders! Say pineapple!"

Suddenly a camera came out of the wall, and snapped a picture of Calvin, before going back into it.

"And if you fell like a drink half way to your destination, then we have a feature for that too!"

Suddenly, a tube shot out of each side of the wall, and pointed at Calvin.

"I hate that cat." Calvin snarled.

SPLASH! SPLOOSH! SPLIISH! SPLOUSH!

All at once, water balloons attacked Calvin from all sides.

Just then the elevator stopped.

"Well, we've reached our destination." it said, causing Calvin to sigh. "Don't forget your parting gift!"

Calvin's eyes squeezed shut.

Another tube shot out of the wall.

The elevator doors opened, and an avalanche of mayonnaise collapsed onto the floor.

Calvin climbed out of it, and shuffled across the floor, leaving a trail of mayo behind him.

Calvin walked up to Socrates' room.

He was still asleep.

Heavy sleeper isn't he?

Calvin snuck into the room, and walked up to Socrates' bed.

He cut his eyes from side to side for the third time that night.

Then, he took out his MTM.

He turned on the gravity device, and pointed it at Socrates.

ZZZZT!

A white glow appeared around Socrates, and he lifted off his bed.

He remained asleep in the same position.

Calvin turned around, and Socrates hovered around with him.

Calvin walked over to the window, and pushed the tiger out the window.

"Hey Socrates!" Calvin called.

Socrates' eyes drifted open.

He stared at Calvin.

"Cally, what are you..."

Socrates looked down.

"Oh." He said.

Calvin pushed a button on the MTM.

Suddenly, the white glow vanished, and Socrates hovered in the air for a second.

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" He yelled, pawing at the air, before crashing to the ground.

Calvin burst out laughing.

"HA HA HA HA HA! Take _that_ Socrates! And always remember that I can be equally as pranky as thou!"

Socrates lay in a heap in the grass.

His left eye was twitching.

Calvin ran outside, pointed at Socrates, and laughed.

"There ya go, cat!" He yelled. "There's my revenge! Cooked and ready to be served!"

Socrates stood up, and glared at Calvin.

"Well then," He hissed. "Time to have revenge over your revenge."

He calmly walked up Calvin.

"Well, Calvin, you have pranked the prankster." He said, cooly.

"Right." Calvin said, suspiciously. "and how does it feel?"

"Oh not bad." Socrates said, examining his claws as he spoke. "I think it might just awoken my ESP."

There was a moment of silence.

"Huh?" Calvin asked, raising his eyebrow.

"That means I can tell the future." Socrates said.

"I know what it means, kitty, but since when do _you_ get ESP?!"

"I dunno, but it adds to the drama." Socrates said.

There was a pause.

Then Calvin grinned.

"Socrates, your jokes are starting to get old. Do you expect me to believe _that?_"

"Well, you better believe it, because I'm about to make a prediction."

Socrates studied the clouds overhead.

"Day after tomorrow, the sky is going to fall."

There was a long moment of silence.

Then Calvin's mouth curled upward, and he burst out laughing.

He fell onto his back, and rolled around with insane laughter.

Socrates watched him, calmly.

"**_HA HA HA HA!_** The _SKY_ is going to fall! That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Socrates, you've said that over a hundred times, and you know what? The sky never did fall!"

"Oh it'll fall." Socrates said. "I just got my dates mixed up. But mark my words, come Thursday at four o'clock, entire galaxies, planets, and satellite dishes will crash to the Earth."

Calvin patted Socrates on the shoulder.

His eyes were wide, and his grinning mouth was twitching.

"Sure pal."

And with that, Calvin walked off, laughing, leaving Socrates grinning after him.

* * *

When he got home, he chuckled his way up his to his room, and went in.

He got back into bed, and laid there for a long time.

Every now and then he would catch himself looking out the window up at the clouds.

He couldn't fall asleep.

He didn't believe Socrates. Not one word of it, but he couldn't help but wonder.

"Had the sky ever fallen before?" He thought out loud.

He studied the stars outside.

Some of them looked pretty big... and heavy.

What was holding them up?

Calvin decided to consult Hobbes.

He sat up, and turned to Hobbes.

"Hobbes?" He whispered. "Hobbes?"

Hobbes sighed in his sleep.

"Hobbes I hate to bother you, but I need to ask you something."

"Zzzzzz... why yes, I would like some cookies...zzzz... back up the truck..."

"Hobbes, I don't want to alarm you but I have received intelligence THAT THE SKY IS GOING TO FALL!"

Hobbes' eyes exploded open, he leaped into the air, hit his head on the ceiling, crashed to the floor, and screamed, "HELP!"

Then his eyes came into focus, and he stared at Calvin.

His brow furrowed.

"You have two seconds to improve my mood." He growled.

Calvin grinned.

"Hi-howdy, Hobbes, I just woke you up to give you a little weather report Socrates made."

Hobbes' eyes drifted to the clock.

It was three in the morning.

"You've got to be kidding me." He sighed.

He stood up, and climbed into bed.

"Can't you tell me how he humiliated you in the morning?"

"He didn't humiliate me!" Calvin growled. "He humiliated himself!"

"I'm sure he di... ZZZZZZZZ."

Suddenly Hobbes head hit the pillow, and he fell asleep.

"_Hobbes..._" Calvin growled. "There's a wolverine in the kitchen."

Hobbes' eyes shot open, he leaped into the air, and screamed, "WOLVERINE IN THE KITCHEN! WOLVERINE IN THE KITCHEN! THAT'S WHERE ALL MY TUNA IS!"

And with that, Hobbes shot out of the room.

Calvin ran after him.

"Where did that dumb tiger go?" Calvin muttered, rounding the corner that lead to the kitchen.

_POW!_

"**_AAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!_**"

Calvin and Hobbes went flying backward before hitting the wall, and landing in a heap on the floor.

Hobbes then began clawing, biting, and scratching the screaming Calvin.

The light clicked on, and Mom and Dad stood in the doorway, staring at Calvin.

They didn't look happy.

They looked... uh... angry and irrational.

After accusing Calvin of sleep walking, they sent him up into his bed, and walked out.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

Hobbes was wiping tuna off his mouth.

"But the good news is that I beat the wolverine." He said, proudly. "I guess he'll think twice before he ever comes back to steal _my_ tuna."

That wasn't a wolverine you brick!" Calvin shouted. "It was _ME_!"

"Oh." Hobbes said. "no wonder there was a dusty taste in my mouth."

Calvin shoved his nose in Hobbes' face.

"Hobbes! I woke you up to tell you something _very_ important! Now look what you've done! You've gotten me so scrambled up I don't know if I'm coming or going!"

"Gee, does this mean I can go back to bed, now?" Hobbes asked.

"_NO!_ You're staying right here until I remember what I was going to tell you."

It took Calvin a few minutes to gather his thoughts, but finally, he remembered what he had woke Hobbes up for.

"OK, now I remember." He told Hobbes. "I was going to alert you of something Socrates said to me."

Calvin looked over both shoulders, and whispered, "Hobbes, about half an hour ago I went over to Socrates' house. and he told me that _the sky was going to fall on Thursday!_"

And with that, he launched himself into the story.

When he was done, he couldn't hold himself back, and he burst out laughing at Socrates' pathetic prank.

Hobbes didn't laugh though.

He was in fact staring at Calvin with some concern.

"He told you _that_?" He demanded.

Calvin stopped laughing.

"Yeah, you don't believe him, do you?"

"Well, I had always assumed that Socrates was better than that."

"Well, maybe he's losing his touch. He just finished telling me that he had ESP and that his first prediction was the sky falling."

Hobbes rubbed his chin.

"That's weird. Usually when Socrates says something ridiculous like that, it's always a cover up for something way more cunning."

Calvin stared at him.

"What are you saying? That sky's going to fall in a couple of days?"

"I don't know what he's up too." Hobbes said. "But it has to be something..."

Just then, Hobbes stopped.

"Why did you go over to his house in the first place?" he asked.

"Oh, just to..." Calvin rolled his eyes around. "...Thank him for the wonderful time I had today."

"You did something to him." Hobbes said. "Well that explains everything. Calvin, how many times have I told you not to pull pranks on him?!"

"Somewhere in the eight thousands." Calvin said dully. "But think about Hobbes, he didn't much time to think about what he was doing. He just walked up to me and started babbling about the sky."

Hobbes slapped his forehead.

"Well, I'm sorry I told you, Hobbes, because you're obviously no help whatsoever." Calvin said, narrowing his eyes.

Hobbes took his hands off his eyes.

He stared at Calvin.

"OK, let's just forget it." he said, "let's go back to bed now, I'm exhausted."

"Agreed."

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes climbed under the covers.

But only Calvin slept.

Hobbes spent most of the night wondering what Socrates could be up to.

With Socrates, you can never really know until the prank is over.

* * *

The next morning, Hobbes got up early, snuck out of the room, and walked down to Socrates' mansion.

He walked through the yard, and pressed the door bell.

_DING DONG!_

There was a moment of silence, and then, Socrates answered.

"Welcome to my humble abode, Hobbo!" he said, cheerfully, opening the door. "Enter!"

He does that every time Hobbes visits.

Hobbes walked in.

"Hi, Socrates." He said. "I just wanted to ask you about the latest prank on Calvin your pulling."

There was a moment of silence.

Socrates' grin vanished.

"Prank? What prank? I'm doing any pranks."

"What about last night?" Hobbes asked.

"I slept." Socrates said.

"You said to Calvin that the sky was going to fall."

Socrates' grin returned.

"Oh, _THAT!_ HA HA HA! Yes, I told him the sky was going to fall."

"What's the plan?" Hobbes asked.

Socrates stared at him.

"Huh?" he asked.

"The plan, what are we doing to Calvin?"

"No plan." Socrates shrugged. "The sky falls tomorrow."

There was a moment of silence.

"Wha...?" Hobbes began.

"Yep-er-doodles." Socrates said.

"Wait a minute..." Hobbes began. "You told him you had ESP! What's that all about?"

"Yeah, that was fib." Socrates said. "I wanted to test him to make sure he knew what it meant."

There was a moment of silence.

"So where did you hear that the sky was going to fall?" Hobbes asked.

"Some article out of a news letter I get." Socrates said.

Hobbes stared at him.

"Well, you don't seem so freaked out about it." Hobbes said.

"Very true." Socrates said. "You see, I aim on trying to recover Mars when it lands."

There was another long pause.

Hobbes decided the conversation wasn't going in the direction he wanted it to, so he shifted it.

"But... don't you think it would be on the news?" Hobbes asked.

"Nope." Socrates shook his head. "They don't want to freak us out. They think they can stop it, so they're just going to try to. It's not going to work though."

"What are they doing?" Hobbes asked.

Socrates stared at him for a moment, then looked at his watch.

"Gee will you look at the time! _Close Encounters of the Lunatic Kind_ is on. I'm sure you have a lot to do, saving the world and stuff."

Socrates lead Hobbes outside.

"See ya when the sky falls." he said. "Let's hope Mars will land somewhere around here."

He looked at the sky.

"Or maybe Venus. I wouldn't mind if Pluto lands in my house as well."

He grinned at Hobbes.

"Ah well, I'm babbling, now. See ya later, and look out for those giant red stars. They pack a wallop!"

And with that, Socrates slammed the door.

Hobbes stood there for a long time, staring at the door.

He was now extremely worried.

He knew Socrates wasn't the guy that would lie to him.

Well, he'd lie to him to pull a prank, but Socrates was doing this to get Calvin, not him.

Hobbes' eyes drifted upward.

Dark clouds were beginning to gather, and lightning began to snap across the sky.

He gulped.

When he returned home Calvin was standing at the door waiting for him.

"Well, what's the good news?" He asked, grinning.

"Socrates stuck to his story." Hobbes said.

"I knew it." Calvin said. "he's so upset at his lame prank that he's going to do his best to make us believe it until four tomorrow."

"I'm not entirely sure, Calvin," Hobbes began. "Socrates doesn't lie to me."

"You believe him?" Calvin asked. "Hobbes, you're unbelievable. It's all a stupid joke!"

"Why do you say that?" Hobbes asked.

"Hobbes, is the wind blowing?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes began listening.

"No the wind isn't blowing. But what does that have to do with anything?"

Calvin leaned forward.

"For you see, Hobbes, the sky can't fall if there isn't any wind."

Hobbes stared at him.

"Why?" He asked.

Calvin stared back at him.

"Well... because it just can't."

Hobbes' eyes drifted upward.

Judging by how the trees on Sneer Hill were moving, there appeared to be a cold front coming down the side of the mountain.

Hmmmm,

Hobbes turned back to Calvin.

"What would you say if the wind suddenly came up?"

Calvin glared at him.

"I wouldn't say anything because it isn't going to happen." He said. "For you see Hobbes, if the wind was blowing, then we'd have something to worry about, if trees were being uprooted, and cows were being lifted off the ground, maybe we could consider that the sky might..."

Perfect timing!

Just as Calvin was finishing up his little speech, the cold front slammed right into the middle of the property.

Calvin didn't even have time to be surprised. That wind picked him off his feet, and sent him rolling down the driveway, and if he hadn't smashed into the garage, he would have kept on going.

Hobbes rushed over.

Calvin was laying on his back, staring up at the sky.

"Calvin, are you hurt?"

"What do you think?"

"You didn't finish your speech." Hobbes said. "You'd come to the important part. What were you saying?"

"Hobbes, I have the feeling you think this is funny." Calvin growled. "Well, it isn't."

He leaned over and went nose to nose with Hobbes.

"And I'd appreciate it if you..."

Just then, a spark of electricity jumped across the space between Calvin and Hobbes' noses, giving both of them a jolt.

They both recoiled.

Calvin rubbed his nose.

"You just... you just shocked my nose!" He yelled.

"No, I think you shocked mine. and it hurt. OH MY POOR NOSE!"

"Hobbes, I was just standing here, and I saw the whole thing! You sent a spark of electricity from your nose and down mine!"

"Well, OK, but I didn't do it."

"Hobbes!" He put his nose to Hobbes' face again. "How can you sit there and..."

ZAP!

It happened again!

Another huge jolt of electricity went through both of their noses.

Hobbes grinned.

"See? I didn't do it."

"I saw it pal, and you DID do it! That didn't come from me! I don't know what you're up to but..."

"Ya know, I think the wind is shaking some power lines and flinging electricity into the air." Hobbes considered.

Calvin stared at Hobbes.

He looked around.

The power lines were indeed being flung around in the wind.

And he could see little sparks of electricity fling from them

OK, maybe Hobbes didn't actually...

Calvin turned back to Hobbes.

"Hobbes, sometimes I think you're trying to make a mockery of my life."

To which he said, "Oh thanks, me too."

Calvin glared at him.

"Come on, let's get out of this wind."

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes made there way back into the house.

Calvin stared outside.

Just a few minutes earlier, he was positive that Socrates' forecast was just a bunch of baloney.

But now... he wasn't too sure.

**To be continued...**


	17. The Falling Sky P2

As Calvin went inside, he saw someone down at the edge of the street setting up a sign with blinking lights on it.

Quickly, he grabbed a pair of binoculars and looked out towards the edge of the street.

It appeared to be a man wearing a yellow hardhat, and he was setting up a large sign that read EMERGENCY TRAVEL ONLY.

Calvin gulped and put the binoculars away.

When he entered the house, lightning flashed, and the lights in the house dimmed slightly.

Mom walked past.

"Mom, what the heck's going on?" he demanded.

"There's a storm passing through," she replied. "It's supposed to last through the night."

Calvin gulped and went upstairs to his room.

Right now, Hobbes was hiding under his bed.

"Hobbes, come out. Mom says it's just a storm," Calvin sighed.

"Oh sure, that's what it _looks_ like at first," Hobbes snapped. "Then the next thing you know, you're squished like a bug underneath one of Jupiter's moons, and your dad will be complaining that all the rocks that once made up Saturn's rings are scattered all over the lawn!"

Calvin stared at him for a long time.

"Have you ever considered writing for a career, Hobbes?" he finally asked.

"Look, I've got everything we'll ever need to keep us safe right here," Hobbes said, jumping out from under the bed.

With him was a giant bag.

"What's that?" asked Calvin.

"My special FALLING SKY SAFETY KIT," Hobbes said quickly. "It's of my own design."

"What does it include?"

Hobbes immediately started yanking objects out as he named them.

"Football helmet for the head protection, a mouth guard, shoulder pads, a canteen, shin guards, roller-skates, plastic sword, the phone number for the navy, a trampoline, egg carton, sunglasses, spare change, toenail clippers, egg timer, light bulbs, a Garfield Day-to-Day calendar, blanket, sleeping bag, pillow, parachute, a house key, alarm clock, telescope, knee pads, shoulder pads, motivational tapes, camera, video camera, can of sardines, and most importantly, a lifetime pass to the All-American Theme Park!"

Calvin was currently buried up to his chin in this stuff, but he managed to keep a straight face.

"Umm…that's _great_, Hobbes," he said. "Just one question."

"What's that?"

"Why can't we just use the force field in the MTM?"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Uhhh… Gee. I guess I'm gonna have to return most of these to their rightful owners," he said slowly.

Calvin sighed and dug himself out.

"Look, Hobbes, odds are we aren't going to need this stuff. I mean, how can the sky _fall_ anyway? This is _Socrates_ we're talking about. You've been victim of his pranks too, you know."

"But he seemed genuinely confused when I talked to him about the prank! He was serious! And he wouldn't _lie_ to me!"

"How do you know? He could be trying to pull the wool over _your_ eyes to, you know."

Hobbes sighed.

"Look, I'm in no mood to continue this. I'm just gonna—"

_CRACK!_

**_BOOM!_**

Hobbes was cut off by the powerful thunder that suddenly rolled over the town.

"Yikes!" he screeched, and he dove under the bed.

As he did so, the power dimmed a few times.

"Darn it," sighed Calvin. "Any minute now, Dad's gonna bust out the candles."

"What's the point?" Hobbes demanded. "Any minute now, the sun's gonna be like, one mile away from the planet, and the only thing keeping us from dieing a fiery death is the fact that Mercury and Venus will be shading us ever so slightly."

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Well, I've got better things to do than stand here listening to you be scared. I'm a busy man with important things to do."

And Calvin left.

* * *

But the next day, things were no better.

Leaves were flying everywhere. Trees were tipping over. Roofs were being lifted off of buildings. Telephone poles had come down. Fences were flying away.

By now, the power had gone out completely.

Very few cars were going through their street.

Mom and Dad had boarded up their windows.

Calvin and Hobbes had hidden all their favorite things in the basement.

Calvin was standing on the back porch, looking up at Sneer Hill.

Trees were waving around, and then one of them came a tumbling down.

This caused several others to fall down.

Calvin gulped.

"It's just a storm. It's just a storm," he repeated to himself.

He glanced at his watch.

It was almost noon.

In another four hours, they would find out whether or not Socrates' prediction was true or not.

"How's it look up there?" asked Hobbes.

Calvin turned around and stared at his best friend.

Hobbes was wearing a football helmet and a life preserver.

"Not bad," Calvin sighed.

Suddenly, a big gust of wind flew through, and this caused the grill to tip over.

Hobbes jumped in surprise.

Neither of them knew that Socrates was standing on the roof, and he was holding a wooden slab that he had painted to look like a piece of the sky.

"I'm singin' in the rain… I'm singin' in the rain… After all that toil and pain… I'm singin' in the rain…," he sang as he aimed.

Then he tossed it off the roof, and let it land in the yard in front of them.

"What the heck…?" Calvin whispered.

He walked over and picked it up.

"What's this?" he asked.

Hobbes gasped when he saw.

"IT'S THE SKY! WE'RE DOOMED! OH MERCY!" he wailed.

"Calm down, Tiger little," Calvin shouted. "There's a logical explanation for all this."

"Yeah, that the sky is falling, and we're all _doomed_!"

"We are not! Let's look at the neighborhood."

Calvin and Hobbes ran around the house and gasped.

The road was starting to flood from all the rain.

There were no cars, yards were littered with debris, windows were boarded up, etc, etc, and ya get it.

"Whoa…," said Calvin.

"Did Mother Nature sneeze in here or something?" asked Hobbes.

Suddenly, something hard pelted Calvin on the back of the head.

"OW! What'd you do that for?" he demanded.

"What do you mean? I didn't do anyth—OW!"

Hobbes had been hit by something now.

"What's going on?" Calvin shouted.

Suddenly, they were pounded by more of the same.

"OUCH! OW! HEY! EEK! GEEZE! OOCH!" they shouted.

"What's—OW!—going on—D'OH!—Hobbes?" Calvin yelled.

"We're being—ACK!—hit—OUCH!—with stars! OUCH!" Hobbes replied.

"OW! Are—EEK!—you sure?—GEEK!"

"Most—OW!—think so! They're—OUCH!—small and—DOOF!—pointy! YOW!"

"All right then! DEEJ! We'd bet—EEK!—better get in—YEOOCH!—inside! COME ON! OUCH!"

So they quickly ran inside.

* * *

As quickly as possible, Calvin and Hobbes scrambled up the stairs to their room. Calvin dove into the closet, yanked out of the box, and slipped some goggles on.

"Quick! Put your goggles on! You right! Me wrong! That doesn't mean you have to hold it against me! We're stopping that sky from falling!"

"How?" demanded Hobbes.

"I don't know! We'll have to stop the storm. If we can stop the storm, then we can stop the sky from falling."

"What a plan," Hobbes said, as he dove into the box. "Simple, yet _insane_!"

The box flew out the window and took the sky.

Socrates watched from the rooftop as they flew away.

"This should prove to be quite theatric," he commented.

"UP, UP AND AWAY!" Calvin cheered.

The box flew up to the sky, and Calvin and Hobbes immediately flew above the clouds.

It was interesting seeing the lightning flash from above.

"Neat," said Calvin. "Okay, Hobbes. I have an idea. Hand me the MTM."

Hobbes did so.

"What do you plan do to with it?" he demanded.

"Simple! We'll use the MTM as lightning rod to take up all the lightning. And then, all the lightning will be kept inside without us getting hurt."

"Can I have your stuff?"

Calvin rolled his eyes and connected the MTM a fishing rod. Then he activated a feature on the MTM.

_Oh, hello. I'm the all-powerful MTM who has an IQ of 6000. That's the equivalent of 6000 PE teachers._

"Finally, a computer that's honest," muttered Hobbes.

"Whatever," said Calvin. "I need you to activate your lightning rod option."

_Oh, of course, your majesty. Nice to know you care about my safety._

"Just do it," Calvin sighed.

The MTM suddenly acquired a very long metal pole sticking out of it.

Calvin then held it out over the side of the box and held onto the fishing rod.

Hobbes was tempted to cut the string with his claws, but he held himself back.

The MTM was lowered into the clouds.

Lightning flashed all around it.

Finally, a long streak of lightning started to head for the ground, but instead, it entered the rod on the MTM.

**_ZZAP!_**

After ten minutes of waiting, there was no more lightning flashing.

Just the thunder rumbling.

Calvin reeled the MTM back in.

"All right, that's taken care of," he said. "Next item on the list is to stop the wind."

Calvin dove the box down through the clouds again, and immediately, they were nearly knocked out of the sky by the wind.

"Whoa there, Silver!" Calvin shouted, shifting his weight to keep the box steady.

"Calvin, let's make this quick," Hobbes moaned. "I'm about to get reacquainted with my breakfast."

"Hang on."

Calvin quickly activated the thrusters on the box, and it quickly shot into the direction the wind was coming from.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?" demanded Hobbes.

"My theory is that if I fly fast enough in the opposite direction of the wind, I can make it go back the other way!" he shouted.

About half an hour later, they were still flying in that direction.

Technically, they were flying in circles.

All they did was make Hobbes more sick.

Finally, Calvin gave up, and he brought it in for a landing.

"It's no use!" wailed Calvin. "The sky's gonna fall, and we're all gonna die! There's only one good side to all this!"

"What's that?" asked Hobbes.

"It wasn't my fault!"

Hobbes groaned.

Suddenly, there was a crack of lightning that lit up the whole street.

"Whoa!" gasped Calvin.

**_BOOM!_**

"AAAH!" cried Hobbes.

The storm was at full power now.

"The lightning's back!" wailed Hobbes. "We're dead!"

"We are, I'm afraid! Unless…"

"UNLESS WHAT?!?" Hobbes demanded.

"Unless we get back to town and hide in our cellar! Maybe we'll be safe if we're underground!"

"Brilliant! Let's go!"

Unfortunately, the box was now out of gas, and Calvin was out of apple juice to fuel it.

So Calvin loaded the box into the hypercube, and they began the walk towards their house.

It was a full street away.

They fought rain, wind and flying debris every step of the way.

"This is so far the worst day of my life!" wailed Hobbes.

"Come on, Hobbes! We're only a block away!" Calvin shouted over the storm.

"No problem! Wherever the wind goes, I go."

As they passed by some houses, a fiery bolt of lightning ripped through the sky, hitting a telephone pole and cracking it in two. The pole came crashing to the ground only inches away from them. Wires snapped and sparks flew all around them.

"I guess this would be a bad time to stop and make a long-distance phone call," Hobbes mused.

Still, they pressed on. Just as they had begun to breathe easier, a strong, spiraling wind picked up Calvin and carried him away. The gust hurled him down the street, tossing and turning him end over end.

_SPLAT!_

Calvin was pitched right into a blue mailbox that stood at the edge of the block.

"This looks like my lucky day after all!" Calvin said, his back pressed against the mailbox.

_BLAT!_

Hobbes came flying through the air and landed smack on top of Calvin.

The force of his arrival caused the side of the mailbox to rip open, and they tumbled inside.

Calvin peeked out of the hole.

"Then again…," he sighed.

"Hey, Calvin!" said Hobbes, holding an envelope. "I may have already won three million dollars!"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

They both climbed out and pressed on.

"We're not gonna make it!" Hobbes shouted.

"Yes we will!" Calvin replied.

It wasn't a good argument, but it's all he had to go on.

Then Calvin saw a trashcan on the curb.

It gave him an idea.

Quickly, he picked it up and dumped the garbage on the ground.

"Get in," he ordered.

Hobbes reluctantly crawled into the dirty can.

"Eew, someone in here eats anchovies!" he winced. "I _hate_ anchovies."

Once inside, Calvin and Hobbes began rocking the can from side to side. When the can was in motion, they braced themselves for the bumpy ride. A moment later, thanks to the storm, they were airborne.

"Well, it certainly is an inexpensive way to fly," commented Calvin. "I can't say much for the in-flight movie, though."

The storm had reached the peak of its fury. Inside the whirling trashcan, Calvin and Hobbes held on for their lives.

As they passed through the neighborhood, they saw the worst storm they'd seen in years.

Windows shattered, buildings rattled, and debris filled the air as the dark clouds ripped over town.

_BANG!_

The trash can carrying them smashed into a telephone pole and came crashing to the ground. It teetered back and forth and then became still.

Slowly, dizzily, Calvin and Hobbes emerged from the can.

"Aunty Em? Aunty Em? Are we still in Kansas?" moaned Hobbes.

Calvin glanced at the sky.

"It can't be much longer before the sky falls! Any minute now, nebulas, planets, stars, satellites and cosmos will come colliding with Earth!" he cried.

"What do we do now?" Hobbes asked.

"We run for home! See! Our house is just down the sidewalk!"

"What about your parents? Won't they be worried?"

"As far as they know, I'm locked in my room with you and being asleep. Now let's get a move on!"

They tore down the street at full speed.

It wasn't long before the house came into view.

Suddenly, they were lifted into the air once more…

…only to collide with their mailbox.

"I'm getting really tried of this," Calvin moaned.

They quickly picked themselves up and made a mad dash through the fence between them and the back yard. They made a sharp turn, slipped on the wet grass, and saw the cellar door just ahead.

Calvin quickly yanked it open.

But before they could dive inside, there was a loud crashing noise.

Calvin and Hobbes looked back.

It was another tree. It had crashed into the Calvinball field.

Calvin looked at his watch.

4:00 PM!

"It's starting!" Calvin wailed.

"Run!"

Calvin and Hobbes dived into the cellar.

Calvin slammed the door shut, and locked it.

Then, both of of them dove to the floor, covered their eyes, and... well, hoped for the best.

Suddenly, the air grew thin, as both of them began to hear a terrible sound outside.

The sky falling, no doubt. All around them.

It was a terrible deafening sound of crashes, bangs, screeches, and explosions.

As well as the sound of everything being torn up in the proccess.

The sound of tin being ripped to shreds. The sound of trees being reduced to spliters. The sound of cars being crushed by Saturn's moons. and so on.

Neither one of them is too sure what happened next.

Maybe the fear caused them to faint. Maybe it was the instant change in the air pressure.

Whatever it was, blackness fell upon them instantly.

* * *

Hobbes was the first to wake up. 

He looked around.

He was in the basement.

Phew! He had made it.

And by the looks of things, he was okay. Just a few bruises and the fact that he was exhausted.

But right when Hobbes was about to start celebrating his survival, he remembered something.

"CALVIN!" he cried.

He looked around frantically.

Oh. Phew!

Calvin was asleep just a few feet away.

Hobbes immediately started checking for injuries.

The only damage was a nasty bruise on Calvin's forehead and a small cut on his hand, which had stopped bleeding long ago.

Other than that, Calvin was fine.

"Calvin, wake up."

Calvin stirred for a split second, and then stopped.

"Calvin, wake up!" Hobbes repeated, but with force this time.

Nothing.

Hobbes sighed, and then cleared his throat.

"**_CALVIN, WAKE UP!!!_**" Hobbes screamed.

"AAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!!" Calvin yelled.

He shot three feet in the air, and then landed on the hard floor.

"Ow!" he shouted. "What happened last night?"

"Oh, the sky fell, remember? Judging by the time on your watch, I'd say we've been here for twelve hours."

"Wow. We'd better head upstairs and see what damage the sky did."

"Roger."

Calvin and Hobbes scrambled up the stairs and into the hallway.

Calvin was confused.

Everything seemed normal.

In fact, not a single thing was out of place.

No, wait, there was one _small_ difference.

One, a window was smashed.

Dad was busy replacing it.

"What's going on?" asked Calvin.

"Oh, hey, you're up," said Dad. "Well, I'm just trying to fix this window the storm damaged. A rock flew in and smashed it."

Calvin stared.

"Uh, that's interesting. Did they sky fall?"

Dad chuckled.

"No, but it sure sounded like it last night," he said.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other.

"The sky didn't fall?" asked Hobbes.

"But then that would mean…," Calvin's voice trailed off as he came to terms with this.

Immediately, Calvin and Hobbes ran outside.

There was a thick layer of fog all over the place.

But other than that, the only irregular thing was the fact that was debris everywhere.

Oh, and the tin roof on their cellar had been ripped off, completely, and was now stuck in a tree that managed to survive the storm.

Thus the terrible sounds that they had been hearing in the basement.

Huh.

People were working to clear the mess.

Calvin and Hobbes' eyes were wide and their mouths hung open.

"But…but…but…but…," they stuttered.

"So this means…the sky didn't fall?" asked Hobbes.

"I'd assume so, yes," said Calvin.

They both looked up.

The blue sky was there. The dark clouds were gone. A bright warm sun was melting away the fog.

"Yep, I assumed correctly."

They stared at each other.

Then they got dark expressions on their faces.

* * *

Socrates was napping at his mansion. He was on his own while Elliot and his parents were out helping to clean the town.

Suddenly, there was an explosion just downtown.

"**_SOCRATES!!!_**"

It was Calvin and Hobbes screaming.

Socrates was shaken out of bed.

"Whoa!" he said, looking around. "Did somebody knock?"

_WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!_

Socrates looked out the window.

Calvin and Hobbes were pounding into the door.

Socrates got a devious grin on his face. He slunk towards the elevator, rode it down, and then answered the door.

"Cally! Hobbo! To what do I owe this pleasure?" he said sweetly.

Calvin and Hobbes were glaring at him.

"So, Tiger Little!" snarled Calvin. "Looks as though the sky _didn't_ fall after all!"

"Correct," Socrates grinned. "It was a prank."

"A prank that made us both look like bigger idiots than ever before!" Calvin yelled. "Not to mention you almost got us killed by that storm!"

"Yes indeedy."

"But that doesn't explain how you knew of the storm before it struck," said Hobbes.

"Weather Channel," said Socrates.

"That does it, Crateso. You are in _major-league_ trouble now!" Calvin yelled. "It's time for me to get revenge on your revenge on my revenge!"

"Oh really?" Socrates asked, getting in Calvin's face. "How so?"

Calvin pulled out his MTM.

"This here MTM of mine is loaded with a little over one zillion volts of pure lightning from when we were trying to stop the storm. And these little bits of electricity are about to get up-close and personal with your body," Calvin said.

Socrates suddenly didn't feel very well.

"Hobbo? A little help here?" he gulped.

"Sure," said Hobbes.

Hobbes picked Calvin up and put him on his shoulders.

"You'll get better aim from up here, Calvin," Hobbes said.

"I MEANT HELP ME! NOT HIM!"

Calvin immediately activated the MTM.

_Oh, hello. Did you need me for something else?_

"Yes, we'd like to fry Socrates here with the lightning we have each time a press the POWER button."

_Very well. Fire when ready._

Socrates stared.

"You programmed your MTM to hate me?" he asked.

"Yep-er-doodles," said Calvin slyly.

Calvin pressed a button.

**_ZZAP!_**

The lightning struck Socrates.

"YEOUCH!"

**_ZZAP!_**

"OUCH!"

**_ZZAP!_**

"OW!"

Socrates then made an attempt to run away.

Hobbes ran after him, and Calvin continued to zap him.

**_ZZAP!_**

"D'OH!"

**_ZZAP!_**

"EEK!"

**_ZZAP!_**

"I'M SORRY!"

**_ZZAP!_**

"YEOW!"

And they disappeared down the street.

**The End**

**Voice Work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon: **Calvin

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom

**Bill Murray: **Dad

* * *

**Coming up Next: **The Return of Dr Brainstorm 


	18. The Return of Dr Brainstorm

**Summary: **Dr Brainstorm kidnaps Calvin's parents, and demands Calvin's invesntions for their safe return.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
__Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie_

**The Return of Doctor Brainstorm**

A small white rat ran through a small rat maze.

Ya know, one of those things that scientists use to torment white rats with.

The mouse ran down the twisting and turning labyrinth, and soon came to the exit.

It sniffed the outside world, then prepared to run out, when suddenly, a hand puppet with a glare drawn on it with crayon blocked it.

"FEAR ME!" The puppet roared.

The mouse stared at it.

"BEWARE!"

The mouse stared at it.

"DON'T MAKE ME TAKE OUT MY _DESTROYER RAY!_"

The mouse wiggled its nose slightly.

A man with tall red hair, and a lab coat stood up.

"This is hopeless!" He yelled. "I'll never be able to complete my _fear-making-machine_ if I don't have a fear sample from something! Stupid mouse!"

A tall thin, silver robot with a long nose, and a bored expression on his face didn't even look up from a magazine as he said, "The truth is, Frank, that you couldn't scare a flea on a grandpa's knee."

"THE NAME IS **_DOCTOR BRAINSTORM, JACK!_**" The man screeched. "And that is not true!"

Jack turned the page.

"You couldn't even scare that cat when you woke it up from its nap by screaming at it."

"I did too scare it!" Dr Brainstorm spat. "I have the cuts to prove it! I just forgot to get those stupid _fear detector tubes _on it!"

Jack turned the page again.

"Yes, that's your big accomplishment of the year."

"You're hilarious!" snarled Brainstorm. "And once I finish that _other_ robot I'm making, you're out of here!"

"You know that thing doesn't work." Jack said. "It thought that used band-aids were to keep tomato soup fresh."

Brainstorm grumbled to himself, and turned away.

Jack started to chuckle.

"Seems like only yesterday you were throwing it in the junk heap because you ate its scab collection."

"I thought they were potato chips!" Brainstorm growled.

"I couldn't stop laughing for hours." Jack sighed. "Good times. _Good_ times."

Brainstorm grumbled to himself, and turned back to his work.

"All I care about right now is finishing that FMM, because once I do so, I'll..."

"...Scare the planet into worshiping you." Jack said, turning back to his magazine.

Brainstorm glared at him.

"How did you I was going to say that?!" He demanded.

"You've said like ten billion times already." Jack replied. "Besides, you know that as soon as you leave this hideout, holding that thing," He pointed at a small cube shaped device with a spring sticking out of it. "That kid is going to conveniently show up, and beat you without even trying."

Brainstorm froze.

"You're right!" He gasped. "That punk is going to ruin everything!"

"Yeah, I remember the time he gagged you and tied you up in that cardboard box of his. That was funny."

"Shut up."

Brainstorm turned to his computer.

"Very well then." He growled. "I will have to lure Calvin and his tiger to me, then I'll capture him, and make him scared with my FMM!"

"Oh, that's just genius, Mr Brainstorm." Jack said, sarcastically.

"Hold your applause, Jack, I'm not finished." Brainstorm cut his eyes from side to side, and whispered, "I'll capture his parents, and hold them here, hostage! _Then _he'll have to give in to my mighty might!"

"Wow, Mr Brainstorm, I didn't know you had such a sophisticated mind."

"You better believe it, Jack!" Brainstorm said. "And the next time you have some smart crack about my genius, you'll probably think twice, wont you!"

"I certainly will, Frank."

"**_DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!_**"

Brainstorm hit a button on his keyboard.

A picture of Calvin and Hobbes came on.

"Once I have _them_ captured, EARTH WILL BER MINE FOR THE TAKING!" He threw his arms into the air, and laughed, insanely.

Jack rolled his eyes.

* * *

Calvin stood across his yard.

Hobbes and Socrates were standing behind him.

Calvin was holding his MTM, and he was squinting at an arrow target that was straight across the yard.

He flipped a switch on the MTM, opened the Main Menu, and pushed _LASER_

_**ZAAAAAAP!**_

A blast of white electricity exploded from the tip of the MTM, bolted clear across the yard, and struck the target, causing it to fly backwards several feet at a high rate of speed.

Calvin grinned, triumphantly.

"YES!" he grinned. "Socrates! Time!"

Socrates, who was leaning against the fence, glanced lazily at the stopwatch in his hand.

"Point six seconds." He said.

"I was aiming for point five, but good enough! Hobbes! Accuracy!"

"You are perfectly capable of doing this stuff on your own." Hobbes grumbled, walking up to the target, and studying it.

"Bull's eye." he said, looking at the target that had smoke raising from the center.

"Yes!" Calvin grinned. "My defense feature is now upgraded! The MTM now has a targeting feature! I'm a **_genius!_**"

A holographic message came up on the MTM.

_I'm the one that did all the work. Is anyone thanking ME?_

Calvin stared at the MTM.

"I really should get rid of that insult chip, someday." He said.

"Install the Direct TV dish into it, first." Hobbes said, walking back up.

"Yeah, I'll get right on it."

Susie began walking down the sidewalk.

"AS SOON AS SUSIE LET'S ME BORROW HER STUPID SATELLITE DISH!" He called after her.

"Leave me out of your life's plans, you little weirdo." Susie said, rounding the corner.

* * *

Dr Brainstorm and Jack watched Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates messing with the MTM.

They were up in a jet high above the clouds, and they were watching them through a monitor.

"Look at them!" Brainstorm yelled. "So oblivious! So carefree! Little do they know that Dr Brainstorm is ready for action!"

"Oh, they're doomed." Jack said.

"Shut up with your smart remarks and bring me my _make it night time_ device."

"You mean this screwdriver?" Jack asked, holding up a screwdriver.

"Give me that!" Brainstorm spat, grabbing the screwdriver away. "This is a highly... uh... fragile device!"

"I'll bet."

"WHAT!"

"I'll bet you."

"Very well, how much?"

"Ten dollars."

"You're on!" Brainstorm threw his screwdriver on the floor, and smashed it with his foot.

Then he turned a smug grin onto Jack.

"See, I told you it was fragile!"

Then his grin faded as he added two and two together.

"Oh." He said, looking down at it

Jack grinned.

"It was worth ten dollars." He said, handing Brainstorm a bill.

Brainstorm angrily grabbed the bill away, and stuffed it in his pocket.

"Thanks a lot Jack!" He snarled. "Now we have to wait for night to fall on its own!"

"Sure thing, buddy." Jack yawned, picking up a newspaper.

* * *

Just then, Mom came out the door, and called, "Calvin! It's time to come in!"

"What!" Calvin screamed. "But it's not even dark yet!"

"I didn't say it was." Mom said. "I said it was time to come in. Get your stuffed tigers and let's go."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"See ya later, Socrates." Hobbes said, walking into the house.

Socrates waved goodbye, and ran off.

Calvin remained where he was.

"I refuse to move from this spot until I get a lawyer!" He announced.

Mom walked up to Calvin, picked him up, and carried him into the house.

"HEY! LEGGO! GET OFF ME! HEY! HELP! HELP! HELP! I'M BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL! SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!"

Mom slammed the door, carried Calvin up the stairs, and dropped him in his room, with him still screaming, "HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!"

Hobbes, Mr goody two shoes, was already there.

Calvin grumbled to himself, and sat down at his desk.

"Ya know Hobbes, it's times like this, that I wished that Mom and Dad would go away for at least a day!"

"Uh." Hobbes said, not taking his eyes off his comic book.

"Gee, that little phrase built up the plot didn't it?" Calvin chuckled.

"Uh."

"I get a kick out of messing with the readers mind."

"Uh."

"Just shut up." Calvin growled, turning away.

Calvin checked the clock.

6:45 PM.

Hoo boy.

Four hours later, that turned to 10:45.

Duh.

When this time came, Mom and Dad decided to go to bed.

They climbed up the stairs, and walked into their bedrooms.

Dr Brainstorm watched them.

They walked into the room, and closed the door.

"Yes, yes!" Brainstorm yelled. "Now, all we have to do is wait for them to fall asleep!"

"Uh." Jack replied.

They waited for another two minutes.

Then, Brainstorm got bored, and decided just to move in now.

He landed the jet on the grass outside Calvin's house.

He peeked out, then climbed out of the pod, and instructed Jack to follow him.

He came to Calvin's door, and looked around.

"Jack, use your laser to unlock this lock!"

"I don't have a laser." Jack said. "The so called laser is a flashlight."

Brainstorm's eyes slammed shut.

"Fine. I'll do it."

Brainstorm took a _real_ screwdriver, and started to take off the hinges on the door.

No kidding, it was a real screwdriver, not one of his goofball inventions.

He took the door off, then he and Jack tiptoed into the house.

Correction.

Brainstorm tiptoed inside. Jack walked in as casually as if he owned the place.

Brainstorm tiptoed up the stairs.

Jack walked up the stairs, making them creak.

Brainstorm reached the top floor, and crept for Mom and Dad's room.

Jack walked.

Brainstorm and Jack then stopped behind Mom and Dad's door.

"OK," he whispered, "When I give the signal, burst in there, and tie them up with your rope feature."

"I don't have a..."

"Forget it. I'll do it."

Dr Brainstorm took out a weird looking device, cut his eyes from side to side, and peeked into Mom and Dad's room.

They were snoring.

Jack crossed his arms, and leaned against the railing.

Dr Brainstorm looked around again, to make sure Danny Phantom wasn't going to suddenly appear and stop him, then tiptoed into Mom and Dad's room.

Jack yawned.

ZZIIIIIP! BOOM! ZAP! ZEEEP! CRASH! GIIISH! ZOOM! GGGGGH! SSSSSSSS!!!

Dr Brainstorm peeked out of the room.

"I tripped on some bunny slippers." He whispered. "Luckily, I put my _sound-blockers_ on his parents, so they didn't wake up!"

Jack sighed, and shook his head.

Dr Brainstorm went back into the room.

He took out three feet of rope, and tied Mom and Dad up.

Would you believe that they slept through that?

Yes, they did.

Then, he gagged them.

They were already breathing through their noses, so they didn't notice _that_ either.

Come on, who sleeps through _that?_

Then, Dr Brainstorm piled them onto his shoulders, and tiptoed out of the room, again.

Jack was waiting.

"Mission half accomplished, Jack!" He whispered. "Now come! We have plans to make!"

"Wow, his parents sure are heavy sleepers." Jack observed, ignoring Brainstorm.

"Right, I sprayed them with my _sleeping maker thing._ They will now sleep for three weeks!"

Jack raised his eyebrows.

Brainstorm blinked.

Then, he lowered his eyebrows, and muttered, "OK, one and a half days."

"That sounds better." Jack nodded.

And with that, Brainstorm and Jack walked down the stairs, and exited the house.

Brainstorm threw Calvin's parents in the jet, climbed in, and ordered Jack to do the same.

And with that, Brainstorm revved up the engine, and flew off into the night sky.

With Calvin's parents.

Uh oh.

* * *

Early the next morning, it was 6 AM.

And it was Wednesday.

That meant it was time for school.

Calvin and Hobbes were sound asleep.

Just below on the road, the bus pulled up.

Susie was there, and she got on.

She was kind of relieved that Calvin wasn't around.

Calvin didn't even know about the bus.

Neither did Hobbes.

They slept soundly for the next three hours.

Soon it was 9:39 AM, and they were just now getting up.

Calvin glanced at the clock.

"HOLY TOLEDO!" he shouted. "I'M THREE HOURS LATE FOR SCHOOL! I GOTTA GET UP!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Hmm. Nice acting," he commented.

"You think so? Thanks. I've been practicing for this."

Calvin climbed out of bed.

"But in all seriousness, shall we see what's on TV?"

"Sure."

Calvin and Hobbes ran downstairs.

Calvin grabbed the TV guide.

"Let's see. According to this, the good shows don't come on until school lets out."

"Ouch," Hobbes said.

"Don't worry. We'll just do something about that."

Calvin ran up to his parents' room.

He didn't seem to notice that they weren't home.

Calvin found Dad's wallet, and pulled out a credit card.

Then he went to the phone.

"Hello? Video-Rama? Yes, I'd like to rent some movies and have them delivered here, please?"

Calvin and Hobbes sat back and watched ZOMBIE OF THE NIGHT IV.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

Calvin went to answer it.

A pizza boy was there.

"Ah, there's a good boy," Calvin said.

He handed the guy some cash, grabbed the pizza and slammed the door.

"Okay, one large pizza, half with anchovies!" Calvin shouted.

"Over here!" said Hobbes.

Calvin and Hobbes watched the movie and ate the pizza.

"How much longer do you think we can do this?" asked Hobbes.

"Until Mom and Dad come home."

"Which will be when?"

"When they always come home!"

Then Hobbes thought of something.

"Uh, Calvin? Does your mom have a job?"

"I don't think so."

"Then why isn't she here?"

"Maybe she's shopping for lady stuff. You know, makeup, lipstick, whips; that sort of thing."

When the movie was over, Calvin and Hobbes got out some cookies and ice cream and started to eat them.

Then they boogied all over Mom and Dad's bed.

Then they threw water balloons all over the house.

Then they took rides up and down the chimney.

They played with the whipped cream, watched the bad TV channels, and threw rotten eggs at Susie.

The day went on and on.

Soon, it was almost that time of the day when Dad would come home.

Calvin and Hobbes quickly cleaned up the mess.

Then they stood at the door.

"What do we do now?" asked Hobbes.

"We wait for Dad to walk in that door and suspect nothing," Calvin replied.

"Sounds nice."

They waited for a while.

Then a while became a long time.

Then a long time became kind of late.

Then kind of late became extremely late.

Then extremely late became "where heck are they?"

"Okay, it's been two hours, and Mom and Dad are still not here!" Calvin shouted.

"What do we do?" asked Hobbes.

"I dunno. What's there to do?"

Just then, the phone rang.

Calvin answered.

"Hello?" he asked.

All he could hear was heavy breathing over the phone.

"Eeee-whoooo, eeee-whoooo, eeee-whoooo, eeee-whoooo…"

Calvin stared at the phone in his hand.

"Uhhhh…whoever this is, I'm guessing you have bad asthma?" he guessed.

"Oh fine, if you don't want to do it the classic way, that's fine by me!" said an angry voice.

"Who is this?" asked Calvin.

"Don't you recognize my voice?"

"Ummmm…Aunt Margaret?"

"No! And I don't think I'll be going to one your family reunions anytime soon. It is I! DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!! HA, HA!"

"Oh, hi, Frank. What do you want?" asked Calvin.

"DR BRAINSTORM!!! And I've called to tell you that I have your parents in custody at Yellowstone National Park!"

Calvin gasped.

"YOU'VE WHAT?!?" he shouted.

"I said I have your—"

"I heard you the first time. Why do you have my parents?"

"Look, just get over here and take them home! I have a little surprise waiting for you here. Oh! And bring that robotic tiger too!"

"I'm not a robot!" Hobbes shouted into the phone.

"Okay, fine! Whatever! Just get down here!"

And the line went dead.

Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other.

"Man, how many times in this show are my parents getting into trouble?" he asked.

"Well, there was the camping episode, then there was the mountain episode…"

"Okay, okay, let's just rescue them."

Calvin and Hobbes ran upstairs and jumped into the box.

They took to the sky and set off for Yellowstone.

"Onward and upward!" said Calvin.

* * *

Dr Brainstorm walked out of his phone booth.

"Why does everyone call me Frank?" he demanded.

"Because that's your name," said Jack, who was reading a magazine.

Brainstorm scowled and looked in the cell.

"The sleep maker thing only has half a day left," he said. "They'd better hurry. I can't really be risking exposure."

"Just remember, you can't pin any of this on me," Jack said.

"HA! Just watch me!"

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes soared through the air towards Yellowstone.

It took an hour and a half to get there.

Then they landed the box and walked towards Old Faithful.

Once there, they found the opening to the secret lair and snuck in.

Calvin and Hobbes snuck through long corridors.

The whole place had an eerie glow to it.

"Th-th-there's nothing t-t-to b-be af-f-fraid of Hobb-bb-bbes-s-s," Calvin shivered.

"Who's scared? I'm not scared?" asked Hobbes.

Calvin glared.

"Hobbes, I order you to be scared just like me!" he commanded.

"What for?"

"So I don't feel like a scaredy cat."

"Okay, that's just a stereotype. Cats aren't all scaredy. Look at me, for instance!"

Just then, Jack appeared.

"Yo," he said.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hobbes screamed, and he vanished.

Calvin finally calmed down.

"Hey, Jack. How's it been?"

"Eh, could be worse," said Jack. "I suppose you're here for your parents."

"Yeah, where are they?"

"Well, they're in a cell just down the hall. They're still asleep due to one of Frank's inventions."

"Huh," said Calvin. "One of those moments when the invention actually works."

"Yeah. Come on. They're in the room over there."

Jack led Calvin down the hall to the main control room.

"Here we are," he said. "You're on your own from here."

"Thanks, Jack," said Calvin.

"Sure. And if anything happens to you, I can't be held responsible."

"Whatever."

Jack left, and Calvin entered.

He saw Mom and Dad sound asleep.

"Awww, that's so disgusting," he said sweetly.

"YOU!" shouted a voice.

Calvin turned around casually.

"Oh, hey, Frank."

"**_DR BRAINSTORM!!!_** WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST CALL ME THAT?!?"

"Well, where's the humor in that?" asked Calvin.

Brainstorm scowled.

Then he pulled out a tube and stuck it in Calvin's ear.

"Hey!"

Calvin desperately tried to remove the tube, but it would come out.

"SURPRISE!" said Dr Brainstorm excitedly. "THAT'S MY FEAR DETECTOR TUBE! It collects…scared feelings. I will take your fear and use it to power my fear-making machine."

Calvin stared at him.

"Uh……okay. How do I take it out?"

"Only my hands can take it out!" Brainstorm roared. "So it's stuck until I say it isn't!"

"Uh-huh, and how do you plan on collecting my fear?"

"By scaring you! The fear will go out your ear and into the tube! DON'T ASK HOW! It just does."

Calvin started to back away.

"How the heck are you supposed to scare me?"

"By showing you your worst fears!"

Suddenly, a chair popped out of the floor.

Then it clapped down on Calvin's wrists and ankles.

"HEY! HOBBES! HELP!"

But it was too late.

The lights dimmed. A screen came down.

A projector came down.

Jack sat down next to Calvin with movie popcorn and soda.

"I've seen this one. It's a classic," he whispered to Calvin.

Calvin glared at him.

Just then, a video appeared on the screen.

Moe was approaching a camera.

"HEY, TWINKY! SPARE CHANGE?"

"AAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Calvin.

Suddenly, pink smog appeared in the fear detector tube.

Neat huh?

Then an alien from planet Zok appeared.

"Hi! My name is Alfred. I'm supposed to destroy the Earth Potentate. Do you feel lucky?"

"EEP!"

Miss Wormwood appeared.

"Calvin, where's that assignment I asked for?"

"ACK!"

Rosalyn appeared.

"You are so gonna die!"

"Yeee-IKES!"

A kids TV show.

"Hi! I'm Dora!"

"SAVE ME!"

A picture of eggplant casserole.

"GOOD LORD, YOU'RE A MAD MAN! MAD, I TELL YOU!"

Dr Brainstorm was laughing maniacally.

"HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!" he chuckled. "WHO CAN STOP ME NOW?!? HA, HA, HA, HA! WHO?!?"

Suddenly, they heard glass shattering.

KERASH!

Calvin, Brainstorm and Jack looked up.

Hobbes had smashed through a window and was now swinging down on a rope…

…straight towards Dr Brainstorm.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Hobbes shrieked.

Brainstorm stared at the tiger swinging straight towards him.

"Oh…boy," he muttered.

BLAM!

Hobbes knocked Brainstorm right onto his back.

Then he jumped off the rope and smashed Mom and Dad's cell right open.

BASH!

There was a moment of silence, in which Hobbes watched the stars and checkers circle his head.

Then he stood up, ran over and freed Calvin from the chair.

"Thanks, Hobbes," said Calvin. "Just one question: WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN ALL THIS TIME?!?"

"Well, when Jack startled me, I had to go find a restroom," Hobbes replied.

"Oh. Okay, say no more. Just get this thing out of my ear."

"I'll handle that one," said Jack.

Jack grabbed the unconscious Brainstorm's hand, and put it up to the tube. Once the hand-activated tube was touched, it was easily removed from Calvin's ear.

The fear that was stored inside went back inside Calvin's head.

Thus rendering Brainstorm's device useless.

"Thanks, Jack. Now could you help us load my parents into the box?"

"Sure."

Calvin, Hobbes and Jack loaded the still-sleeping Mom and Dad in to the box.

"Now, according to my watch, you've got three hours to get them back in bed before they wake up. I highly doubt they're going to believe you anyway."

"Good point," agreed Calvin.

"Come on," said Hobbes. "Let's get the heck outta here."

Calvin and Hobbes said their goodbyes to Jack, and then they flew away.

Jack returned to the lab and saw Dr Brainstorm sound asleep on the ground.

He stared at him for a second.

"Nighty-night, Frank," muttered Jack, and he went to bed.

"ZZZZ-Dr-ZZZZ-Brainstorm-ZZZZ," Brainstorm muttered in his sleep.

Jack rolled his eyes and left the room.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes landed in Mom and Dad's room a few hours later.

They immediately tossed them in bed, and then made a mad dash for their room.

Once they were out, Mom and Dad woke up.

"What th—?!" Dad gasped. "Where am I?"

Mom looked at the clock and gasped.

"How long were we asleep?" she asked.

They got up from bed and ran into Calvin's room.

Calvin and Hobbes had shoved the box back into the closet, got into their PJs and into bed, and were now faking sleep.

Mom and Dad looked at each other.

"Odd," said Dad.

"Never mind," said Mom. "Let's just get back to bed."

And they left.

Calvin opened one eye and peeked.

"We just saved their lives, and they'll probably never know," he whispered.

"Whatever," said Hobbes. "Let's just hit the hay. I'm exhausted."

"Fine," said Calvin.

And he dozed off.

But they knew now that they'd still not heard the last from Dr Frank Brainstorm.

**The End**

**Voice Work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon:** Calvin

**Tom Hanks:** Hobbes

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Bill Murray:** Dad

**Jennifer Love Hewitt:** Mom

**Dakota Fanning: **Susie Derkins

**EG Daily:** Moe

**Mary Jo Catlett:** Miss Wormwood

**Daveigh Chase:** Rosalyn

**Neil Crone:** Dr Brainstorm

**Michael Brandon:** Jack

**Colin Mochrie:** Alfred the Alien

* * *

**Coming up Next: **Choas to my Ears! 


	19. Chaos to my Ears

**Summary: **Mom signs Calvin up to an orchestra.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: the Series  
__Written by garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Chaos to my Ears**

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting in their bedroom, reading comic books and waiting for dinner. Not much was going on.

But downstairs, Mom and Dad were sitting at the kitchen table.

Mom was looking over a note from Calvin's school.

"Well, Calvin's done it again," she said. "According to Miss Wormwood, Calvin didn't do his homework, drew aliens on the chalkboard, failed his last three tests, shot spitballs at Susie, and put a tack in her chair."

Dad sighed.

"What are we gonna do with him?" he sighed.

"I think that he needs more to do so as to give him a better sense of responsibility," said Mom.

"That might work, but what could he do? Every time we give him a chore, he breaks something. The vacuum, the vases, the pictures, the TV, my work desk, the lamps… And don't get me started on the peanut butter incident."

Mom shuddered.

"How about an after-school activity?" she suggested.

Dad thought.

"That could work," he said. "There are so many things he could learn from those, and they'd all build character. The school newspaper, the track team, baseball—"

"Band class," said Mom.

Dad froze.

"Um…what?" he asked.

"He'll take band class. I'll sign him right away."

Mom got up to call the school.

Dad looked nervous and grabbed her arm.

"Uh, dear, maybe you should ask him about this."

"What for? We already know he'll say no."

"Right, so why force him into something he won't like?"

"But you just said he could build character."

"Yeah, but band class builds way too much character."

Mom rolled her eyes.

"You're still traumatized from when you were in band class."

"Well, dear, you've got to realize that anyone who was ever in band never gets any respect! I mean, look at me! I'm a scrawny, balding guy with glasses! It says 'former band student' all over me!"

"Dear…"

Dad got down on his knees.

"Please, don't make him do it! I vowed never to force my own children into such a despicable class!"

"Well, I did not, so he's going."

Dad quickly ran upstairs and stood before Calvin and Hobbes, who were both sitting on the bed.

"Okay, what is about to happen is not my fault!" he said.

And then he leapt to the far corner of the room.

Mom entered.

"Good news, Calvin," she said. "I've signed you up to be in your school's band class!"

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

Hobbes hid under the bed at once.

This new information sunk in.

Calvin's eyes grew wide.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" he shouted.

Dad sighed.

"I warned you," he muttered.

Mom rolled her eyes.

"Practice starts after school tomorrow, so be there."

And Mom left.

Dad stood before Calvin.

"I'm sorry, son," he said, putting a hand on Calvin's shoulder. "I really am."

And he followed his wife.

Hobbes poked his head out from behind the bed.

Calvin just sat there.

"You know, I hate it when Mom does that. She signed me up for Camp Pine without asking me, and we got attacked by aliens! She did it again, and we were attacked by a bear! She signed me up for swimming lessons, and I nearly drowned."

"I think you benefited from them though," Hobbes said.

"How?"

"You now know you should avoid aliens, bears and water!"

"Ha, ha. You're funny."

"Thank you."

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Hobbes, it's more than Mom making me do something I hate. Band kids are freaks! They have poofy hair, braces, glasses, pale faces and plaid shirts. In other words, they're geeks!"

"Well, you're missing the braces and glasses, but other than that, you'll fit right in," said Hobbes.

Calvin glared.

The next day, Calvin brought Hobbes to school with him.

"Thanks for coming, Hobbes," said Calvin as they walked out of the building towards the football field.

"No problem, buddy," said Hobbes. "I think I'd like to see these geeks you spoke of."

They reached the field.

There were several kids standing there.

Some held tubas.

Some held drums.

Some held trumpets.

Some held trombones.

Some held saxophones.

Phew! I'm probably forgetting a few things.

"Poor slobs," Hobbes muttered.

Calvin approached the band instructor.

"Hello, I'm Calvin," he said. "My mom is forcing me to join this despicable art you call band. And I'll have you know there should be a law against letting six-year-olds play music."

"Newcomer, eh?" said the instructor. "Well, I want you to go over to the extra instruments over there, and we'll see what you can play."

"Yessir."

After giving the band class their instructions, the instructor led Calvin and Hobbes to a bunch of metals and percussions.

Then in a sophisticated voice, the instructor said, "Welcome to Young Peoples Guide to the Orchestra. I am your instructor, Maestro Klein. We are here to fill your little mind with musical know-how."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"We shall begin with the clarinet."

Klein took out a clarinet.

"The clarinet…can play very high notes—" He paused to play some high notes on the instrument, "—and very low notes." He played the high notes again. Then he cleared his throat played the low notes.

Calvin watched him with an arched-eyebrow.

"It can be classical," Klein continued.

He played Symphony No. 9 on it.

"Or jazz."

He played a jazzy theme on it.

"Or ethnic."

He played a Bar Mitzvah song on it.

Calvin and Hobbes just stared at him.

"The clarinet can be the perfect button for situation-comedy television episode in which the harried father tries to hide the evidence of his absolutely kooky family…from his boss."

Klein grabbed a hat and started running around in circles.

Then his sophisticated voice went away, and was replaced with a nervous wimpy voice.

"Oh, Martha! Hide that! Mr Thorndike is coming! Oh-no! Junior, take the dog out! Oh-no! Here he comes! Oh-no-no!"

Then he played a light melody on the clarinet to illustrate the scene.

Then he waited for Calvin's reaction.

Calvin was staring at him with squinted eyes.

Hobbes was staring at him with wide eyes.

"Ummm, can I see a different instrument, please?" Calvin asked quietly.

"Certainly," said Klein, tossing the clarinet aside.

Then Klein yanked out a bongo drum and started to beat it.

BUM! BUM! BUM!

"I'm sure, young man, that you will recognize the rum-tum-tum of the drum-drum-drum."

Klein said that last part through gritted teeth.

"It is mostly regarded as a percussion instrument. Let's say that together. Per-cush-un."

Calvin didn't say anything.

"Per-cush-un!" Klein said again.

Still nothing.

"Fine, have it your way."

Then he held the drum in front of him.

"The drum was often used by primitive peoples as a means of communication."

Then he played a beat.

BUM-BA-DA! BUM! BUM! BUM-BA-DA! BUM-BA-DA-DAH! BUM! BUM! BUM!

"That means 'Bring home a container of milk'."

BA-DUM!

"Skimmed."

Calvin just looked at him.

"Why did your mom say this would help you learn responsibility?" he asked.

Calvin shrugged.

"Moving on," said Klein.

Klein pulled out a saxophone.

"The saxophone is curvy, and what else?"

"Yellowy," said Calvin.

"Yes, and what else?"

"It's got little pearl buttons that jump up and down."

"Fine, that's good enough. Now let's listen to a jazz record consisting the saxophone."

Klein put a record on a record player and started to play it.

A soft jazz song with a sax started to come out.

And Klein started to snap his fingers and dance along with it.

"Ooh, yeah," he said, sounding both sophisticated and funky at the same time.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, hoo! Oh, yeah!"

Hobbes sighed.

"Reefer! Oh!"

Calvin turned to Hobbes.

"Kinda reminds ya of Mr B-Natural, doesn't it?" He asked.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, then got bored and left.

"Interestingly enough, the saxophone was created by, of all things, a German."

Calvin's eyes grew narrow.

And then Klein danced and snapped some more.

"And through a peculiar series of circumstances, it's become a favorite instrument of…Cosby family members."

Calvin slapped his forehead.

Hobbes returned with a bag of chips.

"Did I mess anything?"

"Not really."

Klein continued to dance to the record.

"Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhh," he said in a low voice.

The record ended.

Klein turned off the record player.

"So, kid, what'll it be?" he asked in a voice that a normal person would use.

Calvin and Hobbes just stared at him like he was crazy.

And he probably was.

"Can I go home now?" Calvin asked.

* * *

When Calvin got home, He went bursting through the front door.

Mom looked up from her sewing.

"Oh, hello, Calvin. How was band class?"

Calvin's eyes bulged, and a wide fake smile formed on his face.

"Oh it was _wonderful! _Oh wonderous fun! I've never been so happy in my life! I can't wait to go back tomorrow! WOW! It's all just so _FUN!!!_"

Calvin stuck his nose into his mother's face.

"FUN! FUN! **_FUN!_**"

And with that, he stormed up the stairs, grumbling to himself.

Dad rolled his eyes around, and didn't look at Mom.

Calvin burst into his room, where he found Hobbes reading a comic book.

Hobbes looked up, and put the comic book away.

"Oh, hello there. Back already?"

"Shut up." Calvin spat.

Calvin got onto the bed, grabbed the comic book off the desk, and began reading it.

Hobbes stared at him.

"Well, I'm assuming things didn't get much better after I left?" He asked.

"No, as a matter of fact, IT DIDN'T!"

"Well, maybe tomorrow will be better." Hobbes suggested.

"Yeah, and pigs can fly."

* * *

The next day, Calvin tried numerous times to escape school.

He tried smacking the erasers enough to cause a big enough cloud to escape. It didn't work, and he was sent to Mr Spittle's office.

Then, during lunch, Calvin started throwing food everywhere, which started a food fight, and enabled Calvin to rush out. However, Miss Wormwood caught him, and he was sent to Mr Spittle's office, again.

And when recess came, Calvin tried climbing over the fence and into freedom, but Miss Wormwood caught him again.

He was sent to Mr Spittle's office.

Again.

It was pretty much a typical day at school in other words.

When the bell rang at four o'clock, everyone in Calvin's class cheered, and rushed off.

Except Calvin, of course.

He grouchily trudged into the band room.

Klein was waiting for him.

"Ah, welcome. Ready to experience the wonders of music?"

"No." Calvin said, grumpily.

"Neither am I. Sit down."

Calvin muttered to himself, and sit down in a chair.

Klein stood in front of the class.

"Alrighty then. Let us begin."

Klein reached behind his desk, and pulled out a kazoo.

"This is a special instrument called a kazoo. It's like the clarinet, but smaller. And noisier."

Calvin blinked.

Klein put his lips to the kazoo, and blew into it.

_HONK!_

"AAAA!" Calvin screamed. "THAT NOISE! IT'S LIKE A NAIL SCRAPING MY BRAIN!"

Klein took it away from his mouth, and stared at it.

"I'm judging that whoever invented this was working on low budget." he said, throwing it over his shoulder.

That one little part can give you an idea how the rest of the lesson went.

When it was done, the other kids eagerly rushed out, but Calvin, surprisingly, hesitated.

He spent the next four seconds studying Klein.

He was writing something down on a notepad.

Hmmmm,

Calvin decided to try his luck.

He got out of his chair, marched over to Klein, and jabbed a finger at him.

"YOU DO NOT ENJOY TEACHING BAND, _DO _YOU!"

Klein looked up from his papers.

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"The eyes tell it all!" Calvin screamed. "You always have your eyes on that TV over there!"

He pointed at a small TV in the corner.

"YOU don't like teaching these band geeks! DO YOU!"

"I love band." Klein said, crossing his arms.

His eye twitched.

Then he sighed.

"OK, so I don't like it. Why do you care?"

"Well, I don't like it either!" Calvin said.

"I noticed."

Calvin stared at him.

"How do you know that?" He asked.

"It's written all over your face." Klein said. "Plus you've told me a hundred times."

"Ninety nine times." Calvin said.

"Uh huh." Klein muttered. "Well, there's nothing either one of us can do about it, so we might as well deal with it."

Calvin thought.

"Hmm, I have a plan." He said.

"I'm taking that as a bad sign." Klein said, sitting up.

Calvin glared at Klein.

"I have a plan on how to get _me_ out of this horrible place, and how to get you out!"

"Nope, can't leave." Klein said. "I'm working on a salary."

Calvin stared at him.

"Wow. What a way to live."

"My words exactly." Klein said.

"OK, then, I have an idea on how _I_ can get out of this horrible place. But you'll need to help."

"What makes you think I'm going to help you?" Klein demanded.

Calvin reached into his pocket.

"I have gum?"

Klein stared at him.

"Is it mint?"

"Yup."

"OK, I'll help." Klein said.

Calvin handed him a stick of gum.

"OK." Calvin muttered. "Here's the plan of the century!"

* * *

When Calvin got home, he opened the door very carefully, and tiptoed up into his room.

Just then, Mom walked up to the base of the stairs.

"Hello, Calvin." She said. "How was band class?"

Calvin stopped.

He turned a sweet innocent grin onto her.

"Oh it was _wonderful,_ mother. I've never had so much fun in my life! How could I ever misjudge you?"

"You know Calvin, I really hate your sarcasm." Mom said.

Calvin backed up into his room with that big stupid grin plastered all over his face.

He opened the door, back into it, and slammed the door.

Mom rolled her eyes, sighed, and walked away.

Dad walked by next.

"Poor kid." He muttered under his breath.

* * *

Calvin stood on the opposite end of the door.

Hobbes looked up from his comic book.

"Ah look who's home! It's tubaman himself!"

"Shut up." Calvin spat. "Klein has agreed to help me escape that place."

"Ah yes, another teacher/student conflict, eh?"

"No." Calvin growled. "Now shut up! It turns out that Klein hates his job, and although he can't leave it, he has agreed to spare _me!_"

"Huh." Hobbes said.

"In other words, I'm going to cooperate with an adult."

"That's weird."

"_What?!_"

"Nothing."

Calvin glared at him, then walked over to his MTM.

"This means, I'll have plenty of time to work on my voice activated MTM."

He picked the CD player up, and walked out of the room.

Hobbes watched.

"A grown up has agreed to help Calvin do something." He said, slowly.

He paused.

"I'm in a nightmare." He said.

* * *

The next day, Calvin didn't spend his entire day trying to escape.

For he knew his plan would work.

When 4 rolled around, Calvin happily walked into the band room.

Klein was waiting.

"Ah hello." He said. "Nobody's here yet, so I've been preparing."

"Goody." Calvin said. "Do you have the red wires in the red sockets?"

"Yes." Klein said.

He paused.

He ran over to a control panel on the wall, and checked.

"I do, now." He said, walking back up.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"OK, fine, whatever. When you see my signal, push the button under you chair.

"Gothya. You better sit down. The class is coming."

Calvin looked up, then dove into his seat.

The rest of the class came in.

Klein stood in front of them.

"Welcome." He said. "Take you seats, and shut up."

The kids sat down.

"OK." He said. "Will the kazoo players please step forward?"

"Uh, Mr Klein?" Asked one of the kazoo kids.

"What?"

"Someone broke into our house, and sabotaged our kazoos."

Klein stared at them.

"Uh... OK. I wonder who."

Calvin rolled his eyes skyward.

"OK, well, what about the trumpet players?"

The tuba players stepped up.

"Please blow into your trumpet as if it was a kazoo." Klein said. "I'll be over by my desk."

Klein walked up to his desk.

The kids with the trumpets exchanged glances, and started blowing random notes into the instument.

HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK!

Calvin blinked.

Then he gave Klein the signal.

A slightly raised eyebrow.

Klein sat down at his desk, and pushed a button on his desk.

Calvin grinned.

All at once there was a crack.

The trumpet players paused, and looked around.

_POOF!_

All at once, smoke filled the room.

Everyone shot up, and stumbled over their untied shoe lances.

Klein sat back in his chair.

Calvin rushed up to Klein, and whispered, "Thanks a bunch, I'll be taking the blame in about two minutes."

"Enjoy your band free life." Klein said.

"Don't you worry about that." Calvin said. "Now then, on to phase two of the two phase plan."

Calvin burst out of the band room, and screeched, "HELP! FIRE! HELP! MURDER! MAYDAY! MY LEG'S KILLING ME! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT! AND HURRY FIRST CHANCE YOU GET!"

And with that, Calvin went wailing up and down the halls mimicking a siren.

"WEEEEEHOOOOO! WEEEEEHOOOOO! WEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOO! WEEEEEHOOOOO!"

Mr Spittle burst from his office, and looked around.

"I hate this job." He grumbled to himself, as Calvin went running past, flailing his arms in all directions.

* * *

Meanwhile, Mom was at home, doing some sewing, when all at once, the phone rang.

She looked up.

She looked over at the door, and saw that Calvin wasn't home yet.

"I really shouldn't answer the phone." She said.

She gulped, prepared herself, and picked the receiver up.

* * *

"I'm home!" Dad said, walking in the front door.

Mom came storming up to him.

"Dear!" She spat. "Calvin was just disqualified from band class!"

Dad stared at her.

Then he collapsed onto his knees, jabbed his fist into the air, and yelled, "YESS!"

Then his eyes popped open.

"Uh... I mean, oh no!"

He stood up.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Calvin did something to the air vents, and filled the entire band room with smoke!"

Dad blinked.

"I want you to get up there and have a talk with your son!"

"Uh... yeah, right."

Dad ran up the stairs.

Mom watched him with her arms crossed.

* * *

Dad entered the room, and found Calvin staring at him.

"Oh. Hi." He said. "Did I mention that this is International Lying Day? Everything Mom told you isn't true because of the holiday."

Dad towered over Calvin.

"Your mother just told me you were disqualified from band class. Is this true?"

"Dad!" Calvin yelled. "Where's your holiday spirit?"

Dad went nose to nose with him.

"_DID YOU!_" he yelled.

Calvin blinked several times.

Then, he sighed.

"OK, it's true. I was disqualified from the stupid band..."

Suddenly, Dad cut him off.

"Congratulations!" He whispered. "I would never have thought of smoke! You really did it!"

Calvin gave Dad a blank stare.

"Huh?"

"You've exited the horrors of band class, Calvin! You've made me so proud!"

"Huh?"

"I promise you'll never have to deal with it again!"

"Huh?"

"No more after school activities! You've proven you know more about escaping band class than I did!"

"Uh... thanks. I think."

Dad gave Calvin several thumbs up, and then left.

Hobbes looked up from his comic book.

"Hmm, it appears that your Dad isn't a big fan of that place."

"Yeah." Calvin said. "Would you look at that? Dad hated it, too!"

He turned to Hobbes.

"Which means, everything worked out! I'm not in trouble, _and_ I'm not in band class! Is this great or what!"

"Sure." Hobbes shrugged. "Except, I'm still confused why your Dad doesn't like it so much. He likes everything else. Except technology."

"Who cares!" Calvin said. "Let's just close this story, before things get any better!"

"Cue." Hobbes said.

Suddenly, Dad came through the door.

"By the way, Calvin," He said. "To celebrate your disqualification, we're going on a camping for the weekend! So let's get cracking!"

Calvin stared at Dad in disbelief.

Dad closed the door.

"This is so wrong." Calvin growled. "Just end the stupid story already."

"Very well, if you insist." Hobbes said.

He reached off screen, and pulled the end card up.

**The End**

**Voice work**

**Pamela Segall Adlon:** Calvin

**Tom Hanks:** Hobbes / the kid with the kazoo

**Bill Murray:** Dad

**Jennifer Love Hewitt:** Mom

**Robert Klein:** Maestro Klein

* * *

**Coming up next: **Wild Movie


	20. Insanity is in the Air

**Summary: **After Andy's crush falls for Calvin, Andy challenges Calvin to a contest to win her heart over.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Insanity is in the Air**

Yep, it was February. It was only a couple of days before Valentine's Day.

Calvin was preparing for it in the usual way. He planned to give Susie a black paper heart and dead flowers, either hoping to offend her or something else.

Hobbes had his own ideas on the subject.

Right now, Calvin and Hobbes were walking through the woods. Calvin was wearing his blue jacket right now.

"Well, Valentine's Day is coming up!" said Hobbes.

"So what? Who cares?! Not _me_!" Calvin said angrily.

Hobbes grinned at Calvin slyly.

"Do you have a Valentine this year?" he prodded, getting close to Calvin's face.

"NO!" Calvin shouted, shoving him away.

"Is it _Susie_?!" Hobbes grinned, winking at him.

"**_NO!!_**" Calvin hollered.

"Ooh, I bet it is! I'm sure that this is the year that you finally get up the guts to ask Susie on a date!" Hobbes said, holding his hands in a romantic way.

"**_WHAT?!?_**"

"Yep, and when she accepts, you'll go to a movie, and she'll fall asleep on your shoulder, and you'll casually wrap an arm around her and hold her close!"

Calvin snarled angrily.

"Then you'll drive her home and pull out a plastic ring you got her from a gumball machine outside the theater, and you'll get down on one knee…"

"**_SHUT UP!!_**"

"…and you'll hold her hand…"

"**_DON'T YOU DARE!_**"

"…and you'll ask her that very important question…"

"**SHUT UP! _SHUT UP! SHUT UP!_**"

"… 'Will you marry me?'"

"**_THAT DOES IT!_**"

Calvin jumped Hobbes square in the middle and knocked him to the ground. They began smacking, hitting and yelling at each other.

"_TAKE IT BACK!_" Calvin screamed.

"The honeymoon will be in Cancun!" said Hobbes.

"_TAKE IT BACK!_"

"You'll buy an expensive gift for her on all your anniversaries!"

"_TAKE IT BACK!_"

"You'll snuggle up in front of a fireplace reading romantic poetry to each other!"

"_TAKE IT BACK, TAKE IT BACK, TAKE IT BACK!_"

They rolled down Sneer Hill and finally collided with a fence.

They just lay there, panting and gasping for air until they finally got up.

"Truce?" gasped Calvin.

"Okay, truce," sighed Hobbes.

They both dusted themselves off.

"Just another Valentine's Day for us," said Calvin.

"And how. Let's find Andy and Socrates and get a game of Calvinball started," Hobbes suggested.

"Excellent idea. Let's go."

They ran down the sidewalk and crossed the street to the house with the fancy satellite.

Calvin knocked on the door.

Andy answered it.

"Oh, hey guys," he said. "Come on in."

"Hey, Andy," said Calvin. "We were just wondering if you were up for a quick game of Calvinball."

"Maybe a little later. I've got to do something real quick. Socrates and Sherman are in the living room," said Andy, heading for the stairs to his room.

"What's Socrates doing here?" asked Hobbes.

"Something about a chess game. I dunno. I don't really care about that right now."

And he disappeared up the stairs.

Calvin and Hobbes entered the living room.

Socrates and Sherman were sitting on either side of a table with a chess set in between them.

It was quite clear that Sherman was winning.

In fact, Sherman was reading his tiny novel of _War and Peace _as he waited for Socrates to make a move.

"Hey, guys," said Calvin.

"Hello," said Sherman.

"Can't talk. Must think," said Socrates, still glaring at chess pieces.

Hobbes stared at the board.

"Crateso, you've lost," he said. "You just sitting here is just delaying the inevitable."

"Nonsense! I can do this!"

Sherman sighed.

"Socrates, I'm up to chapter ten in this thing. _Please_ just call it quits!"

"Hey, I _never_ call it quits!" Socrates snarled. "I ain't going down without a fight!"

Everyone watched him.

Socrates picked up a Knight. He moved it down two squares and one to the left.

Sherman picked up a Bishop and knocked it out.

"Checkmate," he said dully.

Socrates was silent for a moment.

"Well…," he said at last. "At least I went down fighting."

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"Sherman, what is Andy doing up there?" Calvin asked.

"Oh, I don't know. He's been up there locked in his room for days now. I can't figure it out. He won't even let me in!"

"Maybe he's hiding something from us," suggested Hobbes.

"What would he hide from us?" asked Socrates. "He's not exactly known for having a personality around here."

Just then, they heard the sound of footsteps coming downstairs.

Everyone whipped around and saw Andy approaching them. He looked a little embarrassed.

"Um, can I ask you guys something?" he asked nervously.

"Sure, what is it?" asked Calvin.

"Well…let's say I had this friend…and he meets this very pretty girl…and let's say this friend wanted to talk to this girl, but he was too shy. What would you recommend to this friend?"

There was a long silence.

And not your standard pause. We're talking six ice ages later pause.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Sherman stared at Andy with wide eyes.

Finally, Socrates spoke.

"Am _I_ this friend?" he asked curiously.

"HE'S TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF, MORON!" shouted Calvin.

Andy sighed and covered his face.

Calvin turned back to Andy.

"Andy, you're an intelligent boy. What the heck is with you, falling for a girl? That's almost illegal!"

"Oh come off it, Calvin! I'm eight! I think I'm old enough to have those feelings," Andy said defensively.

Hobbes grinned and slung an arm over Andy's shoulder.

"Why you little charmer you! Who's the lucky lady?"

"Well, her name is Maria. I met her at Best Buy a while ago, and I've been meaning to call her and talk to her, but I've been a bit nervous about it."

"Then I think it's time ol' Hobbes taught you the ways of love."

Calvin groaned.

"Oh boy. Andy, ignore every word of this. Trust me."

Hobbes opened a window.

"Lesson one: love is like a gentle songbird," he said.

As if on cue, a small bird came in and perched itself on Hobbes' finger.

"You must open your trusting heart to its song. You must accept love totally and completely."

He passed the bird on to Andy, who took it on his own finger.

For about three seconds, the bird stared at him.

Then…

_CHOMP!_

"Ow! Love just pecked at my nose!" Andy yelled.

"Which brings us, sadly, to rule number two…," said Hobbes, letting the bird fly away.

"Hobbes, please stop it!" said Calvin. "This isn't going to work! We need to find a way to explain it to Andy in a way he'll understand."

"Ooh, I know how," said Socrates, getting up.

He stood before Andy.

"Okay, uh, remember that one episode of the _Twilight Zone_ where—"

"Not _that_ way!" Calvin groaned.

Andy sighed.

* * *

Later that evening, Andy was sitting in his room, continuing to stare at his phone.

Sherman was preparing for bed in his cage.

"To be perfectly honest Andy, I think the phone can outstare _any_one," he sighed.

Andy then pulled on a face of determination.

"I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna call the girl I've given my heart to!" he said, picking up the phone.

"Atta boy!" said Sherman proudly.

Andy slowly began dialing.

However, once he was right before the last number, he suddenly froze, and he slammed the phone down again.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"I'm gonna turn in early. I'll check for more progress tomorrow," he said, pulling his curtain down around his cage.

Andy sat there, twitching.

"So…very…afraid…to dial," he moaned.

* * *

Early the next morning, Calvin and Hobbes entered Andy's house.

Sherman was sitting on the stair railing, waiting for them.

"Okay, Vermin, what's the meaning of you calling us up on Saturday morning?" Hobbes demanded.

"Did I wake you?" Sherman asked.

"No, you interrupted our cartoons. We were up hours ago," said Calvin. "You said something about Andy losing his mind?"

"He's upstairs in his room right now trying to call that girl. He's starting to resort to desperate measures."

"Such as?"

"Well, he's sitting at his computer right now typing up a list of conversation topics for when he actually decides to call her."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

They ran up the stairs and slowly entered Andy's room.

Andy was sitting in his chair, typing up an incredibly long list.

"Um, hey, Andy," Calvin said cautiously. "You okay?"

"Fineneverbeenbetterwhydoyouask?" said Andy.

"Well…Sherman says you're typing conversation topics for when you call that girl," said Hobbes.

"Yesthatiscorrect."

Calvin stared at the page count.

"You've got about thirty-six pages there," he said.

"Yepyepgottabepreparedgottabeprepared."

Calvin and Hobbes eyed the page he was on.

"You really think she'll want to talk about Indian Elephant Polo?" Calvin asked.

"Or ostrich meat farming?" asked Hobbes, grimacing.

"SHE MIGHT! SHE MIGHT!" Andy shrieked, frustrated.

"Whoa, calm down there, champ," said Hobbes, patting him on the back. "Of course, I've always thought of spontaneity to be the spice of life."

Andy scrolled up a few pages.

"Uh…uh…_HERE_! _Yes, I agree. Spontaneity is wonderful_," he said.

Hobbes groaned.

"Andy, what Hobbes means is that you really need to just go out there and talk to her! Get a conversation going on a topic you _know_ about," said Calvin. "Look, just go find her and get her!"

Andy stared at Calvin for a long time.

Then he pulled on a face of determination.

"You're right, Calvin! I'm going for it! I'm gonna go down to the park and talk to her and win her heart!"

And he shot out of his room, down the stairs and out the door.

Calvin and Hobbes began to follow.

"Hey, take me too! I wanna watch!" shouted Sherman.

Calvin grabbed him and stuck him in his pocket.

They tore down the sidewalk after Andy.

Socrates was walking up the sidewalk playing with a paddleball.

**_SHOOM!_**

Andy shot past him like a silver bullet.

Socrates was spun around like a top, causing him to get tangled up in the paddle's string.

"SUNDAY DRIVER!" shouted Socrates.

As they ran past, Hobbes yanked the string and freed Socrates, and then dragged him along behind him.

Andy approached the park. He could see her standing there.

Maria was a seven year old girl who was wearing a pink sweater, long white pants, black hair and a pink hair band.

Andy tugged at his collar and slowly approached her.

Maria was reading a book at a park bench as he slowly approached.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Sherman all skidded to a halt at the jungle gym to watch.

"Well, here we go," said Calvin.

"Is that her?" asked Socrates.

"Wow! She ain't bad looking!" commented Hobbes.

"Let's just pray for the best," said Sherman.

They all watched young Andy approach the girl. He stood next to her now.

For weeks he'd been preparing for this moment. For weeks, he had planned out the first words he would say to her. And now he takes one last breath and dives into the words of romance.

"Uuuuuhhhh…," he said, drawing a blank.

"Pardon?" asked Maria, looking up.

Nearby, Susie was approaching Calvin.

"Calvin, you jerk!" she said angrily. "What's the meaning of you giving me a black heart for Valentine's Day?! I oughta—"

Calvin put up a hand to silence her.

"Susie, I'd love to argue with you. I really would. But right now, Andy is trying to ask a girl on a date, and I'm trying to listen."

Susie looked over at Andy and Maria.

Andy looked somewhat pale as Maria looked confused.

"Uh…hi! I'm Andy, and I really—COFF!—I—_COFF! COFF! COFF!_—I really—_COFF! COFF! COFF!—_like—**_COFF! COFF! COFF!_**—you!" he struggled.

Maria now looked somewhat creeped out.

"A regular ladies man at work," commented Socrates.

Maria finally spoke.

"Aren't you Andy?" she asked.

Andy stared.

"You…you know who I am?" he asked, perking up.

"Of course I do, silly!" she said. "I'd know you _any_where!"

Andy's heart soared and a giant grin plastered his face.

Romantic music played through the air.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Sherman and Susie watched from nearby.

So they all heard it when Maria uttered those fatal words.

"You're Calvin's friend!" she swooned.

The romantic music screeched.

Andy's heart shattered almost.

Everyone stared.

It was completely silent.

Everyone turned and stared at Calvin.

"_Calvin's friend_?" repeated Andy.

"Calvin's friend?!" gasped Sherman.

"_Calvin's_ friend?!" asked Socrates.

"_Calvin's friend_?!?" yelled Hobbes.

"**_Calvin's friend_**?!?" demanded Susie.

**_CALVIN'S FRIEND?!?_**Calvin thought, completely freaked out.

Calvin then observed his surroundings.

He had shocked glances coming at him from every direction.

"Uh-oh…," he muttered.

* * *

Calvin's eyes drifted open.

He blinked several times, and looked around.

He was in his bedroom.

He looked around.

He saw Hobbes sitting in a chair eating a tuna sandwich and reading a comic book.

"Ugh... what happened?" Calvin asked, rubbing his head.

Hobbes looked up.

"What? Oh, you fainted after that girl that Andy has a crush on just revealed she liked you."

Calvin's eyes popped open.

"A _GIRL!!_ LIKING _MEEEE?!?!_"

He sat straight up in bed.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!_**"

He crashed back into the pillow.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!_**"

Sat up, again.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!_**"

Back to the pillow.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!_**"

Hobbes watched Calvin for a long time.

Then, finally, a voice rang out from downstairs.

"_CALVIN! SHUT UP!!_"

Calvin immediately halted his siren at his mother's request.

But that doesn't mean he calmed down.

"A girl can't like _ME!_ I'm head of G.R.O.S.S.! My reputation is ruined!!!"

Calvin curled up into a ball on the floor and began shivering.

Hobbes watched.

He was sorely tempted to begin in on his cupid and Dr I.M.N. Love jokes, but held back.

This was getting interesting.

"Hobbes," Calvin gasped. "That girl _likes_ me!!"

"Yeah, she's nice." Hobbes replied.

"She's wrecked my theory on girls! I can't go on, Hobbes! I can't bear to live in a world where girls like boys and boys like girls! Goodbye old friend!!!"

And with that, Calvin's head fell to the ground, and his eyes slammed shut.

Hobbes stared at him.

"Wait a minute..." Calvin suddenly yelled, sitting up. "She did it on purpose, the little sneak!"

He turned to Hobbes.

"Don't you get it?! She knew it would turn my whole world upside down and cause me to doubt everything that was dear and precious!"

"Almost as if she had something against a boy she's never met." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

Calvin leaped to his feet.

"But it won't work, Hobbes!" He yelled. "We must be strong! Even as the rafters of life are crashing down upon our heads! Why are you staring me?!"

"Well, I'm kind of confused..." he began.

Calvin turned away, and gathered his thoughts.

Then he turned back to Hobbes.

"Hobbes, being a dunce has its advantages. You're spared some of life's darkest moments. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks. Andy's at your door."

"What?"

"Andy is at your bedroom door. Looks pretty angry, too."

Calvin blinked.

He stared at Hobbes.

"Oh right. Andy's crush. Life goes on, doesn't it?

Calvin turned around and faced Andy.

"Welcome to the household of Calvin. Please state your business, and get lost. I'm very busy man."

Andy marched over to Calvin and stuck his nose in his face.

"Why does Maria like you all of a sudden?!" He demanded.

"How am I supposed to know? She's a girl."

"You stole her from me!!"

Calvin's eyes popped open.

He stared at Andy for a long time.

"Andy, what kind of cereal do you eat?" He asked, finally.

"So you think you can steal her from me, huh?!" Andy yelled, frantically.

"Ya know, I could probably sum this situation up by discussing a few episodes from The Outer Limits." Calvin said.

"I won't let you steal her!" Andy yelled. "I challenge you to a contest of impressing her! Whoever wins gets her!"

Calvin patted Andy on the head.

"Very well, Andrew. I shall humor you in your trivial pursuits. I think I can work you in next Monday at four. Sound good?"

"Today." Andy growled.

"Well, I'll have to push some goofing off into bedtime, but sure. Why not?"

Before Calvin could do anything else, Andy grabbed his arm, and lead him out.

Hobbes watched them go.

He picked up a telephone, which was there just for the sake of the story, and began dialing.

"Hello? Socrates? Meet me down at the park. And bring popcorn."

And with that, he hung up, and rushed out of the room.

* * *

Maria was still in the park, sitting on the bench, reading a book.

Calvin and Andy were a few yards away, hiding behind a tree.

Well at least Andy was.

Calvin was leaning against a rock, examining his fingernails, and wondering what was on TV.

"Alright." Andy said. "Are you ready for the contest?"

Calvin looked up.

"Why yes, Andy, I would _love_ a space jet. How kind of you to ask."

Andy's eyes narrowed.

"Will you _listen_ to me! I'm talking about the contest!"

Calvin stared at him.

"What? Oh. OK. What's the contest?

Andy was tempted to strangle Calvin.

"_THE CONTEST FOR MARIA!_ What do you think I've been talking about for the past few hours!!"

"Well, it had to do with _Gamera vs. Zigra_. I know that."

Andy's eyes slammed shut.

"Look Calvin. We're both trying to win Maria's heart."

"We are?" Calvin asked.

"Yes." Andy said, through gritted teeth.

"What are you going to do with it?"

Andy stared at him.

"Do with what?"

"Maria's heart. What are you going to do with it if you win?"

Andy gave Calvin a long stare.

He heaved a sigh.

Then, he finally said, "I'm going first.

"Uh huh." Calvin said. "And what are you going to use to impress her?"

Andy pulled out a bouquet of flowers.

Calvin stared at him.

"Huh." He said, finally.

Andy turned around, and started walking towards Maria.

Meanwhile, Hobbes and Socrates had taken up residence on the other side of the park.

They were both watching through binoculars, and listening in on one of those electrical things that allow you to eavesdrop on people. Socrates owned them.

They had just finished listening to Calvin and Andy's conversation, and were ready to burst with insane laughter.

Have we ever discussed Socrates' laughter? He starts out laughing at whatever it was that amused him. Then he keeps laughing. It goes on and on, until finally he's just laughing at the fact that he's still laughing. The laughter stops whenever he passes out, or finally decides to calm down and try to catch his breath.

Sherman in the meantime was reading some physics book on the bench, rolling his eyes at Socrates and Hobbes every time they laughed.

Andy walked up to Maria.

"Hello, Maria..." he began.

Maria looked up.

"Oh, hello, Andy." She said.

Andy cut right to the chase, and handed Maria the flowers.

This caused twisting in Calvin's stomach and laughter from Socrates.

Maria, a little shocked at the flowers, smiled, and took them.

"Thank you Andy, that was sweet of you." She said, beaming at Andy.

Andy grinned.

_This is working!_ _I'm impressing her!_

Calvin, who at the moment had lost interest in the situation was currently going through files on the MTM, deleting all the empty folders that Socrates had put on it, and began installing a clock into it.

About fifteen minutes into installing the clock, Andy came running up to him.

"I did it, Calvin! I gave her the flowers, and we had a conversation."

"Uh huh, that's nice."

"What are you going to do to impress her?" Andy asked, crossing his arms.

"Elementary my dear Andrew."

Calvin pushed a button the MTM.

_Printer activated._

ZZZT ZOOOT ZZZZT ZOOOT ZZZZT ZOOOOT

Calvin and Andy watched as a piece of paper slowly made it's way out of the tip of the MTM.

Calvin grabbed it out, and turned the MTM off.

"If this doesn't impress Maria, then I won't care." He said, showing the paper to Andy.

Andy stared at him.

Calvin turned around, and strode across the sidewalk towards the girl.

"Greetings, Maria, or whatever your name is."

Maria looked up.

She grinned at Calvin.

"Hello, Calvin. I'm happy to meet you."

"Uh huh. Anyway, against my better judgement, I have written a Valentine poem for you."

Maria smiled at Calvin.

"Really? Can I hear it?"

"Well, I'd suppose so, considering it's for you." Calvin said.

Calvin held up the paper and cleared his throat.

"Ahem. Roses are red, violets are violet. Just thought I'd mention that, because Spongebob isn't violent."

Silence filled the land.

Hobbes and Socrates stood motionless on the sidewalk, staring at Calvin.

Even Sherman looked up, to see.

Andy was... well, speechless.

Maria stared at Calvin.

"Well, that was a very... interesting poem..."

Calvin glared at her.

"Well, what do you want? It rhymed, didn't it?"

"Well, I guess..." Maria said, rubbing her chin.

"The twenty seconds I spent on it, sure did test patience." Calvin said, staring at the one line 'poem'. "Anyway, toodle-oo."

And with that, Calvin turned around, and walked back to the tree, leaving a confused Maria on the bench.

Andy stared at Calvin, mouth a gape.

"There." Calvin said, shoving the paper back into the MTM. "Are you happy now?"

"Calvin, that was the worst poem I've ever heard." He said.

"Well, what do I look like, A romance writer?" Calvin demanded. "I have better things to do than write mushy love notes."

Andy rolled his eyes.

"Well, I've written a poem, too. So don't get excited."

"I'm not." Calvin said. "How long is it?"

"Three paragraphs." Andy replied.

"Well, wake me when your done."

Calvin stretched out on the grass, and closed his eyes.

Andy glared at him, and walked towards Maria, again.

This went on for several minutes.

Through it all, Andy had read Maria long romantic poems, given her boxes of chocolate candy, shown her magic tricks, offered to buy her a puppy, and bought her gifts.

Calvin on the other hand, read the same poem to her five times, given her an empty box of chocolate which he had eaten on the way there, discussed the weather with her, offered her Captain Napalm trading cards he already had, and given her coupon for chicken feed at the feed store.

Guess who won?

After Calvin finished reading that so called poem to her for the fifth time, both Andy and Calvin agreed on who won.

And Andy didn't notice that Calvin couldn't have cared less.

"OK." Calvin said, putting everything back into his MTM. "Can I go home, now?"

Andy grinned at Calvin.

"Sure, I'm going to go talk with Maria."

Andy rushed off.

And at that same moment, Socrates, Hobbes, and Sherman came up to Calvin.

"Well, Calvin," Hobbes said. "I'd say congratulations, but you didn't win the contest."

Calvin looked up and stared at Hobbes.

"Oh, that was a contest?"

"What did you think you were doing?!" Sherman demanded.

"I thought it was a poem festival. Oh well."

Hobbes, Socrates, and Sherman moaned.

"Anyway, Valentine's Day in tomorrow, so I have to get cracking on my latest attack on Susie. Say, where is she, anyway?"

"Well, after you fainted, she asked what the heck Maria saw in you, and left." Socrates said.

"Good, my club is a success. Come on, Hobbes. We have plans to plot!"

And with that Calvin rushed off.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Well, that was fun." He said, turning to Socrates.

"Indeed." Socrates grinned. "Andy needs to fall in love with more girls. I've never laughed harder!"

"Yes you have." Hobbes and Sherman said in unison.

"Says you." Socrates said, matter-of-factly.

* * *

Meanwhile, Andy had walked up to Maria.

She was now getting ready to leave the park.

She turned to Andy.

"Hello, Andy." She said. "Did you need something?"

"Well, I just wanted to ask you how your day went..." Andy began, shyly.

"Oh it was wonderful." Maria replied.

Andy's heart leaped.

"Calvin sure is funny!"

There was a moment of silence.

"What?" Andy asked.

"The way he read that silly poem to me, and gave me all those gag gifts, he's such a comedian!"

Andy stared at Maria for a long time.

Then he found his voice.

"Well, me and Calvin did our best to make your day bright." He said, finally.

"You did a miraculous job. Thank you, Andy."

And with that, Andy and Maria said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin, Hobbes, Sherman and Socrates were at Calvin's house.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates were watching Jimmy Neutron, and Sherman was reading his science magazine.

Suddenly there came a knock at the door.

"Hobbes, would you say come in for me, please?" Calvin asked Hobbes, completely slumped over in the couch.

Hobbes glared at Calvin, but all the same yelled, "COME IN!"

Andy came into the house, looking a little depressed.

"Hey, Lover boy!" Socrates yelled. "Did you impress the woman of your dreams!"

"No." Andy said. "She says she enjoyed all of Calvin's acts better than mine. She enjoys comedians."

Calvin looked up.

"What?! You mean, you _didn't_ win?! What was the point for doing anything?!?"

"I came to tell you that I've gotten over my crush." Andy said. "I don't think I'm ready to have girlfriends, yet."

"Neither am I." Calvin said. "Neither have I ever been. Neither will I ever be. Care to join us? We were just about to fight over what to watch next."

Andy grinned, and sat down on the couch.

Valentine's Day was here.

But Andy wasn't upset that he hadn't impressed Maria.

He and Calvin had had the fun that Valentine's Day had to offer.

Well, Andy did, anyway.

**The End**

**

* * *

**

**Voice work**

**Pamela Aldon Segall:**Calvin

**Tom Hanks:**Hobbes

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Dakota Fanning: **Susie

**Jennifier Love Hewitt:**Maria

** Andrew Lawrence:** Andy

**Colin Mochrie:** Sherman

* * *

**Coming up next: **Wid Movie 


	21. Wild Movie

**Summary: **Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman attempt to make a Stupendous Man movie.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Wild Movie**

The autumn air was nice and fresh as Calvin and Hobbes were romping in a leaf pile.

"_This_ is why God created leaves, Hobbes ol' buddy," Calvin said.

Then he noticed Hobbes wasn't near.

"Hobbes?"

Then he noticed Hobbes was on a fence post.

He posed for a second, and then did a nosedive into the pile of leaves.

Leaves showered everywhere and piled around Calvin.

Hobbes then popped up threw the pile.

"Hoo!" he said. "Leaves are good forms of stress relief."

Calvin and Hobbes laughed for a while, sighed, and collapsed onto their backs in the leaf piles.

There was a long pause of silence as they just took in the lovely day.

"What do you want to do with your future?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, after college I think I'm going to take a year off and backpack through Europe," Calvin replied. "I want to get to know the world. I'll only stay in hotels and eat what people offer or what I can scrounge. I'll take my time and learn how different cultures live and relate to each other. I will gain a new perspective on life and form a set of ideals on which to live my own life. Eventually my travels will take me back home. Over time I'll get a job, get married, have 2.5 kids, get a mortgage and two SUVs, and slowly forget whatever ideals I picked up in Europe. I'll panic to myself off and on for about ten years, and then finally find some level of happiness knowing I probably had no real choice in anything anyway."

There was a long pause.

"Well, drop me a line," Hobbes said.

"Oh, I will."

Just then, Andy came running up.

"Hey guys! Guess what!" he shouted.

"Did they discover macaroni and cheese on the moon?" asked Hobbes, sitting up in the leaves.

"Uh…no?" said Andy, raising an eyebrow.

"They finally made Apple Jacks taste like apples?" asked Calvin, also sitting up.

"No," said Andy, rolling his eyes.

"They finally came up with a more graphic Preparation H commercial?" asked Hobbes.

"No."

"There's a tiny little fish that can sing Italian Opera?" asked Calvin.

"I hate it when you two do this," Andy sighed.

"Okay, we'll bite," Calvin chuckled. "What's new?"

"They're making a sequel to the new _Hulk_ movie!"

Calvin and Hobbes' eyes shot open.

"…You're…you're _serious_?" asked Hobbes.

Andy nodded.

"But why?" asked Calvin. "The one from 2003 stunk on toast!"

"I know!" said Andy.

"How'd they pull this one off?" asked Hobbes.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in __Hollywood__USA_… 

John Turman and Michael France were standing before a Hollywood executive. They held up a poster that said _HULK 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO_.

"Now stay with us, sir. Bear in mind that we could do worse," said Turman.

"Yes. _MUCH_ worse," said France.

"I'm listening," said the executive.

* * *

"Who cares?" said Calvin. "It's disgusting that they'll put out just _any_thing these days. It used to be a high standard, but now everything is driven by test audiences and marketing. _Citizen Kane_, one of the greatest films of all time, probably couldn't get made today. The studios would want to make the main character a teenager, add some car chases and cleavage, toss in a few explosions, and maybe even Jackie Chan! …I'm not saying he's _bad_; he just wouldn't fit into that type of film." 

Hobbes and Andy nodded in agreement.

"Well, maybe we should boycott it," said Hobbes.

"What would that prove? That we know how to spell 'boycott'?" asked Andy. "Nah, nobody ever listens to those things anymore."

"Did they ever?" asked Calvin.

Hobbes thought some more.

"Well, how about we make our _own_ movie?" he asked.

Calvin thought for a while.

"Hmmm… I'm on it."

And he ran for his house.

Hobbes and Andy paused for a moment.

Then Hobbes waved goodbye and ran after Calvin.

* * *

Calvin was soon sitting at his desk with a piece of paper and pencil in front of him. 

Hobbes entered.

"Que pasa, Mufasa?" he asked.

"I'm writing a screenplay, Hobbes!" he said. "It's a horror movie and quite possibly the scariest collection of words every put to paper."

"Really? Where'd you get the idea?"

"It was a dream I had last month. Well, technically, it was more like a nightmare. Think of the two most terrifying things ever! Now _combine_ them! My script is entitled…TORNADO SHARKS!"

Hobbes stared.

"Uh…your movie features sharks being thrown around in tornados?" he asked.

"I just got a chill when you said that!" Calvin grinned over his shoulder.

Hobbes stared.

* * *

The next day, Hobbes and Andy were hanging around a brick wall when Calvin ran up. 

"Great news, guys!" he said. "I've got our movie poster for TORNADO SHARKS!"

"Really?" asked Hobbes.

"How's it look?" asked Andy.

"Well, I whipped this up in PhotoShop."

Calvin unfurled the rolled up piece of paper.

Hobbes and Andy stared at it.

It was a picture of a shark inside a tornado with a guy running from it.

None of the pictures looked real.

And above it was the title in big red droopy letters.

"Your tagline is… _Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of tornados? Sharks. That's what_," said Andy.

"Kind of rolls off the tongue," said Calvin proudly.

"So does drool," said Hobbes.

"How goes the movie itself?" asked Andy.

"Well, I'm stuck. I can't think of an ending for the script. A tornado shark is on the verge of destroying all mankind, but then he discovers his inner child. All good movies define genre in a way. TORNADO SHARKS isn't all horror. It's about heart, too."

Hobbes and Andy exchanged glances.

"Maybe Tornado Shark discovers his inner child is just a kid he swallowed on the way," said Andy.

"Oooh! Twist ending! I like it!"

And Calvin ran back to his house.

Hobbes and Andy sighed and returned to their regularly scheduled doldrums.

* * *

That night, Hobbes was resting on the bed and reading a comic book. 

Calvin was writing at the desk.

Hobbes looked up at the sound of a pencil being set down.

"Here it is, Hobbes! The script is officially done! Take a gander at my work!"

He handed Hobbes the screenplay.

Hobbes looked at the cover.

"_Tornado Sharks. Based on a true story_. TRUE STORY?!?" he demanded.

"Well, tornados and sharks both exist. Nobody can prove it _didn't _happen," Calvin said, crossing his arms.

Hobbes flipped forward a few pages.

"A tornado shark takes out the Eiffel Tower in the first act!" he exclaimed.

"I don't like your tone," said Calvin, his eyes narrowing.

Hobbes rolled his eyes and gave him the script back.

"I dunno about this, Calvin," he sighed.

"The next step is to find someone to direct it," Calvin continued. "M Night Shyamalan will be able to give TORNADO SHARKS the subtle treatment and layered texture that a story like this deserves. But it might require the adrenaline shots of bombastic thrillery that only Michael Bay could deliver."

Hobbes stared for a while.

"I was kind of picturing TORNADO SHARKS as a Merchant Ivory production," he said.

"Okay, now you're just poking fun," Calvin sniffed.

Hobbes grinned sweetly and got into bed for the night.

* * *

The next day, Calvin was toying around with a plastic shark. 

"Well, Hobbes my boy, it's time to celebrate! I just sent off my script to every major Hollywood studio. I figure I have about two weeks before its green lit and put into production. Then they'll be beating down the door for a sequel."

"Sequel, huh?" Hobbes asked, watching him.

"Yeah. How does TORNADO SHARKS 2: I THINK THINGS JUST GOT A LITTLE MORE WINDY sound?"

"Scary," Hobbes replied.

"Good!"

* * *

Soon, days had gone by, and Mom was going through the mail. 

"Calvin, you got some letters about your movie," she said.

Calvin flashed downstairs and grabbed the letters, and then flashed back upstairs again.

"HOBBES, THEY CAME! HOLLYWOOD, HERE WE COME!" he shouted.

"Let's see 'em," said Hobbes, who really had no interest in this at all.

Calvin started ripping through the letters.

"Let's see… Paramount says I'm too young, Universal says it's too expensive, Disney says it stinks, Miramax says it's stupid, Columbia says it won't go, Fox is just advertising, Pixar says to keep dreaming, DreamWorks says it's a nightmare, Gramercy won't give us enough freedom, Spy Glass says it is shattered, and Warner Brothers won't take anything without Buggs Bunny in it."

Calvin and Hobbes stared at all the paper and envelopes on the floor.

"Well, that went better than I thought," said Hobbes.

"These guys are such hacks!" Calvin complained. "They don't _know_ art anymore! Gramercy doesn't even know who Bootsy Collins is! I don't know why Mr Mallon bothered with them!"

"Well, that show was never meant for theaters anyway," Hobbes replied. "I think the problem was the script. It was too impractical. People don't understand tornado sharks. It's not familiar."

"Neither was _The Day After Tomorrow_, but people liked _that_!"

"Maybe your script needs an overhaul. Something that people will enjoy. Something that's plain old stupendous!"

"But what?" asked Calvin, who tossed an envelope in the air.

The envelope hit the doorknob of the closet.

The closet door opened, and out tumbled Calvin's Stupendous Man outfit.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at it.

Then they looked at each other.

They both had a good idea.

"Bingo," they said together.

* * *

"Alright!" Calvin yelled, coming down the stairs. "I've completed my script for STUPENDOUS MAN: THE MOVIE!" 

"Mm-hmmm." Hobbes said, who was sitting on the couch watching a National Geographic special on Asian cats. "That's nice."

"Would you like to hear the plot?" Calvin asked, leaping on the couch.

"Not really." Hobbes said, his eyes locked on the tiger on the TV.

"Too bad, cause your gonna. And once it's done and made into a motion picture, we can reenact it in one of our Wild Movie Collection plays!"

Hobbes tore his eyes away from the TV, and stared at Calvin for a long time.

"How many bucket fulls of sugar have you put on that cereal _today_?" He asked.

"Shut up, now here's the plot."

Calvin took a piece of paper, and began reading.

"The Evil Mom Lady has escaped from prison and, using some weird device, is sucking all the clouds out of the sky and water out of the ocean, thus to deprive the citizens of water, so she can rule the world."

"How can she rule the world, when everyone's dying?"

Calvin paused.

"Shut up." He said, finally. "Now then, we'll have one of those rich guy party scenes that all good action movies have, where mild mannered Calvin and his friend Hobbes just happen to be attending at the exact same moment that Mom Lady strikes!"

"What's going to be the budget for this film?" Hobbes asked.

"I dunno, five or six bucks. I'm gonna have to check to see how much I have." Calvin said. "Now then, the evil Mom Lady attacks, and deprives the unsuspecting party goers of water and those little ice sculpted swan things. Then everything will just be big fights and battles with brief pauses in between until Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad win!"

There was a moment of silence.

"How much time did you spend thinking up this plot?" He asked, finally.

Calvin ignored him.

"Alright, Hobbes, we have to have a meeting with the crew for this movie!

"You mean me, you, Andy, Sherman, and Socrates?" Hobbes asked.

"Right. Call them up, and schedule a meeting in my backyard."

"Can't I wait for this to end?" Hobbes asked, turning back to the TV. "There's only five minutes left in it."

"Never mind." Calvin growled. "I'll do it."

And with that, Calvin walked away, leaving Hobbes to his TV special.

* * *

Socrates sat on his bed in his enormous mansion, whistling, and drawing on a clipboard. 

"Alright," He said to himself. "After the net has been released it will trap the water balloons up in the limbs of the tree until I snap the line when someone walks under it. Then I will have trapped them under the net, as well as soaking them. Soon after the first soaking, I'll..."

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!

Socrates jumped.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!!!" He screamed.

He looked around.

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!

"Ah, it's only you." He said, wiping some sweat from his brow.

He picked the phone up, and spoke into it.

"Hello? Ah, hello, Cally! Why have you presented me with this call? Did you accidently set off another booby trap in your house? Why, no, they're aren't any booby traps in parts of the house, that you'll obviously only go to, why do you ask? Uh huh. I see... Yes, I have some old movie equipment in the basement. Yeah, I have those black and white striped finger smashers, that thing that directors shout into to bug the actors, one of those french hats that directors wear. Sure. Uh huh. Where are you in the house right now?"

Socrates took out a map of Calvin's house, and began running his finger along it.

"The kitchen, eh? I see."

Socrates took a pencil, and began circling parts of the kitchen.

"I really shouldn't be telling you this, Calvin," He whispered. "But your Mom baked some Chocolate Chip cookies, and hid them in the bottom drawer."

Socrates put a check mark on the kitchen.

"Yes, the drawer you keep the sink rags in."

There was a moment of silence.

Socrates leaned over to his window, and looked out.

****

FOOOOOOM!!!!

Suddenly a large cloud of blue dust exploded out from a house several blocks down.

Socrates watched with great delight as the cloud slowly settled.

He then turned back to the telephone.

"Calvin? Are you there? _Speak _to me!"

Socrates yanked the phone away from his ear as a large high pitched screech emitted from it.

"**_SOCRATES! I'M GOING TO _DESTROY_YOU!!!!_**"

"Thanks for the compliment, Cally." Socrates grinned, holding the phone back to his ear. "I'll see you in an hour."

And with that, Socrates hung up, and walked out of his bedroom.

* * *

Hobbes didn't even look up as he heard the explosion from the kitchen. 

He had a pretty good idea what had happened.

Especially after Calvin had screamed that last thing.

Eventually he had to get up, so he could get some tuna out of the kitchen.

He got up, and began walking towards it.

He entered the former kitchen and looked around.

Everything was blue.

The entire kitchen was covered in blue dust.

Calvin stood in the middle of it.

One hand still held the telephone with had a dial tone in it.

One of the drawers was open, and there was an open bag of _Prank Dust_ in it.

Calvin, who was now entirely blue, turned and glared at Hobbes.

"What are _you_ looking at?!" He demanded, angrily.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and walked through the kitchen, leaving blue footprints behind him.

He took a blue can of Chicken of the Sea, blew the dust off, and walked out with a blue can opener.

Calvin glared after him.

He grabbed the bag out of the drawer, which was blue, and began reading.

"Side affects may include sneezing and idiotic attempts to make movies." He read.

Calvin violently began ripping the bag apart.

"Stupid cat..." he growled.

* * *

A little while later, after he had stopped complaining about everything that had happened to him, Calvin called up Andy and Sherman, and had them come over for the making of the movie. 

"Well, Calvin, what do you plan on doing with the movie after we're done with it?" Hobbes asked, as he and Calvin waited for Andy and Sherman and Socrates to arrive.

"I'll distribute it to all those Hollywood companies so I can rub it in their faces." Calvin chuckled.

"I see." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

At that very moment, Andy, Sherman, and Socrates came walking out from behind the fence.

Calvin looked up.

"Ah! The crew is here!" He grinned.

Socrates was wearing that french hat he had been talking about, sunglasses, and a black sleeveless vest. He was holding bunch of tripods, cameras, and microphones.

Andy was carrying a box of donuts, which is a required item at any movie studio, as well as a box which he held at his side, which no doubt held the props and costumes.

Sherman wasn't holding anything. He was growling to himself, and complaining about being pulled away from his experiments.

Calvin walked up to greet them.

"Why hello, people! So glad you could join me for the making of this movie!"

"Uh huh." Andy said, dropping the crate on the ground. "I have all the props and costumes in here."

Calvin opened up the crate, and began going through it.

He paused.

"Uh, Andy, there's a martian costume in here. There aren't any martians in my script!"

"Right, about that..." Andy began.

Socrates stepped in front of Andy.

"Ah, it just wouldn't do." He said in a french accent. "As the director of this film, I have the right to make revisions to the script."

Calvin glared at him.

"Who appointed _you_ director, fuzz brain?" He demanded.

"Oh, some guy I met yesterday." Socrates replied. "Anyway, I went over your script, and there are several amendments needed to it. For example, the scene where Stupendous Man is escaping from Mom Lady's secret lab?"

"Why, what's wrong with it!?" Calvin inquired, grabbing the script away from Socrates.

"Well, for one thing, it's a three second scene." Socrates replied. "In fact the whole movie was only fifteen minutes long. So, I've added ninjas and martians into a lot of the scenes."

Andy and Hobbes exchanged glances.

Calvin started flipping through the script.

"Hmmm, well, I guess that isn't too bad."

He turned back to the crate.

"But what the heck is this?!" He demanded, yanking a clown costume out.

"That's for scene 21, when Mom Lady humiliates Stupendous Man into retiring." Socrates replied.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared at Socrates for a long time.

"Anywho," Socrates yawned. "It's time to start assigning the cast."

Calvin's eyes popped open.

"What are you talking about?! I've already selected the cast!"

Socrates began flipping through the script, again.

"Well, it says here you want Robin Williams to play as the rich guy that's holding the party, and you want Julianne More as Mom Lady."

"Correct, and what's wrong with that?" Calvin asked, defensively.

"Oh, nothing." Socrates said, rolling his eyes.

"OK, smarty, can you think of anyone _else_ who can play Mom Lady?"

"Well, I assumed Andy could..."

"No." Andy said.

"Calvin, why don't we change Mom Lady to some other villain, because we really don't have anyone to play her." Hobbes said.

"Hobbes?!" Calvin yelled. "We can't do that!! Mom-Lady is the main villain! It's like Batman and the Joker, and Superman and that other rich guy! We can't change her!!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Very well, I'll replace Mom Lady with The And-EE." Socrates said, going through the script with a pencil.

Andy glared at Socrates.

"What about me?!" Sherman demanded. "If I came all the way down here to miss my experimenting, I'm going to do something!"

"OK, sure, you can be the boom operator." Socrates said. "Now then, shall we begin the movie?"

* * *

It was a little bit later when Socrates had set up all the cameras and microphones, and everyone was in their costumes. 

"Alright." Socrates called into the speaker phone. "We're about to film the first scene! Does everyone know what we're doing?"

Calvin, who was in the Stupendous Man costume, was reading the script.

"How does Gorgo fit into this movie?" He asked, looking up.

"GOOD! Andrew, roll the cameras!"

Andy turned the camera on, and began rolling.

"And, ACTION!" Socrates yelled, throwing his arm down.

Calvin turned to Hobbes, who was currently in his Tiger Lad costume.

"Tiger lad, we haven't had a decent crime for months! Could it be that our arch enemies have finally found hobbies?"

"I have no idea." Hobbes said. "Maybe it's time we let our guard down."

"Agreed, let's go get some donuts."

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes walked off camera.

"CUT! Congratulations! We got that scene done." Socrates yelled. "Take a donut!"

"I'm not one to point out mistakes," Andy said, "But Stupendous Man didn't seem very in character in that scene."

"Neither did Spiderman in his movie." Socrates said. "You don't see people complaining about that."

"Who's The Death Tiger?" Calvin asked, as he and Hobbes ate their donuts in front of the script.

"Oh, that's the mysterious hero that saves Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad when And-EE has you captive."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"And, uh, who will be playing this roll?" Hobbes asked.

"Yours truly." Socrates chuckled. "Now then, BREAK OVER! BACK TO WORK!"

Calvin and Hobbes sighed, and walked back in front of the camera.

"And... action..." Socrates whispered.

"Stupendous Man, we need to stop The Evil And-EE from sucking out all the drinking drinkable drinking water that people drink!!" Hobbes stuttered.

"CUT!!!" Socrates screamed. "Hobbes, it's drinkable drinking water that's being drank by people."

Hobbes blinked.

"OK," Andy said, "scene 5 take two."

"ACTION!" Socrates shouted.

"We have to stop the evil And-EE from drinking all the water that people drank!"

"CUT!" Socrates yelled. " No, Hobbes, it's _drinkable drinking water that people drink!_"

"Take three." Andy sighed.

"We have to stop the Evil And-EE from sucking out all the people who are drinking the drinkable... uhhh..."

"This is going to be a long day." Calvin sighed.

* * *

"OK," Andy said, "Scene 5,take 157." 

"Stupendous Man," Hobbes said. "We have to stop the Evil And-EE from sucking out all the drinkable drinking water that people drin... OUCH!!!"

Suddenly, a microphone came crashing down on top of Hobbes' head.

Socrates slapped his forehead.

Sherman was standing on the ground, fumbling with his invention, trying to take the boom out of the shot.

"Well, I guess that's good enough." Socrates said. "Moving on!"

* * *

"Alright!" Socrates called into the speaker phone. "This is the scene where Stupendous Man has been trapped by the Evil And-EE." 

"Will, you _please_ stop calling me that!" Andy spat.

"What, that's your character name?" Socrates said.

"Well, you've been calling me that off set, too." Andy growled.

"I have? Huh."

He turned back to the set.

"OK, the evil so forth has trapped you over a bubbling bowl of something hot! Do you all know your lines?"

Calvin and Hobbes, who were tied together above a big pot of water, nodded.

"Sherman!" Socrates called. "Is the boom out of the shot?"

"Yes!" Sherman spat.

"Andy! Are you in your costume?!"

"No." Andy said.

"Then get it on. Now, bubbling lava scene, take one. And ACTION!!!"

"Great moons of Neptune!" Calvin yelled, struggling against the ropes. "This rope is immune to my stupendous strength!!!"

"Who will save us?" Hobbes asked.

At that very moment, Socrates leaped onto the set.

"HA HA! Never fear! The _DEATH TIGER _IS HERE!!!"

The Death Tiger wore a purple jumpsuit with a yellow logo on it with a red "DT" on top of it. One more thing about the logo. It had three claw marks in it. Death Tiger had yellow gloves, yellow boots, and a yellow utility belt. he wore a black mask, had razor sharp fangs, and had three inch long claws.

"What? Who?" Hobbes asked.

"I am the mysterious and dangerous hero here to bring justice to the world!"

"That's _my _job!!" Calvin spat.

"Well, you see, I'm like Nightwing in Batman." Socrates said. "I come in when you goof up."

Calvin's eyes narrowed.

At that very moment, Andy stepped onto the camera.

He was wearing a red jumpsuit with a green A logo on the chest.

"Uhhh..." He began. "Who are you? And what are you doing here?"

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates stared at Andy.

"You're not a very good actor, are you, Andy?" Calvin asked.

Andy shrugged.

Socrates advanced over Andy.

"I am _THE DEATH TIGER!!!_" He shouted. "And I'm here to save Stupendous Man Liger Tad!"

"Tiger lad." Hobbes corrected.

"Whatever." Socrates replied.

Socrates leaped up through the air, and kicked the pot in an attempt to kick it over.

"OOOUUUCH!!!" He screamed.

Socrates fell to the ground, and began holding his foot in pain.

"Man, that smarts." He growled.

Suddenly, the rope that was holding Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad above the bowl snapped in half.

SNAP!!!

"**_AAAAAAAAUUUUGGHH!!!_**"

SPLASH!!!

Andy and Socrates looked up.

There was a moment of silence

"Uhh..." Socrates started. "OH NO! I came too late!"

Andy rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, Calvin emerged from the water.

He spewed water out of his mouth, and climbed out, soaking.

He looked around.

"Um... I guess I'm impervious to lava..." He said.

Hobbes climbed out next, and shook himself off.

Sherman rolled his eyes, and sighed.

"I can't believe I'm missing the Science Channel for this." He muttered.

"You can not beat us, The evil AND-EE!!!" Socrates roared. "There's three of us, and only one of you!!!"

"Plus!" Hobbes yelled. "I have my Tiger Lad capture net!"

Hobbes ran off screen for a second, to get one of the props.

Andy, Socrates and Calvin paused.

Socrates smacked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

"Capture net, huh?" He said. "I thought I..."

"You thought you what?" Calvin demanded.

"Oops." Socrates said.

"What do you mean, oops?" Andy asked.

Socrates whirled around.

"Hobbes!! DON'T!!!"

Too late.

Hobbes picked the prop up.

FOOOOOOM!!!

Suddenly, a large explosion of blue engulfed the entire yard, as well as two of the neighbor's yards.

A large cloud of blue dust rose high above the houses, and lingered for minutes.

And when the dust cleared the destruction was revealed.

First of all, everything was blue.

Calvin was blue, Hobbes was blue, Socrates was blue, Sherman was blue, Andy was blue, the cameras were blue, the props were blue, the fences, grass, houses, and cars were blue, everything.

Hobbes coughed, waved his hand in front of his face.

Socrates blinked, and looked around.

Everyone was glaring at him.

Socrates got down onto all fours, and began shaking the dust off.

When it was all off, he stood up, and rolled his eyes skyward.

"Nice weather we've been having." He said.

"SOCRATES!!!!" Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman all screamed.

"Yes?" Socrates said, turning around.

Calvin shook the dust off him, and looked around.

"EVERYTHING'S RUINED!!!" He yelled.

"Yeah, pretty much." Andy nodded.

Calvin spent several seconds screaming and complaining, until he finally decided to do something constructive with his anger.

His eyes jerked at Socrates, his gritted his teeth.

"DIE, CAT!!!" He screamed, roaring after the prankster.

Socrates blinked.

Then he rushed off, with Calvin chasing him.

Calvin chased Socrates all around the yard for several minutes, while Andy, Sherman and Hobbes watched.

Finally, after he gave up, trying to kill Socrates, he turned to Andy, Sherman, and Hobbes and spat, "Well, we're still finishing the movie!"

"But all the props are broken." Hobbes said. "And the cameras are clogged up with the dust."

"TOUGH!!!!" Calvin screamed. "We're finishing the movie."

"Goody!" Socrates said, whipping his french hat back on. "Onward!"

"Don't push it...!" Calvin warned.

"Right." Socrates said, taking the hat off.

And so, Calvin, Andy, Sherman, Hobbes, and Socrates got to work on blowing the blue dust off of everything.

Then they got back to work on the film.

* * *

Three masked men climb into a building. 

They walked into a dark room that was lit only by a small lamp on a desk.

"Here's the jewels you wanted, boss." One of the men said, placing a bag of jewels onto the desk.

A chair was stationed at the desk, and was facing away from the three men.

"Are these the last of them?" The person in the chair asked.

"Yeah." Grunted one of the men.

"Then soon, my device will be complete." The person in the chair said.

"What device?" One of the men asked.

"Shut up." The person replied.

A yellow gloved hand reached out, and grabbed a handful of jewels out of the bag, and then let them fall back in.

Suddenly, a loud boom sounded.

The three masked men spun around.

They stared at the door a few feet away.

"YAAH!" Yelled a terrified person behind it.

There were several POWS and ZEEKS from behind the door.

Then, the door fell over.

"YOU!" Yelled a goon.

When the smoke cleared, The Death Tiger, Stupendous Man's sidekick was standing in the doorway.

"Ah, Death Tiger." Said the person from behind the chair. "Hello. May we offer you something?"

"Yeah." Death Tiger said. "Ya might try giving me those rocks you have in that bag."

"Oops." The person said. "Wrong answer. Get him."

A net suddenly dropped down onto Death Tiger, and wrapped him up into a ball.

Death Tiger extended his three inch long claws, and ripped the net open.

He fell to the ground, just as the three goons took a grab for him.

"This is such a waste of time." Death Tiger muttered.

He collied up onto his front legs, and sprung up, kicking one of the goons out.

Then he spun around to his side, and started to spin around with his leg out, tripping the other two goons.

Then he leapt up, and hooked his claws into one of the goons' black uniform.

He tossed the goon into the wall, and turned to the last one.

"Boo." He said.

"YAAH!!" The goon yelled, zooming off.

Suddenly, more masked men ran into the room, and tackled Death Tiger.

Death Tiger put his fingers to his lips, and whistled a high pitched whistle.

"AAA!" The goons yelled holding their ears as Death Tiger let out the high pitched shrill.

Finally, he ran out of breath, and had to take one in.

The goons quickly recovered, and started for him again.

Suddenly another tiger leaped from the rafters, and kicked several of the goons out.

"Ah, so glad you could join the fun, Tiger lad!" Death Tiger said.

"Indeed." Tiger Lad said.

Several more goons surrounded Death Tiger and Tiger Lad, and began to close in.

"What are you going to do now?" One of them grinned, evilly.

"Me?" Death Tiger asked. "Not a thing. You?"

"Nope." Tiger Lad shook his head.

"**_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!_**" Came another deafening screech.

The goons collapsed, as the new scream echoed throughout the building.

Then the bricks all exploded outward, and red shockwaves entered the room, sending the goons flying into the wall.

Stupendous Man stepped into the building, and stopped screeching.

"That was my STUPENDOUS SCREAM!" Stupendous Man shouted. "Who wants to hear it again?"

Nobody answered.

Actually, there were lots of answers; Moans and groans, and complaints about not working at the Dairy Queen.

Stupendous Man, Tiger Lad and Death Tiger then whirled around to the chair in front of them.

"Alright!" Stupendous Man screamed. "Time for you to go to jail, bucko!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Is that the best Witty Banter you can come up with?" Death Tiger asked.

"Hey, I'm working on short notice! Give me a break!" Stupendous Man snarled.

"So, the gangs all here." Said the voice from behind the chair. "Welcome, Stupendous Man. I trust you're enjoying your visit."

"Give it up, villain!" Stupendous Man yelled. "We're on TV right now, and everybody knows that the villains always loose on TV,...!"

The chair turned.

"...AND-EE!!!" Stupendous Man finished as And-ee gave out a terrible laugh.

* * *

"There you see." Socrates said. "That's how the film _COULD_ have turned out." 

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared at Socrates for a long time.

"Gee, thanks for that information." Calvin growled.

"Shall we play the real tape, now?" Hobbes asked.

Andy held up the remote control, and pushed PLAY.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman watched closely as the movie began.

"HA HA!" Stupendous Man yelled, rolling through a bunch of blue. "Your Phraser ray has missed me completely, MOM LADY! I mean, AND-EE!!"

Suddenly, it cut over to Tiger Lad. He was sitting on a chair several feet away, reading a book on wild cats.

"ANDY! TURN THE CAMERA!" Socrates yelled.

"Sorry."

The camera swung back around to Calvin, who was currently punching a blue punching bag, pretending it was the villain.

"Take that, Villain!!"

Suddenly, Stupendous Man went falling to the ground.

He leaped back up, and continued punching it.

"SURRENDER! STUPENDOUS MAN HAS THE POWER OF ONE MILLION MORTAL MEN!!!"

Tiger Lad walked on screen.

"Was that my cue?" He asked.

"GET OUT OF HERE, TIGER LAD!!!" Stupendous Man spat. "I'M NOT READY FOR YOU, YET!!"

"OK, sorry."

Tiger Lad turned around, and walked off screen.

Stupendous man whirled around, and continued punching the bag.

Seconds later, Tiger Lad rushed onscreen, and delivered a kick to the bag, knocking it onto the floor.

"There!" Stupendous Man yelled. "Once again, Evil has not triumphed! We have!"

Tiger lad, took the script out from behind his back, and began reading.

"And yet, the battle rages on." He read.

"BUT WE SHALL ALWAYS BE HERE TO STOP IT!" Stupendous man yelled.

FIN

"There." Socrates said. "And Hobbes paid me a quarter to watch it, so it's already made a bigger profit than the Hulk."

There was a long moment of silence.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared at the TV for a long time.

Sherman had lost interest half way through it, and was currently counting the patterns on the wallpaper.

"I'll contact Dr Forrester about it." Hobbes said.

"Well, it turned out better than I thought it would." Calvin said.

"Really?" Andy asked.

"Yeah, it actually was a lot better than I expected, don't you agree?"

"Well, I guess it could have been worse..." Andy considered.

"In fact, come to think of it, it was great!!"

"Hey, Socrates, play the tape back." Hobbes said.

"No, I hated it." He said.

Calvin leaped off the couch.

"Where are _you_ going?" Sherman asked, looking up.

"I'm off to start writing the sequel, what else?" Calvin asked, turning around.

Everyone groaned.

"Hey, you never know, we may just get Robin Williams in the next one." Socrates said.

"Fade out." Hobbes said.

**The End

* * *

**

**Voice Work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon:** Calvin / Stupendous Man

**Tom Hanks:** Hobbes / Tiger Lad

**Ryan Stiles:** Socrates / The Death Tiger

**Andrew Lawrence:** Andy / Hollywood boss

**Colin Mochrie: **Sherman / Hollywood guy # 2

**Bill Murray: **Hollywood guy # 1

**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom

* * *

**Coming up next: **The Insane Road Trip 


	22. The Insane Road Trip P1

**Summary: **Calvin and Hobbes take a trip to the Grand Canyon. Meanwhile, Andy, Sherman, and Socrates have their own troubles at home.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Part one written by garfieldodie_

**The Insane Road Trip**

**_April…_**

Calvin and Hobbes were watching television with dull expressions on their faces.

Mom arrived with an excited look on her face.

"Calvin, we're going to drive our west this summer," she said. "We're thinking about the Grand Canyon."

"OK," said Calvin.

Mom left.

**_May…_**

Calvin and Hobbes were eating cookies and reading comic books.

Mom was doing the dishes.

"Just a couple more months until we drive our west," she said.

"Yup," said Calvin.

**_June…_**

Calvin and Hobbes were preparing for a game of Calvinball.

Right before they ran outside, Mom brought him a suitcase.

"I think you should use this suitcase for the trip," she said.

"Okay," said Calvin, barely looking at it.

Mom left, and Calvin and Hobbes ran outside.

**_Today…_**

Calvin and Hobbes were reading comic books on their bed.

Mom and Dad entered.

"All set to go?" Mom asked.

"Go where?" asked Calvin.

Mom and Dad stared.

"To the Grand Canyon," said Dad. "You know? The trip we've been planning for months now?"

"What trip?"

Mom and Dad groaned.

"Look, just pack some stuff, and we'll go in half an hour," said Dad.

And they left.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other.

"I hate it when they spring this stuff on us," muttered Hobbes.

"I know," said Calvin. "I'll load up the hypercube. You make a couple of phone calls."

"Okey-dokey," said Hobbes, picking up the MTM.

Calvin proceeded in piling all the inventions into the hypercube. I needn't go into detail, I assume.

Hobbes, meanwhile, was using the MTM to phone their friends.

* * *

A little while later, Socrates, Andy and Sherman arrived at the window and climbed in.

Hobbes was there to greet them.

"Hello, Hobbo!" said Socrates.

"Hey, Hobbes," said Andy.

"Hello, you flea-ridden mangy feline," said Sherman.

"Socrates. Andy. Vermin," said Hobbes.

"What's the deal?" asked Andy.

"Eh, Calvin and I are being dragged on a cross-country trip to the Grand Canyon with his parents. Your reason for being here shall be addressed in three…two…one."

Calvin entered the room.

"Hello, boys," he said. "I'm sure Hobbes has informed you of our predicament."

The others nodded.

"Good. Now then, we're gonna need you to do a few house chores while we're gone," Calvin said.

Socrates and Andy stared at him.

"What?" asked Socrates.

"That's all we _do_ in this special?" demanded Andy.

"We do chores for you while you're on vacation?"

"Hey, you guys can't come with us _every_where!" said Calvin. "We need to have some adventures on our own too, ya know!"

Sherman nodded.

"He's right. We're better off here. Odds are that something big and dangerous is going to happen while they're on the trip, and we're safe here."

Socrates and Andy took it into consideration.

"Okay, we'll stay," said Socrates.

"What do you require from us, oh great and spiky master?" Andy asked sarcastically.

"Sorting mail, mowing lawn, taping our shows, water plants… The basics," said Calvin.

"And no playing with the water sprinklers," said Hobbes, eyeing Socrates.

"Oh, _one_ time!" said Socrates defensively.

"_Five_ times, actually," said Calvin.

"No, actually six," said Andy. "That last one knocked you unconscious."

"All the more reason to warn you now," said Hobbes.

Socrates rolled his eyes.

"So, you're all okay with it?" Calvin asked.

"No, but we'll do it anyway," said Andy.

"Yeah, when can we expect our first paycheck?" asked Socrates.

"YOU'RE DOING IT FOR FREE, AND YOU'LL LIKE IT!" yelled Calvin.

"Yes, sir."

"CALVIN!" shouted Dad. "IT'S TIME TO GO!"

"See ya later, guys!" said Calvin, grabbing the hypercube.

"See ya in a week!" said Hobbes.

They ran out the door and downstairs.

They emerged into the daytime outside to see Mom and Dad were finishing with loading the car up.

"Explain to me why we're doing this," Calvin demanded.

"It's just a family vacation, Calvin," said Mom. "Sightseeing, conversation, and some plain, old-fashioned family togetherness."

"That sounds nice," said Calvin as he and Hobbes climbed into the backseat. He pulled a blanket out and lay down under it. "Be sure to tell me all about it." And he proceeded in falling asleep.

Mom sighed.

Hobbes thought napping would be a good idea, so he went to sleep right away on the floor.

Dad started up the car, and they pulled away.

* * *

Back in the bedroom, Socrates, Andy and Sherman watched as they drove away and disappeared.

"Sooooo…," said Socrates. "We are in a house with load of eggplant casserole, comic books, fishing rods, camping supplies, and a bunch of other stuff that is about as old as a Pong game."

"What's Pong?" asked Andy.

"I have no idea. It just sounded appropriate."

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'm going to go take a nap somewhere," he said, and he scurried away. "Don't wait up."

"Won't bother," replied Socrates.

Suddenly, the house started to rumble.

"Tell that's your stomach," whispered Sherman, who had come to a halt.

"Maybe its thunder?" suggested Andy.

"From…under…ground?" asked Socrates.

**_BLAM!_**

Everyone was in the living room in nearly a second.

"WHAT THE HECK—?!" shouted Socrates.

"What kind of bird would leave a dropping that _big_?" demanded Andy.

In the middle of the room was a giant capsule.

Smoke was coming off of it as it had just come out of a hole in the floor.

A door suddenly swung open.

Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared at it, wide-eyed.

And out stepped…

…oh brother…

…Dr Brainstorm.

"Oh, it's only you," said Andy.

"_Only_ me!" Dr Brainstorm snapped. "Come on! I'm more threatening than I look!"

"Pal, the hole you just came out of is deadlier than you," said Sherman.

"Ha! I'll have you know—!"

Brainstorm approached them, but he tripped over a broken piece of wood and fell down.

"The wood you _tripped _over is more threatening you," said Socrates.

"JACK! HELP ME UP!" Dr Brainstorm shouted.

Jack the robot emerged from the pod.

"Hey, guys. How's tricks?" he asked.

"Hey, Jack," said Andy. "We're good."

"JACK! GET YOUR ATTENTION AND POINT IT OVER HERE AT ME!" yelled the heap on the floor.

"Coming," Jack muttered.

He helped Brainstorm to his feet.

"He would've gotten more done from down there," said Socrates.

Jack nodded in agreement.

Brainstorm growled.

"That does it! Prepare to feel the wrath of my Zapper-Dapper-Mocha-Frapper!" he shouted.

And he pulled out a purple rectangular device that sparkled electricity.

Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared at him with dull expressions.

"Okay," said Andy, cracking his knuckles. "This should take us about a minute and a half."

"Make it two full minutes," said Socrates, who extended his claws. "I need the exercise."

"Doable."

Jack sat back in the pod with a bag of popcorn.

"Let the games begin," he said.

* * *

Back on the road, Calvin and Hobbes were awake again, and were now wishing they weren't.

It was a long way to the Grand Canyon, and they were bored to death.

Calvin let out a sigh.

"Come on, Calvin," said Mom. "It's a family vacation. Not a prison sentence."

Calvin looked around the car.

"Locked doors, restraint device, constant supervision by authority figures…," he said. "Whatever you say, warden."

Mom scowled.

"Okay, maybe it is a prison sentence, but doggone it! It's a _family _prison sentence!"

"That's the spirit," said Dad, who kept his eyes on the road.

Calvin turned to Hobbes, who had managed to find a CD player and was listening to music.

Calvin sighed and looked out the window.

_Life's like a road that you travel on when there's one day here and the next day gone. Sometimes you bend and sometimes you stand. Sometimes you turn your head to the wind._

The car drove out over bridges and through tunnels.

Calvin moaned about his ever-growing boredom.

Mom yelled at Calvin to be quiet.

_There's a world outside ev'ry darkened door where blues won't haunt you anymore. Where brave are free and lovers soar. Come ride with me to the distant shore._

They stopped to take a picture in front of Mt Rushmore.

All four former-presidents carved into the rock stared ahead with their smug expressions.

Mom set up the camera and ran to join the others at the observatory mark.

_Click!_

Mom and Dad were smiling wide, Calvin was sticking his tongue out, and Hobbes was looking away.

_We won't hesitate…break down the garden's gate. There's not much time left today._

Hobbes watched on as Calvin was berated by Mom and Dad, but it was blocked out by the music.

_Life is a highway. I wanna ride it all night long. If you're going my way, I wanna drive it all night long._

Next stop was a museum.

Calvin simply glared as he walked because there were no dinosaurs.

Mom and Dad simply walked around, talking about the beauty of the disgusting paintings.

Hobbes simply walked around and stared into space.

_Through all these cities and all these towns. It's in my blood and it's all around.  
I love you now like I loved you then. This is the road and these are the hands._

Calvin then found an exhibit marked World's Oldest Tree.

It was a gigantic log on a platform. It had plaques on certain spots, marking various events.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged disgusted glances.

"Anything for the museum," sighed Calvin.

Then Calvin got an idea. He began rooting through the Hypercube.

_From __Mozambique__ to those __Memphis__ nights, the Khyber Pass to __Vancouver__'s lights._

When Mom and Dad arrived at the tree, they saw a piece of paper on it, pointed somewhere between "Fall of the Roman Empire" and "Magna Carta Signed".

It read "We leave for stupid vacation."

_Knock me down get back up again. You're in my blood. I'm not a lonely man._

Dad glared at Calvin.

"Very funny," he muttered.

_There's no load I can't hold. Road so rough; this I know. I'll be there when the light comes in. Just tell 'em we're survivors._

Another photo op was when they drove past Stonehenge.

Mom set up the camera and ran to join them.

_Click!_

Mom was smiling, Dad looked bleak, Calvin was sticking a finger up his nose, and Hobbes was looking away again.

_Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme yeah. If you're going my way, I wanna drive it all night long._

Dad soon checked them into a motel for a night.

Calvin and Hobbes were up all night reading comic books under their bed sheets with a flashlight.

_There was a distance between you and I. A misunderstanding once, but now we look in the eye._

The next day, Calvin and Hobbes were asleep again in the car.

Dad looked in the rearview mirror at them, disgusted.

"Tuh! All that kid ever does is sleep," he muttered.

As they continued to drive, Calvin suddenly snapped awake. He noticed that there was a red lever under Dad's seat.

Suddenly, Dad's chair shot up into the air.

Dad whacked his head on the ceiling.

Then he suddenly started to sink lower and lower.

"Calvin, go back to sleep!" he ordered.

_There ain't no load that I can't hold. Road so rough; this I know. I'll be there when the light comes in. Just tell 'em we're survivors._

As they drove some more, they drove through those trees that are so large that they had tunnels cut through them for cars to go through.

Mom and Dad oohed and ahhed.

Calvin just got whacked in the face by an acorn thrown by a squirrel.

_Life is a highway. I wanna ride it all night long. If you're going my way, I wanna drive it all night long._

It wasn't long before they finally pulled up to a gate in front of the Grand Canyon.

A guy stood there at the entrance wearing a light brown uniform and a ranger's hat.

"Hello," he said. "Welcome to the Grand Canyon. It costs twenty bucks to get in."

Dad stared.

"Twenty bucks just to get into the Grand Canyon?" he demanded.

The man glared at him.

"Hey, don't patronize me," he said. "All day long, I have to stand here in ninety degree heat just to negotiate this price with whiny people like you…and I have to do it while wearing an outfit that disturbingly resembles that of a UPS delivery guy."

Dad looked at him uncomfortably.

"Um…here's thirty," he said, handing him some tens.

"Thank you. You may proceed."

He opened the gate, and Dad found a decent parking space.

* * *

A little later, Calvin, Hobbes, Mom and Dad were standing near a sign.

Dad was standing there, reading it, and he had a contemplative look on his face.

The sign read: "Can you walk a hundred miles in 24 hours? If not, don't try to hike the Grand Canyon all in one day!"

Hobbes was watching. "I love how he's still considering it," he whispered.

"You get winded walking to the garage!" Calvin shouted.

They walked away and sat at a picnic table.

The man from the booth was sitting there, eating his lunch.

"Hey, kid," he said. "Enjoying your stay?"

"Nope," said Calvin.

"Neither am I."

Hobbes stared at him.

"Boy, this guy looks familiar," he whispered.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Calvin whispered back.

Then he turned to the man.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Eh, the guys around here call me Klein the Guide," he said.

"Huh," said Calvin. "Do you have relatives that are a judge and a music teacher?"

"Yeah. You know 'em?"

"Yep."

It turned out Klein was much like his relatives. He hated his job, but only kept it to keep his house.

"What brings you to this oversized pothole?" Klein asked.

"Family togetherness," Calvin replied.

"Oof. You're in a rough ride, kid. My advice? Keep all foods that give your parents gas away from them."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Come on, kid. I'll show ya something."

Klein walked Calvin and Hobbes over to the ledge that overlooked the Grand Canyon.

"Wow…," said Hobbes, who took out a pair of binoculars.

"Now look down," said Klein, who pointed downwards.

Calvin and Hobbes stared into the gorge.

"Cool…," said Calvin.

"Yep. This is what the world looked like several million years ago."

He paused.

"Just try to erase the Happy Meal wrapper from the image," he said weakly.

"Yeah, I was gonna say…," Calvin said.

"So, ya wanna see what else there is?"

Calvin thought for a while.

"Gee, I could either stay here and get forced to go on a hike with Mom and Dad, or I could go with you… Gee, such a choice. Let's go," he said.

Klein, Calvin and Hobbes walked away.

* * *

Back at the house, Dr Brainstorm was climbing back into his pod.

He was beaten up and feeling very dizzy.

"Come, Jack! The force is too strong! We must return and reload!" he said.

"Okay," said Jack, who waved goodbye to Socrates, Andy and Sherman. "See you guys later."

"See ya," said Andy.

"Wouldn't wanna be ya," said Socrates.

Jack closed up the pod, and it dove back down the hole in the floor.

Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared at the hole.

"We, uh, should probably…fix this," said Andy at last.

"Yeah, we should," said Sherman.

They stared at it for a while.

"Of course, no right _now_," said Socrates.

"Oh, of course not," said Sherman.

"Right, I mean, I just ate," said Andy.

They all sat down on the chair and began to watch TV.

Or at least, they _tried_.

At that moment, a loud **_BLAM_ **was heard from outside.

"What _now_?" Sherman moaned.

"I'll go look," said Socrates.

Socrates got up, peeked out the window, and then came back.

"What was it?" asked Andy.

"Eh, some spaceship. I'll deal with it."

Socrates came outside.

There were three aliens standing there. They had yellow compound eyes, sharp teeth, gelatinous bodies and uniforms that read ZOK on them.

Their names were Dave, Lenny, and Biff.

"Is this the Earth Potentate's house?" asked Lenny.

"You mean Calvin? Yeah, this is his house," said Socrates.

"Good. We're here to destroy him," said Biff.

"Why did Rupert and Earl send you three?"

"It's their day off," said Dave.

"Well, that's nice. Anyway, Calvin isn't here. He's off on vacation, so I'm in charge."

"Okay," said Biff. "Will you give us Earth?"

"No."

The three aliens stared.

"Boy, we didn't plan on _that_," whispered Lenny.

"I'll try," said Dave.

Dave scooted towards Socrates.

"Can we have Earth _please_?" he asked.

"No."

"Wow, his will is impenetrable," Dave whispered dramatically.

Socrates rolled his eyes.

"So…no Earth?" asked Biff.

"Nope. But I have an idea."

"We're listening," said Lenny.

* * *

Klein led Calvin and Hobbes to the office.

"So, what's all this?" asked Calvin.

"It's the security camera room," said Klein. "Here, we can see everything that happens in the park."

"Anything good here?"

"How does an endless supply of donuts grab ya?" asked Klein, handing him a box of Krispy Kreme donuts.

"HOT DOG!" cheered Calvin.

"We got those too."

Klein handed him a couple of hotdogs.

"I'm beginning to enjoy this place," said Hobbes, who took a hotdog.

"Are the sodas here any good?" asked Calvin.

"Sodas? They're more than sodas. More like icy nectar from the gods!" Klein said, tossing him a Dr Pepper.

Calvin opened it up and swigged it down in one gulp.

"BELCH!" he said.

Klein chuckled.

"Not bad," he said.

He took a swig from a Sprite.

"BRAP!"

Calvin and Klein then engaged in a belching contest.

Hobbes watched with great interest.

"It's not everyday we find a cool adult," he commented.

* * *

Meanwhile, Dad and Mom were hiking up along the Grand Canyon's ledge.

Mom was exhausted.

"How much further until we can go back?" she demanded.

"Go back?" Dad asked. "We're taking the challenge! We're going around the whole thing in one day!"

Mom stared.

"What? Are you insane?"

"Nope! Just itching for adventure!" Dad said excitedly.

"That's a pretty bad rash," Mom commented. "We're going back."

"Why should we go back?" Dad demanded. "I'm having a great time!"

"Have a great time by yourself. I'm going back to the car."

And Mom turned to leave. Dad stared for a while.

"Fine! Go ahead and leave! See if I care! I'll go and enjoy myself! I'll show ya! I'll show _all_ of you!"

But while Dad was ranting and Mom was storming, there was a bit of a problem emerging.

* * *

Back at the ranger station, Calvin and Klein's burping contest was escalating.

"Okay," said Calvin, grabbing two bottles of Pepsi. "Get ready for the big one."

"Ooh, the tension is _killing_ me," Klein replied sarcastically.

Hobbes put a clothespin on his nose, just to be safe.

"Fire in the hole!" he said, and he backed away into a corner.

Calvin drank both bottles down in less than fifteen seconds.

Then he started to jump up and down a little to get it going.

"Okay, give it a minute," he said.

There was a pause.

Hobbes had his ears plugged.

Klein had his arms crossed, and was waiting patiently.

Finally, Calvin felt something, and he quickly noticed a giant megaphone nearby.

He ran over and turned it on.

"Here we go," he said.

Then he leaned into the megaphone's speaker, and then…

"**_BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLCCCCHH!!!!!_**"

Everything shook all over the Grand Canyon.

The vibrations caused Klein to slip and fall.

Hobbes held on to a table leg.

"Whoa Nelly!" he cried.

The noise was heard for miles around.

* * *

Down below, Dad stopped ranting and Mom stopped walking.

They'd obviously heard it.

"Calvin…," they muttered angrily.

But there was worse to follow.

The vibrations from the belch caused the ground to shake, and the ground crumbled away from beneath them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" they screamed.

Mom and Dad found themselves tumbling down the side of the Grand Canyon towards the bottom.

But fortunately, they landed on a cliffside sticking out of the side.

Unfortunately, they were trapped fifty feet down, and they were unable to climb back up as there was nothing to grip.

"Uh-oh," said Dad. "We're in trouble."

"You really think so?" Mom asked sarcastically.

* * *

Back at the ranger station, Klein was on his feet again and clapping.

"Bravo," he said approvingly. "That was ten star material right there!"

"Thank you, thank you," said Calvin, taking a bow. "Now then, onto those donuts."

Calvin grabbed a chocolate sprinkled donut and bit into it.

"I think I've found my calling," said Calvin. "I'll be a park ranger when I grow up!"

"Hey, good food isn't the only reason I keep the job," said Klein.

"What else is there?"

"Well, there's always a good show in the movie room right about now. What say we go see?"

"Can we bring the food?"

"Sure."

"Let's go!"

Calvin and Hobbes grabbed as much of the food as they could, and Klein led them out of the building.

They failed to notice Mom and Dad were on one of the video cameras, trapped on their ledge.

* * *

Back at the house, Socrates was bringing some cups out to the aliens.

"Okay, boys. Here are your milkshakes. One's chocolate, one is strawberry, and one is peanut butter," he said, handing one to each of them.

"Thank you!" said Dave happily.

"Sure thing. We all _good_ now?" he asked.

The three aliens nodded, slurping their shakes.

"Good. Now go home."

The three aliens nodded.

They quickly climbed into their ship and took for home.

Socrates sighed and went inside.

Andy and Sherman were still watching TV.

"Okay, whatever happens next, _you _two have to handle it," Socrates said, climbing back into the chair.

"Whatever," said Andy.

"Mmph," said Sherman.

And they resumed watching television.

**To Be Continued…**


	23. The Insane Road Trip P2

Calvin, Hobbes, and Klein emerged from the theater.

"Wow, what a great movie." Calvin grinned.

"Yup." Klein yawned and stretched his arms.

He checked his watch.

"Huh. 5:34 PM. I'm guessing you better get back your parents before they sue me."

"Hmm, good point." Calvin considered. "Very well, are there any hotels around here?"

"No idea."

"I hope Dad doesn't expect us to car camp."

Calvin took Hobbes' paw, and lead him out.

He looked around.

"_MOM! DAD!_"

"Where are they?" he asked Hobbes.

"Didn't they go on some hike?" Hobbes asked.

"Hmm, yes." Calvin said. "But I'm sure Mom would have forced him back here by now."

Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other for a long time.

Hobbes sighed.

"Go ahead." he muttered.

Calvin reached into his pocket, and pulled out his hypercube.

He reached inside it, rustled through all the junk he had in there, and finally pulled out a red CD player.

He pushed the PLAY button.

A hologram shot out of the end of the CD player, and opened up in front of them.

A message appeared on the holographic screen.

Welcome to the MTM. How may I use up a chunk of my precious battery power for you?

Calvin started pushing buttons on the MTM.

We need you to find my parents, again.

There was a moment of silence. Then the MTM answered.

AGAIN?! Can't they go on one trip without getting lost?

Calvin pushed more buttons. 

Nope.

There was another moment of silence.

OK, I'll look for them, but I want you to take that stupid self destruct chip out of me.

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"You put a self destruct chip in your MTM?" He demanded.

"Safety reasons." Calvin sniffed. "You can never be too careful."

None the less Calvin agreed to take the chip out, under the influence of both the MTM _and_ Hobbes.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the holographic screen.

Searching...

Then, the screen went blank for a second.

Specified persons located

Then, the screen changed, showing a map of the United States.

It zoomed in on Arizona, then the Grand Canyon, then it zoomed in more.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the map.

"Of course." Calvin said, completely unsurprised.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the house, Socrates, Andy, and Sherman were still watching TV.

They all had bored expressions on their faces.

Just then, The Twilight Zone went to static.

"OHH!" Socrates moaned. "The guy on the airplane was about to shoot the gremlin on the wing!"

"What's going on, now?" Andy sighed, looking around.

He turned and looked out the window.

He stared at the window for a long time.

"Uh, Socrates?"

"Yalp?"

"Would you look out the window?"

"Sure. It's a lovely view."

Socrates turned, and stared at the window.

Sherman, wondering what all the fuss was climbed onto the arm rest on the couch, and stared out the window along with Andy and Socrates.

His mouth dropped open.

There, standing in front of the window was Retro.

Yep, Mr poofy hair himself.

He had a wide grin, and was holding the cable wire.

"Hey!" Socrates yelled. "We were watching that!"

"What are _you_ doing here!" Andy demanded. "You're supposed to be trapped on Galixoid and Nebular's planet!"

"I am." Retro growled. "I have managed to find the technology I need, and made a holographic version of myself!"

There was a moment of silence.

Socrates, Andy, and Sherman stared at him.

"So... you're a hologram?" Socrates asked.

"Yes." Retro chuckled. "And since you can't stop a hologram! Nothing is stopping me from remodeling the Imaginator, escaping, and taking over the world! HA HA!"

There was another moment of silence.

Socrates began looking bored.

"How are you going to take over the world, if you're just light that passes through everything?" He asked.

Retro chuckled, and crossed his holographic arms.

He pulled his foot back, and kicked the TV.

It went flying into the wall, and the screen cracked.

"Thanks to the amazing technology I've gotten hold of, I've managed to make my holograms seem quite solid."

Socrates, Andy, and Sherman's eyes popped open.

Retro turned back to them.

"And technically, lasers are light, too, so..."

Retro pulled a ray gun out of his pocket, and aimed it at Andy, Socrates, and Sherman.

"You should run, now." He said.

ZOOM!

There was a high gust of wind, and Andy, Sherman, and Socrates vanished.

"HA HA HA!" Hologram Retro yelled, firing his laser in all directions, frying everything in sight.

Calvin and Hobbes at the map.

"Distance measurement." Calvin said.

The screen went blank for a second.

Then a number came up.

9.8 miles

There was a moment of silence.

"They hiked ten miles in three hours?" Calvin demanded.

"I feel sorry for your mother." Hobbes said.

"There is no _way _we'll be able to get there, and save them on time."

Then his eyes blanked out.

"Time. Hmm, that gives me an idea.

Calvin reached into his pocket, again, and pulled out a yellow, round object with a red star shaped button on top.

Hobbes' eyes slammed shut.

"Can't we go through _one_ episode without using one of your death trap creations?!"

"Sure. We went through Episode 1 without my inventions."

"That was the pilot episode. And it stunk too."

"It stunk because none of my inventions were in it. Now come on. We're wasting precious, halted, none moving time!"

Calvin grabbed Hobbes' arm, and pushed the button.****

BOOM!

A white wave of energy emitted from Calvin and Hobbes and spread across the planet. Time had stopped.

Hobbes opened one eye.

"Are we dead?" He asked.

"You're hilarious." Calvin growled, digging through his hypercube.

He shoved a chrome disk to Hobbes' hands.

Hobbes looked down at it.

"A Time Disk?" He asked.

"Yes. That way we can begin and stop time without having to be right next to each other."

"Very well."

Hobbes put the Time disk into a little fur "pocket".

"This is going to be a _long_ hike." Hobbes sighed.

* * *

Socrates, Andy and Sherman were hiding under Calvin's bed while Holographic Retro rampaged through the house, destroying things as he went.

"Well, any ideas?" Andy asked.

"Solid holograms. _What_ will they think of next?" Socrates sighed.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and there stood Retro, holding a laser gun in each hand.

"AH HA!" He yelled staring down under Calvin's bed. "I have you now!"

"Nobody here but us dust bunnies." Socrates said.

Retro flung the bed away, and pointed a ray gun at Socrates, Andy, and Sherman.

"Say goodbye!" He yelled.

He fired.

The two heros... and Sherman all covered their heads.

A laser shot out of the gun, and went for...

Hmmm...

It didn't appear to be hitting them.

Socrates looked up, and saw that the laser beam had stopped in mid air, and was hovering in front of them.

He grinned.

"What the... What's going on!" Retro demanded.

Retro pulled the ray back, and put his holographic hand forward.

He came to an invisible wall, and his hand stopped.

"Say you could get a career as a mime." Andy said.

Retro took two steps back, then rammed his holographic self into the invisible barrier.

Then his eyes lit up.

"_I_ know what's wrong! My projector doesn't work this far. I need to get it, and bring it closer."

Retro backed up towards the door.

"Don't go anywh..."

Just then Retro saw Socrates stand in away from the bed, in perfect reach of Retro.

He was grinning.

Holographic Retro made a dive for him.

Socrates stood back, and Retro crashed into the field.

He rubbed his head, and glared at Socrates.

"You're going to pay for that, cat!"

Retro whipped out his lasers, and began firing at Socrates.

Socrates stood there, with a wide grin on his face, and his arms crossed.

The lasers hit the barrier, and didn't do any damage to Socrates.

"I have my foot inside." Socrates said. "Hurry, and maybe you get it."

Retro looked down.

Socrates foot was right in front of him.

He lifted his foot, and brought it down hard.

Socrates jerked his foot back.

STOMP!

Retro growled angrily.

He punched the field several times, trying to get to Socrates.

By this time, Andy and Sherman had come out.

"What are you doing?!" Sherman yelled.

"Playing with the victim." Socrates said.

Andy looked around.

He knew Retro was distracted so he wouldn't notice him.

Andy put Sherman in his pocket, and picked up the Mega-Shrinker 5000, which Hobbes had purposely forgot to bring.

Andy picked the shrink ray up, and plugged the jack into a radio.

The neck shot out, and the end began glowing.

Andy had never used the Mega-Shrinker before so he was a little nervous.

Sherman noticed.

"Uh... Andy? What are you doing?"

Andy cocked the shrinker, and pointed it at Holographic Retro.

He pushed the button.****

ZEEEEEAP!

A blast of electricity shot out, and collided with Hologram Retro.

"HEY!" Retro yelled.

The hologram began; to flicker and get faint.

"NOOOOO!" Retro yelled. "My hologram! Look what you've done! Do you know how long it took me to make this thing!!"

"Five minutes?" Socrates.

"Yes." Retro said.

The hologram started to go out, as electricity flew all around it.

"You'll pay for this!" He yelled. "I WILL HAVE MY VENGEANCE!"

And with that, Retro disappeared.

Socrates grinned.

"That's better. Now let's go rehook the TV up. Maybe we can catch the ending."

And so, Socrates, Andy, and Sherman went downstairs to the TV, again.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes still hadn't taken off.

Calvin was still rooting through his hypercube.

"One last thing..." he said to himself.

He pulled put a cardboard box.

Hobbes' eyes crossed.

Calvin noticed.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked.

"I've seen three different inventions in the same minute." Hobbes said.

"Har har. Just get in, and go reeeeeaaaaaal slow."

Hobbes reluctantly got in.

Calvin pushed the Full Blast button, and turned a dial up as far as it would go.

ZOOM!

Calvin and Hobbes rocketed down the Grand Canyon.

"I hate it when you get sarcastic." Hobbes growled.

Calvin ignored him.

For a while, Calvin and Hobbes just rode along the edge of the Grand Canyon.

That was OK, for a while, but then, Calvin began to get bored.

His eyes drifted downward, into the canyon.

His eyes then went to Hobbes who was holding his stomach, and trying not to barf.

That was good enough for him.

VRROOOM!

Calvin jerked the wheel to the left, and made a nose dive into the canyon.

Hobbes began screaming.

Calvin jerked the wheel up just in time, and then began skimming the bottom of the canyon at 85 mph, dodging rocks, bushes, and boulders as he went.

Hobbes covered his eyes.

Then Calvin jerked the wheel upward, and began flying sideways, along the wall of the canyon.

"Calvin, are you _trying_ to make me sick?!"

"Not really. Just doing it for the fun of it."

Hobbes groaned.

Calvin continued flying.

"How do you think Andy, Sherman and Socrates are doing?" Calvin asked.

"WOULD YOU PLEASE SLOW DOWN!" Hobbes shouted.

Calvin slammed on the brakes.

Hobbes went flying out of the machine.

"AAAAAAA!" He yelled, before crashing into the red dust.

Calvin grinned.

"Thank goodness for seatbelts." He said.

Hobbes stood up, and was about to strangle Calvin when suddenly, little pebbles fell on his head.

He looked up.

THERE THEY WERE! Mom and Dad were hanging on for dear life onto a cliff.

Hobbes stared upward.

"uh, Calvin?" He asked. "I just found your parents." Calvin's eyes drifted upward.

He landed the box.

"Well, what do you know? There they are! I _found _them!"

Hobbes' brow furrowed.

He looked up at them.

"But how are we going to get them down?" He asked.

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

"Uhhh…. Let me think about that."

* * *

Meanwhile, Socrates, Andy, and Sherman were watching TV, again.

This time they had found a Jimmy Neutron marathon and they were watching that.

They would have been content to just sit there for the rest of the episode.

But that wouldn't be actiony, now would it? Suddenly, there was a loud humming sound coming from outside, and a bunch of yellow lights shown through the window, casting shadows everywhere.

Socrates sighed.

"It's those three doofuses, again." He sighed. "I'll be right back." Socrates stood up, and walked outside.

An escalator came down, and Socrates saw the silhouettes of two aliens coming out.

"I already told you guys that Earth isn't for sale!" Socrates said, standing at the base of the escalator, now go home, and tell Rupert to go stick his head in a lawn mower!"

Andy and Sherman remained seated, watching the television.

Just then the door opened.

"Andy? Sherman?" Socrates asked. "Would you come here a second?"

"Sure." Andy said.

"Whatever." Sherman muttered.

Andy picked Sherman up, and carried him over to the front door.

He opened it up.

Immediately, two humming rays guns were pointed at their heads.

Rupert and Earl stood in the doorway.

Earl was holding Socrates by the scruff of the neck.

Earl's crew was behind them being they're usual simple selves.

"When Dave, Lenny and Biff got back to Zok, they told us that you gave them peanut butter milkshakes, and told them Earth wasn't up for sale." Rupert growled.

"Thanks a lot for ruining our day off!" Earl added.

Rupert and Earl began firing the ray guns.

Andy and Sherman screamed, and rushed away.

Rupert and Earl stepped into the house, firing their ray guns at Andy and Sherman.

Socrates hit the switch blade in his claws, and swiped at Earl.

He screeched with pain, and dropped Socrates on the ground.

Socrates then leaped up, and faced Rupert and Earl.

They glared at him, and lifted their ray guns.

Socrates maneuvered past Rupert and Earl's blasts, and finally pounced on Earl.

Earl went flying outside, and landed on the grass.

Socrates and did a back flip, and landed in front of Earl.

Dave, Erne, and Alex all held up white cards.

They all had a red 10 on them.

Socrates began bowing left and right.

Rupert spun around, and began firing at Socrates.

"NO!" Earl yelled. "I'll take care of kitty kitty, here. You get the boy!"

Rupert lowered his ray gun, then rushed into the house.

Earl stood up, and pulled a black sphere out of his pocket.

He tossed it at Socrates.

It landed next to him.

Socrates stared at it.

BOOM!

Grey smoke went up, Socrates began coughing.

Earl aimed his ray gun, and fired it.

ZAP!

Socrates went roaring backward into the wall.

"This might take some time." He muttered to himself.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin was still thinking about what he was going to do about Mom and Dad.

They hadn't seen him yet, so they didn't know he was there, thinking about what to do next.

Then he snapped his fingers.

"I've got it!" he said.

Hobbes woke with a start.

"What do you got?!" he shouted, still half asleep.

"I know how we're going to save Mom and Dad." Calvin said.

Hobbes' eyes came into focus, and he stared at Calvin.

"What?"

"Just listen." Calvin said. "we're going to go back to the visitor's center, get Klein and come back, and get my parents."

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"You really had to do a lot of thinking to get that one." he said.

"Yeah, just get into the box."

Calvin and Hobbes climbed into the box.

Calvin pushed a button, and they began to rise into the air.

The dust began to fly as Calvin began setting gears, and then blasted off towards the visitor's center.

* * *

Rupert crept through the house, ray gun in his tentacle, ready to fire.

He tore the door off the hall closet, and looked inside.

They weren't there.

Rupert then tore the door off Mom and Dad's room.

He slithered in, and kicked the bed over.

Andy and Sherman were laying there, staring up at Rupert.

"'bout time you found us." Andy muttered.

Rupert aimed his ray gun, and began firing.

Andy and Sherman leaped up, dodging each blast as it made black burns on the floor and wall.

Hoo boy.

Andy rushed out of the room with Sherman.

Rupert stood in the doorway firing like mad.

Andy and Sherman dove into Calvin's room.

Rupert growled, dangerously.

"And to think I could be at the Lava Spa right now." He muttered, slithering towards the door.

* * *

Earl continued firing blasts of fire at Socrates, who was able to dodge each one.

"HOLD STILL!" Earl screamed.

Earl's crew watched the action unfold.

"Do you think we should help?" Dave asked.

"What?" Erne asked.

Dave's eyes blanked out.

"I can't remember what I said."

"Darn."

And so they continued to just watch.

Earl attacked Socrates again.

Socrates ducked, and the blast hit the side of the house, leaving a charred mark.

Socrates stood back up.

"I've seen _blind people _with better aim than you, bud!"

Earl continued firing.

Socrates ducked and dodged each one.

"Is that the best you can do?!" Socrates laughed. "Calvin is more careful in his aiming than you…. OOOF!"

Suddenly one of the blasts hit Socrates in the chest, sending him crashing into the door.

His eyes popped.

He stood up, and brushed himself off.

"Even a blind mouse finds a piece of cheese once in a while, pal!" "

You just never stop, do you?" Earl growled, continuing to send blast after blast at Socrates.

"Nope. Never do."

* * *

Socrates lifted up, and balanced on one front paw while three blasts hit the door.

Then Socrates started spinning, continuing to dodge the ray blasts.

At last, Calvin and Hobbes reached the building where Klein was watching TV.

Calvin leaped out, and rushed towards the door. Hobbes jumped out, and followed.

Suddenly, Calvin screeched to a stop in front of the door.

And Hobbes ran into him.

CRASH!

Calvin picked himself off the ground, and glared at daggers at Hobbes.

"Why do you always do that!" he yelled.

"What?!" Hobbes asked, defensively.

"Every time I stop you run into me! It drives me nuts!"

"Sorry."

"So cut it out!"

"Sure."

Calvin turned around.

"Why did you stop?" Hobbes asked.

"I'm thinking." Calvin said.

His eyes went from the door, to Hobbes, to the Time Machine, then back to the door.

Then his eyes drifted over to something else on his right.

His eyes brightened, and a wide grin spread across his face.

Hobbes turned around to see what Calvin was looking at.

His shoulders drooped.

"Oh no." He sighed.

Calvin put the Time Machine back into his hypercube, and lead Hobbes over to a massive mobile crane, sitting a few feet from the parking lot.

Calvin and Hobbes climbed into it.

"Hot dog! They left the keys!" Calvin said, sitting down in front of the controls.

"Calvin do you have any idea how to work this thing?" Hobbes asked, climbing in.

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

"Not a clue. But that's the fun part!"

"Help me." Hobbes sighed, burying his face into his paws.

Calvin turned the key.

VROOOOOOOM!

"AAAAAAAHHHH!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, as the machine lurched forward.

They were heading right towards the cabin where Klein was.

"We're going to destroy it!" Hobbes wailed.

Calvin wrestled with the controls, until it finally turned and headed towards the edge of the canyon.

* * *

Klein, who was inside watching a movie, ignored the earthquake, and the sudden screams emitting from outside.

"They can handle it." He said.

* * *

Calvin was now heading towards the edge of the cliff.

Hobbes had his paws over his eyes, and he was screaming.

Calvin jerked the wheel to the right, and the crane turned, and started towards Mom and Dad.

Calvin spent the first three miles trying to keep the crane going in straight line.

And several times he almost fell off the ledge.

It was a long ride for Hobbes, and afterward, he had found a new respect for Calvin's box.

* * *

Meanwhile, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were still battling Rupert and Earl.

Half the house was destroyed, and Rupert was now complaining that pieces of sawdust was falling on him.

He peeked around the corner, and saw Andy and Sherman.

Andy was prepared, though.

He was holding the Mega-Shrinker 5000.

As soon as Rupert's head appeared, Andy shouted, "FIRE!" and fired it at him.

Rupert gasped, and ducked, and the blast shot out the window, and shrunk a tree.

Rupert looked up, stared at the broken window, then stared at Andy.

Andy cocked the shrink ray, again.

"That was completely unexpected." He said.

There was a moment of silence.

"You should run now." Sherman said.

Rupert picked himself off the floor, then darted away.

Andy ran after him, firing blast after blast at Rupert.

Rupert burst out the door, and met up with Earl, who was still trying to get a fix on Socrates.

Rupert whispered into Earl's ear.

"He has that shrink ray."

Earl's eyes popped open.

"Oh, that wasn't expected."

"I know."

Socrates, who was standing on his head, stared at Rupert and Earl talking to each other.

"HEY!" He yelled, standing up. "Why'd you stop? I was just getting started! Give me your best shot, you freaks!"

Earl held up his ray gun, and fired it.

A green gel shot out, and warped itself around Socrates' mouth.

Suddenly, Andy appeared at the doorway, holding the Mega-Shrinker 5000.

Rupert and Earl stared at it, and then turned around.

"Ok, men." Earl said. "We have a slight change in plans. Get onto the ship, for free milkshakes."

There was a moment of silence.

"Are they peanut butter?" Asked Erne.

Earl sighed.

"_Yes,_" He growled.

ZOOM!

Immediately the crew vanished onto the ship.

Rupert and Earl rushed on, too.

On the way in, Earl turned for his parting words to Earth.

"We'll be back, you obsolete jerks!"

And with that, he pulled the escalator up, and started the ship's engines up.

Socrates and Andy watched as Rupert and Earl's ship lifted off the ground, and blasted off into the sky.

The band on Socrates' mouth vanished.

He felt his mouth in several places, to make sure it was in tact

He grinned.

"Well, that was easy." He said, turning to Andy.

"Yeah..." Andy said, "but they did a lot of damage."

Socrates waved Andy's words off.

"Bah! Nonsense! The house looks great!"

Suddenly, one of the rafter's on the ceiling broke, and fell to the ground.

CRASH!

Dust went up, and engulfed Socrates, Andy, and Sherman.

When it cleared, Sherman was coughing and sputtering and fanning the air with his paw.

"Always good to have a positive person around." He said, glaring at Socrates.

Socrates was rubbing his chin.

"Hmm, maybe we _should _do a little cleaning up."

There was a moment of silence.

"I mean, _after_ Spongebob is over." He added.

"Right." Andy said. "I mean, it doesn't need to be done, right away."

Andy, Sherman, and Socrates walked into the house.

"Would you close the door, Socrates?" Andy asked. "There's a bit of a draft."

"Can't." Socrates said, sitting down on the scorched couch. "Rupert and Earl burned it down."

Ho boy.

* * *

Mom and Dad hung, precariously, on the cliff.

"I can't believe you talked me into doing this." Mom growled. "_Now_ look! You have me stranded on some rock sticking out of the Grand Canyon."

Dad blinked.

"Well, on the one side, think of all the character we're building." He said.

"Nice to know you're worried about our situation." Mom growled.

There was a moment of silence.

The ground started shaking.

"What is that!" Dad shouted over the noise.

"I don't know!" Mom yelled. "I hope it isn't an Earthquake!"

Rocks and dirt fell off the side of the canyon, as the noise grew louder and louder.

Then, just as suddenly as it began, the noise stopped, and the ground stopped shaking.

There was a moment of silence.

"Oo-kay." Mom said.

Suddenly, Calvin's head appeared over the ledge of the canyon.

"Hi mom, hi Dad." he said, casually.

Mom and Dad looked up.

"CALVIN!" They both yelled.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing here?!" Dad demanded.

Calvin stared at them.

"I'm rescuing you! Or were you enjoying the view?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Uh, no, go ahead, and save us." Mom said.

"Very well."

Calvin's head vanished.

There was another pause.

Then, the ground started shaking again, and the sound of an engine roared to life.

Mom and Dad exchanged glances.

Suddenly, a large crane appeared over the ledge.

Calvin stopped the crane, and began to lower it.

"Man I learned how to do this thing fast!" He chuckled.

"That's because you've pushed every single button on the panel." Hobbes sighed, holding his stomach.

Calvin stared at him for a moment, then continued to lower the crane.

Mom and Dad stared in amazement.

"CALVIN!" Mom shouted. "Where did you get this thing?!"

"Internet. Hold still." Calvin replied.

Calvin paused.

"Hmmm, what am I going to do to save them?" He asked himself.

He jumped out of the crane, and looked down.

The crane was hanging right above Mom and Dad's head.

Calvin rubbed his head in thought.

Then, he snapped his fingers.

"Hey, Hobbes! C'mere!"

Hobbes climbed off of the crane, and walked over to Calvin.

"What?" He sighed.

"I have a plan." Calvin said. "You stay here, and tell me where to put the crane, and I'll try and pick them up by the scruff of their shirts."

"Uh huh" Hobbes said.

Calvin rushed onto the crane, and began pulling the levers.

Hobbes stood on the edge, watching, silently.

Calvin waited for Hobbes to say something.

When he didn't, Calvin assumed he was in the clear, and pushed the CLOSE button.

The sound of rocks crumbling reached Calvin's ears, and Mom and Dad screamed, "CALVIN! YOU'RE TEARING OUR CLIFF UP!"

Calvin rushed over to the edge with Hobbes, and looked down.

The crane had hold of a chunk of rock, and was about to send Mom and Dad hurling into the depths of the canyon.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"Thanks for telling me what to do, Hobbes. I really appreciate the help."

Hobbes blinked.

Calvin rushed back onto the crane.

"This time I want some directions, Hobbes!" He called.

He pushed the OPEN button, and the cran released the chunk of rocks, sending them flying to the ground.

Hobbes continued to watch.

Calvin pushed the crane backward, and waited for Hobbes to say something.

"Well!" He called. "Do I have them?"

Hobbes waved him off.

Calvin grunted, and pushed the CLOSE button.

The crane shut.

Calvin pushed the lift button.

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Slowly, the crane lifted upward.

When it was in sight, he saw that Mom and Dad were both hanging onto the crane for dear life.

Calvin pulled a lever back, and the mobile crane backed up.

He then pulled the emergency brake, and pushed the OPEN button.

Mom and Dad fell to the ground.

Calvin leaped out of the crane, and rushed over.

"So, how's tricks?" He asked.

Mom and Dad glared at him.

It wasn't long before Mom and Dad were ready to go.

Uhhh...

Check that.

MOM was ready to go. Dad was complaining about not being able to walk the whole canyon in one day.

Uh huh.

Anyways after that, Calvin gave Klein his goodbye.

"Well, see ya later, Klein." He said.

"See ya." Klein said, waving.

It was a nice little goodbye.

Um..

Well it was little.

After that, Calvin got into the car, and Dad started the car up.

It was about a day later when Mom and Dad got back to familiar territory.

But when they pulled up into they're drive, they noticed that something was amiss.

Uh oh.

Calvin and Hobbes got out of the car, and stared at it in horror.

Andy, Socrates, and Sherman were standing in the doorway.

"What have you done!" Calvin yelled.

He rushed over to the side out the house, and jabbed at the wall.

Andy, Socrates, and Sherman looked over.

"You scratched some paint off of the house!" he hollered. "Do you have any idea how long it took Dad to paint this place?!"

Andy, Sherman, and Socrates shook their heads.

"Well, neither do I." Calvin said.

He and Hobbes stood back, and examined the house.

It was no longer in it's horrid broken down shape.

In the day that they had, Socrates, Andy, and Sherman had replaced all the windows, put the door back up, put duplicates of the furniture up, had some electrician come over and fix the wiring, fixed the TV, nailed up all the holes in the floor, walls, and ceiling, and found the remote control sitting on the desk the whole time.

Calvin tapped his chin.

"Well, I guess the house is in pretty good shape." He said. "Don't you agree, Hobbes?"

"I suppose so." Hobbes said, his attention wandering.

Calvin turned to Andy, Sherman, and Socrates.

"Well, overall you did a great job keeping the house in it's wonderful shape.

Andy, Sherman, and Socrates exchanged glances.

"Uhhh... yeah, sure." Socrates said.

"Yeah, we worked hard." Andy added.

"Yeeeeaaaaaah." Sherman said.

Calvin eyed the three suspiciously, as Mom and Dad walked into the house with some luggage.

"Are there some parts of this story I haven't heard yet?" He asked.

"Yep." Socrates nodded.

"But you won't find out about it, today." Andy said.

"Or tomorrow." Socrates said.

"And probably not this month." Sherman grumbled.

Calvin stared at Socrates, Andy and Sherman for a second, shrugged, gathered up his hypercube, and he and Hobbes walked into the house.

Andy, Sherman and Socrates sighed, said they're goodbyes, and walked home.

They all sincerely hoped that Calvin wasn't going on another trip any time soon.

**The End **

**Voice work:**

**Pamela Segal Aldon: **Calvin

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes / Erne the Alien

**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom

**Bill Murray: **Dad / Biff the Alien

**Robert Klein:** Klein

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Eric Roberts: **Rupert Chill

**Tom Kenny: **Earl / Lenny the alien

**Jim Carrey: **Dave the Alien

**Andrew Lawrence: **Andy

**Colin Mochrie: **Sherman

**Kurtwood Smith:** Holographic Retro

**Neil Crone: **Dr Brainstorm

**Michael Brandon: **Jack

**Dee Bradley Baker: **Miscellaneous voice work

* * *

**Coming up next: **Super Calvin


	24. A Club's Blow

**Summary: **Calvin and Hobbes are forced to stay at Susie's house when Roslayn can't babysit.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by garfieldodie and Swing123_

**A Club's Blow**_  
_

It was that time again.

Mom and Dad hadn't gone on a date in months. They had had to make an agreement to only go on one every six months so as to avoid incredible deductions in their wallets.

The dates are never too much, but Rosalyn is always too expensive.

Mom and Dad don't necessarily like Rosalyn, but she's all they can ever get.

Dad was staring intently at the calendar as he tied his tie.

A day was circled that was marked DATE NIGHT.

"Are you ready yet, dear?" he called. "Rosalyn could be here at any minute."

"I'm just doing my hair!" she replied from the bathroom.

Calvin walked in carrying Hobbes.

"Hasn't she been doing her hair for the past two hours?" he asked.

"It's a complicated world, my son," Dad sighed, leaning against the counter.

Just then, the phone rang.

Dad answered.

"Hello? Hello, Rosalyn. When are going to…?"

He trailed off and looked a little depressed.

"The flu? But…but…but it's our date night! You promised you'd baby-sit Calvin!"

Calvin looked up excitedly.

"No! Rosalyn, no! You can't do this to us! NO!" Dad screamed into the phone desperately. "We'll pay you double! Triple! Quadruple! PLEASE! **PLEASE! _PLEASE!!_**"

By now, Dad was on his knees, cradling the phone.

Calvin put a jacket over his shoulders.

Mom came in.

"Dear, what's going on?" she asked.

"Rosalyn's sick," Dad said sadly.

"What?! **_NO_**!!" she cried.

She grabbed the phone.

"Rosalyn, you can't do this! You planned this out, didn't you?! You're just trying to torture us! I SWEAR, BEFORE I DIE, I SHALL GET YOU FOR THIS, YOU HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR SICKLING! **_I SWEAR IT!!!_**"

Dad grabbed her and tried to calm her down.

"DEAR! _DEAR!_ She's got the flu! Relax!" he shouted.

Mom let go of the phone and caught her breath.

"I'm fine. I'm fine," she sighed.

Calvin and Hobbes had been watching this.

"They need to get out more," said Hobbes.

Calvin nodded.

Dad muttered an apology to Rosalyn and hung up.

"Well, that's it," said Calvin. "Guess date night's off. The four of us can enjoy a nice Paramount home video."

Mom and Dad stared at him.

"No," said Dad. "We can just…call another sitter."

Mom got up and pulled out the phone book.

"Let's get started," she said.

* * *

An hour later, Dad was asleep at the table while Mom held a phone up to her ear. 

"…so it's agreed, Mrs. Derkins? You can watch Calvin? No, he won't be any trouble. I promise," she said, exhausted. "Thank you. We owe you very much."

Mom hung up.

Dad woke up.

"Huh? Wha…? What happened?"

"The Derkins agreed to watch Calvin."

"Huh boy. Trapping Calvin in a house with Susie? That's cruel, even for us," Dad commented.

"Well, its Date Night, darn it and we need to get out once in a while!" said Mom firmly.

"He'll never agree to it. We'll never even get him to the door."

"We just won't tell him," Mom said decidedly.

Dad sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"All right, we'll try."

* * *

Calvin was led outside with Hobbes slung over his shoulder. 

"So…who is this babysitter?" he asked.

"Oh, just someone who lives nearby. We'll walk you there," said Dad.

"Okay, well, no complaints from this end. _Any_one's better than Rosalyn," he said scornfully.

Hobbes nodded in agreement.

"Attila the Hun is better than Rosalyn," he went on. "Crazy Louie would be better than Rosalyn! Dr Clayton Forrester would be better than Rosalyn. _Laurie Foreman _would be better than Rosalyn! Let's face it. _Hal Warren_ would be better than Rosalyn! That was the worst movie I ever saw!"

Calvin was so busy complaining that he didn't realize where he was following his parents.

Mom knocked on the door.

Susie answered.

Calvin stared at her.

"On second thought, Rosalyn's only appeared in one episode during this entire show. Let's bring her back!" he said.

Calvin attempted to turn and run, but Mom grabbed him.

"Calvin, no!" said Mom. "You're going to behave yourself!"

"Sez you!" Calvin retorted.

Susie rolled her eyes.

Mom and Dad ushered Calvin and Hobbes into the house.

"My parents are in the other room," said Susie to his parents.

Mom and Dad went to the living room.

Calvin and Susie glared at each other.

Hobbes sat behind Calvin, observing.

"You know, Calvin, if you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee," said Susie curtly.

Without batting an eyelash, Calvin replied.

"Susie, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

Susie snorted and left them room.

Hobbes stared at him.

"Where the heck did _that_ come from?!" he cried. "Did you actually just say that right off the cuff?!"

Calvin grinned and shrugged.

"Man, that was the best comeback _ever_!" Hobbes said, giving him a low-five.

Mom and Dad waved goodbye and left.

Calvin watched them leave.

"Hobbes, this is quite obviously the biggest GROSS breach in history!" he said.

"What would you suggest?" Hobbes asked.

"Emergency meeting in the upstairs bathroom! Move!"

Calvin and Hobbes started to run upstairs, but halfway up, they were stopped by Susie.

"All right, freak, let's get some rules straight! You are in my house, and therefore, you are under my rules! Got it?" she snarled.

"You know, Susie, you're never gonna be valedictorian with _that_ attitude," Calvin said, smirking slightly.

Susie glared.

"Rule number one: no going in my room. Rule number two: don't eat the cookies on the counter. They're _mine_. Rule number three: don't bother me when I'm watching my movies. Rule number four: don't touch any of my stuff."

"You know, rule number four sounds like it belong a little higher up on the list," interrupted Calvin.

"Rule number five: do…not…_bug me_," she said forcefully, getting in Calvin's face.

And with that, she stomped away to her room.

Calvin watched her leave.

"Oo-kay, where were we?" he asked.

"Uh, we were running towards the bathroom," said Hobbes.

"Oh, right! Let's resume!"

They continued running into the bathroom.

Hobbes locked the door, and they dove into the shower. Calvin pulled the shower curtain around them.

"Man, there must be sixty different shampoos in here," said Hobbes, looking around.

Calvin pulled two paper hats out of his pocket and gave one to Hobbes.

They put them on.

"Oyez! Oyez! This emergency meeting of the **G**ET **R**ID **O**F **S**LIMY GIRL**S** will now come to order, the honorable Dictator-for-Life Calvin presiding!" Calvin said boldly.

Hobbes saluted.

"Men, we are faced with a great opportunity. We have finally infiltrated the home of a slimy girl. The enemy, Susie Derkins, has taken us prisoner, and we are now to take advantage of this situation and unleash our annoyingness on her!" Calvin said grandly.

Hobbes stared.

"What, we're not going to kill her?" he asked.

Calvin stared at him.

"You…are _sick_!"

"Just checking," Hobbes sighed.

"Anyway, this is the proposed plan. Write this down, Secretary Hobbes."

Hobbes pulled out the notepad and pencil.

"Okay, today, the enemy has given us our prison rules. We aren't to enter her sleeping quarters, eat her rations, heckle the feature film, put our fingers on our things, and, of course, not to bug her. That last one seemed important to her, seeing as how she said that one through gritted teeth. I propose that we break each of these rules. The enemy shall be ticked off beyond belief. She has none of her friends here to help her."

"Actually, she has her parents," said Hobbes. "And then they'll get _your_ parents."

Calvin thought.

"Hmmm, good point. We'll have to do this with complete secrecy," he said.

"How? Susie's pretty smart. She'll figure this out and know that it's you."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, I highly doubt she thinks her parents are secretly out to annoy her."

"Isn't that kind of a given with _all_ parents?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes nodded thoughtfully.

"All right, we're going to need an alibi."

"Should we think of one now?"

"Nah. It'll come to me in the moment."

Hobbes rolled his eyes. He knew how this usually worked out.

"So, shall we begin the mission, President and First Tiger Hobbes?" asked Calvin.

"Indeed, sir," replied Hobbes, saluting again.

Calvin saluted as well.

"Very well then. Meeting adjourned men! Let's move out!"

Calvin and Hobbes poked their heads out of the bathroom.

Susie and her parents were nowhere in sight.

"Okay," Calvin said. "Phase one commencing."

They quietly snuck from the room.

It was not a very long way to Susie's room, but it felt like miles.

Calvin tiptoed towards the small table with a vase on it.

He checked beyond it, and then motioned for Hobbes to follow.

Using his slick tiger abilities, Hobbes slunk over towards him, his tail twitching.

Calvin checked a second time, and then rolled over towards the other wall towards another table, which he immediately crawled under.

There was a pause as he held up a hand to keep Hobbes from following.

Just then, Susie came out of her room.

Calvin quickly hid himself under the table cloth.

Hobbes looked away quickly.

Susie locked her door and walked past, not noticing either of them.

Calvin peeked.

Then he motioned for Hobbes to come out of hiding.

They both bolted for the door.

Calvin glanced at Hobbes and nodded slightly.

Hobbes held a finger out and let out one of his claws. Then he stuck it into the lock and turned it around. There was a click from inside the lock that made their hearts jump.

Calvin gently turned the knob, and with much stealth, they opened the door and entered.

They stared at it.

"Okay, there are seriously too many unicorns in one place," said Hobbes.

Calvin nodded.

"I didn't know a six-year-old could find Jesse McCartney that attractive," added Calvin.

"So what do we do while we're here?" asked Hobbes.

"We just stand here. Already, we're breaking the first rule. We just let nature take its course."

"How long will that take?"

"Oh, not long. I'm _part_ of nature."

Calvin leaned out the door.

"OH, SUSIE! WE'RE IN YOUR ROOM!" he said in a singsong voice.

Susie immediately came storming up the stairs.

"CALVIN, GET YOUR STUPID TIGER OUT OF MY ROOM!" she hollered.

Calvin complied by tossing Hobbes out of the room.

But _he_ remained where he was.

"There. Hobbes is out of sight, and out of mind," he said.

"I WANT _YOU_ OUT OF SIGHT, TOO!" she hollered.

Calvin then covered Susie's eyes with his hand.

"There. Now you can't see me."

Susie growled.

"GET YOUR HAND OFF OF MY FACE!" she screamed.

Calvin did so.

"Man, this is my new favorite interactive game," Calvin said, chuckling slightly.

"GET OUT OF THIS ROOM!"

Calvin went into the closet.

"GET OUT OF MY CLOSET!"

Calvin exited the closet.

"I WANT YOU TO LEAVE!"

Seeing no way around that one, Calvin exited the bedroom completely.

Susie growled and slammed the door.

_WHAM!_

Calvin and Hobbes were knocked onto their rears.

They stared at the door for a while.

Then they grinned, and gave each other a high-five.

"Man," Calvin chuckled. "And I thought this was gonna be a bad day."

"You're keeping a cool head," Hobbes commented. "I like it when you're like this, rather than screaming your head off about everything."

"Well, I feel the situation calls for it. Now let's move on to the next part of the plan."

They ran downstairs.

When Calvin and Hobbes reached the stairs, they looked around to make sure Susie's parents hadn't heard the commotion. 

Heh, heh. They didn't.

Mr Derkins had one of those Bose earphone things on, while reading a book in the livingroom, and Mrs Derkins was outside in the garden.

Calvin cut his eyes from side to side.

He turned to Hobbes.

"Okay, Hobbes, Susie has locked himself in her bedroom, so the next task will be easy! All we have to do is eat the cookies off the counter and wait for Susie to come downstairs, and notice them gone!"

"Uh huh." Hobbes said. "And how are we going to do that? Mr Derkins has a very clear view of the cookie jar."

Calvin looked up.

Hmmm.

It was then that Calvin noticed the design of the kitchen.

The counter, which held the target, was up against the wall next the doorway leading to the living room. And Mr Derkins' chair was sitting in full view of the doorway.

In other words, if Calvin or Hobbes tried to walk up to take the jar, Mr Derkins would see them.

Calvin rubbed his chin in thought.

"Hmm, that could be a problem."

Calvin thought for a moment, then, suddenly, and much to Hobbes' terror, his eyes brightened.

He snapped his fingers.

"I got it!" He said.

He reached into his pocket, and pulled out...

Uh, a chrome CD player with a red stripe going around it.

Hobbes stared at the MTM for a long throbbing moment.

"I think my heart just stopped." He said.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and opened the Main Menu.

_Greetings from the land of talking CD players. What do you want?_

Calvin leaned in, and whispered, "I need to put your new manipulator hands into action."

For a while, the MTM didn't answer, and then,

_And, uh, what exactly did you plan on picking up with them?_

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Just give me them." He growled.

_Manipulators activated_

At that very moment, the end of the MTM began glowing, indicating that the hypercube was kicking in.

Then, a pair of black gloves fell out.

Calvin set the MTM on the floor, and picked up the gloves.

Hobbes, meanwhile, was watching from a safe five feet away.

His thoughts on this were, if the gloves suddenly blew up for no apparent reason while Calvin was holding them, he would escape with minor injuries.

Uh huh.

Calvin put the gloves on, and pushed a button on them.

Immediately, a white glow surrounded the gloves, and the MTM's hypercube kicked in again.

Then, out of the tip of the CD player, came a pair of mechanical arms with two hands and grasping robot fingers.

Calvin's mouth curled up into a sinister grin.

Slowly, Calvin pushed his hands forward, the gloves held in front of him, and open.

The mechanical arms did the same, stretching out of the MTM, and towards the counter.

Carefully, Calvin lifted his hands over his head, and brought them down onto an invisible surface.

The mechanical arms reached around the counter, out of sight of Mr Derkins, and then came to rest on it.

Hands flat, Calvin began moving his arm forward, as far as they would go.

The mechanical arms slid across the counter, making not a noise, and finally made it to the cookie jar.

Calvin gave Hobbes a wink.

Hobbes stood next to Calvin, wondering why he couldn't just use CD players like every other six year old.

Calvin lifted his hands upward, and grasped a round invisible object.

The arms reached upward, and took hold of the cookie jar, carefully.

Then, Calvin began moving his arms back, still holding his hands out in the grasping position.

The cookie jar began sliding away from the door, and towards Calvin and the MTM.

Then the arms lifted the cookie jar off of the counter, and brought back around to where Calvin was.

Calvin grinned, and gently set the cookie jar in front of him and Hobbes.

Then, he pushed another button on the gloves.

The MTM's hypercube kicked in a third time, and suddenly inhaled the mechanical arms, as well as the gloves that controlled them.

Calvin wiped some sweat from his brow, and turned a grin onto Hobbes.

"Well, Hobbes, here it is, shall we dig in?"

Hobbes stared at the MTM.

"Well, actually I just lost my appetite, you go ahead."

Calvin stared at Hobbes.

He shrugged, and then sat down in front of the cookie jar.

A little later, Susie emerged from her bedroom.

She looked around several time for Calvin, locked her door, again, tested it to make sure it was locked, then moved downstairs.

She was shocked to find Calvin in the kitchen, sitting at the kitchen table with his stuffed tiger, discussing the purpose of the universe with him.

Susie glared at him, murderously, and moved forward to the cookie jar sitting on the counter in the exact same spot it was at fifteen minutes ago.

She picked the lid up, and reached inside.

Her eyes popped open.

Her hand felt the inside of the jar, several times.

It was empty.

There weren't even any crumbs in it.

Ho boy.

It was then that Susie heard Calvin's voice.

"Say, Susie, Hobbes thinks that we're here on planet Earth so the tigers will have something to eat. What do you think?"

Susie's head swung around.

"CALVIN!" She screamed. "You ate all our cookies!!"

"I did?" Calvin asked.

He thought for a moment.

"Oh, yes, I suppose I did. Those chocolate chip and caramel cookies of your Mom's was pretty good, I might add. Might I see the recipe?"

Susie jabbed her finger at the door towards the living room.

"_**GET OUT OF HERE!!!**_" She screamed

Calvin jumped off the chair with Hobbes, and entered the living room.

He turned around, and faced Susie.

"There. I have left the kitchen."

"GO AWAY!" She bellowed.

Calvin snapped his fingers, then walked away.

Calvin then looked around for Mr and Mrs. Derkins.

Mrs Derkins was now out talking to the neighbor, and Mr Derkins was reading the newspaper, still wearing those earphones.

How convenient.

Soon, three o'clock rolled around, and it was time for Susie's movie to start.

She walked into the living room, and turned the TV on to Starz.

ZOOM!

In an instant, Calvin and Hobbes were there, sitting on the floor in front of the TV.

"Oh joy!" Calvin said. "A feature length movie! What are we seeing today?"

"Get lost Calvin!" Susie growled. "I don't need you messing this up for me!"

"Oh don't mind me." Calvin said. "Ya won't even know I'm here."

Calvin winked at Hobbes.

Hobbes sighed.

At that very moment, the movie started.

Would you like to guess what movie it was?

Dreamer. Ya know, that horse movie.

When the title came up, Calvin said, "Ya know you're a dreamer when your horse ends up being Mr Ed"

Susie glared at Calvin.

"Shut up, Calvin." She spat.

Then, the names of several people rolled across the screen.

Calvin and Hobbes proceeded to make fun of these names, and when the movie started, began riffing it.

Sure.

Susie spent the whole time yelling at Calvin to shut up, and stop adding in his own dialogue, while trying to understand what was going on during the movie.

Unsuccessfully, I might add.

Finally, half way through the movie, Susie finally stood up off the couch, and screamed, "GET... OUT... OF... THE... LIVING ROOM!!"

Calvin stood up, walked away, and then stood in the doorway in the kitchen.

He continued riffing it from the kitchen, while Hobbes cast worried looks back and forth between Calvin and Susie.

Suddenly, Susie spun around, and made a move for Calvin.

_ZOOM!_

Calvin and Hobbes vanished.

Susie glared, murderously at the doorway, then turned around in time to see the end credits of her movie roll up the screen.

Her eye twitched, involuntarily.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were upstairs, again. 

Hobbes had just finished bringing out all of Susie's toys, and he and Calvin were now lining them up in front of them, against the wall.

Calvin stood up.

"Okay, Hobbes, proceed to touch her stuff."

Hobbes rolled he eyes, and began patting each doll on the head.

Calvin looked over the railing to see what Susie was doing.

She was coming.

Calvin took hold of three or four of her dolls, stood at the top of the stairs, and began attempting to juggle them.

Notice I said, "attempted."

Susie's head came up, and she stared at Calvin.

Completely unable to juggle Calvin simply threw one doll into the air at a time, catching it, and then throwing another one into the air.

Susie's eyes narrowed. Her face began a deep shade of red, her fists clenched, she gritted her teeth, and began shaking.

Calvin watched this with a large grin on his face.

Then Susie began running up the stairs for Calvin.

Calvin's grin faded, slightly, when she saw the murder in Susie's eyes.

"RETREAT, HOBBES! IT'S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!"

And with that, Calvin leaped right off of the railing, and began falling to the ground floor.

Screaming the whole way.

_CRASH!!!_

Hobbes was already there, the dummy.

Calvin stood up and glared at him.

Susie angrily gathered up all her toys, and stormed back up to her room with them.

Calvin and Hobbes watched.

"OK, Hobbes, we have successfully broken all of the rules but one."

"Which one was that?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin turned a grin onto Hobbes.

"Not to bug her." He chuckled.

Hobbes rubbed his chin.

"Sounds risky." He said.

"Indeed it does, but luckily we are shrill teekers!"

Hobbes stared at him for a moment.

"Don't you mean, thrill seekers?" He asked.

Calvin glared at him.

"That's what I said, you dunce! And stop correcting my spelling."

"Sure thing."

"Now, then, here's the plan..."

Many minutes went by.

Susie remained locked in her room.

Calvin and Hobbes climbed the stairs, and stopped at Susie's door.

Calvin cleared his throat.

He leaned over, and burst out singing.

"ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI!! ALL COVERED IN CHEESEEEE!!" He screamed. "I LOST MY POOR MEATBALL WHEN IT..."

Suddenly, Susie's door was flung open, and Calvin became aware of several stuffed animals being pelted at him.

All the same, he continued singing, shielding his face with his arms.

"TEN BILLION BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL! TEN BILLION BOTTLES OF BEER!"

ACK!

Suddenly, Susie ran out of stuffed animals, and began throwing plastic cooking utensils instead.

Calvin dodged three plastic forks, a cooking pan, the entire kitcken stand, and other stuff.

Boy those Bose earphone things really _work_ don't they?

All the same Calvin kept singing.

"WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA!!! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! THEY TRY TO SURVIVE THE WRATH OF PEARL! JUST AN EVIL GAL WHO WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD!! IT'S TIME TO PARTY FOR GARFIELD AND FRIENDS!!! HIY, HIY!"

At last Susie stopped throwing things at Calvin.

She decided to take a more subtle approach.

She stormed over to Calvin, pumping her arms as she went.

Calvin stopped singing.

He stared at her.

"Oo-kay, I'd say we're done here, Hobbes. Hobbes?"

Hobbes had vanished.

Huh.

Calvin looked around in all directions, looking for somewhere to go.

Nowhere.

He looked back at the lunatic girl approaching him.

"_**HELP!!!**_" He screamed.

A little later, Mr Derkins finally decided to take off those stupid earphones, and find out what the heck was going on.

Took him long enough.

He walked into the kitchen.

He took out a can of soup, and took the can opener.

He looked up.

Calvin was laying face down on the bottom of the stairs.

His hair was ruffled up, and there were bruises all over him.

Mr Derkins stared at him for a long time.

Then Susie came down the stairs, glaring out at the world.

Mr Derkins sighed.

"OK, what did he do now?" He asked.

Susie stormed past the grumbling Calvin, and told Dad her sad story.

Whoops.

* * *

Mom and Dad drove up into the Derkins' driveway. 

They had had a very peaceful evening.

Which, apparently was about to come to a screeching halt.

"Well, the Derkins' house is still standing." Mom said. "That's a good sign."

Mom and Dad walked up to the door, and knocked.

Mr Derkins answered the door.

"Hello, Mr Derkins." Dad said, nervously. "And, uh, how was Calvin?"

Mr Derkins gave him a blank, unblinking stare.

"I see." Dad said, rolling his eyes around. "And, uh, what exactly do we owe you for all this trouble?"

Mr Derkins held out a hand.

"Uh huh." Dad said. "Alright."

Dad took out his wallet and gave Mr Derkins all he had.

Then they collected Calvin.

Calvin took Hobbes, and brushed himself off.

"Well, Hobbes, I'd say we've officially gotten rid of a slimy girl don't you!" He said, as he got his coat on.

"No." Hobbes said.

Calvin glared at him.

"What do you mean 'No'? We bugged her, touched her stuff, went in her room, riffed her movie..."

"Yeah, but you're the only one with bruises." Hobbes said.

"Correct, Hobbes, and I wear them proudly. Are you saying you don't want any metals of bravery for our successful mission?"

"Sure, I'll take some."

"Then shut up." Calvin said.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes exited the Derkins' house.

And got into the car.

Dad gave Calvin a menacing glare.

"Calvin, you will not see the light of day for _months!_" He growled.

Calvin sighed.

Another regular ending to a G.R.O.S.S. meeting.

**The End**

**Voicework:**

**Pamela Segal Aldon:** Calvin

**Tom Hanks:** Hobbes / Mr Derkins

**Bill Murray:** Dad

**Jennifer Love Hewitt:** Mom

**Dakota Fanning:** Susie

* * *

**Coming up next: **Super Calvin 


	25. Super Calvin

**Summary:** After Calvin tries to combine all of his inventions, he accidentally gains the powers of his inventions... and Dr Brainstorm finds out about it.

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series_

_Written by garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Super Calvin**

Hobbes had noticed that Calvin had been spending most of the day in his room.

He thought that very strange.

Today was Saturday, and it was very unlike Calvin to spend all day in his room.

He would be either watching TV, or playing Calvinball.

Hobbes walked up the stairs that led to Calvin's room, and knocked on the door.

"STAY OUT OF MY ROOM! I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! THIS IS TOP SECRET STUFF, AND YOUR MOTHER WAS AN UGLY TOAD!!!"

That's what Hobbes received as an answer each time he knocked on the door.

At last, at 6:00, Calvin came out of his room.

"Hobbes, c'mere." Calvin called.

"OH, _NOW_ you want me to come!" Hobbes spat.

"Just get up there." Calvin grumbled.

Calvin and Hobbes walked up into Calvin's room.

"These are my inventions." Calvin said.

He pointed at his Time Pauser, Mini Duplicator, Transmogrifier gun, his MTM, and his Time Machine/Duplicator/Transmogrifier/Airplane/Book and Movie Transport box.

"Yes." Hobbes said.

"Now watch this."

Calvin twisted his Time Pauser into the box. Then his Transmogrifier gun, then his mini Duplicator.

"I'm combining all my inventions into one!" Calvin grinned.

"What for?"

"Well, let's say that we're on a mission to defeat Rupert and Earl, Retro, or Dr Brainstorm. We'd have to hold all the gadgets. So I made them all into one big…thing for easy convenience."

Hobbes nodded, now looking interested.

Huh. Maybe this was a good idea.

"Now I'm turning it on!"

Calvin flipped the switch on the box.

The engine zapped to life.

"Yes? Yes!" Calvin grinned.

He held up a handheld monitor for Hobbes to see.

**Time Pauser: 100 percent operational**

**Transmogrifier gun: 100 percent operational**

**Box Inventions: 100 percent operational**

**MTM: 100 percent operational**

Mini Duplicator: 100 percent operational

Just then the numbers dropped dramatically.

**Time Pauser: 35 percent operational**

**Transmogrifier gun: 44 percent operational**

**Box Inventions: 27 percent operational**

**MTM: 8 percent operational**

**Mini Duplicator: 19 percent operational**

Just then the engine died, and all the numbers on the monitor dropped to zero.

"OH DARN IT!" Calvin screamed. "I've been at this all day long!"

He sighed, and leaned against the box.

"No matter how hard I try I can't get it riIIIIAAAAAA!!!!!"

Hobbes gasped.

Electricity from the box was surging through Calvin!

Hobbes looked down at the monitor.

**Time Pauser: 100 percent operational**

**Transmogrifier gun: 100 percent operational**

**Box Inventions: 100 percent operational**

**MTM: 100 percent operational**

**Mini Duplicator: 100 percent operational**

Calvin wasn't expecting that!

"I'll save you!" Hobbes rushed over to Calvin.

He hesitated grabbing Calvin away from the box.

"_What if I get electrocuted?_" He thought.

He looked down at the Time Pauser fused into Calvin's box.

He grabbed it out of the box, and hit the button.

_**BOOM!**_

Time Paused.

Hobbes hesitated, and then started to peal Calvin's fingers off the box.

Hobbes then carried Calvin three feet away from the box, and started time up again.

Calvin shook for a bit, but then regained himself.

"Whoa." He muttered. "What happened?"

"That's what _I'd_ like to know," Hobbes replied.

"Time for bed, Calvin." Mom called.

"Aren't you going to read me my rights?" Calvin asked.

"Your rights are to get into bed. Now move." Mom said.

"Yes, your dictatorship." Calvin muttered.

Calvin walked up to bed.

Before he knew it, he was asleep, and morning had come.

Calvin yawned, and looked at his clock.

8:45 AM.

Calvin yawned again.

"Hobbes, wake up." He said.

Hobbes didn't wake up.

"Hobbes, wake up!" Calvin yelled.

Hobbes didn't move.

"GET UP!!!" Calvin screamed.

Hobbes didn't move.

Calvin stuck his nose in Hobbes' ear, and screamed.

"ARE YOU GOING TO WAKE UP, OR DO I HAVE DO SOME MAJOR DAMAGE?!?!?"

Hobbes didn't even twitch.

"Wow he's really knocked out." Calvin observed. "However no sleeper can sleep through this!"

Calvin jumped onto Hobbes, grabbed his head, and started banging it against the bed frame.

"WAKE UP!!!" Calvin screeched.

Hobbes still refused to wake up.

Calvin narrowed his eyes, and pressed his head against Hobbes' furry chest.

He gasped.

"Oh no! His heart's not beating!"

Calvin exploded downstairs.

"MOM!! DAD!!!! SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH HOBBES!!!"

Calvin stopped.

Mom and Dad were sitting at the table.

They were holding still.

Dad was stuck in chewing Corn Flakes, and Mom was frozen with a spoon of Corn Flakes in her mouth.

"I must have slept on my Time Pauser." Calvin decided.

He walked back upstairs.

But the Time Pauser was resting safely on Calvin's desk.

"Huh." Calvin grunted. "How'd this happen?"

He took a good long look at the Time Pauser.

He gasped.

The small screen on the invention was on "TIME ON"

"I didn't use my Time Pauser to stop time." Calvin muttered. "I did it on my own?" But how..."

Calvin hit the button.

The screen changed over to "TIME OFF" but otherwise, nothing happened.

Calvin hit the button again.

BOOM!!

The screen changed back over to "TIME ON", and this Calvin came back with it.

"How did that happen?" Calvin thought out loud.

"Ouch." Hobbes muttered. "Don't talk so loud. I've got a headache this morning."

Calvin chuckled nervously.

"Heh, heh." He chuckled. "Funny you should mention that..."

"YOU WHAT?!?!?" Hobbes screamed.

"Don't rub it in." Calvin muttered.

"DON'T RUB IT IN?!?!?" Hobbes screamed. "YOU BANGED MY HEAD INTO THE BED FRAME, AND YOU TELL ME TO NOT RUB IT IN!!!!"

"Look, Hobbes, that's not something we should be concerned with right now," Calvin interrupted. "Take some aspirin and sit. Somehow, during the night, I paused time, and I did it without the Time Pauser!"

Hobbes' eyes popped open.

"Huh. That's odd."

"I'll say. And I don't know how I did it."

During Calvin's last sentence, he clapped his hands in exasperation.

The minute they came in contact, there was a loud noise.

_**BOOM!!**_

Suddenly, a white shockwave shot out from him, and the world suddenly stopped.

Calvin stared at his hands.

Then he stood behind Hobbes.

He clapped again.

_**BOOM!!**_

"What th—?!" Hobbes gasped.

"Over here."

Hobbes looked back.

"Well, it appears that whenever I clap, time stops," Calvin commented.

"Interesting," said Hobbes.

Calvin then looked at his watch.

"Oh! Speaking of time, _Captain Napalm_ is going to be on TV in a minute."

Calvin and Hobbes rushed downstairs and turned the TV on.

Captain Napalm appeared on the screen.

But as they started to watch, Calvin started to feel a tingling sensation going through his body.

And suddenly, Calvin found himself flying forward and going through the television screen!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" he screamed.

Hobbes stared.

Suddenly, Calvin appeared on the TV screen.

"Wow!" he said. "I'm on TV!"

Suddenly a gigantic space monster jumped out of nowhere.

"And now I'm in big trouble. GET ME OUTTA HERE!"

Suddenly, the TV glowed, and Calvin was somehow catapulted out the TV and back in to the chair.

"How on earth…?" Hobbes asked, stunned.

"Strange," Calvin commented. "I was just sitting here wondering what it'd be like to be in that show, and the next thing I knew, I was flying STRAIGHT TOWARDS IT! HELP!"

Calvin flew off the chair again and into the show.

There was a pause.

Calvin suddenly shot back out of the TV and back where he belonged.

"Okay, I getting scared," said Hobbes. "I'm going upstairs."

Calvin scoffed.

"Ha! I thought tigers were never scared."

Then a peculiar thing happened.

Calvin was suddenly enveloped in a field of gold, and when emerged, he was an ittybitty tiger.

Hobbes gaped at the sight.

"What happened now?"

Calvin looked at himself.

"It would appear that I can transmogrify without the Transmogrifier," he said. "All I have do is say what I want to turn into. And now I'd like to be Calvin again."

The field of gold returned, and then Calvin changed back to himself.

"Okay, that's it," said Hobbes. "Despite my better judgment, you need medical attention. Come on. We're off to Andy's house."

"Huh?!"

About fifteen minutes later, Calvin was strapped to an examining table, and a giant thing was above him, scanning him.

Sherman was sitting in a chair at a desk with a computer in front of him.

Hobbes was nearby, watching.

"Hmmm," said Sherman, tapping his chin. "This is…interesting."

"What is it?" asked Hobbes.

"Well according to this, somehow, Calvin's DNA has somehow been altered."

"Meaning?"

"What do you mean 'meaning', you imbecile?" Sherman snapped. "It means that Calvin's like a mutant now!"

"Really? I am? Cool!"

"No, _not_ cool!" said Sherman. "With altered DNA as strange as this, you could be permanently damaged for the rest of your life!"

"But I have some helpful new abilities now!" Calvin protested. "I can pause time, go into movies and transmogrify myself."

Hobbes stared.

"How the heck did this happen?" he wondered.

Calvin thought for a moment.

"It must have been while I was combining my inventions into one!" he gasped. "When I touched it, it electrocuted me, and this somehow must've damaged my DNA, and now I have the abilities of all my inventions! Looks I've molded them all into one big thing after all: me!"

Hobbes gulped.

"What do you plan to do?" asked Sherman.

"Well, what any kid would do given this gift! I'm gonna become a superhero!"

And for the first time ever, Hobbes and Sherman agreed on something.

And that something was: Earth was big trouble.

When Calvin and Hobbes got home, Calvin immediately went to work designing a costume.

He made a black mask, a red jumpsuit with little bolts of electricity going down the legs, and arms, yellow collar, gloves, belt, and boots, and little yellow circle on Calvin's chest with a bright crimson C in it.

Calvin put the costume on.

"So, Hobbes, how do I look?" He chuckled, showing the costume off to Hobbes.

Hobbes looked up from his comic book.

"Like a superhero. Why?"

"That's exactly how I want to look." Calvin chuckled. "I will use my amazing powers to save worlds, and fifth dimensions from monkey people!"

"That's sounds hard." Hobbes said.

"Yeap." Calvin said. "It's a tough job but someone's gotta do it."

Hobbes looked back at the comic book.

"Mmhmm." He said. "Well, have fun."

"Wait!" Calvin yelled. "What if _you_ became my sidekick! You could be the Death Tiger!"

"Don't have super powers. Leave me alone." Hobbes said.

Calvin glared at him.

"Fine." He sniffed. "I'll save the world on my own!"

"Mmhmm."

"You'll be sorry, of course."

"Mmmhmm."

"I'll be having all the adventures, and _you'll_ miss out."

"Mm."

Calvin grumbled to himself, and turned to the window.

He opened it up, and jumped off the ledge.

He fell for a second, then rose into the air, and soared across the city.

"WHOO HOO!" He screamed.

Calvin's town, unfortunately, was fairly crimeless.

Or to put it another way, nothing ever happened.

Calvin spent three or four hours flying around the town, searching for some form of crime or injustice.

"Gee," Calvin said, landing on a building, and walking to the edge. "You can just never find any good super villains anymore. Hmm, what am I doing wrong? _Other_ super heros get cool villains! Batman must make one enemy per day!"

Calvin looked around the city.

"Well, maybe I just need to look harder. I'll try looking in a few dark alleys. I need to hold up to being a super hero!"

And with that, Calvin blasted off his feet, and flew off towards the other side of town.

Meanwhile, several hundred miles away in Yellowstone National Park, another weirdo was not holding up to his title.

"DARN IT!!!" Brainstorm screeched, as several springs and screws flew out of his latest invention. "WHY CAN'T I GET IT RIGHT!!!"

There was a moment of silence.

"JACK!!!" He screamed. "GET _IN_ HERE!!!!"

There was a moment of silence, and then, Jack the robot walked in, sipping on his soda, and holding a National Geographic magazine in his hands.

"Yes, Frank?" He asked, sitting down in his chair.

"_DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!_ I need you to fix this again!!!" Brainstorm shoved a small metal cubical box in Jack's arms.

"Really?" Jack yawned, placing the box on the desk. "How much more money do you have?"

"I have ten dollars in my pocket, but I'm using that money to purchase my Doomsday Device from the Institute of Mad Science!"

"Sorry. I don't fix unfixable items for free." Jack said, taking another sip.

Brainstorm growled, furiously, and reached into his pocket.

"Fine! Here ya go!"

The insane scientist shoved a ten dollar bill into Jack's face.

"Are you happy, now?!?"

"Sure." Jack said. "Let's see what we can do with it."

Jack took the box, and walked out of the main lab with it.

He walked into the kitchen, and dropped it on the counter.

_CLANG!!_

"What was that?! Are you fixing it?!"

"Yes. Stay there." Jack called back.

He yawned, and opened the fridge door.

He pulled out another soda, and opened the top.

CLICK SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

"What was _THAT?!?! _Have you fixed it?"

"Not yet. Just hang on." Jack called back.

He took a long drink from the soda, then, once it was gone, smashed the can against his head.

K-K-K-K-K-K

"Almost done!" Jack called into the main lab.

He threw the can away, and yawned.

Jack then walked back to the fridge, and closed the door.

CLICK

"OK, there. I'm done." Jack said.

He picked the box off the counter, and walked back into the lab.

"Here ya go, Frank. Good as new." Jack said, offering the box back to Brainstorm.

"IT'S DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!! And thank you!"

"Sure." Jack yawned, walking back into towards the hallway to his room. "Nice to be able to make easy money so quickly."

"WHAT?!" Brainstorm screamed.

"I said, have fun scheming." Jack said, closing the door to his room.

Jack walked over to his desk, and sat down.

He turned to his computer on, connected it to the internet, and started typing.

_Hello, Hobbes, are you there?_

Jack leaned back in his seat, and waited.

Suddenly a response popped up on the screen.

_Hello, Jack. Yes I'm here._

Jack leaned forward, and started typing again.

_You said you wanted to tell me something? You might want to hurry, because I'm going to have to scam another ten bucks out of Frank, soon._

There was a pause, then, a huge message popped up.

Jack squinted his eyes, and studied it.

It the whole story of how Calvin had merged his inventions together, and how he had gotten all the powers of his inventions.

Jack chuckled his way though it, and finally replied.

_Interesting. Has he destroyed anything yet?_

Hobbes' reply came quickly.

_That's what I'm worried about. Do you have any suggestions on how I can keep him from blowing the planet up?_

Jack rubbed his chin, and thought for a moment.

"Hmmm," He considered.

He then began typing again.

_Where is he?_

Suddenly, Jack's screen went blank.

"Hey!" Jack yelled.

Dr Brainstorm appeared on the monitor!

"JACK!!" He screamed. "MY ANTI-MASS DESTROYER, STILL ISN'T WORKING!! I WANT MY TEN BUCKS BACK!!!"

"It's as good as spent, Frank." Jack sighed. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm very busy right now, so if you would please shut off the camera, I could continue..."

"I know what you're doing, Jack!" Brainstorm yelled. "You're communicating with the _ENEMY!!_ Just for that, all of it goes into my report! Now, I'm downloading your conversation, and I'm shutting you down!!"

Brainstorm pushed a button on his desk.

Jack sighed, and stood up from his desk.

He walked out of his room, and reentered the main lab.

By the time he entered, Brainstorm had already copied Jack and Hobbes' writings onto the main monitor, and was now reading it.

Jack walked into the lab, and sat down at his chair.

"So, the six year old brat has super powers, now, eh?" Brainstorm considered, rubbing his chin in thought. "That can't be good, with those powers, he could destroy me and my lab in a matter of minutes! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!!"

"He could destroy you and your lab with or without his powers, Frank." Jack said.

"_**FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S DR BRAINSTORM!!!!**_" Brainstorm screeched. "Now come on, we need to attack him before he attacks us!!"

"More than likely, he has a lot more important things to do." Jack said.

"Shut up! Let's go!!"

And with that, Brainstorm raced out of his lab.

"So how do you plan on beating Calvin?" He yawned, sitting down in the passenger's seat of Brainstorm's rocket.

"Simple!" Brainstorm cackled. "We're going to that town wherever it is he lives! Then, I'll unleash all my inventions of _DEATH _upon him! I'll defeat him, take his powers away with my _Power Take-Awayer _transfer them into myself, and then I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!"

"Uh huh." Jack said, sipping on a milkshake.

Brainstorm leaped into his rocket, stuck his keys in the ignition, and turned it.

_VROOOM!!! VROOOOM! VROOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! VROOOOOOOOOOOOM!!_

"DARN IT!!" Brainstorm screeched. "The engine's flooded, again!! JACK!! Go fix it!!"

"Do you have another ten bucks?"

Brainstorm's eyes slammed shut.

Meanwhile, Calvin was still having no luck finding any suitable crimes.

He had attacked seven or eight people for littering and had brought someone in for "illegal poodle ownership".

So in other words, it was a typical crimeless day.

"Oh man this is hopeless." Calvin sighed, looking around the city. "I haven't made any enemies today, besides that guy I gave a black eye for throwing his banana peel on the ground, and there hasn't been a single bank robbery!"

Calvin crossed his arms, and looked around.

"Well, I guess this town isn't ready for my super powers of justice. ON TO THE NEXT CITY!!"

And with that, Calvin leaped from the ground, made a 180 degree turn, and started rocketing off towards the north.

"Well, I'll try a few cities in the next state," He said to himself as he flew above the town out of everyone's sight. "Then, if that doesn't work, there's always New York, Boston and Indianapolis!"

He continued flying for a while.

"Well, I might as well stop in at my place at get a bit to eat." He decided.

Calvin made another turn, and started going towards his neighborhood, which was only a few miles away.

"Ahh, it's great being a super hero!" He sighed, looking up at the clouds. "The fresh air, the bugs slapping against my face as I fly, and Dr Brainstorm's broken down old rocket heading towards me. Yep, there's nothing quite like..."

_ZAAAAAP!!!_

"YAAAAAAUGH!!!"

Suddenly, Brainstorm's rocket, which had seemed so harmless at first, sent a blast of electricity shooting at Calvin through a laser gun sticking out at the bottom.

Calvin halted his flight, and started falling downward.

"HA HA!!" Brainstorm screamed, throwing his fists to the sky. "DIRECT HIT!!! JACK ACTIVATE THE BOOSTER ROCKETS!!!"

"We don't have any." Jack said, flipping through his _Robot's Weekly _magazine.

Brainstorm growled, and his eyes narrowed.

Calvin went twirling downward for about fifty feet, screaming, before he finally regained control of his powers, and came back up, again.

"HEY!" He shouted at the rocket, as he floated back upward, again. "Frank, that's wasn't nice! Now you go home, and play with your little inventions!"

"He has a point, Frank. You're being kinda mean." Jack said, leaning back in his chair.

"_DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!_" Brainstorm screamed. "And just for that, Calvin, I'm going to unleash my inventions upon you!! NOT EVEN YOUR ROBOTIC TIGER CAN SAVE YOU NOW!!"

Calvin blinked.

Brainstorm started pushing buttons on his control panel and screaming at Jack to help him.

A long tube extended from the front of Brainstorm's rocket, and pointed at Calvin.

"I'm just going to bail out, now, Frank, if its all the same to you," Jack said, standing up and reaching for his parachute.

Brainstorm was too busy laughing insanely to notice, however, as he slammed his fist into a bright red button.

The end of the tube began glowing bright red, and suddenly a thick laser beam shot straight out of it.

Calvin held his hands upward, and suddenly, a large red transparent dome appeared around him.

ZAAAAP!!!

The laser collided with the dome, and shot Calvin backward, a little, but otherwise kept balanced.

Calvin growled, and started flying forward, slowly, the laser beam getting thicker and brighter the closer he got.

Brainstorm blinked.

"Uh... Jack, Something's happening. Do you think you could..."

Brainstorm turned around.

Jack wasn't there anymore.

"COWARD!!" Brainstorm shouted. "RETREATING DURING BATTLE HUH!! THIS IS ALL GOING INTO MY REPORT!!"

Suddenly, a red light started flashing on Brainstorm's panel, and a siren started emitting from the speakers.

Brainstorm blinked.

"Huh boy." He sighed. "BAIL OUT!!!"

Brainstorm grabbed a parachute, and leaped out of the rocket.

_BOOOM!!_

Calvin continued to shield himself, as the rocket was blown to smithereens.

"HEY!!" Brainstorm screamed, as he fell downward. "THAT WAS MINE!!!"

"Well, that takes care of Brainfreak." Calvin said, clapping his hands together. "Now, then on to more important matters."

Calvin turned and continued flying towards his house.

Brainstorm grumbled to himself, and pulled the string on the parachute.

Luckily, it deployed, and caught Brainstorm as he fell.

"Boy, I'm glad Jack finally fixed this." He said to himself.

Calvin flew through his window, and landed on the floor next to the bed.

Hobbes was sitting on the bed, reading a comic book.

"Hi Hobbes!" Calvin grinned.

"Hello, Calvin." Hobbes replied, not looking up. "Make any new enemies or fight any major battles?"

"No. Not really. Just another crumby battle with Brainstorm." Calvin yawned. "I was just about to go to some other city and look for some crime, and I just stopped for a bite to eat."

"Uh huh." Hobbes said, turning the page.

Calvin transformed back into his original form, and ran down to the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Brainstorm and Jack had landed in some unknown location in Calvin's neighborhood, and Brainstorm was now planning his revenge.

"This is an outrage, Jack!" He yelled, as he and Jack walked down the sidewalk towards Calvin's house. "I spent all this time scheming and plotting, and he didn't succumb to mighty might!"

"That's just devastating." Jack replied, expressionlessly.

"And to top things off, _YOU _don't want to hurry and get to Calvin's house again before he leaves! So here I am being held back by you!!"

"Uh huh."

"And it makes me think you don't want me to take over the world!"

"Uh huh."

"I'LL MAKE YOU ALL PAY!!!"

"I think I see him." Jack said, squinting into the sunlight.

"What?" Brainstorm said, looking around.

Then, he spotted Calvin.

He was flying high above them, both his fists forward in a Superman kind of style.

"Jack! I'm a genius!! He's heading right towards us!!!" Brainstorm screamed.

Jack sighed.

Brainstorm started rooting through his pocket.

"Let's see here, where's my servant ray?!"

"Here he comes. He's flying right over us." Jack said.

"NO WAIT!!! DON'T!!! WHERE IS IT! I KNOW I HAD IT HERE SOMEWHERE!!!"

"There he goes." Jack said, his head following Calvin as he flew overhead.

"NOOO!! DARN IT!! WHERE'S MY SERVANT RAY?!?!"

"In your boot. Where you always keep it." Jack said.

"WHAT?!?!"

Brainstorm frantically grabbed his servant ray out of his boot, pointed it at the escaping Calvin, and shouted, "SERVANT RAY, BRING HIM!! _BRING DOWN!!!!_"

The gun didn't do anything.

Brainstorm blinked.

"OK, then, DON'T bring him down."

Suddenly, a net shot out of the gun, and flew straight towards Calvin.

Calvin was munching on a peanut butter sandwich as he flew, and he had not noticed Brainstorm or Jack as he went over them.

But when the net hit him, he had to notice.

Especially since it was electrified.

_ZZZZZZZZT!!!_

"YAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!"

Calvin began fighting with the net, as he lost control of his flight, and began plummeting to the ground.

_CRASH!!!_

"HA HA!!!!" Brainstorm yelled in triumph. "I'M A GENIUS!!!"

Jack rolled his eyes.

Calvin struggled with the electrified net, before finally ripping it apart, with his strength.

Calvin stood up and looked around.

"WHO DID THAT?!" He shouted. "ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A BATTLE?!?!"

Suddenly, Calvin saw Brainstorm running up to him, grinning like a lunatic, and holding his servant ray.

"Oh, it's just you." Calvin said, his excitement dying.

"_JUST _me, eh? Well, I'll show you how much damage I can really do!!" Brainstorm yelled, rummaging through his pockets in his lab coat.

"Sure you will." Calvin said, crossing his arms.

Brainstorm took out something that looked like a squirt gun, and pointed it at Calvin.

"PREPARE FOR UTTER DESTRUCTION!!!!"

Calvin yawned.

Brainstorm pulled the trigger.

_ZAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!_

"AAAAAAAAUGGH!!!"

Suddenly a bright green blast shot from the gun, and collided with Calvin, which both threw him flying backwards, and electrocuted him.

_CRASH!!!_

Calvin crash landed into the side of a house, and sunk to the ground.

His eyes popped open and faced Brainstorm's laughing figure.

And Jack, who had just arrived.

"Hmm, maybe this will be a bit of scuffle." He said, thoughtfully.

Brainstorm pointed the gun at Calvin, again.

"Calvin, give up your powers to me or face dire consequences!"

"So, storm brain, ya wanna play rough, huh?" Calvin yelled, leaping to his feet. "We can play rough!"

Calvin held his hands up, which began glowing light blue, and pieces of frost began falling from them.

A light blue ray shot out of Calvin's hands, and headed straight for Brainstorm.

Brainstorm blinked, and leaped from the way.

The blast hit a pair of trash cans, which immediately became incased in a solid block of ice.

Brainstorm rolled across the ground, and stopped on his stomach.

"JACK!! HE'S TAKING COUNTERMEASURES!! DO SOMETHING!!!!" He screamed, frantically.

"Sure."

Jack turned to Calvin.

"Calvin, do you know where I can find a soda machine?"

"Sure there's one at the entrance of Brown's General Store, just around the corner from here." Calvin said, pointed to the end of the block.

"Thanks."

And with that, Jack started walking away.

"JACK!!! GET BACK HERE! DO NOT WALK OUT ON THE FACE OF BATTLE!!!"

Calvin turned back to Brainstorm and grinned.

"Now then, where were we?" He grinned, cracking his knuckles.

"_JACK!!!_"

Brainstorm leaped to his feet, and began shot another blast at Calvin

Calvin held out his hands, and a tall red transparent shield appeared in front of him.

ZAAP!!

"UUUNGH!!!"

Upon impact, the shield vaporized, and Calvin fell to the ground.

"Wow, this thing really works." Brainstorm commented, scratching his head, and staring at the ray gun.

Then he snapped back to his task, and aimed it at Calvin, again, who's eyes narrowed.

"MIST!!!" He yelled.

Suddenly, Calvin's outline collapsed, and became a light almost invisible cloud.

Brainstorm looked around.

"Where did you go?!?" He yelled. "Show yourself! Show yourself so I can destroy you!!"

"CALVIN!!!"

In a blast of light, Calvin suddenly appeared in front Brainstorm, holding his glowing hands up.

_BLAST!!!_

"AAAAUUGH!"

In large blast of fire, Brainstorm was knocked off his feet, and he fell on his back.

Calvin then held both his hands out his side, as electricity began flowing around them.

At that very moment, Jack came walking back around the corner, sipping on a soda with a straw.

"Hello," He said, walking up to them. "What did I miss?"

"Oh not much, you came in time for the finale!" Calvin grinned.

"Ah, very nice."

Calvin held his hands up, and threw a blast of ice at Brainstorm.

"HEY!!" Brainstorm yelled.

Suddenly, the hand holding the ray gun became frozen in a block of ice.

Calvin held his hand over his head, and threw another blast at Brainstorm.

This one pinned him completely to road, as both his hands where now frozen.

"Well, that was easy." Calvin yawned.

"THIS BATTLE ISN'T OVER!!" Brainstorm screamed. "I was just getting started!!! UNFREEZE ME THIS INSTANT!!"

"Nah, I'll leave that up to Jack." Calvin said, pointing at the robot. "Toodles, Frank."

"IT'S DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!" Brainstorm screamed, as Calvin blasted off the ground, and flew off towards the house. "JACK!!! GET MY FIRE BLASTER OUT OF MY POCKET AND UNFREEZE ME!!!"

"You have another ten bucks?" Jack inquired, taking another sip from his soda.

"RRRRRRRGH!!!!" Brainstorm screamed, struggling against the ice.

The next day, Brainstorm was still in Calvin's town, but this time, he was ready for the super hero.

"Alright, Jack!" the mad scientist cackled. "I have everything prepared for that spiky haired brat, now!!"

"Uh huh." Jack said, leaning back in a chair.

The two had taken up residence in a hotel in the night, Brainstorm almost got kicked out several times, because of his constant screaming at night about how he was about to take over the world.

Brainstorm had also complained about there not being a laboratory in the hotel.

Jack picked a magazine off his bed, and began flipping through it at Brainstorm talked.

"These two wrist watches may look normal, but they're really deadly ray guns ready for whatever that super powered fool has for me!" The scientist bragged holding his hands up to show off his watch rays.

Jack looked up, and stared at him.

"Frank, do you know how stupid you look with two wrist watches on both arms?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Nobody asked you." Brainstorm sniffed. "And it's DR BRAINSTORM!!!!"

Brainstorm then went on to his feet.

"If my any chance, that punk knocks me off my feet, my boots are also equipped with deadly lasers, which will fire if my feet aren't touching the ground!!!"

"Uh huh." Jack said, turning back to the magazine. "so in other words, you're just going to stand in one place, and fire at Calvin with your watches."

Brainstorm stared at Jack.

"No, of course not. I'll be moving around." He said, his brow furrowing.

"Have you tried walking, yet?" Jack asked, looking up.

"Sure, I..." Brainstorm lifted his foot.

_BLAST!!!_

"WAAAAUGH!!!"

Suddenly, the boot went off, and rocketed Brainstorm off his feet.

This of course activated the boot, and it fired a large blast into the air, as Brainstorm on his back.

Jack ducked, as the laser blasted a hole in the wall, right where his head had just been.

"Wow," Jack said, sitting back up. "I hope you have insurance."

"Shut up!" Brainstorm screamed, standing up. "So I have some bugs to work out! I'm still ready for that punk now!!"

At that very moment, the manager burst into the room.

"_What _is going on here?!" He demanded.

He looked at Brainstorm. He looked at Jack. He looked at the charred piece of rug. He looked at hole in the wall behind Jack's head. He looked at Brainstorm again.

Brainstorm blinked.

He whirled around to Jack.

"JACK! USE YOUR AMAZING ROBOTIC POWERS TO GET US OUT OF HERE!!!" He screamed.

"Ya got ten bucks?" Jack questioned, looking up.

Brainstorm's eyes slammed shut.

Meanwhile, Calvin was practicing his powers in his room.

He was freezing and unfreezing his closet, and trying to use his transmogrification powers to only affect one hand, as he was trying to turn his hand into a tiger paw.

Hobbes walked into the room, and stared at him.

"Having fun?" he asked, sitting down on the bed, and taking a comic book.

"Sure you can say that." Calvin grinned. "It sure is cool being able to do everything your inventions does!"

"Uh huh."

Calvin stood up, and stretched.

"The only problem is, I can't find any villains that are competent enough to face off with me." He complained. "I don't mean to complain, but at least all the other super heros have super villains that at least give them a hard time."

"Uh huh" Hobbes yawned, not listening to Calvin.

"Do you have any suggestions on how I could find some good villians?"

"Uh huh."

"Really? How?"

"Uh huh."

"You're not even listening, are you?"

"Uh huh."

DING DONG

Calvin perked up.

"HEY! That could be a bloodthirsty bad guy ready to give me a hard time! COOL!"

"Uh huh." Hobbes turned the page.

Calvin quickly turned his hand back to normal, and rushed downstairs.

He ran down to the front of the door, and ripped the door open.

"GREETINGS VILLAIN!!" He screamed.

His grin dropped.

"Oh. Hi Jack."

"Hi Calvin." Jack said. "Frank wants to fight you again. He's out at the park."

"Really? Cool! More practice!"

A gold dome appeared around Calvin, and when it vanished, he was in his super hero costume.

"Lead me to him!" He yelled, electricity surrounding his hands.

"Will do." Jack yawned.

Jack turned around, and started walking away.

Calvin ran after him.

"I should tell you, however, that he has lasers in his boots and watches." He said.

"Trivial information, Jack. Just show me what to beat up, and I'll take it from there!" Calvin declared, cracking his knuckles.

Jack lead Calvin to the park, where they found Brainstorm standing on top of a hill grinning down at Calvin.

"Ah, so Calvin, you've decided to come! _FOOLISH DECISION!!!_"

Calvin ignored Brainstorm as he looked around.

"Say, Jack, where is everyone?" He asked, turning to the robot.

"Oh, Frank paid them a bunch of money to leave. He's been having a lot of money lately." Jack nodded."Anyway, you're on your own, now."

"Whatever." Calvin said, turning back to Brainstorm.

"So, Brainy, are you gonna come down here, or do I have to go up there?"

Brainstorm's grin vanished.

"Uh, you'd better come up here." He said. "I'd rather if I didn't move."

Calvin turned to Jack.

"Lasers go off when his feet aren't touching something." Jack said.

"Ah, so in other words, this will be easy."

Calvin spun back around, leaped into the air, and started flying upward towards Brainstorm.

Brainstorm held one hand up, and pushed the button on his watch.

Nothing happened.

Brainstorm's eyes popped open, and he frantically began pushing the button.

Calvin was getting closer.

Brainstorm kept the button to no avail.

Then, Calvin reached him.

_ZAAAAAAP!_

"AAAAAAUGH!!"

In a blast of electricity, Brainstorm was knocked over.

Before the lasers in his shoes were activated, however, Calvin clapped his hands.

CLAP!

_BOOOM!!_

White shockwaves spread out across Calvin, and time fell to a complete stop.

Calvin causally walked around Brainstorm, caught in mid fall, and stopped at his head.

He clapped his hands, again.

_BOOOM!!!_

"..UUUGH!!" Brainstorm crashed to the ground, and the lasers in the shoes immediately kicked in, and blasted a hole in one of the rocks, nearby.

"TAKE THAT!!!" Brainstorm screeched, looking up.

He looked around.

Calvin cleared his throat.

Brainstorm looked around, and saw Calvin grinning over him.

"Oh." He said.

Calvin took a deep breath in.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"

Red shockwaves emitted from Calvin's mouth as me mimicked his scream horn, and caused Brainstorm to go flying.

"HELP!! JACK!!!! SAVE ME!!" Brainstorm screamed, tumbling through the air.

Jack looked up.

He was sitting on a park bench, reading his magazine.

And he was wearing cotton balls in his ears.

"Yes?"

CRASH!!

Jack watched, calmly, as Brainstorm collided back with the ground, and began rolling down the hill.

Once he reached the base of the hill, he immediately was stopped by a bench.

_CRASH!!_

Brainstorm grumbled to himself, and took his boots off.

He set them on the ground, and got up, now in his socks.

"OK, Calvin, prepare to face utter destruction!"

Calvin calmly walked down the hill.

Brainstorm reached into his pocket, and pulled out his servant ray.

"Servant ray! DO NOT defeat Calvin!!"

Suddenly, a large blast of red shot out of the servant ray.

"YAAACK!" Calvin shouted, as the blast collided with him, and he went flying into a tree.

_CRASH!!_

Brainstorm grinned.

"Now, then, Servant ray, DO NOT take his powers away, and DO NOT give them to me!!"

Another blast exploded from the tip of the servant ray.

Calvin's eyes popped open as he saw another streak of red coming towards him.

On instinct, Calvin's hands shot up, and little pieces of frost began forming around them.

_SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!_

The laser beam halted in mid air, as ice traveled up it at a high rate of speed, and went up to freeze the servant ray.

Brainstorm blinked.

"Darn it." He muttered.

Calvin then leaped to his feet, and held his red glowing hand up.

_BLAST!!!_

Fire exploded from his hand, this time, and sent Brainstorm flying off his feet, again.

"JACK!!! HELP!!! DO SOMETHING!!!"

"I am." Jack said, turning the page. "I'm reading."

"_JACK!!!!_" Brainstorm screeched.

Calvin held his hands up again.

_CRACK!!!_

Just at Brainstorm was getting up, Calvin threw another ice blast at him, hitting his hand, and locking it against the mail bin on the sidewalk.

"HEY!! NO FAIR!!!"

He held his servant ray, which had been melted in Calvin's fire blast.

"SERVANT RAY!!! DO NOT... HEY!!!"

Calvin threw another ice blast at Brainstorm. This one nailing his other hand, and locking it against the ground.

"MELT MY HANDS THIS INSTANT!!!" Brainstorm screeched. "I'll have you know I can beat you whenever I want to!!"

Calvin sighed.

"Frank, I just beat you twice in a row. There's no possible way you can beat me."

"IT'S DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!" Brainstorm screamed. "And yes I can!!! I can prove it to you!!"

"Very well." Calvin said, crossing his arms. "Let's do this again, then. Name the time and place."

Brainstorm's eyes blanked out.

"Uh, well, I didn't really have anything prepared..." He started.

"Jack, what do you suggest?" Calvin asked, turning to the robot.

Jack looked up.

"Hmm, oh, well, I don't want Frank dragging me around in the morning, so make it during the afternoon."

"Very well." Calvin turned to Brainstorm. "How about Sneer Hill, tomorrow at five. Sound good?"

Brainstorm's eyes narrowed.

"You're on!" He yelled. "NOW UNFREEZE ME!!!"

"I'll leave Jack to do that." Calvin said.

"NO!!!" Brainstorm screamed. "HE'LL CHARGE ME!!!!"

"Charge you, what a great idea! Twenty bucks, and I'll unfreeze you!" Calvin grinned.

Brainstorm gritted his teeth.

"JACK!! GET OVER HERE!!"

"Got the money?"

"I'VE GOT THE MONEY!!!"

"Coming."

Calvin grinned, and blasted off his feet, back towards his house.

The next morning, Hobbes woke up, and discovered that Calvin was already gone.

Off fighting crime, he guess.

Hobbes yawned, and sat up.

He looked around, and suddenly, he started hearing a beeping sound.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP...

Hobbes looked around, then his eyes fell on the MTM.

With every beep, a red light on it blinked.

Hobbes walked up to the MTM, and pushed the PLAY button.

"Hello?" He muttered into where the CD usually would go.

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Sherman cried. "IT TOOK ME TWO HOURS TO DIAL THIS STUPID NUMBER! I KEPT GETTING NUMBERS WRONG, AND CALLING SOME ALIEN HARDWARE STORE!"

Hobbes held the speaker away from his ears.

"Yeah, I keep bugging Calvin to make the number 81522519 instead of pi."

"Why 81522519?" Sherman asked.

"Because if you get the code right, those numbers spell out my name. Of course, Calvin wants it 311222914."

"Cat, I'm calling you for a very urgent reason! Get over to my lab, now!"

"Vermin, it's seven in the morning. I haven't even had breakfast yet."

"It's about Calvin's powers!" Sherman spat.

"What about them?"

"GET OVER HERE! IT'S TOO COMPLICATED TO EXPLAIN OVER THE PHONE!"

Hobbes sighed.

"Alright, alright. I'll be there in a minute."

Hobbes hung up.

He yawned, again, and walked out of the house.

He walked down the street, then came to the house with the fancy satellite dish.

He knocked on the door.

Andy answered it.

"Oh hello, Hobbes." He said. "Did you get Sherman's call? He's nearly frantic."

"Yes, yes, I got it. Where is he?"

"His lab. Careful, though, he's cranky in the mornings."

"I noticed."

Hobbes walked past Andy, and walked down the stairs into Sherman's lab.

Sherman, dressed in a tiny lab coat, was typing on his humongous computer.

When Hobbes closed the door, he turned around and glared at him.

"Hobbes, my tiger." He said. "Calvin is in terrible danger."

"I'm guessing some terrible supervillain has emerged, and he's beating him up, now, right?"

"Wrong. Shut up, and let me explain."

Sherman pushed a button on his keyboard.

Calvin's outline appeared on the screen.

"When Calvin's creations electrocuted him, it shorted out a specific gene that rehabilitates potency. Whereas he is exploiting his jurisdictions ceaselessly he is wasting his valuable outlets of strength, and considering none of it is being rejuvenated he's just getting more unstable with every combat. When he loses all of the strength he'll be deceased."

Sherman turned, and faced Hobbes

Hobbes was giving him a blank stare.

"Hah?" He asked, squinting one eye, and raising his other one's eyebrow.

Sherman sighed, and muttered, "Simpleton." Then said, "If Calvin uses too much of his powers, it'll kill him."

Hobbes' eyes burst open.

"WHAT!" he screamed. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!"

"I did." Sherman said, through gritted teeth.

"How much energy does he have left!" Hobbes asked, frantically.

Sherman pushed a button on his keyboard.

The outline of Calvin that was on the screen filled up with red. Then the red dropped down to the top of his stomach."

"He has one day worth left." Sherman said.

"Can you fix him!" Hobbes yelled.

"Of course I can fix him." Sherman said, turning around. "You have to convince him to let me do it, though."

Hobbes blinked.

"Calvin, I'm serious! You have to go see Sherman so he can take out your powers!"

"Hobbes, I'm fine!" Calvin scoffed. "Do I looked like I'm out of energy?"

Calvin shot an ice blast at his bed, freezing it solid. Then he shot a fire blast at it with the other hand, and melted it.

"Calvin!" Hobbes exclaimed. "Stop doing that!"

"Hobbes, relax." Calvin said. "The problem with you, is that you're a hypercardiac!"

"Calvin, I'm serious! When you electrocuted yourself, you shorted out some gene, and now your energy doesn't get restored!"

"I'll bet. Listen, I have to go beat up Dr Brainfreak, again. I'll be back in a few hours."

"CALVIN!" Hobbes called.

"Super Calvin." Calvin said.

A dome of gold surrounded Calvin, and when it vanished, Calvin was wearing his mask and jumpsuit.

Calvin ran for the window, and leapt out.

"CALVIN!" Hobbes screamed, running up to the window. "YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH ENERGY LEFT!"

But Calvin was already gone.

"I'm tellin' ya Jack, my plan is totally fool proof now!!" Brainstorm yelled, cracking his knuckles and jumping up and down.

They had been up on Sneer Hill for about an hour, and Brainstorm was bragging about his latest plan.

Jack was sitting on a rock, filing his nails, and barely listening to the raving lunatic in front of him.

"There is no way Super Punk can beat me now!!"

"Mmm hmm." Jack said, not even looking up.

At that very moment, there was a blast of electricity and Calvin appeared in front of the two.

"Why, hello, Frank." He grinned. "Ready for your daily whipping?"

"IT'S DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!!" Brainstorm screeched. "And I'll have you know I have a secret weapon this time!"

"Secret weapon, eh?" Calvin chuckled. "What are you going to use?"

"Nothing!" Brainstorm screamed, throwing his arms into the air. "I'll destroy you with my bare hands!! BWA HA HA HA HA!!"

There was a long moment of silence.

"So, uh, Brainstorm, what did you hit your head on, this time?" Calvin said, finally, rubbing his chin.

"That's not it, he gets hit in the head at least twice a day." Jack said.

Brainstorm glared at them.

"Of course, I will be having a little help WITH THIS!!!!"

Brainstorm reached into his pocket, and ripped out a small object that resembled a black cigarette box. With a red button in the middle.

Brainstorm pushed the button.

FOOOM!!!

Immediately the box collapsed, and metal ran up Brainstorm's arm, crossed his torso, went down his other arm, and started to go down his torso down his legs, and to his feet.

Then a metal helmet formed over his head, with some glass in front of his face.

When it was done, the mad scientist was in an all metal all body suit, grinning like a lunatic.

Calvin stared at him.

"You built that?" He asked, his eyebrows raising skeptically.

"Yes, I did!" Brainstorm yelled. "What do you expect! I'm a genius!!!"

"He didn't build it." Jack said, expressionlessly. "He bought it from the Institute of Mad Science."

"Ah." Calvin nodded. "That sounds better."

"Shut up, Jack!" Brainstorm spat. "Anyway, Calvin, now that I have this indestructible suit, you can't possibly beat me!!!"

"Wanna bet?" Calvin grinned, pulling his hands into fists.

Brainstorm pushed a button the suit.

Nothing happened.

His eyes popped open, and he looked at the button.

He pushed it again.

Nothing happened.

He looked back up at Calvin.

He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

He turned back to the button again, and pushed it.

Nothing happened.

"He didn't read the manul." Jack said, turning to Calvin.

"Oh. Well, then this will be easy." Calvin grinned

Calvin crossed his arms over his chest, and then threw then forward, sending a blast of ice at Brainstorm.

"AAAAUGH!!" Brainstorm screamed, leaping from the way, as the blast hit a rock, and trapped it in ice.

Brainstorm began hitting random buttons on the suit.

The suit's glove suddenly, shifted, moved forward, twisted around, and locked back in place.

Brainstorm turned and stared at it.

The glove had turned into a laser cannon.

The lunatic scientist grinned.

He turned to Calvin, and held his arm up.

_BLAST!!!_

A red explosion of red light shot from the cannon, and hit Calvin as he was flying towards him.

"AAACK!!!"

Calvin went flying backwards, and crashed into a tree.

Brainstorm grinned.

"Hey, it works!" He yelled.

Jack sighed.

Calvin stood up.

He was panting.

"OK, how does your precious suit stand up to this?"

Calvin took a deep breath in.

Brainstorm's eyes popped open.

"Oops."

"_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH!!!_" Calvin screamed, throwing Brainstorm off his feet, and causing him to roll into another tree.

_CRASH!!!_

Calvin immediately stopped screaming, and glared at Brainstorm. He was panting more heavily, now.

Brainstorm stood up, and rubbed his head.

"There we go." Jack said. "I was worried he wasn't going to get his second one for the day."

"SHUT UP, JACK!!" Brainstorm screamed. "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT'S GOING INTO MY REPORT!!!"

He then turned back to Calvin.

He was gone.

Brainstorm looked around.

"Hey, where'd he go?" He asked.

"He's above your head." Jack said. "Getting ready to freeze you. So just stay there, OK?"

Brainstorm glared at Jack, and looked up, Calvin was hovering the air, his fists had snow swirling around them.

"Well, I can fly too!" He yelled at Calvin. He looked down at his feet. "At least the catalogue said I could."

Calvin fired an ice blast at Brainstorm, who screamed, and leapt from the way.

Calvin turned, and saw Brainstorm running off in the other direction.

"Having fun?" Jack yawned.

"Sure, but I'm getting a little tired." Calvin said. "This super hero stuff is hard work."

"Huh. Well, do continue."

"Oh, I will." Calvin chuckled, flying off after Brainstorm.

Just then, Brainstorm appeared over the trees. He was grinning, and there was fire coming out of his boots, holding him up.

"Found out how levitate! Now I just have to learn to fly!" He yelled.

Calvin flew up to Brainstorm's level, and lifted his red glowing fist at him.

ZAAAAAP!!

"YEEEK!" Brainstorm yelled, flying backward.

Calvin chuckled.

Brainstorm landed on his back in one of the trees.

"I should have read the manul..." He muttered to himself.

He looked up in time to see Calvin rocketing towards him, his fists fired up for another blast.

"AAAAUGH!" Brainstorm yelled, ducking under the leaves.

Calvin stopped above the trees, and looked around.

Still panting.

Then, he did a nosedive into the trees, and came out at the ground level.

There he saw Brainstorm laying face first in the dirt.

"This is so easy, it's sad." Calvin sighed, shaking his head.

Brainstorm leaped to his feet, and whirled around to Calvin.

"SURRENDER, CALVIN! YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BEAT ME!!!" He screamed, holding his laser cannon up.

Calvin stared at him.

Then, he held both his hands up, and clapped them.

_CLAP!_

_**BOOM!!!**_

Calvin walked over to Brainstorm, frozen in time stop.

He reached into the laser cannon, and ripped a few wires out.

He then walked back to where he was, and clapped his hands, again.

_BOOM!!_

"HA HA!!" Brainstorm screamed pushing the button on the cannon.

Nothing happened.

Brainstorm paused, then looked down at it in confusion.

Calvin chuckled, and held up one hand.

He snapped his fingers.

_SNAP!!!_

"HA HA!!" Brainstorm screamed pushing the button on the cannon.

Nothing happened.

Brainstorm paused, then looked down at it in confusion.

Calvin snapped his fingers, again.

"HA HA!!" Brainstorm screamed pushing the button on the cannon.

Nothing happened.

Brainstorm paused, then looked down at it in confusion.

Calvin snapped his fingers again.

"HA HA!!" Brainstorm screamed pushing the button on the cannon.

Nothing happened.

Brainstorm paused, then looked down at it in confusion.

He looked back up at Calvin.

"WOULD YOU KNOCK THAT OFF!!!!"

Calvin snapped his fingers.

"...THAT OFF!!!" Brainstorm screamed.

Calvin snapped his fingers.

"...YOU KNOCK THAT OFF!!"

Calvin snapped his fingers.

"...OFF!!!"

"I love time travel." Calvin chuckled, snapping his fingers.

Brainstorm held his head, trying to figure out what was happening.

He turned a glare on Calvin, and opened his mouth.

Calvin held a finger up, and began twirling it around in a circle, still grinning.

Brainstorm started moving backwards, and doing everything he had already done, backwards.

Calvin stopped twirling his fingers, and looked down at Brainstorm, again, who was once again laying face first in the dirt.

The mad scientist leaped to his feet, and pointed the laser cannon at Calvin, again

"HA HA!!" He screamed pushing the button on the cannon.

Nothing happened.

Brainstorm paused, then looked down at it in confusion.

Then his eyes squeezed shut.

Calvin chuckled.

"Hey, ya Brainstorm! Let's put our little feud on ice for while, hmmmm?"

Calvin held his hands up, and then threw them forward, throwing a blast of ice at the mad scientist.

"HEY!!! NO!!! _HELP!!_" Brainstorm screeched.

CRACK!!!

Calvin dusted his hands together, as he grinned at Brainstorm through the ice.

Everything except his head was now trapped in ice.

Brainstorm glared at Calvin.

"I COMMAND YOU UNFREEZE ME THIS VERY _INSTANT!!!_"

"I'll leave that up to Jack."

"NO!! THIS ISN'T FAIR!! I HAD THE COOL SUIT!!! _IT WAS MADE OF METAL!!!_"

"See ya."

Calvin ducked down, then exploded upward, and started to fly off.

Brainstorm growled.

"_JACK!!! HELP ME!!!_"

There was a long moment of silence.

Then, Jack slowly came around the corner, drinking a soda.

"Hello, Frank. How'd the fight go?"

"IT'S DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!! And you can just shut up about the fight!!! _UNFREEZE ME!!!_"

Jack took a long sip from his soda.

Then, he wiped his mouth on his arm, and threw the empty can into his robotic arm.

He smacked his lips, and studied Brainstorm for a moment.

"Ya got ten bucks?" He asked, finally.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!" Brainstorm screeched at the top of his lungs.

Calvin flew above the trees of Sneer Hill, and began flying down back towards the house.

Chuckling to himself.

"Heh, heh, I can't believe that Brainstorm was stupid enough to think he could beat me! HA! What a moron! What a dunce! What a... Wow, I'm really getting tired."

Calvin stopped, and wiped some sweat from his brow.

"Well, perhaps I should take a small break."

Slowly Calvin lowered himself to the ground, breathing heavily.

"That Frank battle really took it out of me..." Calvin gasped, landing on the ground, and sitting down.

There was a moment of silence, only broke by Calvin's heavy breathing.

"Maybe I should take a nap..." He considered.

Calvin laid down in the grass, and closed his eyes.

He was getting more tired by second, and he wasn't getting any stronger.

Oops.

Meanwhile, Hobbes was pacing back in forth in Calvin's room.

'What am I going to do, What am I going to do?" He asked to himself for the 235th time.

Not including the times he said, "What to do, what to do?"

He was pacing back and forth, when suddenly something brown caught his attention.

It was the Time Machine.

Hobbes stared at it for a long time.

Then, he cut his eyes from side to side.

"I wonder if I could..." He shook his head. "No, that's ridiculous. It would never work."

He gave it some thought.

"On the other hand..."

His eyes blanked out.

He grabbed a pair of vortex goggles off the desk, and climbed into the Time Machine.

He set the date for yesterday, and pushed the GO button.

The box rose into the air, and the engine started to hum.

Hobbes pushed button on the Machine, and swirling pinkish vortex opened up.

Hobbes revved up the engine, and flew inside, before it imploded.

After a short trip though the time vortex, Hobbes reappeared in Calvin's room, one day earlier.

He took the goggles off, and stepped out of the box.

"CALVIN!!!" He screamed, frantically, rushing up to the six year old, who was currently in the process of inserting the Time Pauser into the Time Machine.

Calvin looked up, and stared.

"What the... How did you get in here?!" He demanded. "I had the door locked! Get out of here! May I remind you that your bursting in on a top secret operation?!"

"Uh huh. I know all about this idiotic idea, Calvin. I'm the future Hobbes." Hobbes said, crossing his arms.

Calvin stared at him.

"Oh..." He said. "OK, well if your from the future, I guess that's fine. Wanna see all the cool features it's gonna have?"

"NO!!" Hobbes yelled. "I've come from the future to warn you!"

"Huh?" Calvin asked, looking up from the box. "Let me guess, the government pays me a trillion dollars for it, and while I'm bathing in the money, I get a hundred caught in my throat?"

Hobbes stared at him for a long time.

"No, that's not what happens. I think if the government knew what you were doing, then they would place you under arrest for trying to destroy the Earth." He said, finally.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"That's nice, Hobbes. You live in your weird world, and I'll live in mine. What did you want to warn me about?"

Hobbes went into the huge story about how the inventions would electrocute him, he'd acquire the powers of the inventions, and end up killing himself by using to much energy.

When the story was done, Calvin scratched his head in thought.

"Hmm, that would be kind of a set back, wouldn't it?" He said to himself. "The world would fall into total darkness if I wasn't around."

"Uh huh, right." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes. "The point is, I'm here to tell you to stop doing whatever the heck it is your doing! For your own safety!"

Calvin tapped his chin.

"Well, OK... I guess I won't..." He said, finally.

Hobbes sighed with relief.

"OK, thank you." He said, wiping some sweat from his brow.

"Uh huh." Calvin sighed, taking the inventions out of the box. "Darn it. I thought this would be a good idea, too."

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and turned back to his Time Machine.

He got in, said his goodbyes to Calvin, and turned the machine on.

_VROOOM!!_

The time vortex opened up, and the box was immediately sucked inside of it.

_BOOM!!!_

Hobbes looked around.

Everything appeared to be normal.

The separate inventions were placed in their regular positions, the room was a mess, and... Calvin was laying on his bed, reading a comic book with a dull expression on his face.

"Calvin! You're alright!!" Hobbes yelled, holding his arms out.

Calvin looked up, and stared at Hobbes.

"What? What are you talking about? Of course I'm alright!"

Hobbes stared at him.

There was a moment of silence.

"Oh, right, my nonexistent powers. I forgot about that." Calvin said, putting the comic book down. "Forgot about that."

"Well, it doesn't matter now!" Hobbes sighed. "Everything's back to normal, now."

There was a moment of silence.

"Well, as normal as things get around this place." Hobbes said, his eye lids dropping.

"Well, problem's solved then." Calvin said. "Back to more important matters."

Hobbes sighed.

He picked up his own comic book, and sat down.

For a couple minutes all they did was read.

Then, and totally out of the blue...

DING DONG!!

Calvin looked up.

"Who dares interrupt my comic book reading?!" He demanded.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin stood up from the bed, and walked out of his room, and downstairs.

DING DONG!! DING DONG!!

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Calvin yelled, his brow furrowing.

He opened the door, and stared outside.

"Alright, Calvin!!!" Brainstorm screamed, still wearing his metal all body suit. "I've gone over that manul, and now I'm all ready for you and your precious little powers!! _GIVE ME YOUR WORST!!!_"

Calvin stared at him for moment.

"Hi, Frank, what's up?"

"IT'S DR BRAINSTORM! And don't play innocent with me!! You have amazing super powers and I won't stop until I've defeated you in hand to hand combat, and aquired these powers so I can _TAKE OVER THE WORLD!! BWA HA HA HA HA!_" Brainstorm threw his arms into the air, and cackled.

"Uh huh." Calvin said. "Listen, Frank I hate to burst your bubble, but I never did and never will have any amazing super powers. Sorry."

Brainstorm stared at him.

"What are you talking about!! I've been fighting you for three days straight!! Don't tell me you don't have any powers! YOU CAN'T TRICK ME!!!"

"I'll make a note of that." Calvin said. "In the mean time, however, if you still want me to unleash my inventions on you, then here ya go."

Calvin reached into his pocket, and pulled out a clothes pin.

Before he could react, Calvin clamped the pin onto Brainstorm's finger.

"HEY! WAIT!!! NO!! THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!"

K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K!

Calvin grinned at the frozen Brainstorm, took his atomic freezer, and closed the door.

"HEY! YOU STOP!! GET BACK HERE!! UNFREEZE ME THIS INSTANT!! HELP!!!" Brainstorm screamed, struggling against the ice.

At that very moment, Jack came walking up, chewing on a peanut butter sandwich.

There was a long moment of silence in which Jack and Brainstorm stared at each other.

Brainstorm sighed.

"I have a ten in my pocket." He grumbled.

"Ah, very nice." Jack said. "I'll get your ray gun."

It was going to be a long, cold, explosion filled, expensive trip until Brainstorm actually took over the world.

**The End**

**Voice actors**

**Pamela Segal Aldon** Calvin

**Tom Hanks **Hobbes

**Colin Mochrie** Sherman

**Neil Crone** Dr Brainstorm

**Michael Brandon** Jack

**Coming up Next:** The Night of the Living Televison II _**(Fourth TV movie)**_


	26. The Night of the Living Televison II P1

**Summary: **The Demented TV, Electro, is back, and out for revenge. Except this time, he can come out of the TV. And now, he has a new sidekick...

* * *

_And now the fourth Calvin and Hobbes: The Series TV movie!  
Part one written by garfieldodie_

**The Night of the Living Television II**

_It was a dark night in June. In the neighborhood, snapped power lines, wrecked cars, and several electric items littered the streets._

_One certain yellow house on the edge of the block was giving off a eerie blue glowing._

_It was Calvin and Hobbes' house._

_A deranged maniac named Electro (Or demented TV) had just taken over Calvin's television, and Calvin had plunged into his very last idea to get rid of it._

_He had installed a special invention called the TR2 on the power box, and the TV was waiting, expecting to get more powerful._

_The TV blinked._

_"It should take fifteen seconds to be properly installed." Calvin said._

_Calvin, Hobbes, and the TV all watched the clock._

_5...4...3...2...1..._

_Electricity surged through the TV._

_"AH! Yes! I can feel the power surging through me now!" The TV declared. "Delicious power! How I crave it! How I love it! How I..."_

_Just then, the electricity stopped._

_"Hey!" The TV yelled. "What gives? Where's the power?"_

_Calvin chuckled._

_"Right here." he said, lifting his wrist up showing his watch._

_He pushed a button on the watch._

_The face on the TV turned to static for a second, and then came back on._

_"HEY!" He yelled. "What's going on? I can't control any of objects around me!"_

_"BINGO!" Calvin yelled._

_He hit the button on his watch._

_ZZZZT!!!_

_The TV went out for a second, and then came back on._

_"STOP THAT!" The TV commanded. "It's weakening me!"_

_"Power surge!" Calvin shouted, hitting the button._

_ZZZZZTT_

_"AAAAHHH!!" The TV moaned._

_"There's another one!" Calvin yelled hitting the button, again._

_ZZT!!_

_"YEEEEK!!"_

_"And another! And another! And another!" Calvin grinned hitting the button several times._

_ZZT!! ZZZT!!! ZZZT!!! _

_"AAAAAAAAAA!!!!"_

_"Whu-oh!" Calvin said, holding his hand over his head. "Here comes a power outage!"_

_Calvin slowly headed for the button._

_Smoke was rising from the TV, and it was glaring at Calvin._

_"Fine!" he growled. "Fade me out! But heed my words! I will come back! And will I do..."_

_"Blah, blah, blah!" Calvin yelled. "This is the most boring part of the episode! Hero defeats villain, and villain threatens to come back, more powerful than ever! We've heard it all before, Charlie!"_

_Calvin hit the button._

_"NOOOOOOO!!!"_

_The TV yelled, fading into blackness._

_Instantly, the TV lost all power, and was sucked back into the dark whatever from wherever it was he came from._

_There, he lay dormant for months._

_Then, seven months later in late January..._

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting in front of the TV set, watching Captain Maim. 

Dad entered from behind.

"Would you look at yourself?" he demanded. "Sitting around, watching mindless drivel… You should be outside getting to know nature, building character!"

"That's a nice idea, Dad," Calvin said dully. "Let me romp around outside so that I can relinquish my comic book driven mind on the neighborhood, therefore giving you many phone calls from the neighbors tonight."

Suddenly, both Calvin and Dad got looks of deep thought on their faces.

"Actually, that sounds kind of fun. I think I _will_ go outside," Calvin said, getting up.

"No!" Dad said, slamming him down into the chair again. "Stay! Watch TV!"

Calvin shrugged and resumed his previous position.

Dad sighed as he left.

Hobbes continued to watch the tube.

"He should feel thankful for television," he said. "It keeps all the violence the world needs inside a nice little box."

Calvin nodded.

* * *

Meanwhile, just a mile behind Sneer Hill, a small craft was lowering itself onto the ground. 

You probably think that it's Rupert and Earl, on another quest to kill Calvin.

Wrong. They're currently on Planet Zok.

The craft landed in some dirt and slowly began to open itself up.

A large mechanical pair of hands reached inside and pulled out what appeared to be an orange marble.

One of the robotic fingers pressed onto the side of the object.

Suddenly, there was a flicker, and a field of electric swirls appeared around it as it started to slowly rise into the air. Then there was a loud **_ZZAP_ **as the object sprang open, and a field of light was seen.

When the light finally cleared, a figure you may or may not remember appeared in the dirt.

It was Retro.

Not the human Retro. He's still trapped on Galaxoid and Nebular's planet.

This was a holographic simulation of him.

The hologram looked exactly like the human, except for one difference. There was a giant silver "H" on his forehead that stood for "Hologram".

"Ah, finally!" he said. "Back in the open air! I can finally wreak my human self's revenge on those brats!"

Retro started to walk around the open area.

"I just need to locate Calvin and destroy him with my advanced genius! First though…"

Retro paused to look around.

"…where the heck am I?"

He pulled a map out of his pocket.

"Let's see…," he said. "It says here that I'm about a mile and a half from Calvin and Hobbes. That would mean that I'd have to go…"

Retro looked at Sneer Hill.

"…over…the…hill. Huh boy. I _really_ hope holograms are strong in the legs."

And with that, Retro started to climb over Sneer Hill.

But as he moved, a strange thing happened.

A long wire suddenly shot out of the ground and stuck to him!

"WHAT THE—?!" Retro shouted.

Retro tried to pull it off, but as he tried, he was zapped by the wire.

**_ZZAP!_**

"GAAHH!" he screamed.

Retro ripped the cable off him and ran up the hill.

But he found himself being attacked by a really long electric cable as it continued to lift itself from the ground.

"ACK! GET BACK! HELP!" he cried.

Bits of electricity jumped from the cable, and each one zapped Retro in the butt.

"GACK! D'OH! GEEZ! GOD! STOP IT!" he yelled between shocks.

Finally, the cable ran out, and Retro escaped.

By now, he was flickering slightly.

"Oh perfect!" he shouted. "All those electric shocks drained my battery. I'll have to shut down for a while and reload."

Retro pressed into his chest and twisted it slightly, and the same light show came on and he went into hyper sleep for a while.

The little marble-like object hovered in the air where his chest had been, and then it dropped to the ground.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were leaving their house. 

"See ya later, Mom!" Calvin called. "Hobbes and me are gonna go play poker with the guys!"

"Poker?" asked Mom, looking up from her book. "Aren't you a little young to be playing that?"

"Don't worry, Mom. We don't bet money. We just bet paper clips and pennies and stupid stuff like that."

Mom thought for a while.

"Well…I guess its okay," she said.

"Thanks, Mom! You have nothing to worry about!" Calvin said, and he pulled Hobbes out the door.

Mom watched them leave.

"Why do I only worry about his little adventures _after_ he reassures me?" she asked.

"Experience?" asked Dad.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes entered Socrates' giant mansion and walked into a pool room. 

Socrates, Andy and Sherman were already there, seated around a table.

"Hey, guys," said Andy.

"Yo," said Calvin, as he and Hobbes sat in some folding chairs.

"We ready to play some Poker?" asked Hobbes slyly.

"You bet," said Socrates, who was shuffling the cards.

Socrates then started flick cards all the way around the table.

"Hold on," said Andy.

He looked at one of the cards and sighed.

"Socrates, this is a trick deck of yours, isn't it?" he asked.

Socrates looked shocked.

"What? _Me_? A trick deck? _This_? I'm insulted!" he said, crossing his arms indignantly.

"Socrates, this is an eleven of clubs," Andy said, showing him the card.

Calvin examined his own cards.

"Yeah, and two of my cards are two-sided," he said angrily.

"And I've got one that has all three people in it," said Sherman, staring at his own cards.

Hobbes held up a card that had holes in it.

"Do I need to say it?" he sighed.

Socrates grinned sheepishly.

"Heh, heh, heh," he said nervously. "Uh… Must've been _Elliot's_ deck."

Everyone threw the cards at him.

Calvin pulled a deck of cards out of his pocket.

"We use _my_ cards," he said.

Everyone but Socrates nodded.

"Spoilsport," he muttered.

Calvin shuffled and then tossed cards to everyone.

Everyone stared at their cards.

Calvin then noticed that Andy had a giant cigar in his mouth.

"Andy, since when do _you_ smoke?" he asked.

"I'm not smoking," said Andy, who took the cigar out of his mouth. "This is just a prop cigar. It's made out of recycled carpet and lots of animal byproducts." And he stuck it back into his mouth.

"In other words, he's sucking on garbage," said Sherman.

"Beats tobacco."

"Why do you even have it anyway?" asked Hobbes.

"It's all part of my Poker Face. It's important that you're able to not only fool, but also _intimidate_ the opponents," said Andy.

"Well, it's working," said Socrates. "Because you're kinda creeping me out."

"Thanks."

Calvin leaned forward over the table.

"Okay! Enough of this small-talk!" he said, taking a paper clip from his pocket. "Let's ante up and play some _really lousy Poker_!"

And he tossed it into the middle of the table.

Everyone looked at their cards.

"Okay, all I got is a two," said Sherman. "I fold."

"I like that we keep our expectations so low," said Andy.

And with that, a loud game of Poker started to get more and more powerful.

* * *

Unknown to them, Hologram Retro had finished recharging his battery, and he was currently sitting on a tree stump on a cliff that overlooked the city. 

"It would appear my light bee is attracted to many forms of electricity. It absorbs it as I walk, and that was why the cable stuck to me. I guess that'll probably go away after a while, I suppose. In the meantime, I need to find Calvin and Hobbes and destroy them," he said.

Retro got up and started to run down Sneer Hill.

But as he ran, he tripped over a rock and started to roll down the hill instead.

"AAAAAAAHHH!!" he screamed. "IT'S TIMES—DOOF!—THAT IS WISH THAT—OUCH!—MY HOLOGRAM SOFTWARE—D'AH!—CAME WITH A SOFTLIGHT FEATURE! OOF! ACK! D'OH!"

Retro tumbled down to the base of the hill, through Calvin's backyard, and rolled like a bowling ball into the streets and onto the sidewalk on the other side, where he crashed into a fire hydrant.

"I hate everyone…," he muttered as he struggled to keep consciousness.

But as he lay there in a heap on the sidewalk, there was a zapping noise from across the street.

The power lines in front of Calvin's house were beginning to sway slightly.

Retro watched them curiously.

"What on Earth…?" he muttered.

Suddenly, there was a loud noise.

**_BR-ZZZZAAAPP!_**

A bright blast of electricity was fired from the power lines and straight at Retro!

"Whoa!" he gasped.

And as it traveled, he also heard a loud noise.

"_FFFFFRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!_"

Whatever it was, it collided with Retro and knocked him to the ground again.

Retro stood up, moaned and rubbed his head in agony.

"Oooh…," he muttered. "What hit me?"

"_I_ did," said a voice.

When Retro looked up, he saw a man with a very wrinkly face.

But there was a peculiar thing about this man.

He was bluish and flickering slightly.

"Who-who are you?" Retro gasped.


	27. The Night of the Living Televison II P2

_Part two written by Swing123_

* * *

Retro stared at the man in front of him for a long moment.

"Uhhh... hello? Am I missing something?"

The man didn't answer.

Already he had lost interest in Retro, and was now examining his new body.

Retro stood up.

"Hello? Anybody home?" Retro growled.

"Shut up." The man replied.

Retro's eyes narrowed.

"You must not know who you're talking to right now, so I'll let that slide." He said.

"Shut up." the man said, examining his hand.

Retro glared at him.

"Listen, my good man, good moods aren't invincible, so I suggest that you tell me who you are and what you think you're... ACK!

The man suddenly held a hand up, and blasted Holographic Retro with a shot of electricity.

He grinned.

"Excellent." He said. "I still have my powers."

Holographic Retro stood there for a long moment, with electricity flowing all around him before the man finally noticed him.

"Oh, hello. Have you been helped?" he asked.

Retro sighed.

He waved his arms, and shook the yellow electricity off.

The man stared at him.

"Oh I'm sorry, allow me to introduce myself." He said.

"Thank you." Retro muttered.

The man held out a hand.

"I am Electro. Master of all electricity and electronic devices."

Retro stared at Electro for a moment and then shook his hand.

A stream of electricity shot out from Electro's hand, and up Retro.

Retro growled, and shook it off.

Electro stared at him.

"You're a hologram." He said, finally.

"Yes, I am! What's it to you?" Retro growled, grumpily.

"Huh. I wondered what that 'H' on your forehead meant." Electro said. "Anywho, I must be on my way."

And with that, Electro turned around, and started to walk away.

Retro paused, then ran to catch up.

"Wait a minute. Where are you going?!" He yelled.

"I need to settle the score with a certain boy." Electro replied.

Retro stopped.

"A boy?" He asked.

"Yes, A boy, you know, the child version of adult males."

"I know that." Retro growled. "But this boy, is he a short six year old with yellow spiky hair, and an obnoxious sense of humor?"

Electro stopped.

"Yes." he said, slowly.

There was a moment of silence.

"Huh." Said Retro. "I'm after the same kind of kid."

There was another pause.

"Team up?" Electro asked.

"Be glad to!" Retro replied.

Oops.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, and Sherman were completely involved their poker game. 

Calvin looked through his cards.

"I'll see your paper clip, and raise you a penny!" He said, finally, throwing a penny on the desk.

"I fold." Hobbes said.

"Hmmm," Andy said, examining his cards.

Socrates was looking at his cards.

He had an eight of clubs, a king of spades, an ace of diamonds, a seven of hearts, and a queen of hearts.

He looked up from his cards, and checked the rest of the gang.

They were paying no attention to him, and were currently going through their cards, deciding what to do next.

He immediately stuck his hand into his pocket, and pulled out several extra cards he had.

He stuck his other four cards in, and now had an ace, king, queen, jack, and 10 of spades.

Socrates opened his mouth, and prepared to speak.

"Socrates, you are the most unsubtle cheater in the world." Calvin said.

It was then that Socrates realized that Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman were all staring at him.

"What?" Socrates asked, shocked. "I am offended! I didn't cheat! What makes you think that?!"

"You threw your cards on the table, stood up, took four cards out of your pocket, put the other four in your pocket, sat back down, and pulled the chair back up to the table." Hobbes said.

Socrates stared blankly at the gang.

"Well, excuse me for being creative." He sniffed.

Reluctantly, Socrates gave Hobbes the extra cards he had, and took his other four back.

"Okay," Socrates said, "I might as well stop being cruel to you now."

He threw his cards on the table.

Four of them were all aces, and one was a king.

"What do you say about that!" He grinned.

"I say pick your cards off the floor, and get rid of that stupid hologram device!" Sherman spat.

Socrates stared at Sherman for a moment, sighed, and flipped a switch on the table.

The cards flickered, and vanished, and Socrates picked his real cards off the floor.

There was a moment of silence.

Socrates peeked out from behind his cards.

"Empty your other pocket." Andy sighed.

Socrates stared at Andy.

"Uhhhh..."

Calvin reached forward, put his hand into Socrates' pocket, and pulled out over fifteen cards.

Everyone stared at them, as the fluttered to the floor.

"Huh, well would you look at that." Socrates said. "Where'd those come from?"

"SOCRATES!!!" Everyone screamed.

Socrates flinched.

"OKAY, OKAY!!!" He yelled.

They resumed the game.

"Okay," Socrates said. "I hereby raise this thing to seven paperclips, nine pennies, and ONE DIME!!!!"

And with that, he threw several paperclips and coins on the table.

"Daring, aren't I?!" He yelled.

"I fold." Sherman said.

"Me too." Andy said.

Calvin grinned.

"I raise you seven more pennies!" He said.

Calvin threw some more pennies on the table.

"I'll see your seven pennies, and raise you a quarter!!" Socrates shouted, throwing a quarter down.

"I'll see your quarter, and raise you hair pin!" Calvin shouted back.

"Okay, hands down." Socrates said. "What do you have?"

Calvin threw his cards down.

"I have a royal flush, you have the old maid. I win."

Socrates gritted his teeth, and his eyes slammed shut.

Calvin gathered up his prize, and slipped it into his pocket.

* * *

Meanwhile, down in the sewers, Retro and Electro walked along the edge of the water, plotting Calvin's downfall. 

"The little brat tricked me, when I was offering a reasonable compromise." Electro said, walking along the sewers.

"Is that so?" Retro said.

He looked around.

He noticed, with some nervousness, that some of the pipes were shaking as he passed by them.

"He used a power transferor in his watch to drain my power and weaken me." Electro said.

"Huh." Retro said, as the pipes began shaking, wildly.

Electro turned, and started walking down another tunnel.

Retro followed.

The pipes were vibrating faster and more violently the closer Retro came to them.

"And uh... what else happened?" he asked, apprehensively.

Electro, who didn't seem to notice the pipes, continued.

"By that time, I had collapsed into electrical energy, totally helpless, and was transported into the power lines."

"Uh huh.." Retro said, cutting his eyes from side to side.

"From then on, I spent time looking for an electric source powerful enough to bring me back to life. I tried using a power source located under Yellowstone park, and that would have worked if that idiot with the tall hair hadn't blown all the fuses trying to turn his invention on."

"Yeah..." Retro said.

At that very moment, several pipes all snapped in half, and pointed at Retro, throwing sewage water at him.

"GAAAAH!! GUBBLE!! BURBBLE!! GASP!!"

"It took me several hours to get out of there, and I didn't make it out until the tall grey robot finally decided to flip the power back on." Electro continued as if nothing happened.

Pipes everywhere suddenly started exploding off the wall, and went hurling for Retro.

"GACK!!" Retro yelled, ducking one of them.

It hit the wall with a CLANG, and fell to the ground.

Several more pipes began flying through the air towards him.

Retro screamed, and began running ahead.

He passed Electro, and rushed off down the tunnel.

Without even looking around, Electro held his hand up over his shoulder, and sent a blast of electricity at the ever approaching pipes.

_ZZZZZZAPPP!_

The darkness was lit up with the blast, and the pipes all fell into the water.

"If you're done, playing around, now, maybe we could get back to the task at hand?" He said to the terrified Retro, who was cowering in the corner.

Retro glared at him, and stood back up.

"Now, what is your plan for destroying Calvin?" Electro asked.

"Don't you want to hear what he did to _me?!_" Retro demanded.

Electro paused, as if thinking about it.

"No." He said, finally.

Retro growled.

"Now, what did you have in mind, for the destruction of the boy?"

Retro glared at Electro.

"I was going to recreate the imaginator." He said.

Electro stared at him.

"What's an imaginator?" He asked.

"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to go into detail about what Calvin did to me." Retro said, crossing his arms.

Electro rolled his eyes, and sighed.

"Fine, whatever, but please make it quick."

Retro then told the story of how Calvin thwarted him in his attempt to rule the world by kidnaping all the kids, and bringing their imagination to life with the imaginator.

Electro patiently listened, but when Retro was all finished with it, he shook his head, and crossed his arms.

"No." he said.

Retro said.

"What do you mean no?" He demanded. "The imaginator is the most powerful device in the world!"

"Oh genius." Electro said. "And what are we supposed to do if Calvin somehow gets a hold of it? Go home and build another one?"

Retro opened his mouth to speak, but paused.

"Okay." He said, getting a little annoyed. "So what's your hotshot idea?"

"We're both electrical, right?" Electro said, walking over to Retro.

"Right." Retro said, uncertainly.

"We can both control electrical items like cars and blenders, right?"

"One would suppose so." Retro said.

"So we can control Calvin's inventions." Electro said.

Retro's eyes brightened.

"We can..." He grinned.

"Therefore rendering him defenseless." Electro said.

"And once we turn his inventions against him," Retro said.

"We can kill Calvin." Electro said.

"And then use our electrical power to rule the world!!" Retro cackled.

Electro and Retro burst out in insane laughter.

"NOBODY CAN STOP US!!" Retro screamed.

Uh oh...


	28. The Night of the Living Televison II P3

_Part three written by garfieldodie_

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes returned home, chuckling to themselves.

"What a good game," said Calvin. "Check out all this loot I won!"

Calvin emptied his pockets and piled it up on his desk.

"You were very impressive back there, Calvin," said Hobbes. "It's not often anyone can beat Socrates."

"Well, Socrates is a massive cheat covered in fur," said Calvin. "You have to be careful."

"What'd you win?" asked Hobbes.

Calvin looked over his stuff.

"Well, let's see. We have about seventy-one cents worth in pennies, a few paperclips, a dime, some hairpins, a pair of wire rim glasses and a packet of salt," he said.

"All-in-all, a successful night overall," Hobbes said happily. "Now, if you don't mind, I need a nap."

Hobbes jumped up on the bed and circled it several times before lying down in the middle of it.

"Why do you need to do that?" asked Calvin, annoyed.

"Sorry. Privileged information."

Calvin rolled his eyes and tossed his winnings into pocket again.

They didn't know they were being watched.

Down below outside the house, Electro was floating up near the window, looking inside.

"Okay, we'll start tomorrow morning when they've been properly rested," said Electro. "Okay?"

Retro didn't answer.

Electro looked down and saw him.

Retro was busy trying to untangle him from the phone lines, which had stretched down to him and coiled lovingly around his torso.

Electro glared at him.

"Keep going! I'm listening! I agree!" Retro shouted, looking at him for a brief moment.

"What is wrong with you?" Electro demanded.

"I can't help it," said Retro. "My light bee is attracting electric currents and its really getting annoying. I hope I don't get caught in a lightning storm anytime soon."

Electro grumbled quietly and pointed a finger at the cords, causing them to finally loosen and free Retro, and then they flew up back into place.

Retro dusted himself off.

"So your light bee is a static attracter," Electro sighed. "Fantastic."

Retro glared. "Hey, don't give me that look," he said.

* * *

The next day, Calvin and Hobbes were working on usual projects. 

Calvin was improving his inventions, and Hobbes was hiding under the bed.

Electro and Retro were watching, excited.

"Perfect," Electro growled.

"Do your stuff," said Retro, who pulled a static-filled sock off of his face.

Retro disappeared.

Electro pointed through the window. A small electric shock lit from his fingertip.

Inside the house, the Mini-Duplicator slowly began to rise.

Then he pointed at the Mega-Shrinker 5000 and the Atomic Freezer.

They both began to rise.

Then he pointed at the Transmogrifier Gun, which also rose into the air.

Calvin was fiddling with the MTM.

"Do me a favor, will you, Hobbes?" Calvin asked.

"No thanks. I quite like having a head, thank you," said Hobbes from under the bed.

"Look, I just need the Transmogrifier Gun. I need to make a change in here."

The Transmogrifier Gun landed on the desk.

"Thank you."

"For what?" asked Hobbes.

"For this. You handed me the Gun, didn't you?" Calvin asked.

"No."

Calvin arched an eyebrow and turned around.

His eyes bugged out.

All his inventions were all floating and aiming themselves right at him.

"Um, Hobbes? Did gravity call in sick today?" he asked.

Hobbes poked his head out from under the bed and gawked at the floating inventions.

Suddenly, a lot of other things started to float.

His watch, his clock, his radio and his lamp began to float as well.

Calvin and Hobbes stared in horror.

"Something is going wrong here," said Calvin.

Suddenly, the light above them started grow brighter and brighter.

Calvin and Hobbes squinted at the light bulb as it started get more and more powerful.

"TAKE COVER!" shouted Hobbes.

They dove back under the bed.

The light bulb exploded.

**_BAM!_**

The lights went out.

**_BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!_**

Light bulbs burst all over the house!

**_BAM!_**

"Hey!" shouted Dad, who reading lamp suddenly exploded.

**_BAM!_**

"Ack!" shrieked Mom, as the overhead lamp in the kitchen burst from behind her.

"CALVIN!" they shouted.

They both stormed upstairs and saw Calvin hiding under the bed with a stuffed tiger at his side.

"Calvin, what on earth are you doing up here?!" demanded Dad, pulling him out.

"Nothing! I swear! I was just working on the MTM, and the next thing I new the lights exploded!" Calvin said, pointing at his CD player.

Mom and Dad stared at the red CD player, and then glared back at their son.

"We're getting to the bottom of this," said Dad. "In the meantime, you're buying new light bulbs. Go to the General Store!"

Calvin grabbed his stuffed tiger, and they ran downstairs.

"Great!" moaned Calvin as they went outside. "Now for some bizarre reason, we're being attacked by electric things, and now I have to spend good money on a bunch of light bulbs!"

"Hmmm," said Hobbes, thinking this over. "Being attacked by electric items… Haven't we done this before?"

Calvin paused to think.

"Uh, I think so, but I think that was months ago," he said.

"Well, what caused it?"

"I think it was the Demented TV," Calvin said. "But we banished him to somewhere else a long time ago."

"But every time we meet a villain, they usually come back for more," said Hobbes.

"Nonsense!" said Calvin. "Retro never came back."

"_OH YEAH?_" a familiar voice said.

Calvin and Hobbes, who were now at the sidewalk, whipped around in horror.

Retro, in all his hardlight glory, was standing there, glaring hard at them.

Calvin and Hobbes' eyes burst open.

"R-R-R-Re-Re-Ret-Ret-Ret-_RETRO_!!" they shrieked.

Retro grinned smugly at them.

"But… But _how_?" Calvin asked. "We handed you over to Galaxoid and Nebular! They said they'd keep hold of you!"

"And they are!" Retro said dramatically.

There was a long pause as Calvin and Hobbes looked at him.

"Then…how are you here?" asked Calvin.

"Yeah, and when did you get that H tattooed on your forehead?" asked Hobbes.

"The H stands for _Hologram_," said Retro. "An undesired side affect to my current status."

Calvin raised his eyebrows. "You're a hologram? Holograms are just computer images projected and composed entirely of light. How dangerous can you be?"

Retro simply responded by patting Calvin on the head.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at his hand horror.

"Calvin, my dear boy, thanks to the alien technology on your friends' planet, I'm a _hard_light hologram. Hardlight means that the light has been bent in a way that solidifies it," said Retro, taking his hand back.

"So…hardened light?" asked Hobbes.

"Correct."

"Ah," said Calvin. "Then we should be afraid."

"Oh, I'd double your fear if I were you, Calvin."

"Why?"

"Because while I was here, I accidentally freed an old friend of yours. You know how all your light bulbs burst?"

"Uh…power surge?" asked Calvin, not wanting to admit the truth.

"Correct, and guess who it was that created that surge!"

Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other nervously.

"The…TV Man?" asked Hobbes.

"CORRECT!" shouted a loud voice.

Calvin and Hobbes looked into the sky and saw Electro.

Electro was laughing diabolically and shooting blasts of electricity into the air.

"Electro the Electric Man at you humble service," he said coyly to our trembling heroes.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the two villains in shock.

"But how did you get out?" asked Calvin.

"Retro's light bee has another temporary side affect," Electro said. "It attracts any form of electricity. It pulled me from the telephone lines. And now, I think you two had better find a safe-haven to hide in, because now we'll have to kill you."

Calvin and Hobbes stared for a long time.

**_FOOM!_**

They were gone.

Retro looked at Electro.

"Call the inventions!" he ordered.

Electro raised a hand.

A cardboard box suddenly flew over them, followed by a pencil, a CD player, a water pistol, a clothespin, and a microphone.

Retro and Electro laughed evilly.

* * *

Socrates, Andy and Sherman were hanging out in Socrates' mansion. 

They were watching television and enjoying a giant bowl of popcorn.

Suddenly, the TV picture quality got a bit staticy and the audio got scratchy.

"Uh-oh," said Andy. "Socrates, are you trying to watch the Antarctica Local Weather Report?"

"No," said Socrates. "A plug must have fallen loose. I'll see to it."

Socrates got up and reached for a plug.

**_ZZAP!_**

"Ouch!" Socrates shouted.

"What happened?" asked Sherman.

"It shocked me!"

Just then, a door slammed.

**_WHAM!_**

Andy, Sherman and Socrates looked back and saw Calvin and Hobbes holding the door back and panting heavily.

"Practicing for the one hundred yard dash?" asked Sherman.

Calvin and Hobbes shook their heads no.

"Giant cloud of poison enveloping the town?" asked Andy.

Calvin and Hobbes shook their heads no.

"Evil villains have teamed up and are out to kill you?" asked Socrates.

Calvin and Hobbes nodded their heads yes.

"Who teamed up? Rupert Chill and Dr Brainstorm?" asked Socrates.

"No," said Calvin. "We're saving that for next season. Remember the Demented Television we told you about?"

"Oh yeah," said Andy. "Seven months ago. None of even knew each other back then."

"Ah, good times," said Sherman wistfully.

"Shut up, Vermin," Hobbes growled.

"Well, who did the TV team up with?" asked Socrates.

"He's not in the TV anymore," said Calvin. "He's somehow emerged from the TV and become an electric being! He's a wrinkly-faced electric storm in a suede coat!"

"Nice," said Socrates. "Again, who did he team up with?"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Ummm, it's a bit complicated, and you might not believe us at first," said Hobbes unsurely.

"Probably not, but try us," said Sherman.

"Retro."

Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared.

Suddenly, they felt a little uneasy.

"Uh, you don't say," said Andy, trying to avoid eye contact. "I thought you said he was on an alien planet being held prisoner."

"He still is!" said Calvin. "This is the incredible part! He's a hardlight hologram! A hologram that can touch things! Isn't that incredible?!"

Socrates gulped nervously.

"Um, yeah. Incredible."

Calvin and Hobbes noticed the nervous looks on their faces.

"Socrates? Andy? Sherman?" Calvin calmly said. "Do you guys have something to tell us?"

"I had a feeling this would come back to haunt us," Sherman whispered.

Andy nodded.

"What was that, Vermin? Is it something you'd like to share with us?" Hobbes asked, eyeing the genius hamster.

"Uhhh…," said Sherman, for the first time in his life blanking out.

"Crateso, how about you?" asked Calvin, glaring at Socrates hard.

Socrates waved a paw beside his head.

"Gee, it's getting warm in here," he said nervously. "I'll go turn the heat down."

He tried to leave, but Calvin grabbed his tail.

"Andrew, how about you?" said Hobbes, looking Andy square in the eye. "Got anything to say that Calvin and I don't know about?"

Andy gulped.

"Well, uh, remember when back in June, you guys went on a road trip with your parents to the Grand Canyon?"

Calvin nodded, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, we had a few visitors."

"Like who?" asked Calvin.

"Well," said Socrates, "First, it was Dr Brainstorm and Jack, then it was three aliens from Zok, then Retro showed up, and last was Rupert and Earl."

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

"I'm guessing they did some damage to the house," said Calvin.

"Hey, we fixed it all!" Socrates said pleadingly.

Calvin and Hobbes glared.

"Why didn't you tell us about this?!" shouted Calvin. "Now we've got Larry Fine's long lost brother chasing us!"

"We…didn't think you needed to know," said Andy sheepishly.

Calvin and Hobbes slapped their foreheads.

Just then, several objects came crashing through the windows.

**_CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!_**

Everyone ducked down a bunch of Calvin's inventions came flying through the air.

"What the heck…?" asked Sherman.

"Electro has the ability to control items electric," Calvin explained. "He's turned my inventions against me!"

"Just another ordinary day," said Hobbes.

**_BAM!_**

The door burst open.

Retro and Electro glared hard at them.

Hobbes leaned over to Socrates.

"How did you defeat Retro last time?" he asked.

"Well, Retro's projector couldn't go very far, so he couldn't reach us when the range ended," he said. "No doubt he's extended it."

So everyone ran away. They scurried up the stairs to the top floor.

Retro and Electro ran quickly after them.

But as they ran, Calvin realized that Retro was still able to follow them.

"Guys, I think Retro's working on something different this time. Something that allows him to go anywhere he wants! He said something about a light bee."

Sherman thought.

"Of course! Light bees are small projection units that buzz around in side of the hologram and go wherever the image wants to go," he said.

"Oh," said Socrates. "Well, a laser should destroy the hologram like last time."

"Not so," said Sherman. "The reason a laser destroyed him last time was because it was weakened by the distanced projection. Now that he's been projected from the inside rather than the inside, it has strengthened his hardlight, and therefore, now he's virtually indestructible!"

"Oh perfect!" Hobbes moaned.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman dove into a hall closet and hid there.

"What'll we do?!" cried Andy.

"We're getting them out of here!" said Socrates. "They're destroying my home!"

**_BRZAAP!_**

The Transmogrifier Gun zapped the door and turned it into a giant slab of cheese.

Retro picked the cheese up and hurled it aside.

"Found him!" he said.

Electro grinned and then lowered the down Mega-Shrinker 5000.

Calvin gulped.

Everyone shoved Retro out of the air just as it fired.

**_ZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEE_**_EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeepppp!_

A few bottles of detergent were shrunk down, as well as a mop.

Electro watched them split up.

Then he lowered the Mini-Duplicator and aimed it at all the inventions.

**_BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK!_**

The inventions all split into five.

"Charge!" Electro ordered.

A bunch of dangerous objects immediately chased after each of them.

"HELP!" screamed Calvin.


	29. The Night of the Living Televison II P4

_Part four written by Swing123_

* * *

Retro and Electro closed in, laughing, insanely. 

"You're defenseless, Calvin!" Retro cackled.

"There's no point in running!" Electro shot back.

"RUUUUUUUN!!!!" Calvin screamed.

There was a mad scramble, and Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman all ran off in different directions.

Retro and Electro watched them.

"They just don't listen to anything, do they?" Electro said.

"Nope." Retro replied.

"ATTACK!!!" Electro ordered.

The inventions began glowing a bright yellow, combined back into one, and then split up going after our four heroes.

And Sherman.

The MTM went after Calvin, the Mega-shrinker went after Hobbes, the Transmogrifier Gun went after Socrates, and the box went after Andy and Sherman.

* * *

Calvin went tearing down Socrates' hallway, hearing blasts of electricity behind him. 

He looked behind him, and saw the MTM flying down the hall after him.

He rounded a corner, barely avoiding another laser blast, and came to the elevator.

He frantically pushed the OPEN button, and waited.

He looked behind his shoulder to see the MTM round the corner.

A red light came out, and began focusing.

The light centered on Calvin's forehead.

Calvin gulped.

Then, he held up his hand, and hollered, "MTM! I am your creator! I command you to stop!!"

ZAAAAAP!!

A large bolt of electricity emitted from the tip of the MTM, and nearly charred Calvin to singe.

He was able to leap out of the way in time, however.

He tumbled across the ground, and then came back to his feet.

"I must warn you, MTM, all of this is going into my report!"

ZAAAAAAP!!

Calvin dove from the way, as another lightning bolt struck a small table, reducing it to ashes.

Calvin leaped to his feet, and whirled around to MTM.

"Alright, buddy! If you do that, again, you're in big trouble!!" He warned.

You can guess what kind of results that had.

ZAAAP!!!

Calvin ducked yet another blast, and raced to another part of the hallway.

Suddenly, the sound of a bell rang out, and the elevator door opened.

Calvin looked up, and dove into the elevator.

He pushed a button, and the doors began to close again.

The MTM roared forward, and prepared another bolt of lightning.

_ZZZZZZT!!!!_

Luckily, the doors closed before the blast reached Calvin.

Calvin stood panting in the elevator, then sighed, and sat down.

"Whew. Glad that's over..." He sighed.

"Welcome to the elevator of Socrates." A voice came from a speaker on the wall. "You may not know this, but elevators are powered by electricity! Who knew?"

Calvin paused.

His eyes slammed shut.

Suddenly, the lights on the elevator ceiling began flickering, as the whole thing came to a stop.

"Uh... help?" Calvin asked, looking around.

* * *

Hobbes flew down the stairs of the mansion to the bottom floor, with the Mega-Shrinker 5000 right behind him.

The Mega-Shrinker, however, had one flaw that kept it from keeping up with Hobbes: Before it could shoot a shrinking blast, it had to plug into a jack!

So in other words, it was pretty much a losing battle for the invention.

Hobbes, of course, did not give any notice to this, as he tore through the mansion, knocking tables, couches, TVs and the refrigerator over, while screaming, "HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!"

Eventually, the Mega-Shrinker gave up the pursuit, and flew off away from the tiger.

Think Hobbes noticed this? Oh no, he continued plowing his way through the house, covering his head, and screaming 'help' over and over again.

After the shrink ray gave up, it wasn't long before Electro set Socrates' electrical appliances after Hobbes.

As Hobbes entered the living room, or should I say exploded, violently, into the living room in a wild blur of orange, Socrates' big screen TV began glowing bright yellow.

Before Hobbes could exit the room, the TV skidded across the floor, and blocked the door.

Hobbes came to a screeching stop in front of it, stared at it for a second, whirled around, and began running towards the other door.

_CRACK!!_

Suddenly, the glass on the TV burst, and several wires shot out of it.

One of the wires whipped across the air, and wrapped itself around Hobbes' arm.

"AAAUGH!!! LET GO!!! HELP! HELP!!! SAVE ME!! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!"

Hobbes yanked at the wires, and continued to try and escape.

Another wire came out, and twirled itself around Hobbes other arm.

This did not stop Hobbes, however, and he continued moving his feet at a high rate of speed across the floor.

Within seconds, he was pulling the TV along with him.

Two more wires shot out the TV, these grabbing Hobbes' legs, and tripping him.

Hobbes collapsed to the ground, and the TV began pulling him towards it.

Hobbes immediately sunk his claws into the carpet.

_RIIIIIIIIIIP!!_

More wires rushed out of the big screen, these wrapped around Hobbes' stomach.

"HELP!!!!" Hobbes screamed, as the TV ripped his claws out of the carpet.

Hobbes went flying up into the air, and crashed landed inside the TV.

The wires instantly retracted away from Hobbes once he was inside, and without missing a beat, he dove through the air, in an attempt to exit the...

_BONK!!_

That is, he almost destroyed his nose on the glass, which had replaced itself on the TV screen.

Hobbes rubbed his nose, and glared outside.

"I blame Calvin for all this." He growled.

* * *

Andy raced across the hallway, Sherman in his pocket, with box not far behind them.

Sherman peeked out of Andy's pocket, and looked around.

"Andy, go up into the attic!" He shouted. "The box won't fit in the door!"

"I don't know where the attic is!" Andy gasped, dodging a laser blast.

"Look for a trap door on the ceiling." Sherman said, looking upward.

Andy continued running down the hallway, glancing at the ceiling every few seconds, and before long, he saw the door.

Passing by it, Andy leaped up, grabbed the rope on the trap door, and pulled it down.

KONK!!!

As Andy came down, the door sprang open, and the ladder fell straight downward.

On top of the box.

The box immediately began struggling and twisting under the ladder, sending blast after blast of electricity in the very limited range it had. In other words, a straight line.

Andy wiped some sweat from his brow, and grinned.

"Well, that worked out." He grinned.

And with that, he turned around, and rushed off away from the infuriated box.

As they continued down the hall, Andy and Sherman took no notice to the lights on the wall, which were beginning to flicker and burn out.

They did, however, take notice when the bulbs all went out, completely, plunging the windowless hallway into total darkness.

Andy stopped, and looked around, frantically.

"What happened?" He asked, squinting through the darkness.

"The lights went out." Sherman said.

Andy looked around, nervously, then continued walking.

For a while, nothing happened.

"Sherman, is it just me, or is it starting to get a little cold?" Andy asked, suddenly.

"No, that's just the air conditioner." Sherman replied. "This place is being heated with electricity."

There was a moment of silence.

"Yeah, you better just start running, now."

ZOOOM!!!

Andy halted his casual walking, and took off as fast as he could.

A rush of cold air flew up the hall, and the vent doors erupted from the ceiling, and clanging to the floor as more air flew out.

"HELP!!!" Andy and Sherman both screamed, rushing down the hallway.

Suddenly, the stairs came in sight, signaling the end of the hall had finally come.

Andy began running faster, as they approached the edge.

But suddenly, an air vent on the ceiling above them burst, and air was immediately sucked inside of it.

Andy fought against the vacuum, pumping his arms, and trudging across the carpet, but unfortunately, the air power was too powerful, and he tripped.

"AAAAAAAUGH!!!" The duo screamed, as they went flying upward inside the air vent and out of sight.

* * *

Socrates however, despite the fact that all his friends were suffering, had locked himself in his room, and propped a dresser against the door.

He had long since lost the Transmogrifier gun, and was now laying on his bed, sipping a soda and reading a comic book.

In other words, a total repeat of how he reacted to Rupert and Earl taking over the planet.

You can guess Socrates' reaction when he heard a knock at his door.

In a total state of calm, he looked up, and called, "WHO IS IT?!"

_ZZZZZT!!!!_

The dresser suddenly rocketed away from the door in a blinding blast of yellow, and crashed into the wall.

Then, with another dazzling blast, the lock burst off the door, and shot straight across the room into the wall above Socrates' head.

Socrates stared blankly, as the door was ripped off its hinges, and Retro and Electro stepped into the room.

There was a moment of silence, in which Socrates and the villains stared at each other for a moment.

Then, a light came on in the tiger's eyes.

"Oh, right, you two." He said, slowly. "OK, it's coming back to me. We're in another battle for the planet, right?"

Retro and Electro sighed, heavily.

Then, Electro held his hand up, which began glowing bright red.

He jerked his hand downward, and the air vent on Socrates' wall burst open, and Andy and Sherman tumbled out.

"AAAAAUGH!!" They both screamed, crashing into the floor, and rolling into the wall.

Electro then jerked his hand upward.

_CRASH!!!_

Suddenly, the elevator crashed through the wall, opened up, and spit out Calvin, who rolled across the floor into the wall, also.

Oh, and he was covered in mayonnaise and catsup. Just thought I'd mention that.

Electro then jerked his hand to the left.

_CRRRRRRRRRAAACK!!_

The big screen TV burst from the floor, shattering the monitor, and spat Hobbes out onto the floor.

Socrates watched all this, silently, still holding his comic book.

"You two are going to pay for the damages to my house after you kill us, right?" He asked, finally.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman glared murderously at Socrates.

"Now then," Retro said. "Now that your done attempting to escape, shall we get down to killing you?"

Electro and Retro began laughing, and held their yellow glowing hands up.

"Who said we were done?" Calvin demanded.

Electro and Retro stopped laughing.

They stared at Calvin for a long time.

"Well we're going to assume that you're unselfish enough to stay put, so we don't have to go through so much trouble to destroy you." Electro said.

There was a moment of silence.

"_RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!_" Calvin screamed.

There was a mad scramble, and Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, and Socrates all dove out the open window into the outside.

Retro and Electro watched.

"This could really take some time." Retro sighed.

"Well, we better get to work." Electro said.

And with that, Electro collapsed into electrical power, and shot out the window, and into the phone line.

A large blast of electricity surged through the lines, causing a massive power outage throughout the town.

Retro pealed a sweatshirt off his leg, and dove out the window as well.

Hoo boy...


	30. The Night of the Living Televison II P5

_Swing123: Just a little note to ask the good readers at FanFiction if they could PLEASE REVIEW? Seriously, I think both Garfieldodie_ and _I would like to know how we're doing, here!_

_Please?  
_

* * *

_Part five written by Garfieldodie_

* * *

All over town, lights flickered off. 

The traffic lights turned off, causing traffic to halt. Neon lights on stores turned off, making people think they were closed. Automatic doors wouldn't open, trapping people already in the stores.

And all over town, streetlights blinked off, and the houses went dark.

In other words, the town sort of went into chaos.

Not complete chaos. It was just a lighthearted chaos.

* * *

Back at the mansion, Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were slowly climbing down the great wall towards the backyard. 

"What do we do now?" asked Hobbes.

"We get out our sheet music and play the real waltz," said Calvin. "We strategize."

"How do we do that?" asked Andy.

"Well, we've got a hardlight hologram and a man made entirely out of electricity on our tails. Options are limited."

"And so far, all we have against either of them is Retro's faulty light bee," said Hobbes.

Then Calvin had an idea.

"Then we're left with no choice. We fight fire with fire! Electricity with electricity!"

"How do we do that?" asked Sherman. "They've got control over the whole town by now!"

Calvin then reached into his pocket and pulled out a paperclip.

"With my winnings from the poker game!" he said triumphantly.

Hobbes, Socrates and Andy looked confused, but Sherman seemed to understand.

"Ah-ha! Well played!" he said. "I know exactly what to do."

Calvin quickly emptied his pockets and revealed about seventy-one cents worth in pennies, a few paperclips, a dime, some hairpins, a pair of wire rim glasses, and a packet of salt.

Calvin and Sherman got to work.

"Andy, we need your bottled water," said Sherman.

Andy pulled the bottle out of his pocket and tossed it to them.

Sherman took it and poured it into a cup.

Calvin immediately started connecting all the paper clips into a long chain. Then he put one end into cup of water.

Sherman opened the packet of salt and poured it in, and then mixed it all together.

"Anyone got a clue as to what they're doing?" asked Hobbes.

"Wasting perfectly good paperclips is what they're doing," mumbled Socrates.

Calvin took the wire rim glasses and twisted the last paperclip around one of the earpieces.

Sherman took the hairpin and suspended it in the saltwater.

Calvin then pulled out a couple of pennies.

"Forgive a simple layman for asking, but would either mind giving us some insight to the plot?" asked Andy.

"We've made a homemade electrical current," said Sherman. "All this stuff put together should make a small electrical current strong enough for someone to add three minutes to a cell phone."

"Only we've got something else in mind for it," said Calvin, holding the pennies in his hand.

"Impressive," said Socrates. "We could use the phone call to call the Home Office."

"Why?" asked Hobbes.

"Because my home has been wrecked!"

Just then, a shadow loomed over them.

Everyone looked up.

Electro was glaring down at them.

"What's this? Doing your science project during a life and death situation? Goodness, Calvin. This isn't your style at all!" he sneered.

Calvin simply looked up at Electro.

"Your days are numbered, buddy," he said. "In fact, I'd go so far as to say your _minutes_ are numbered."

"Ooh, clever word play!" said Electro, touching down on the ground nearby.

He coolly approached them. He overlooked the little project.

"Ah, I recognize this little design. A pathetic attempt to create electricity!"

It was around that time that Retro came sliding down the drainpipe. He went unnoticed by Electro.

"You seem to not understand my power. I can willfully tell that little piece of scrap to back off!"

"Indeed," said Calvin, holding the pennies above the glass of saltwater. "However, this was never meant for _you_."

Electro raised an eyebrow.

Retro finally came into his view.

"What'd I miss?" he asked.

Electro looked back and forth between Retro and the glass.

"Oh…," he said at last.

Calvin smirked and dropped the pennies into the glass.

_BLIP! BLOOP!_

Once the copper pennies landed in the saltwater, there was a chemical reaction that caused an electrical current to be shot through the long line of paperclips and through the set of glasses. One of the earpieces rose into the air and started to move towards Retro.

Retro stared at it, and before he could back away, sparks flew from the glasses. The long line from the glass stuck itself into Retro's body, causing a tiny but powerful electric current to surge into his light bee!

**_BRZAP!_**

"YOW!"

Retro was knocked off his feet.

He suddenly grew a bit brighter.

"That's odd," he said. "I've been given more power! A few tiny volts have recharged my light bee to full working order!"

Electro began to back away from him nervously.

"What's he so scared of?" asked Andy.

"Retro is the one who freed Electro through his light bee, but they never stuck to each other like other objects would because Retro's power wasn't as strong," said Calvin. "Now with added strength, Electro's electricity should cause him to…"

**_WHAM!_**

"HEY!" shouted Retro. "Get off of me!"

"…do that," Calvin finished.

The added boost of electricity had caused Electro to stick to Retro. The two looked like they were in a hug they didn't want to be in.

"LET ME GO!" Electro ordered.

"GET OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW!" Retro screamed.

The two villains ran around fighting and hitting each other until they started to head towards the pool.

"Oh no!" said Sherman.

"Don't worry. The pool is heated during January. They'll be fine," said Socrates.

"No, you dolt! They're going fall in. Don't you know what happens when you pour water on working electrical socket?"

Everyone paused.

Finally, Hobbes started to move away.

"I'm starting to think a quick dash into the house would be an excellent career move right now," he said.

Everyone zoomed into the house just in time.

Retro stumbled over his own brown shoes and started to tip over the pool.

Electro's eyes bugged open.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" he screamed.

**_SPLOOSH!_**

Retro and Electro landed in the pool.

Electro reacted with the water and suddenly…

**_FOOOM!_**

The pool erupted, sending chlorinated water for miles around, soaking people, cars and the roads.

A man was walking down the street when he got soaked by the falling pool water. He looked up, only to find there was not a cloud in the sky.

"Mmm-Hmmmm…," he said, drying himself off and continuing on his way.

When the water finally stopped falling, Calvin and Hobbes dared to exit the house.

They looked down and saw the pool was half-empty.

All that sat at the bottom was a small object.

"What's that?" asked Calvin.

Socrates, Andy and Sherman joined them.

"It must be Retro's light bee," said Sherman.

Calvin slid down into the pool to get it. He checked it out.

"It's still active," he said.

"I think our best option is to get rid of it," said Hobbes.

Calvin nodded in agreement.

* * *

Once Calvin had gathered all his inventions, he took out the MTM and loaded the light bee on the end of it. He stood on the roof of the mansion and fired it into the air. 

**ZAP!**

The light bee sailed into the air and towards the forest.

In the air, the light bee suddenly buzzed a little.

Retro suddenly came out of it.

"Where am I?" he demanded.

He looked around and realized he was about to land in the trees.

Retro gulped, and then quickly started squeezing his abdomen, and he suddenly switched himself off just in time.

The light bee landed in the trees with a dull THUNK.

Calvin watched until it was out of sight.

"There," he said. "Hopefully, he's gotten himself lost, and he'll be trapped there for an undetermined amount of time."

"Hmm, that's not long enough," said Hobbes.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Well, sorry for disturbing you all," said Calvin. "Hobbes and I must now return to our task of buying light bulbs."

"Indeed," said Hobbes.

"But what about my house?!" demanded Socrates.

"Well, maybe this will teach you not to be a cheater!" Calvin retorted.

"Besides," said Hobbes, "If four villains can parade through our house and it can still be fixed in a day, I'm pretty sure it should be a snap for you."

Calvin and Hobbes left.

Socrates stared at the door.

"I've gotta start locking that thing," he said. "Okay, we need to…"

Socrates then realized that Andy and Sherman had vanished.

"Hmmm… I wonder how much effort it would take to convince Elliot that all we really need is some computerized protection," he commented.

And he set to work trying to fix his house.

**The End**

* * *

**Voice Actors**

**Pamela Segall Adlon: **Calvin

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes

**Bill Murray: **Dad

**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Andrew Lawrence: **Andy

**Colin Mochrie: **Sherman

**Kurtwood Smith: **Retro Griffin

**Eric Roberts: **Electro

**Ben Stine: **The man who goes "Mmmm-hmmmm"

* * *

**Coming up Next: **Sherman Goes to the Vet 


	31. Sherman Goes to the Vet

**Summary: **Socrates and Hobbes attempt to terrify Sherman about going to the vet.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

**Sherman Goes to the Vet  
**

Calvin sat behind a green bush one bright day in June.

He was not in his usual trademark outfit of a red striped T-shirt, and black pants.

Instead, he was dressed all in black.

Black sunglasses, black T-shirt, black pants, black shoes, and black gloves.

He held up a walki talki, pushed the button, and said into it, "Fanged Terror, this is Boy Genius. Do read me? Over."

There was a moment of silence.

"This is Fanged Terror, I read you loud and clear. Over" Hobbes' voice came through the walki talki.

"Give me your location." Calvin said, peeking over the bush at Susie, who was playing on the sidewalk, humming to herself. "I have the target locked. Over"

"I'm in Secret Spy Tree number 35, over and under."

Calvin looked around.

Then, he saw a specific tree with a lightning bolt scar on it.

"Do you have a visual of the target?" Calvin asked.

"Negative."

"What?"

"No."

Calvin peeked over the bush, again.

Susie hadn't seen him.

"OK, I'm behind Spy Bush number 63. Do you have a visual of me?"

"Hey, that rhymes."

"Shut up, and answer the question."

There was a moment of silence.

"Oh, yeah, I see you."

"Direct your gaze exactly twenty four feet to the north-east."

There was a moment of silence.

"OK, I see her."

"Commence targeting procedure. But get out of the tree first. I can't see you. Over"

"Yes sir. Over and over."

There was a moment of silence, then Hobbes dropped out of one of the trees.

He, too, was wearing black sunglasses, gloves, pants and T-shirt.

He wasn't wearing shoes, because tiger's don't wear shoes.

Hobbes stood up, and straightened his sunglasses.

Then he reached up, and took three water balloons off a branch.

Calvin gave Hobbes thumbs up.

Hobbes tiptoed around to a bush three yards away from Susie.

Susie looked up from her dolls.

Calvin dove behind the bush.

"Code blue! Code blue!"

Calvin and Hobbes didn't move a hair, as Susie looked around, suspiciously, and then turned back to her dolls.

A sinister grin curled across Calvin's lips.

"Call of the Code Blue." He hissed. "We have our target locked."

Calvin picked up his three water balloons, and dove behind a bush, closer to Susie.

Susie looked up, cut her eyes from side to side, and then looked back down.

Then her head came back up.

She picked up her dolls, and moved them three steps down the sidewalk, and set them down, again.

Calvin looked up from his bush.

"Fanged Terror, the target has moved. Switch to Plan B."

"Affirmative."

Hobbes set his walki talki down, and picked up a small remote.

He pushed a button on it, and waited.

* * *

Socrates was on the other side of the block, standing next to one of his catapults. 

The catapult was filled with water balloons.

Socrates was also dressed in Calvin's black spy suit.

Suddenly, Socrates' watch started beeping.

"Whoop." He said. "We're switching to Plan B!"

Socrates hit the switch blade in his paws, and his claws shot out.

He stood back, then made a swipe at the rope, holding the catapult down.

SNAP!

TWONG!

The catapult flew upward, and sent two hundred water balloons soaring through the air.

Socrates pushed a button on his watch.

* * *

Hobbes' started beeping. 

"Water Balloons deployed." He told Calvin. "Take cover!"

"Hold onto your balloons." Calvin said. "We can use it as a second wave of attacks. DISPERSE!"

Susie looked up from her dolls, and saw Calvin running off into the woods with his stuffed tiger in his arms.

She rolled her eyes, and went back to her dolls.

Suddenly, she heard a whistling sound.

She looked up and saw...

_SPLOOSH!_

...a water balloon.

"AAAAH!" she screamed. "CALVIN!"

Just then, another water balloon collided with her.

_SPLASH!_

Then another one hit the sidewalk next to her.

_SPLISH!_

Then, water balloons started raining from the sky.

"AAAAAAAAAA!" Susie screamed, covering her head, and running around in circles.

Where did Socrates get all those water balloons?

I have no idea.

When the balloons stopped falling, Susie looked up the bush she was behind.

She was now sopping wet.

"ATTACK!" shouted a voice.

Susie spun around, and saw Calvin coming after her, with six more balloons.

"CALVI..."

_SPLASH! SPLISH! SPLOOSH! SPLISH! SPLASH! SPLOOSH!_

"I'm telling!" Susie wailed, running into her house.

"Mission accomplished, Hobbes." Calvin said, shaking Hobbes' hand. "Now, let's go hide from Mom and Mrs. Derkins for the rest of the evening."

"Agreed. Shall we hide out at Socrates' place?"

"No, I think Mom's figured that out. Besides, the buffoon keeps pranking me. Let's hide out at Andy and Sherman's until the storm clears."

"Excellent suggestion. Let's get out of these spy costumes, first."

"Right." Calvin said.

He took his Time Pauser and pushed the button.

poink

Suddenly, Calvin disappeared, and suddenly reappeared in front of Hobbes, walking up to him.

He was now in his trademark red T-shirt and back sweats.

Hobbes simply just took off the clothes, and put them in the hypercube.

Then, they ran off for Andy's house.

By the time they got there, Socrates was already at the gate, waiting for them.

"Well?" he asked. "Was the mission a success?"

"CAAALVIN!!!" shouted Mom's voice from a few blocks down.

"I'll take that as a yes!" He said.

"RUN!" Calvin shouted. "INTO THE HOUSE!!!"

Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates rushed to the door, ripped it open, and slammed the door behind them.

Andy looked up from his video game.

"I wish you guys would knock before you barge in here to hide." He complained, switching the TV off.

"Yes, that's very nice, Andy." Socrates said. "Anyway, we need a good hiding spot, stat!"

"Sherman's in his lab." he sighed.

There was an explosion and a high gust of wind, and Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates vanished.

Not seconds after the trio vanished into Sherman's lab, the doorbell rang.

Andy walked up, and opened the door.

Mom stood at the doorstep, glaring at the world through narrowed eyes.

"Andy, have you seen Calvin?" she asked. "Did he come here to hide?"

"No, he hasn't." Andy said. "He and Hobbes were just rushing off down the street towards Socrates' place."

Mom looked off towards the direction of Socrates' mansion.

"Thanks, Andy." she said.

And with that, she rushed back down the sidewalk, and ran down the street.

Andy closed the door.

Soon after that, another explosion emitted from Sherman's lab.

Andy turned around, and saw the door fly open, and Calvin, Hobbes, and Socrates were all ejected from the laboratory onto the ground.

"Man, what a grouch." Socrates muttered.

"Yes, I ought to warn you that Sherman is in a fiery mood, today."

"Thanks for the warning." Calvin growled. "What's his problem, anyway?"

"Oh, he's mad because I'm taking him the vet for a checkup tomorrow."

"That's all?" Hobbes asked, standing up. "What's so horrible about that?"

"Ask Sherman." Andy said.

* * *

"WHAT'S SO HORRIBLE ABOUT THE VET?!?!" Sherman bellowed, whirling around from his desk in the lab. "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S SO HORRIBLE ABOUT IT!!!!" 

"Sherman, have you ever noticed that you always seem to take simple questions personally?" Calvin asked.

"PETS ARE PUT TO SLEEP AT VETS!! VETS ARE FILLED WITH MISERABLE, CRYING, HOWLING PETS BEING HELD AGAINST THEIR WILL!! AND THE PEOPLE ALWAYS FIND AN EXCUSE TO PUNCH YOU WITH SOME NEEDLE LONGER THAN YOUR INDEX FINGER!!!"

"Sherman, while I must agree with you on that last point," Calvin said. "I can safely tell you vets are—"

"Terribly dangerous!!" Socrates interrupted, shoving Calvin out of the way. "Vets are filled with horrible diseases! Rats have been known to go mad there!!! And they disinfect their needles by wiping them in their arm pits!!!!!"

Sherman glared at Socrates.

"Thanks for the tip, cat. Now, if you're done making an idiot of yourself, I'd like to get back to my work."

"He's right, you know." Hobbes said, crossing his arms. "Vets are infected with more sicknesses than a bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs."

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

So did Sherman.

"Do you expect me to believe that vets don't clean their establishments, kitty?" He demanded.

"They don't." Socrates said. "It's not in their ten dollar budget."

"You two are crazy." Sherman said, spinning back to his desk.

"We may be but the vets are crazier!" Hobbes warned.

"Yep." Socrates said. "My cousin went to the vet once, and they replaced his brain with that of a duck."

Calvin, Hobbes, and Sherman turned and stared at Socrates.

"He then joined the Daffy Duck fan club, and eventually wandered south." Socrates said.

"Huh." Calvin said.

Sherman rolled his eyes, and turned back to his work.

_The buffoons._ He thought. _What kind of idiot do they take me for?_

But despite the fact he knew Hobbes and Socrates were just trying to scare him, Sherman was even more terrified than before.

* * *

That night, Sherman got to work on a new invention. 

As he worked, he dared to look upwards towards the calendar.

The next day was circled "Sherman Goes to Vet at 3:30."

He gulped and resumed work.

He was developing a tiny little ray gun that supposedly had giant affects.

Sherman put his little screwdriver down and pulled out an ink pen. He wrote down _MIND ERASER._

Then he picked it up and ran up the stairs.

_CREEEEK!_

The secret door to the lab squeaked as it opened.

Sherman looked around, and then he snuck up the stairs towards the bedrooms on the second floor of the house.

As quietly and stealthily as he could, he made his way to the corner and towards Andy's bedroom. He managed to squeeze under the door, and then he made his way towards Andy's bed.

Andy was sound asleep and snoring slightly.

Sherman climbed up the lamp cord dangling down the desk, climbed up on top of it, went around the desk (it took up a whole corner of the room), crossed over the bookcase, under his _Lord of the Rings_ calendar, and then onto the bed.

He was right in front of Andy's face.

Sherman gulped and held the gun up to Andy's head.

_CLICK!_

Sherman made the mistake of cocking the gun first.

Andy woke up and stared at him.

"ACK!" Sherman shrieked, and the gun flew out of his paws.

Andy sat up and looked down at him.

Sherman looked nervously at Andy.

There was a long pause.

Andy finally spoke.

"Shermie?" he asked.

Sherman seemed as though he didn't know whether or not Andy was addressing him or not.

"Um, yes?" he said, almost unsure.

"What…are you doing?"

"Um, nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"I think so."

Andy looked at the gun nearby.

"Is that a mind erasing gun?" he asked.

"Where?"

"Sherman, you're not stupid. You know what I'm talking about," Andy said, rubbing his eyes.

"Yes, it is," said Sherman guiltily.

"Why did you do it?"

"I was trying to make you forget about the vet."

"Why?"

"Because I'm scared," said Sherman, sounding a bit like a little kid.

"Oh Shermie, you shouldn't be scared," said Andy, scooping him up. "The vet just wants to make sure you're feeling better."

"Are…are you sure?" Sherman asked.

"I'm sure. Now, you go back to bed, little fella."

Sherman nodded and hopped out off the bed and headed towards the door.

But before he left, he looked over his shoulder.

"You do realize that I'm still going to try to find a way out of this, right?" he asked.

"I would be disappointed if you didn't," said Andy replied, settling back down into bed.

Sherman nodded and squeezed back under the bed.

Andy took the gun and tossed it out the window, and then slipped back to sleep.

* * *

That morning, Calvin woke up in bed, as opposed to waking up in the tub, and discovered that Hobbes had disappeared. 

"Hobbes? You'd better not be hiding my breakfast cereal!" he said angrily.

Calvin opened the bottom drawer of his dresser, climbed in, and closed the drawer with him inside. Each drawer opened slightly as he worked his way up, and then Calvin climbed out of the top drawer, now fully dressed, and ran downstairs.

But when he got there, he found that Hobbes had disappeared.

"Hmmm," he said. "Where could he go at this hour?"

Then he got a nervous thought.

"Uh-oh," he said. "He's toying with me again. He's hiding somewhere, waiting to play Target Practice."

Calvin tiptoed slightly forwards toward a corner.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cardboard cutout face of himself.

He waved it around the corner and covered his eyes.

Nothing happened.

Calvin dared to look.

No sign of Hobbes anywhere.

"Huh," he said. "He must not be here."

Calvin tossed the picture aside and went to get breakfast.

As he ate his cereal, he looked out the window.

He spotted Hobbes walking up the street with Socrates.

Socrates was carrying a portfolio with him.

Calvin looked at them suspiciously.

"Hmmm… Hobbes and Socrates laughing and holding a portfolio… I guess it seems normal… And normalness makes me suspicious. I'd better see to this."

Calvin gulped down his cereal and ran outside.

Hobbes and Socrates didn't notice Calvin until he came from behind them.

"Ahem! Excuse me! What are you two doing?" he demanded rather loudly.

The two tigers whirled around in surprise, but calmed down rather quickly.

"Oh, Calvin. Hello," said Socrates smoothly. "No need to worry. You're not on my schedule today."

"Yes, that's nice," said Calvin. "Who _is_ on your schedule?"

"Well, in honor of his visit to the vet, it's Sherman."

Calvin groaned.

"Guys, you're really going a bit far. Sherman is logical! He's a genius! You're not going to scare him. You'll just annoy him."

"Hey, either way, we win," said Hobbes. "Come on. Wanna watch?"

Calvin looked at his watch.

"Well, since I have nothing better to do today…," he muttered.

Calvin followed them to Andy's house.

* * *

Andy was just going over a checklist of things as he looked up at a giant pile of supplies. 

"Let's see… Iodine, band-aids, gauze, bullwhip, small strait-jacket, helmet, pan, shampoo, gloves, tranquilizer, chloroform, tennis racquet, ice cubes, banana peel, cage, snare trap, baloney, modem…"

At that point, Calvin knocked on the door.

Andy opened it and let them in.

"Hey, guys," he said. "I'm just getting ready."

Calvin looked at the pile of supplies.

"Today's the trip to the vet, isn't it?" he asked.

"Yep," Andy sighed.

"Ooh, that means we only have six hours," said Socrates. "We'd better hustle."

Hobbes and Socrates made their way to the lab.

Andy groaned.

"Guys, _please_ don't do this," he moaned. "Any salt you add to the wound just means more work for _me_!"

"Don't worry, Andy," said Hobbes. "We'll go easy on the little fuzz ball."

Andy rolled his eyes.

Hobbes and Socrates grinned sinisterly and entered the lab.

Calvin thought to himself.

"You know, Andy, it occurs to me that Sherman will need some help overcoming whatever Hobbes and Socrates do to him," he commented.

"I'd suppose so. Why?" asked Andy.

"Well, I have a plan," said Calvin, painting the scene in his mind. "Our young space cadet, Sherman, is in trouble, and it will take the nerve of none other than…intrepid space-explorer, _Spaceman Spiff_!"

Andy groaned and held the bridge of his nose.

"Calvin, I don't think that—"

"Calm yourself, young gentle Andrew," said Calvin, patting his head. "I'll save your hamster from the feline fiends, or I'm not Spaceman Spiff, space adventurer!"

"Space adventurer?" asked Andy, staring at him with an annoyed look.

Calvin looked at him.

"Well, what am I supposed to say?"

Then he resumed his heroic pose.

"Fear not! I'm the man who used to clean the gunk out of the chicken soup machine! Actually, I know sod all about space travel, but if you've got a blocked nozzle, we're you're lads!"

Then he glared at Andy.

"That'll fill him with confidence, won't it?" he sniffed.

And he ran out of the house.

Andy sighed.

"Well, that takes care of _one_ problem," he said to himself. He checked his list. "Oop! I forgot my mouth guard."

He went upstairs.

* * *

Sherman was carefully trying mix up some formulas when he heard the door to his lab open. 

He looked up at his clock and saw that it wasn't 3:30, but instead, it was 2:00.

"Huh," he said. "I'm not due for another ninety minutes."

"Indeed," said a voice. "Not due for you _death_ for another ninety minutes."

Sherman whipped around.

He saw Hobbes and Socrates glaring deviously at him.

"What do you two want?" he demanded.

"Sherman," said Hobbes, ignoring the question completely, "as you and I both know, you are due to visit the vet in ninety minutes, yes?"

Sherman nodded.

"Yes," said Socrates, "but you seem to be blissfully unaware about what is in store for you, correct?"

Sherman just stared at him angrily.

"Please leave."

"Remember that cousin of mine."

"Who, Daffy Duck club cat?" asked Sherman.

"Correct. Well…do you know him…like…_this_?!"

Socrates pulled a photo from the portfolio.

Sherman stared in horror.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! WHO ARE YOU?!? _WHAT _ARE YOU?!? OH SWEET MOTHER IN HEAVEN, WHAT ON EARTH _IS_ THAT MONSTROSITY!" he screamed.

Hobbes was a little surprised at the reaction. He glimpsed at the picture.

It was a photo shopped picture of a tiger turned into a duck.

Socrates grinned slyly.

"That's right, Sherman," he said. "Fear it! Fear duck-man! He brings evil! We never invite him to the family reunions!"

Hobbes stepped in.

"You see, Vermin, you're a _special_ hamster," he said.

"Special how?" asked Sherman.

"Well, let's face it. Not many hamsters can quote Albert Einstein's theory of relativity," said Hobbes. "In fact, not many hamsters quote anything at all."

Sherman gulped.

"See, that's why they want to change your brain to that of a duck. Vets don't like smart animals because they try to rule the world!" said Socrates.

"They do?"

"Ever seen _Pinky and the Brain_?" asked Hobbes.

Sherman shrieked.

"AAAHH! I'M NOT GOING TO THE VET! THIS IS A BUGHUNT, MAN! A BUGHUNT! GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER! WHAAAAAAAAHH!"

Hobbes and Socrates looked at the pathetic genius hamster.

They looked at each other, and then stole a peek at the picture again.

"That picture _is_ kind of horrific," commented Hobbes.

At that moment, the door to the lab burst open again.

Calvin suddenly jumped down, holding a rubber band.

"Eat space vapor, phantoms!" Calvin shouted.

Okay, quick cut to Calvin's imagination.

We haven't done this lately in the show, have we? Man, we need to do this more often.

Spaceman Spiff was in an underground torture chamber, and there were two giant furry monsters holding whips to a fellow, shorter space cadet.

"Blast!" said the first monster. "Spaceman Spiff has come to save his crewmate."

"Attack!" said the second, who had red stripes.

But Spiff attacked first, firing his gun.

The rubber band was fired and Hobbes on the arm.

"Ow!" he said, rubbing his arm. "Calvin, what the heck…?"

"The monster is wounded," said Spiff. "Now I can take him down."

Spiff karate chopped the first monster and brought it to its knees.

"Ow!" shrieked Hobbes. "I'm vulnerable there."

The second monster jumped Spiff.

"The disgusting evil creature jumps our intrepid hero!" Spiff cried.

"Give up, Spiff! You can't win!" the monster shouted.

"Never!" said Spiff.

Sherman was on the table watching the three of them wrestle.

Finally, Calvin was able to lift Socrates up with his feet and hurl him across the room.

Socrates crashed into the wall.

Then Calvin ran towards Sherman.

"Space cadet! Can you hear me?!" he shouted.

"Uh, yeah. I'm right here," said Sherman.

"Listen, carefully," said Spiff to the tied up cadet. "Your mind has been poisoned by these liars! They have filled you with misinformation like local news gives to its viewers. You must fight the fear that has plagued you!"

Hobbes shoved Calvin aside.

"Duck-tiger, Vermin! Duck-tiger!"

Calvin shoved Hobbes.

"Fight them, young cadet! Fight them!"

Socrates knocked Calvin down.

"They're Pinky and the Brain! They're Pinky and the Brain! One is a genius! The other's insane!" he sang.

Calvin yanked Socrates down.

"What does that have to do with anything?!" he demanded.

Hobbes knocked them both over.

"The vet shall attack you, young Vermin! Be afraid! Be very afraid! Think of that 1997 Batman movie with George Clooney! _Terrifying_! Not terrifying entertainment! Just terrifying!" he said dramatically.

Calvin knocked him over.

"While I agree that was a very bad movie, ignore what they say! Be strong, man! Find the strength!"

Socrates shoved him aside.

"Quack-quack-_ROAR_!" he said, holding the picture in front of his face.

"Uh, guys?" a voice said.

Everyone looked up.

Andy was holding a small cage.

Sherman's eyes popped open.

"GAH! NO! I AIN'T GOING TO NO DOCTOR!" he shouted.

"Hmmm," said Andy. "Your dialect is crumbling. You're nervous alright."

"No way! I'm not going!" said Sherman, who backed into the corner. "There's nothing you can do! I'm not moving! You'll have to pick me up and carry me!"

Andy picked Sherman up and put him in the cage.

"Well, guys, my two-pound hamster is going to the vet. See ya later."

"Drat," muttered Sherman.

Andy walked out of the lab.

"Be strong, cadet! Be strong!" Calvin shouted up the stairs.

"Hope you're a fan of Daffy!" shouted Hobbes.

"Oy lad!" said Socrates.

There was a long pause.

"Raid their fridge?" asked Hobbes.

"Sure, why not," said Calvin.

They all ran upstairs.

* * *

Later that day, Calvin was sitting on his front porch. 

Hobbes was off somewhere with Socrates.

As he sat, he saw a car pull in at Andy and Sherman's house.

Calvin immediately ran over there.

Andy's parents went inside, and Andy stopped when he saw Calvin approaching.

"Hey," said Calvin. "Well, how'd it go? Sherman okay?"

Andy held up Sherman's cage.

Sherman had a dopey look on his face.

"Duuhhhh… I feels goooooood…," he slurred.

Calvin stared.

"Oh good lord…," he moaned.

"Yeah…," said Andy. "Things went okay when they gave him the gas."

"Gas? I thought you said it was for a checkup."

"It was."

Calvin grimaced.

"I'm glad _Hobbes_ doesn't need a vet," he said thankfully.

"Such are the burdens of being a parent," Andy said. "Anyway, he said that if it turned out Hobbes and Socrates were lying, I should deploy the invention he made last night."

"What is it?"

"I guess we'll find out soon enough."

Andy pulled a small remote and pressed the one button that was on it.

Then they noticed the writing on the bottom.

They both grinned wide.

* * *

That afternoon, Calvin was relaxing in his treehouse when he saw Hobbes and Socrates approaching. 

Both of them were looking particularly angry.

"Hey guys," he said, climbing down. "No doubt you've discovered Sherman's revenge."

Hobbes glared.

"Hobbes? Do you have anything to say?"

Hobbes glanced at Socrates, who simply sighed and motioned for him to go ahead.

Hobbes turned to Calvin and said something.

"QUACK!" he said.

Calvin grinned. "Why, I don't know whether to laugh or cry," he said. "Maybe I'll laugh."

"QUACK!" said Socrates.

"So your brains have been reprogrammed so that you can only speak in duck language," he commented. "What goes around comes around I suppose."

"Quack, quack," said Hobbes.

"Well, don't ask me to do anything about it," said Calvin. "Sherman says that the button was one-way, and that it can't be reversed until he gets around to building the second remote, and given the fact that he holds grudges, I doubt he's even _started_. Until then, you two are stuck like this."

"Quack," said Socrates.

Calvin looked back and forth them with a grin.

"So…what would happen if I started referring to you two as Widdle Woogums and Squishy Pants?" he asked.

Hobbes and Socrates glared.

"**QUACK! **QUACK, QUACK, QUACK, QUACK, _QUACK_!" Hobbes said angrily.

"Hey, nice comeback, Squishy Pants!" Calvin laughed. "Hey, Widdle Woogums! When was the War of 1812?"

"**_QUACK_!**" said Socrates angrily.

This went on for hours.

**The End**

**Voice Actors:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon: **Calvin / Spaceman Spiff

**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes

**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates

**Andrew Lawrence: **Andy

**Colin Mochrie: **Sherman

**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom

**Dakota Fanning: **Susie Derkins

**Tom Kenny: **Space Monsters

* * *

**Coming up Next: **Personality Test 


	32. Personality Test

**Summary: **In a prank to insult his friends, Socrates creates a fake personality test and sells it to Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman.

* * *

_and now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
__Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Personality Test**

It was mid-November in the unnamed town.

Calvin was just returning from school. The bus pulled up to his house and let him off.

Calvin walked up the walk towards his door.

That was when the usual routine happened. He opened the door.

"**I'M HOME!!**" he shouted.

**_KA-POW!!_**

Calvin and Hobbes went sailing across the yard and landed in a tree.

"Oof!" Calvin moaned. "What's the deal today?"

"Simple jungle cat instincts cannot be hindered by domesticated living," Hobbes responded simply.

"Jungle cat, my foot. You're the weirdest tiger ever. You eat tuna straight from the can!"

"Well, the last time we practiced chasing tuna, you complained."

"Only because _Mom_ complained," Calvin said, climbing down.

Calvin got his stuff out of the tree as Hobbes landed on all fours gently.

"Come on," said Hobbes. "They're running a documentary on octopuses today."

Calvin followed Hobbes to the house.

But the minute Calvin was walking in the door, Dad jumped in front of him.

"Calvin, I have some chores for you," he said.

Calvin stared at him.

"What did you do, set up sensors in the doorway?"

"Calvin, you haven't really been building character lately," Dad said.

"Of course I have! I got involved in a love affair, made a movie, got stuck in a hurricane, and had my superpowers erased through a time distortion vortex," Calvin said indignantly.

"_Sure_ you did," said Dad, patting his head condescendingly. "But I have some _real_ chores for you to do."

"Like what?" Calvin asked.

"Well, I need you to clear the yard of sticks so I can mow the yard, then I need you to take the garbage to the curb, then I need you to deliver some mail, and then I need you to clean up the attic," he said.

Calvin glared hard at him.

"Yeah, nice list, Dad," he said. "How about making me find the Holy Grail while you're at it?"

"Just get started," said Dad, handing Calvin a bag of garbage.

And with that, he left.

Calvin glared even harder.

But no matter how hard he glared, Dad was unaffected.

So Calvin did the chores.

First, he tossed the trash into the trashcan.

Second, he took a bunch of mail that piled higher than he was to the post office.

Third, he went up into the attic, wearing a gas mask, and was soon sweeping throughout the entire room.

Finally, Calvin went outside to pick up sticks and pine cones.

This was a mistake.

By now, Calvin was incredibly fed up, and now he was out in the open to whine about it.

"HEY, EVERYBODY!" he shouted. "LOOK AT ME! MY NAME IS CALVIN, AND I LIVE WITH A TERRIBLE EVIL THIN MAN WITH BIG GLASSES AND LITTLE HAIR! HE'S RUNNING ME RAGGED! I'VE BEEN WORKING FOR ALL OF THREE HOURS, AND I'M ONLY SIX! I'M NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS! THERE ARE CHILD LABOR LAWS! SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING! ALL CHILD KIDNAPPERS IN THE GENERAL AREA PLEASE KIDNAP ME NOW!!"

Andy and Sherman walked past.

"RUN, YOU TWO! RUN! LEST YOU BE SUCKED INTO THE CHORE VORTEX!"

Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes and walked away.

Next, Susie walked by.

"YOU! I'LL PAY YOU TWENTY BUCKS IF YOU'LL SAY YOU'RE ME!"

"Get lost, you little freak!" Susie retorted, and she continued walking.

Now Socrates walked by.

"CRATESO! KILL ME! KILL ME! NOW! I'M RIGHT HERE! WE ALL KNOW YOU WANNA!"

Socrates stopped and turned towards Calvin, but then he held it back and started away again.

Soon, Calvin had completed the chores.

Dad was standing there watching him.

"Ah, I see you've built your character allotment for the day. We'll do this again tomorrow," he said.

"WHAT'S THIS _WE_ STUFF? I JUST DID STUFF YOU COULD'VE JUST AS EASILY DONE YOURSELF, MR LAZY!" Calvin hollered, and he walked into the house.

Calvin sat down in the kitchen for some dinner.

Mom gave it to him. It was a green glop.

"OH LOOK!" Calvin snorted. "AN ACTUAL PILE OF SLIME! I'M SO HAPPY! I'M SHOCKED YOU DIDN'T HAVE _ME_ COOK IT! AFTER ALL, MANUAL LABOR IS ALL I'M GOOD FOR ANYMORE!"

Mom sighed and tried to ignore him as she ate.

Next, Calvin went upstairs for his bath. He sat in the bubbly water.

"NOBODY APPRECIATES ME! I HAVE MORE CHARACTER THAN ANYONE IN THIS HOUSE COMBINED! _YOU'RE_ THE ONES WHO NEED THE CHARACTER! ALL OF YOU!!!"

Then Calvin got into bed with Hobbes.

"OH, SO I GET TO _SLEEP_ NOW, DO I?! HOW CONSIDERATE OF YOU, MY MASTERS!! I'M SO _GRATEFUL_! TOO BAD _YOU'RE_ NOT GRATEFUL! HOBBES, PUT ME DOWN! STOP IT! DON'T PUT ME OUTSIDE! I CAN'T SLEEP ON THE ROOF!! _STOP IT! I'M ORDERING_ _YOU_! OPEN THIS WINDOW! LET ME BACK IN THERE! I'LL _KILL_ YOU FOR THIS!"

Calvin climbed up on the roof and started screaming to the neighborhood.

"DOES ANYONE WANT TO RENT A TIGER?! HE'S ONLY WORTH THIRTY CENTS!"

Calvin finally stopped yelling long enough to sleep, and then he woke up again, climbed back into his room, and got under the sheets just in time for Mom to say:

"Wake up, Calvin."

"OH, I'LL WAKE UP, MOTHER, BUT YOU CAN BET THAT I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE TYRANNY BEING UNLEASHED UPON MY BEING!"

"Get dressed."

"I'LL GET MY CLOTHES ON, ALL RIGHT, BUT I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE SOMEBODY SUFFERS!"

"A bit late for that," Hobbes muttered from under the sheets.

Calvin got dressed, ate breakfast and stood at the bus stop with Susie.

"AND THERE'S ANOTHER THING!" Calvin shouted. "NOBODY EVER TELLS ME THEY'RE GRATEFUL! NOBODY APPRECIATES MY EXISTANCE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TIMES DAD HAS SAID HE'D WANTED A DOG?! I'M INSULTED!"

"_I'm_ going deaf," Susie muttered, covering her ears.

The bus finally arrived and they got on.

Calvin yelled at the bus driver.

"DRIVE TO THE SCHOOL, AND DON'T TAKE THE SCENIC ROUTE!" he shouted.

"Whatever," the driver muttered.

The bus set off.

When they got to school, Calvin was the first off.

"DON'T PUSH! I'M WALKING! GET OUT OF MY WAY! I'M ANGRY! I WANT TO BREAK SOMETHING! SOMEBODY GIVE ME A MAGAZINE! I WANT TO RIP IT TO PIECES!"

He burst into the classroom.

"MISS WORMWOOD, I'M SAYING RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW THAT I HAVE NO HOMEWORK COMPLETED! DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?! BECAUSE MY DAD IS A _SLAVEDRIVER_! I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO GET STARTED!"

Miss Wormwood sighed and pointed out the door.

"YES, I KNOW! DETENTION! I AM AWARE THAT YOU THINK I'M A MISCHEVIOUS DEVIANT, AND YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT! I'M GOING! I DON'T NEED DIRECTION!"

Calvin started walking down the hallway and to the principal's office.

Mr Spittle stared down at him.

"HELLO, SPITTLE! I'M BEING SENT HERE UNFAIRLY! YES, I KNOW WHERE THE DETENTION ROOM IS! DON'T GET UP! I'LL GO MYSELF! IT'S _MY_ JOB TO NEVER GET A BREAK! LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M BITTER!"

Mr Spittle watched Calvin enter the back room, and he rolled his eyes.

"I hate Mondays," he said to his assistant.

"Today's Thursday, Mr Spittle," she said.

"_Every_day is Monday to _me_."

Calvin spent the entire day in detention, and he was sent home with extra homework.

"THIS IS ALL MY DAD'S FAULT!" he shouted as he walked down the sidewalk. "THIS IS TOTALLY UNFAIR! ALL THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF NOT FOR MY OVERBEARING FATHER! EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS _HIS_ FAULT!"

Dad rolled his eyes as Calvin yelled this at him.

"Calvin, go to your room. You're grounded."

"OH SURE! _GROUND_ ME! GUESS WHAT, BUSTER! NOW _YOU_ HAVE TO DO THOSE CHORES! BURN!"

Calvin stomped upstairs, leaving Dad shaking his head.

Calvin entered the bedroom.

"HOBBES! WHERE ARE YOU?! I NEED TO COMPLAIN!"

Calvin found a piece of paper on the bed.

"_Dear Calvin. Got sick of you and your rambling. Went to Socrates' house. See you after you've gone to sleep. Hobbes._"

"OH SURE, YOU CHEATER! ESCAPE MY WRATH! WISE MOVE! I'LL COMPLAIN TO SOMEONE ELSE!!"

Calvin pulled out the MTM and typed in a bunch of numbers. Then he waited patiently for someone to answer.

* * *

In Yellowstone National Park, Jack was reading a magazine by the springs. He was on break. 

People stared at him as they passed.

Jack took no notice.

The phone rang.

Jack picked it up and answered.

"Sha-lome," he said.

"JACK, I WANT TO COMPLAIN!" Calvin shouted.

"About what?"

"ABOUT LIFE IN GENERAL!!"

"Ah, how nice," said Jack. "I'm afraid I'm off-duty right now and in a no-nonsense mood, but I'm sure Frank is open for a bit of a shout. I'll patch you through."

"THANK YOU!"

Jack pressed a few buttons and opened another line.

"Hello, Frank?" he said.

"**_DR BRAINSTORM!_**" a reply shouted.

"Calvin's calling. He needs to complain."

"Wait, no, Jack! Don't! That kid can really yell!"

Jack ignored him and pressed another button, and then hung up.

* * *

In his lab, Dr Brainstorm groaned as Calvin's voice came through. 

"…_Yes_…?" he asked wearily.

"SO MY DAD GAVE ME A BUNCH OF WORK TO DO YESTERDAY, AND I THINK IT'S TIME WE HAD HIM ELIMINATED! I WORKED SO HARD I STARTED TO SMELL! I GOT A PAPERCUT FROM AN ENVELOPE YESTERDAY! I GOT A SPLINTER THE SIZE OF NEW JERSEY! THE THING COULD MAKE ME BLEED TO DEATH! I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS! I SWEAR ON ALL THAT IS HOLY THAT I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE! I WILL! I'M THE GOD! _I'M THE GOD_! AAAAAAHHH—"

Brainstorm finally had the sense to turn the phone off.

* * *

Calvin was surprised when the MTM suddenly clicked. 

There was a pause as he stared intently at it.

Finally, the MTM sighed electronically.

A holographic message shot out.

_GO AHEAD_.

"Thanks. I'M GONNA BREAK FREE FROM THIS PLACE! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL! THEY CAN'T HOLD ME DOWN!" Calvin shouted.

* * *

The ranting and the yelling went on for a few days, and Calvin yelled at everyone. 

Calvin's parents soon got tired of grounding him and just let him yell.

Miss Wormwood got tired of giving him detention, so she just let him yell in class.

Everyone got tired of trying to calm him, and they all gave up.

Socrates, however, got sick of the yelling.

"ONE OF THESE DAYS! _POW! _RIGHT IN THE KISSER! I'M GONNA—"

A furry paw suddenly placed itself upon his mouth, silencing it.

"**_SHUT UP!!!_**" Socrates hollered.

Calvin stared at him.

"Why are you yelling anyway?" Socrates sighed.

"Because Dad doesn't believe I have enough character! It's so untrue! I've got character as far as the eye can see!" Calvin snapped.

"Do you?" asked Socrates.

A plan was forming in his mind.

"Well, do you have any concrete proof?"

There was a bit of a pause.

"Well…I don't think so. Where would I get some?"

"From me!" Socrates replied. "I have just thing back home. I'll be right back."

Socrates spun on his heel and ran home.

Calvin waited patiently.

* * *

In his giant mansion, Socrates jetted back to his room, typed a few things on the computer, and printed it out. 

"I have 1200 Words per Minute (WPM)," he said to the audience.

He grabbed the piece of paper and ran back.

* * *

Socrates shot back up to Calvin. 

**_SHOOM!_**

"Here!" he said.

Calvin stared at the piece of paper and looked at it.

"What is it?" he asked.

He read the title.

"Personality Test?" he asked.

"Yep. I get them from a website," Socrates lied. "It's supposed to help determine what kind of person you are."

Calvin nodded and looked the questions over.

"Socrates, these are the most ridiculous questions I've ever seen!" he complained.

"How so?"

"Well, the third question is: 'Which do you prefer: stuffing or potatoes?'"

"An obvious question, I thought."

"Question six is: What would you do if a rhino attacked?"

"Point being?"

"Question twelve is: How many seasons did _Red Dwarf_ run for?"

"A series that was ended cruelly."

Calvin sighed.

"You're sure about this?" he asked.

Socrates nodded.

"Just give it a shot and get back to me," he said slyly.

Calvin went home.

Socrates grinned evilly.

* * *

Calvin walked over to his desk, and slammed the piece of paper onto it. 

He sharpened his pencil, and sat down.

He stared at question one.

"If the world's supply of hot dogs ran low, what would you do?" He read.

He stared at it for a second, then began writing.

_Break into all the grocery stores at midnight, and steal all their hot dogs before the rush._

He then moved on to question two.

"If giant mutant canaries were emerging from the sewers, how many would have three eyes?" He read.

He paused.

_Four._

He then moved on to number three.

"Stuffing or potatoes... This just goes on...?" He asked, scanning the future questions.

Finally, after a long time of writing, Calvin had finished the test.

He picked the piece of paper off the desk, went over it, shrugged, and took his MTM.

He started hitting buttons, and waited.

Socrates was sitting in his room in the mansion, reading a comic book, and chuckling to himself about his genius mind.

Uh huh.

Suddenly, the phone burst out in a shrill ring.

Socrates' head came up.

He picked the received up, and held it to his ear.

"Socrates' Shop of Mystical Wonders, Socrates speaking. Ah, hello, Calvin. Completed the test have you? Very well, I'll run over, and calculate your results."

Socrates paused.

"What do you mean you couldn't answer question seventeen? That was the simplest one of them all! Yes, I happen to remember that question seventeen was..."

He paused, again.

"One sec,"

Socrates put the phone down, and checked out his computer.

**17. **What is the meaning of the universe and life on Earth?

Socrates stared at it, then picked the phone back up.

"Calvin, just put write "3" on that one, I'll be right over."

And with that, Socrates hung up, and flew downstairs to the bottom floor.

* * *

Calvin paused, and hung the phone up. 

He walked over to the door and walked outside.

He stared off to the south, and waited.

Sure enough, he saw a orange and black blur flying down the street, towards him.

Calvin sat down on his sidewalk, and waited.

Suddenly, and in a cloud of dust, Socrates just appeared in front of Calvin, grinning.

Calvin glared at him. He wasn't even out of breath.

"I'm not even going to bother to ask you how you managed to get here so quickly." He said.

"Good, because I won't give you an answer." Socrates said.

"Here." Calvin said, handing the paper to the tiger. "I expect a top notch score."

"I'll bet you do." Socrates said, taking the paper. "I can say only that I will be completely... uhhh... fair."

There was a pause.

"OK, then, I'm off." Socrates said. "I'll see you in whatever amount in time it takes me to scan this thing!!"

And with that, Socrates vanished into a cloud of dust, and rocketed off back to his mansion.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

* * *

Socrates slapped the paper onto his desk, and began reading over it. 

After each question, his grin grew wider.

He took his sweet time in making a conclusion.

He spent a lot of time balancing his pencil on his nose.

Finally, though, Socrates began writing out his decision.

_Calvin, _

___First off I'd like you for taking time out of your BUSY schedule to take my personality test! I'd also like to thank you for the dinosaurs in rocket ships you drew all over the paper. I will cut them out in paste them in my official Journal of Pranks. _

___Now on to your results. Your 100 percent insane. Thank you for your time. _

___Sincerely, _

___Socrates, Prank Master _

Socrates read over his letter, and grinned.

"I think I'll just fax this over to Calvin through his MTM." He said, turning to a fax machine on his desk.

Socrates inserted the paper, and pushed the button.

"Your fax has been sent." An electronic voice said.

"Very nice." Socrates said.

He opened a drawer, took out some cotton balls, and put them in his ears.

And, then, he waited.

There was a moment of silence.

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHH!!!!!!**"

Socrates nodded his head along with the scream that echoed throughout the whole town.

"Yep, two minutes of pure scream. He's insane, alright. Security, please lock all the doors and windows."

"Affirmative." Said another electronic voice.

Outside the mansion, a thick steel plate dropped down from above the front and back doors, crashing to the ground, and blocking them. Around the house, stiff steel bars curled out from the wall, and blocked the windows. Then another steel plate flew across the top of the chimney. Finally, the back of the house opened up, and large chains flew out, and wrapped the mansion up, completely.

A sign popped up out of the dirt, next to the walkway to the front door.

**GO AWAY.**

Socrates remained locked up in his house, until Elliot came back from wherever it was he went, and saw the house.

He sighed, and took a remote control out of his pocket.

He pushed a button.

Beep, beep

Suddenly, all the chains retracted back into the house, and the steel plates lifted.

Elliot walked into the house, and was greeted by Socrates, yelling at him to hurry up, and lock it back up.

* * *

Socrates spent a lot of his locked up time in his room, laughing about being a mad genius, and such. 

"Ho, ho!" He yelled. "I'm the best pranker in the world! NOBODY has ever thought of that! Ha, if only I had charged Calvin a buck or two for the test to make some cash off it!"

Socrates paused.

"Hmmm, Maybe I still can."

Socrates reached over, picked his phone up, and started dialing Calvin's number.

* * *

_____BRIIIING!!! BRIIING!!! BRIIING!!!_

"Coming." Hobbes sighed, getting up from the couch, and picking the telephone up. "Hello? Hi, Socrates. What is Calvin doing? He is in the process of aiming one of his inventions at your house. What was that? No, I will not ask him to give you a dollar for you. No, I will not tell him your charging interest."

At that very moment, a low humming began emitting from Calvin's bedroom, upstairs.

"Oh, and, uh, Socrates? Calvin's switched his invention on. You're house is going to be shambles in a few minutes. Mmmm hmmm, your welcome. Yes I'm sure I'm not going to ask him! What? No, he's about to vaporize house, are you going to do anything about it? Yeah... NO, I'M NOT ASKING HIM! Huh? Goodbye, Socrates!"

Hobbes hung up.

* * *

"Darn." Socrates said. "Oh well, I guess I could always just sell the test to other people." 

Socrates picked a mirror up from his desk, and walked over to his bedroom window.

He examined the outside, then held the mirror out directly in front of him.

ZZZZZAPPP!!!!

Suddenly, a bolt of electricity ripped across the sky towards Socrates' house.

The bolt hit the mirror, head on, ricocheted off, and created a giant crater in his neighbor's back yard, instead.

Socrates held the mirror up, and blew some smoke off.

He then threw it aside.

"Well, I'd better get to work." He said.

Soon afterwards, Socrates was outside, his arms loaded up with tools.

He walked out to the front of his house, took a couple planks of wood, and began nailing them together.

He stood up, and stared at his work so far.

"Well, this is going to take some time." He sighed.

* * *

Andy walked out of his house, and looked around. 

"Huh, I haven't seen Calvin or Socrates for a few hours." He said to himself, looking off in the direction of Socrates' mansion. "That usually means Calvin is trying to get back at him for something."

Andy took a glance at his watch, then starting walking off down the sidewalk.

Socrates' mansion was on the other side of the neighborhood. So Andy never really went there that often. Especially since he wasn't a very large fan of the tiger, either.

But this time, he had to check to make sure Calvin hadn't caused some physical health problems to him.

Andy rounded a corner, and it was then that the mansion came in sight.

At this point, Andy paused.

Socrates never pranked him that much, but the area around the house was usually rigged with booby traps.

You never know what's going to happen to you when you come within two hundred feet of Socrates' house.

Andy looked around, and picked a rock off the ground.

He tossed it on the sidewalk square next to him.

Nothing happened, so he stepped onto it.

Then he picked the rock back up, and tested the next square.

Nothing.

Andy then picked the rock up, again, and tossed it onto the third square.

TWANG!!!!!

Suddenly, the sidewalk square sprang up, and sent the rock flying straight upward.

Andy sighed.

He walked around the block, and continued.

By the time he reached the gate, Andy stopped completely.

"SOCRATES!" He called.

There was a moment of silence.

"SOCRATES!!!" He yelled, again.

There was another moment of silence.

"I'm coming to make sure Calvin hasn't killed you after that scream I heard! Hello?"

"Greetings, customer!"

Andy blinked.

He looked around.

Then, he spotted Socrates.

He was standing behind a giant crate, with a sign hung above him.

**Socrates' Personality Tests **

**Test your personality!**

Andy stared at him.

"Socrates, what are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm running a business, what does it look like I'm doing?" Socrates replied. "Feel free to enter, I've disabled all the prank traps."

Andy hesitated, then slowly started walking through the gate, and into the yard.

"So, sir, What can I get you?"

Andy walked up to the crate, and crossed his arms.

"Socrates, I only came here to make sure you're still alive after that scream I heard from Calvin." He paused. "You don't seem to worried about it."

"Of course not. I've been pranking Calvin since I met him. What has happened to me, yet?"

Andy rolled his eyes.

"Well, let's see. You're voice has been switched into that of a duck's, you've been electrocuted by the MTM, You've been trapped in the hypercube, a transmitter has been inserted into you, You've been ejected into the clou..."

"Wait a minute," Socrates interrupted. "What was that last one?"

Andy's eyes blanked out.

"Uhhh... electrocuted by the MTM?" He guessed.

Socrates blinked.

"Oh, well, anyway, I mean besides all that! I'm in perfect physical health, and I worry not about Calvin or his inventions. Now then, are you interested in buying?"

"Buying what?" Andy inquired, his brow lowering.

"I'm glad you asked!"

Socrates reached under the crate, and pulled out a piece of paper.

"Enter the magical world of Socrates' Personalized Personality Tests! Are you tired of browsing the internet for the right kind of personality test that doesn't ask for your personal information, such as your email address, blood type, or credit card number?"

"No actually, I've never looked for one in my life." Andy replied.

Socrates paused.

"Huh. Well, anyway, this test asks for none of that information! It has very unique way of testing your character! Here's a sample!"

Socrates handed Andy a piece of paper.

Andy took it, and stared at it.

"Question one," He read. "When will the Trix Rabbit finally triumph over those bratty kids, and get that stupid cereal? Question two, Have you ever seen _____Batman Forever_? Question three, How many fingers am I holding up as I write this?"

"Yep, There's no other test like it."

"I can see that." Andy replied.

"Each test is only a dollar a piece! And I gather the results up for free!"

"Uh huh."

Andy handed the test back to Socrates.

"Uh, Socrates, I'm not really that..."

"Plus, if you purchase now, shipping is free!!!"

Andy stared at him.

"You mean you're going to mail it to me?" He asked.

"Uh... no."

Andy rolled his eyes.

"OK, fine, I have some loose change in my pocket."

Andy reached into his pocket, and pulled out some quarters.

Socrates happily collected them, and handed Andy a test.

"Pleasure doing business with you sir! When you're done with it, just bring it on back to me, and I'll calculate your results."

"Uh huh." Andy said. "Thanks, Socrates."

And with that, Andy turned around, and began walking back out of the yard, reading the questions as he went.

Socrates grinned.

He pulled out a piece of paper, and read through it.

It was list of all the people he knew.

He crossed Andy's name out, and put the paper back.

"This is going to be easier than I thought." He chuckled to himself.

* * *

A little bit later, Hobbes was walking down the sidewalk, whistling to himself, and playing with a paddle ball. 

He was heading down to Brown's General Store for a comic book.

On the way, he walked by Socrates' mansion.

At first nothing happened.

Hobbes paid no notice to the house, as he continued on his way.

Then, he heard a voice coming from the gate.

Well, it was more of a scream.

"STEP RIGHT UP FOLKS!!! PERSONALITY TESTS!! ONLY ONE MEASLY DOLLAR!! YOU'LL THANK ME IN THE NOT TOO DISTANT FUTURE!!! COME AND GET 'EM! PERSONALITY TESTS!!"

Hobbes sighed, and stopped.

He turned around, and began walking back to the mansion.

He entered the gate, and walked up to Socrates, who was grinning at him from behind his crate.

"Yes, Socrates?" He asked.

"Greetings, citizen!" Socrates declared. "Can I interest you in a personality test that will perhaps test your very personality?"

"No."

"GRRRR-ATE!!!" Socrates yelled. "Tests are only a buck a piece, and I gather up your results for free!!!"

"What are you going to do when Calvin comes over here?"

"I'm glad you asked, here's a sample of my award winning test!"

"Are you even listening to me?" Hobbes demanded.

"Yes, it is a nice day, isn't it? Here ya go!"

Socrates shoved a piece of paper into Hobbes' face.

Hobbes took it, and stared at it for a long time.

"Question seven, have you ever met Lyle?" He read. "Who the heck is he?"

"I dunno, some guy I saw in the grocery store yesterday." Socrates replied.

"Socrates, I'm not interested in buying a paper with lunatic questions on it. Besides I only have seventy five cents with me." Hobbes said, handing the paper back to Socrates.

"No problem! I accept cash, check or major credit card!" He said, grinning.

"NO!" Hobbes yelled. "I'm going down to the store to get a comic book, and I'm not paying you any money."

"OK, Hobbes, for you, a good buddy, I'll give you a discount, and only charge ya fifty cents."

"Forget it, Socrates." Hobbes said.

"Forty cents! Thirty!___ TWENY!!_"

"I'm leaving now."

"Ten cents! How about for just ten cents?! Five! ___ONLY FIVE CENTS!!_"

"Goodbye, Socrates." Hobbes said, walking towards the gate.

"A penny!! JUST A PENNY!!!! OK!!! YOU WIN!!! I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU FOR FREE!!! IN FACT I'LL PAY YOU FOR IT!! ___HERE!!_"

Hobbes paused at the gate.

He stared at Socrates suspiciously.

"OK, fine, I'll take a test. Are you happy now?"

At this, Socrates immediately calmed down.

"Quite. Here you are my good man." He said, handing Hobbes one of the tests.

Hobbes took it, and stared at him.

"What about the money you said you were going to pay me for it?" He asked.

"What money?" Socrates asked, innocently. "Now if you wouldn't mind as to leaving, your blocking the line."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." He said, turning around, and leaving.

* * *

It wasn't long before Sherman had to leave the house. 

He had run out of... something, and he needed it to continue his experiment.

Sherman took his goggles off, and jumped down from his chair.

He walked over to the lab door, and opened it up.

He walked through the livingroom, where he found Andy.

He was sitting on the couch, tapping his chin with a pencil, and staring down at a piece of paper.

"Andy, I'm going out to get some hydrochloric acid. What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just something I got down the block." Andy replied. "Sherman, what would you do if a sweaty sumo wrestler got stuck in your bathtub?"

Sherman ignored him, and walked to the door.

"That's nice, Andy. I'm going down to the University in town."

And with that, Sherman walked out the door, which was conveniently left open.

The University was, of course, down the street from Socrates' mansion, so Sherman had to pass his house to get there.

Sherman, however, wanted no part in Socrates or his weird businesses, so he when he passed the front gate leading to Socrates' yard, he totally ignored the tiger screaming, "WELCOME CUSTOMER!"

Socrates stood behind his crate, grinning, and holding his arms out.

When Sherman ignored him, his grin began to wilt.

"I said, WELCOME CUSTOMER!!!" He yelled, again.

Sherman kept walking.

"May I remind you I have the rest of the sidewalk rigged for the next five hundred feet?" Socrates said.

Sherman stopped walking.

He sighed, heavily, and turned back around.

"What do you want, cat?" He demanded. "This had better be good. I'm very busy today!"

"Well, soon you'll be even busier, with Socrates' Personalized Personality Tests!" Socrates yelled. "Are you ready for the personality test of the FUTURE?!"

"Why did Andy have to become friends with you morons?" Sherman sighed. "Why couldn't he had befriended someone at the University?"

Socrates ignored Sherman, and continued talking.

"Yes, with my unique character measurers, you can discover what is really going on in that little noggin of yours!"

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Sherman growled.

"And I only charge one MEASY little dollar! That's right! One buck for a test that will be worth MILLIONS one day!"

"Have you suffered any major head injuries, recently?" Sherman asked.

"All you have to do is answer my one-of-a-kind questions, hand it over to me, and I shall reveal your true characteristics!"

"If you think I'm going to pay money for something you whipped up on a computer in thirty seconds, then your crazy." Sherman said. "I'm leaving."

Socrates' brow furrowed.

"Hum, gee. I guess I'm just going to have to rocket you into the stratosphere." He said, shaking his head.

He reached under his crate and pulled out a remote control.

He pulled the antenna out, and prepared to push the button.

"ALRIGHT, I'LL BUY YOUR STUPID TEST!!!" Sherman screeched.

Socrates' finger halted, inches away from the button.

"Ah very nice, would you prefer two tests so you can sell it in the future and become a multibillionaire?"

"No, just give me the paper so I get out of here!" Sherman hissed.

"OK, it's your life. That will be one dollar!"

Sherman grumbled, and pulled a small hypercube out of the pocket in his lab coat.

He pulled out a dollar bill, and handed it to Socrates.

Socrates gleefully gathered it up, and handed Sherman the test.

"Just use one of your invention things to shrink it, and you'll be on your way! Or you could pay Calvin another dollar to have him shrink it. Have yourself a good day!"

"I'll get you for this..." Sherman growled, before adding the paper to his hypercube, and walking off.

Socrates watched him go.

"Hot dog!" He yelled, once Sherman was out of earshot. "This is my best prank yet! Not only am I tricking the heck out of them, they're paying me to do it! Now let's see..."

Socrates looked down at his crate, where he had placed the money.

"I've made two bucks on this deal. Gave one to Hobbes for free... huh..."

Socrates paused for a moment.

"Well, I might as well start waiting for them to finish the tests."

And with that, Socrates took his two dollars into the house.

* * *

Socrates, however, did not have to wait long for Hobbes, Andy and Sherman to finish the tests. 

Hobbes was the first to finish his test, and deliver it back to Socrates, followed by Sherman and Andy.

I have no interest in going into detail about Hobbes, Andy and Sherman coming back with the tests, so use your imagination.

"WHOO HOO!" Socrates yelled, leaping into his room, and slapping the tests onto his desk. "And now, to make their dollar worth it!"

Socrates quickly whipped up some letters.___  
_

_____Hobbes, _

_____First off, I'd like to thank you for purchasing my test! I know it really put a dent in your budget! _

_____Now, on to your results: Your brain's a wadded up piece of paper. Thank you for taking Socrates' Personality Test. _

_____Sincerely, _

_____Prank Master, Socrates _

He went over it, grinned with approval, and set it aside.

He then went on to write Sherman's letter. In which he called him a greasy hairball. Then Andy, who Socrates labeled as a "video game weirdo".

Socrates, of course, did not hand these "results" over to Andy, Sherman and Hobbes personally. He faxed Andy and Sherman's over through Sherman's lab, and left Hobbes' on his doorstep, and knocked the door.

* * *

"AAAAAAUGH!!!!!!" Came a scream from Sherman's lab. 

Andy looked up from his video game, and stared at the lab door.

There was a moment of silence.

"Shermie?" he asked, uncertainly.

Sherman burst out of his lab, anger plastered all over his face.

"Andy!" He yelled. "You and I have been HAD!!"

"What are you talking about?" Andy asked.

"Why don't you ask Mr Personality Test?" Sherman growled. "Here!"

Sherman took his hypercube out, and pulled out Andy's letter.

Andy took it, and read through it.

"Dear Andy, thank you for purchasing my test, blah blah blah..."

Andy looked up at Sherman.

"That's what it says." He said. "Thank you for purchasing my test, blah, blah, blah."

"Keep reading." Sherman said.

Andy went back to the letter, and continued reading.

As he reached the last sentence, his eyes burst open.

"What?!" He demanded. "Video Game Weirdo? What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

"He called me a greasy hairball!" Sherman said, angrily. "He tricked us into paying him money so he could insult us!"

Suddenly, Andy and Sherman's attention were drawn away from Socrates' latest hoax, and to a pounding that came from the door.

"It's open!" Andy called.

The door opened up, and Hobbes walked into the house.

He seemed very ticked off.

"Hello, Andy. Vermin. I believe you've already heard about Socrates' Personality Tests?"

Andy and Sherman nodded.

"I suspected as much. By any chance did he sell one to you?"

"Yes." Andy said. "We completed the test, and he sent back a bunch of insults."

There was a moment of silence.

"Well, let's go kill him then." Sherman said.

He began walking towards the door.

"Hold it, rat!" Hobbes said. "He's probably ready for any of us to come by. Chances are everything is rigged around his house."

"I'm going to ignore you called me rat." Sherman said, through gritted teeth.

"What do you think we should do, then?" Andy asked.

At that very moment, a sound reached Hobbes, Andy and Sherman's ears.

_______SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH_

They looked up.

There was Calvin.

He was dragging a bucket down the sidewalk. Whatever was in it was pretty heavy, considering his constant grunts and growls.

Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared at Calvin for a moment.

"Hello, Calvin." Hobbes said. "Do I dare ask what you're doing?"

Calvin looked up.

"I'm going to go pelt buckeyes at Socrates' house. Care to join me?" He said, through gritted teeth.

"Personality test?" Andy asked.

"Personality test." Calvin replied.

And with that, Calvin continued heaving the bucket along.

"Calvin, wait a minute!" Sherman called.

Calvin stopped.

"What now?!" He demanded. "I have a very busy hour ahead of me!"

"Everyone, come here!" Sherman said. "I know how we can really get back at Socrates!"

"Really?" Hobbes asked. "How?"

"Come here."

Calvin, reluctantly, left his bucket of buckeyes on the sidewalk, and walked over to Sherman.

The four huddled together, and began discussing their plan.

* * *

Socrates peeked out of his window. 

"That's weird." He said to himself. "I was at least expecting them to stand in front of the mansion, and glare."

Socrates walked away from his window.

He sat back down on his bed, and began reading his comic book.

But something kept him from reading.

Socrates got back up, and began pacing, glancing out his window every few seconds.

"Where the heck are they?!" He demanded. "This is taking forever. Here I am all ready for whatever revenge they have to throw at me, and they're not doing anything! The nerve!"

Socrates took another glance at their windows.

"Dynamite should be exploding outside right now! There should lions pawing at my door! Calvin should be standing in the yard gate with a cannon!!_____ WHAT THE HECK IS __WRONG_ WITH THESE PEOPLE?!?!"

Socrates continued pacing.

"If they don't get back at me, soon, I'll surely go mad!! What will be the point of living anymore? How can you possibly live in a world where you don't get your pranks returned to you?! IT'S A MADHOUSE!!_____A MADHOUSE!!!!_"

Suddenly, and just in time, the doorbell rang.

Socrates stopped pacing.

"Ah! There we go! I'm going to answer the door, and there's gonna be some mutant, killer Trix Rabbits behind it or something!"

Socrates rushed downstairs, and paused at the door.

He cleared his throat.

"Who is it?" He called, sweetly.

There was a moment of silence.

Socrates blinked.

Very slowly, he opened the door, and looked around.

Nobody was there.

Socrates looked all around, then looked down.

There was an envelope on the ground.

Socrates grinned.

"Hellllllo, what's this? A fan letter, perhaps?"

He picked the envelope up, and walked into the house with it.

"Hmm, the return address is Andy's address. Very well, let's see what ol' Sherman has in store for me."

Socrates took one claw, and began running it along the top of the envelope.

Socrates opened it up, and took out a piece of paper.

He unfolded it, and looked it up and down.

**Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman's Personality Test **

**Discover your true character!**

Socrates stared at it for a long time.

Then a grin spread across his face.

He began chuckling. Which soon turned to roaring laughter.

"HA, HA, HA, HA!!" He screamed, slapping his knee. "OK, guys, I've seen you reaching before, but this is just pathetic! You're sending me a prank personality test? HA!"

He went over the paper, again.

"Well, I'd hate to disappoint them." He said, finally. "I'll take a crack at it, and see what kind of insults they can come up with."

Socrates walked up to his room with the paper.

He set it down at his desk, took a pencil, and sat down.

"Lets see, here. Question one: What time is it?"

Socrates looked at the clock.

He went back down to the paper.

"Seven thrity-six." He said. "Question two: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

He thought for a moment.

"9.7" He wrote. "Question three: How many stripes do you have?"

Socrates paused, then slowly started counting his stripes.

This went on for several minutes.

Finally, though, Socrates finished the test, and he was ready to send it off to Calvin and the gang.

"Oo-kay!" He chuckled, setting the test in an envelope. "I wonder what they'll call me? A red striped furball? A brainless babbling freak? A booger brained moron? The list is endless!"

Socrates walked outside, put his envelope in the mailbox, put the flag up, and went skipping back into the house.

Socrates spent the rest of the day guessing what Calvin and gang were going to call him. Elliot had to tell him to shut up fifty or sixty times before he finally got the message.

* * *

The next day, Socrates woke up at seven in the morning, anticipating his results. 

When the mail finally came, Socrates was out there in flash.

He reached in sorted through a bunch of bills that Elliots parents had to pay, a catalog, and some guy promising that Socrates had just won ten billion dollars.

Finally he came to it.

The envelope was addressed to Socrates, and instead of a return address had the words, "PERSONALITY TEST" written across it.

Socrates happily took the envelope into the house.

"Well, the mystery is to be solved in a few seconds!" He said, ripping it open, and taking the paper out. "infuriated explosion, angry insults, personal cracks about my appearance, I'm ready for it all!"

Socrates unfolded the paper, and stared at it.

It only had two words on it.______

_______Go outside._

Socrates stared at it for a long moment.

He turned his head and looked out the window.

Everything was normal. He saw nothing outside.

He turned back, and stared at the paper.

"Go outside, huh?" He said, rubbing his chin. "Quite mysterious, but not that convincing. Chances are they're gonna lead me to a group of people, and insult me using some neon lights or something."

Socrates folded the paper up, and set it down.

"Very well, I shall humor Calvin, and step outside. It is a lovely day." He said.

Socrates walked out to his door, and stepped out onto the porch.

He looked around for a long moment.

He saw nothing out of the ordinary. No signs of Calvin, Hobbes, Andy or Sherman.

Slowly, he took a step off his porch.

Nothing happened so he continued walking until he reached the yard gate.

"YO, CALVIN! HOBBES! ANDY! SHER-MAN! I HAVE EXITED THE FOUNDATION! PLEASE PROCEED TO INSULT ME!" He called out.

He looked around.

There was no answer.

"OK, you can knock off the creepiness now!" Socrates said, walking across the street to the other side of the road. "I know you're out there! Hiding behind a bush, waiting to jump out and insult me terribly! Just do it now, so I can get back to reading my comic books!"

No answer.

Socrates put his hands on his hips, and looked around.

"Alright, this is starting to get annoying now! If you're not going to do anything, then I'm just going back into the house!"

No answer.

"Fine! Have it your way! You had you chance for revenge, and you blew it! _BLEW IT!_"

He turned around, and began walking back towards the mansion.

"I'm sure you'll get over the crushing humility one of these days, until then, I remain Socrates, prank mast–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUGH!!!!"

Suddenly, a net sprang up from the road, flinging Socrates through the air.

CRASH!!!

Slowly, Socrates' opened his eyes.

He was laying upside down in a cardboard box.

He muttered to himself for a moment, then got up.

"OK, good one, guys, throw me through the air with a net! Ha ha!"

Socrates looked around.

Nobody replied.

By this time, Socrates was getting annoyed.

"OK, you can come out now! Jokes over! Time to be friends again! HEY! GET OUT HERE!!!"

_______BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

Socrates looked down.

There were buttons and lights drawn all over the box.

Socrates blinked.

"OK, so the joke's not over, yet. Sue me." He said, to himself.

_______ZOOOM!!_

"AAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!"

The box shot forward, flying in a straight line for a while, then rocketed off towards the north.

Still holding Socrates.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman were watching from a nearby tree.

"Heh, heh, heh." Calvin chuckled. "Kitty Kitty never saw that coming! Good job Vermin."

"Don't push it." Sherman growled.

"Whatever."

"So, Andy, how long is Socrates going to be up there?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh, I dunno." Andy said. "four, five hours? Enough to make him reconsider his business."

"Very nice." Calvin said. "Well, I'm off to go raid Socrates' candy vault in the mansion. Who's with me?"

"Sure, why not?" Hobbes said. "Andy? Sherman?"

"Yeah!" Andy exclaimed

"Whatever." Sherman said, his attention wandering.

* * *

Meanwhile, the box had just made it to its destination: The north pole! 

Socrates stood in the box for a moment, looking around.

"Well, this stinks." He said, finally.

* * *

After several hours, the box finally made a turnaround, and headed back to the mansion. 

By this time Socrates was just about half frozen. He was shivering, clattering his teeth, and his fur had turned completely blue.

By the time the box returned to the mansion, Calvin, Hobbes and Andy had just about finished Socrates' candy supply.

The whole gang came out to greet the box, once it arrived.

"Why, hello, Socrates!" Calvin grinned, holding a milk chocolate bar. "Enjoyed your all expense paid trip to Polar Bear land?"

"Y-y-y-y-yeah, su-su-su-sure, wha-wha-whatever." He shivered stepping out of the box. "I need to go in and chip off the frozen fur."

"Be my guest."

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stepped aside, and let Socrates shiver his way into the house.

Before he entered, he pushed a button on the side of his door.

_____SHIIIICK! _

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman turned around, and looked at Socrates' crate, where he had been selling the tests.

A sign was now up.

"Out of business." Hobbes read.

Calvin grinned, widely.

"Looks like Socrates has been building some character." He said.

**The End**

**Voice Work**

**Pamela Segell Aldon **Calvin  
**Tom Hanks **Hobbes  
**Ryan Stiles** Socrates  
**Andrew Lawrence **Andy  
**Colin Mochrie** Sherman  
**Ben Stine** The bus driver  
**Bill Murray** Dad / Mr Spittle  
**Jennifier Love Hewitt** Mom / Mr Spittle's assistant  
**Neil Corne** Dr Brainstorm  
**Micheal Brandon** Jack  
**Daktota Fanning** Susie

* * *

**Coming up Next: **CALVIN FOR PRESIDENT!_____ ****__(Rewritten version)_


	33. CALVIN FOR PRESIDENT!

**Summary: **When Susie begins running for school president, Calvin does also, in an attempt to stop her from becoming 'leader' of his school.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

**CALVIN FOR PRESIDENT  
_(Rewritten)_**

_BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!_

The bell sounding lunch rang out throughout the entire school.

The classroom doors opened, and all the kids poured out.

Calvin, however, instead of going to the cafeteria, he went to the bulletin board on the wall by the EXIT door.

Miss Wormwood had announced that the position for school president was open, and Calvin wanted to see who was planning on running for it.

Calvin walked up to the board, and was shocked to see that he was not the only person interested in it.

Nearly his entire class had flocked to the board, and was currently reading the ad for it.

And Calvin was in the very back.

"Excuse me," he said, walking up to the back of the crowd.

The kids ignored him.

"I'm trying to get past here." He growled.

No reaction. The kids continued talking to each other and ignoring Calvin.

"Get the heck out of my way, please." He said, through gritted teeth.

Still nothing.

"HEY!!!" He shouted, finally. "BEAT IT!!! MOVE OVER!!!! HIT THE ROAD, YOU GRAVY BRAINED _FREAKS!!!!_"

The kids all turned around and gave Calvin a shocked stare.

Then after a tense moment... well, they turned back around, and continued talking.

Calvin narrowed his eyes at the crowd, and his teeth gritted.

There was no way he was going to be able to push past them, all.

Unless...

Calvin reached into his pocket and pulled out a small yellow device with a red button on top.

_**BOOM!!!!**_

Instantly the kids all froze.

Calvin slipped the Time Pauser back into his pocket, and chuckled.

He walked over, and proceeded to shove everyone out of his way, mercilessly, until he reached the front.

When he got to the front, he took the pauser out, again.

**_BOOM!!!_**

The kids all jumped in surprise, and looked around.

Then they spotted Calvin at the front, staring at the board.

He turned and glared at them.

"What are you looking at?!?" he demanded.

Totally confused, the kids grouped back in front of the board, giving Calvin suspicious looks.

At that very moment, Susie walked up to Calvin.

"That really looks like fun, doesn't it, Calvin?" She asked, looking at the notice.

"What? Oh, yeah, sure whatever." Calvin said, only briefly looking at Susie.

"What would you do if you were president?" Susie asked.

Calvin paused.

He turned and stared at Susie for a long time.

"You really don't know?" He asked.

"Yeah, I do." Susie said, emotionlessly. "I guess I just got a glimmer of hope."

"I'd have the place demolished." Calvin said, turning back to the board.

"Right." Susie said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, I think I may just run."

Calvin glared at her.

"you? Are you kidding me? Who'd vote for _you?_" He demanded.

"Uh, I could probably think of a few people." Susie said.

"Preposterous! Nobody would let a girl run, anyway." Calvin said, crossing his arms. "Presidential positions are a _MAN'S _job!"

"Uh huh." Susie said, rolling her eyes. "Well, I think I'm going to sign up to run."

"Don't humiliate yourself, Susie! You should leave that up to me!" Calvin yelled.

Susie walked past Calvin, and started towards the door by the board.

"HEY!" Calvin shouted after her. " You do know that there's no way they'd let you run! Especially with the kind of ideas who'd come up with!"

"Watch me!" Susie called back.

She walked into the office.

Calvin glared at the door.

He walked up to it, pushing past all the kids, and stood in front of it.

He crossed his arms.

"They won't let her enter. They can't. It's virtually impossible."

He then sat down in a chair by the door, and waited.

There was a long moment of silence.

Then, Susie walked out.

She turned and gave Calvin a sneaky grin.

"Guess what, Calvin?" She said, shiftily.

* * *

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!_**" Calvin screamed, bursting through his front door, and rushing up the stairs. 

"Hello, Calvin." Mom said, not even looking up from her cooking.

Hobbes was sitting on Calvin's bed reading a comic book.

When he heard the loud screams and pounding footsteps, he set the comic aside, and straightened up.

Calvin burst inside, screaming his head off.

"Hello, Calvin." Hobbes said, acting as if this was how Calvin always came home from school. "How are things going, today?"

"I'LL TELL YOU HOW THINGS ARE GOING, TODAY!!!!" Calvin screamed in his face. "_TERRIBLE!!!_ WHAT KIND OF HEARTLESS BRUTE WOULD LET A _GIRL_ RUN FOR PRESIDENT?!?!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Uhhh..."

"EXACTLY!!! IT'S INHUMANE!!!"

"Calvin, just out of curiosity, when did we pick politics up in this TV show?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin stared at him.

"What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything political."

"Oh, never mind." Hobbes said. "I must have slipped into a different cartoon for a second there."

"I'm talking about the position for _SCHOOL_ president!!!" Calvin shouted. "Susie, of all people, says she's going to register to run for it!!!"

"Huh." Hobbes said. "And what's wrong with that?"

"Open your eyes, Hobbes!" Calvin shouted. "Can you possibly imagine the horrors that would occur if Susie became leader of my school?!?"

"Uh... leader?"

"She'd keep us there all day and all night!! We'd have to sleep in sleeping bags on the classroom floor, and be waken up by a drill sargent at three in the morning to do laps around the school!! She'd have us wear horrible itchy uniforms and ban recess!!! Homework would double!! No, _TRIPLE!!!_"

"I see." Hobbes said, rubbing his chin. "So do you think people would actually vote for her if she was doing that?"

"That won't stop her!" Calvin shouted. "Her diabolical mind will probably hatch a way to rig the voting! She'll death threat people and bribe them with large sums of money!"

"Huh."

"We have to stop her, somehow!" Calvin said, pacing across the floor. "But how...?"

"You're blowing the situation totally out of proportion, again."

"What?"

"I said, maybe you could run for school president against her."

Calvin stared at Hobbes for a long moment.

"Hobbes, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life." He said, finally.

"Uh huh."

"First off, how the heck would I go about running for school president? I don't know what to do."

"Well, it can't be that hard." Hobbes shrugged. "All you have to do is come up with a few ideas that'll bring some people to your side and then run from there."

"How would I do that?" Calvin asked. "I don't have any ideas! The only ones I _DO_ have would have all the school executives against me!"

There was a pause.

"Aren't the school executives already against you?" Hobbes asked.

"Right that's the whole point!" Calvin said, throwing his arms up. "I wouldn't stand a chance running for president."

There was another pause.

"Unless, of course, you found a good way to get everyone on your side." Hobbes said, tapping his chin in thought.

"Right, Hobbes, how would I do that?" Calvin demanded. "The only way I could beat Susie in a competition like this, would be if I had a twisted genius mind helping me with it."

There was a long, throbbing moment of silence.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other.

* * *

"Sure, I'll help!" Socrates said, cheerfully, folding up the blue prints for his latest prank, and putting it in his desk drawer. "What would be the situation in which my scheming expertise is needed?" 

"You need to help Calvin beat Susie in a contest for school president." Hobbes said.

"I see." Socrates said, standing up, and stretching. "Usually, I don't get involved in politics, but I'll make an exception for my good buddy, Calvin!"

"Right, whatever." Calvin said, crossing his arms. "We need you to find a way to make myself look good, while at the same time make Susie look bad!"

"Mm-hmmm," Socrates said, rubbing his chin. "Yes, excellent. I have the perfect plan."

"You _do?!_" Calvin said, hopefully.

"Yep, the competition is in the bag." Socrates chuckled. "All you have to do is sign yourself up, and I'll take care of the rest!"

Calvin grinned.

"Excellent! And you'll sure it'll work?" He asked.

"Have my plans ever failed?" Socrates asked.

There was a short pause.

"No, but they haven't really succeeded that well, either." Hobbes said.

"Oh, nonsense, my plan is flawless." Socrates assured. "Now, run along, and I'll meet Cally at the school tomorrow."

Socrates ushered them to the door.

"And rest assured, Susie will not win the contest." He said. "OK then? Bye, bye, now."

And with that, he escorted them out his bedroom door, and slammed it.

**_SLAM!!_**

Calvin and Hobbes stood there behind his door for a second, staring off into space.

"Well, that's settled, anyway." Hobbes said.

"Well, for all the trouble I'm going through his plan had _better_ work." Calvin growled.

And with that, the duo walked down the stairs, and exited the house.

* * *

The next day, Calvin brought Hobbes with him to school. 

He apparently wanted to see what Socrates had in mind for getting Calvin to win, too.

So, once they arrived at the school, Calvin got right down to business, and registered to run.

Calvin walked up the door with Hobbes, and stared at it for a second.

"Alright, then, Hobbes. I'm going in!" He said, melodramatically.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and sat down in the chair next to the door.

"That's nice. Let me know how it goes." He yawned.

Calvin glared at him.

"Just ruin the drama why don't ya?" He muttered, opening the door, and walking inside.

As soon as the door closed, the sound of running footsteps reached Hobbes' ears.

He looked up.

Socrates ran down the hall , panting, and holding some tools in his hands.

"Hello, Socrates." Hobbes said, as he ran up. "What did you do?"

Socrates came to a stop in front of Hobbes, and wiped some sweat off his brow.

"You'll see." He said, chuckling. "I can tell you though, that Susie is not going to be winning."

At that moment, Calvin walked out of the office.

"Alright, they signed me up." He said, dusting his hands together. "They tried to give me some advice on how to run, but, as you know, I'm too smart for that."

"They signed you up?" Hobbes asked, shocked.

Calvin turned and stared at him.

"Yeah, what's so surprising about that?" Calvin demanded.

"So there was no bloodshed?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin glared at Hobbes, and turned to Socrates.

"OK, Crateso, did you set your hot shot idea up?"

"Everything is in place." Socrates checking his watch. "Susie will be coming around that corner in 32 seconds. When she gets here, tell her you signed up, and I'll set the operation in motion."

And with that, Socrates turned around, and rushed out the EXIT door.

Calvin stared after him.

"How did he..."

"He plans every prank out, mathematically." Hobbes said.

"Oh."

Suddenly, Susie appeared around the corner, wearing a red, white, and blue pin that said, "VOTE FOR SUSIE".

"Hello, Calvin." She said, walking up to him.

"Susie." Calvin said, blankly.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Beating you in this contest." Calvin said, raising an eyebrow. "I've just signed myself up to run for school president."

Susie stared at him.

"What?" She demanded. "Calvin, you can't win this. Who'd vote for you?"

"I can think of a few people." Calvin said, smugly. "Especially after today is done."

Susie rolled her eyes.

"Well, I know it won't do you any good whatsoever, but good luck." She said, walking past him.

"Oh no," Calvin said, turning around, and facing her. "Good luck to you. _I_ won't be needing it."

Susie glared at him, and walked over to the exit door.

She opened the door.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Susie's eyes all popped open in shock.

There was a gigantic neon sign sticking out of the ground next to the school flag.

It was plugged into a socket on the wall of the school, and the words shown brightly throughout the playground.

**SUSIE DERKINS: LOCAL STUDENT AND SPITTING CAMEL!  
NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB OF PRESIDENT!  
VOTE FOR CALVIN!  
WHO IS DEFIANTLY NOT A CAMEL!  
**

There was a long moment of silence.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Susie all stood in the doorway, their mouths hanging open, and their eyes wide.

Kids were walking by the sign, pointing at it, and laughing their heads off.

Finally, Hobbes broke the silence.

"Huh." He said.

Slowly, Susie turned, and gave Calvin a murderous look.

Calvin, still totally in shock from Socrates' sign, stared at her with wide eyes.

Susie stalked across the floor, and came up to Calvin.

He grinned, nervously.

"Oh, hi, Susie. How's the campaign going?" He asked.

Susie went nose to nose with Calvin.

"So, this is how you want to do this?" She growled, through narrowed eyes.

"Uhhhh... I don't know quite how to answer that..." Calvin began.

"Fine then," Susie said, straightening up. "It's game on."

And with that, she turned, and walked away, leaving Calvin shocked.

"Hmmm," Hobbes said, rubbing his chin. "This has entertainment written all over it."

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes left the school once the bell rang. 

People were still laughing at Susie.

Calvin nervously watched Susie, who was growling angrily at him.

"I feel somewhat guilty," he said to Hobbes. "Maybe this was a bad idea."

"Awww…," said Hobbes. "Feeling sorry the woman of your dreams?"

Calvin yanked Hobbes down to be eye level with him.

"Don't even start," he said calmly.

Hobbes backed away sheepishly.

When Calvin is calm in a situation like this, you know better than to tick him off.

"Where's Socrates? I need to have a word with him," Calvin continued.

Socrates suddenly popped out of a bush.

"Present!" he said. "What'd you think? Pretty good, huh?"

Calvin eyed him.

"Uh… Actually, I think you might have laid it a little thick. I mean, don't get me wrong. I thought it was good. I just think you might have been a little harsh."

Socrates simply grinned.

"Well, don't ask me to do anything about it. It's in the lord's hands now," he said.

"Actually, Susie seemed quite intent on fighting fire with fire," Hobbes said, watching Susie walk away. "I think it's safe to say that Socrates' meddling has turned this into a smear campaign."

"Huh?" asked Calvin. "But I was planning on doing this honestly! Is it now at the day and age where even friendly school competitions have to be filthy?!"

"Welcome to the real world, Calvin," said Socrates, patting him on the shoulder.

Calvin sighed.

"Well, what happens now?" he asked.

"Well, next up is the campaign," said Hobbes. "Any ideas?"

"Hmmm…," Calvin pondered. "Well, first things first! I need a campaign slogan!"

"Taken care of," said Hobbes.

* * *

Calvin stared at the sign that Hobbes had painted. 

**VOTE FOR CALVIN FOR SCHOOL PRESIDENT  
A SIMPLE MIND FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE**

Calvin arched an eyebrow.

Hobbes looked proud.

"Well? What do you think?" he asked.

"……Simple mind?" Calvin asked, rubbing his chin.

"It's great, isn't it?!"

"Uh…"

Socrates suddenly barged in carrying a box.

"Okay. I got the buttons you wanted, Calvin," he said. "I made them sticky so as to avoid stabbing people in the heart."

"Very good," said Calvin, picking one up. "These shall do nicely."

"Oh! And I made us some straw hats with Calvin's name on them for good measure!" Socrates added, pulling out three straw hats.

Hobbes put his on.

"Fancy," he commented.

"Good work. Anything else?" Calvin asked.

"Just your speech," Socrates said, pulling out some note cards.

"Huh?"

Hobbes stared at him.

"You _do_ know you have to give your speech tomorrow, right?" he asked.

"What?! I thought I had more time than that! I've only just signed up!"

"Things move quickly in the politics world," Socrates said, handing him the note cards.

Before Calvin could start reading it over, they heard something outside.

Calvin and Hobbes looked outside in the street.

They were surprised to see a line of girls walking down the street holding a banner that said,

**DON'T LET CALVIN RUIN OUR SCHOOL!  
VOTE FOR SUSIE! SHE'S REALLY COOL!**

Calvin stared at it.

"That's weak," he scoffed.

Then Susie raised a picture of Calvin picking his nose.

Everyone's eyes bugged out.

"That one looked pretty strong," said Hobbes.

"Oh please, that's nothing!" Socrates snorted. "Calvin, you've already thrown the first punch. People will see this as petty revenge. You've got this competition in the _bag_!"

"I don't know about this…," Calvin said unsurely. "Maybe I shouldn't even be running in the first place! I don't even know the name of my school!"

"Your school has a name?" Hobbes asked.

"Just look over the speech I gave you," Socrates said supportively. "You'll do great!"

Calvin simply sighed and looked at the note cards.

" Four score and seven years ago, I had a dream," Calvin read.

"Huh. It's only been one sentence, and already, you've ripped off two people," Hobbes commented.

"Thanks anyway, Socrates," Calvin said, handing him back the cards. "But I think I'll try to win with what I _really_ think, all right?"

"But in this speech, you promise to cure the common cold!" Socrates said.

Calvin gave him a look.

"Eh, suit yourself," Socrates sighed. "See you later."

Socrates left.

Calvin got out a piece of paper and a pencil and sat down at his desk.

* * *

The next day, the school auditorium was packed. 

Calvin stood backstage looking out at everyone.

For once in his life, Calvin actually felt a little unsure of himself.

Susie, on the other hand, looked calm and regal.

"Don't take the rejection too hard, Calvin," Susie said condescendingly. "When I'm president, I'll still think of you from time to time."

Calvin glared.

"Oh, don't get all high and mighty on me now, Derkins," Calvin glared, pointing angrily at her. "We've both insulted each other once. Let's just put it all behind us!"

"You wish," Susie snorted. "You started this war, Calvin, and I intend to end it."

Calvin growled.

"We'll just see about that, you big giant nerd!" he yelled, and he went further backstage.

Susie simply grinned evilly at him and prepared to go onstage.

Calvin sat in a chair nearby and pulled out a walky-talky.

"Boy Genius to White Fang. Come in, White Fang. Over," he said.

Hobbes' staticy reply came through.

"Can't I ever have a consistent codename? Over." he demanded.

"Never mind. I'm going onstage after Susie. How the heck am I supposed to follow _her_ act? Over."

"Well, what do you think might be holding you back from winning? Over."

"Well, there's the fact that she actually _cares_ about the school. Over."

"Ooh. Yeah, that might put a damper on the whole process. Over."

"How are you and Socrates doing? Over."

"We tried to give out buttons and flags and junk, but the people on the street just ignored us for some reason. Over."

"Huh. Oh well. We'll talk later. Over and out."

Calvin put the walky-talky away and watched.

Susie was heading out onto the stage.

Calvin covered his eyes and listened.

"Fellow students," Susie began.

Calvin nearly barfed.

"I shall start by talking about what will happen if you _don't_ vote for me," she said.

Calvin looked up.

"Do you _really_ want the school run by _Calvin_?" she asked. "The boy who has an ego the size of a VW van? The boy who constantly fails at everything he tries? The boy who talks to a _tiger_ all day? I tell you, the school would be in _anarchy _if run by him."

Calvin was staring at Susie with a stunned look on his face.

"If you vote for me, after-school activities would be far more enjoyable. More school functions to raise money would be started. Vote for me, and you'll never fail again!" she finished strongly.

People clapped.

Calvin was staring at her in surprise.

"That was…almost attractive," Calvin thought to himself.

Susie grinned smugly at Calvin.

Calvin simply glared at her and walked up to the podium.

Unsurely, Calvin leaned into the microphone.

"Thank you, fellow student-onion-ites," he said unsurely.

Susie rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, I'm here because I want to do something for this school, but unfortunately, the school board wouldn't allow it, so I don't have much to offer you. All I have are insults that the other candidate has thrown at me. Sure, Susie may have the bigger vocabulary, the better grades, and she might be a half-decent speech-giver…"

Calvin suddenly stopped, racking his brain.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure I was going somewhere with this," he said.

Susie chuckled.

Then Calvin had an idea.

"Look, the point is…SUSIE DERKINS IS A SNOB!" he yelled.

Everyone gasped.

Susie's eyes bugged open.

"That's right!" Calvin went on, finding that he had struck a nerve. "She looks down on those who do mildly worse than her. She berates the barely smart. She constantly puts me down! THE WOMAN HAS _NO IMAGINATION!_ SHE CAN'T EVEN PLAY A DECENT GAME OF 'MAKE-BELIEVE'! _IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL TO GIVE A SNOWMAN A LOBOTOMY, SUSIE! **STOP BEING SO CLOSED-MINDED!!!**_"

Everyone clapped and cheered.

Calvin held up a hand for silence.

"I'll just say this…," he said. "Vote for me, Calvin, and I shall blow…your…_minds_!"

And he gave the double-peace sign, also known as the Nixon.

Everyone cheered.

Calvin got down and walked past Susie, who was staring at him.

"Put that in your pipe and smoke it, sister," Calvin simply said, snapping his finger at her as he walked past.

Susie continued to watch him leave.

* * *

A projected picture of Calvin was shown on a screen. 

"I've seen enough," said Susie, turning it off.

Candace sat next to her.

"After that speech of his, I'd say you're sunk," she said.

"I wouldn't go that far," said Susie. "There must be _some_thing we can do. Some sort of humiliating thing in his past. Something _big_!"

"How about the Noodle Incident?" Candace asked.

"Nah, everyone knows about _that_," said Susie, sitting down. "It would take a lot to bring him down far enough to the point where he can't win."

Candace thought about it.

"You know, I may just have an idea," she said. "What if he were to drop out of the race?"

"What would it take to do that?" Susie asked.

Candace thought for a moment, and then started grinning.

* * *

In a dark alley, Calvin arrived. He was wearing a blue jacket with the hood over his head to avoid being detected. 

"_The dame had been real persuasive over the phone_," Tracer Bullet thought. "_She said she wanted to meet on Fifth and __Main__ in the dark alley. It was clichéd, but I don't miss an opportunity to stop a potential crime. All the good detectives do it. I'd better play along for now._"

Another figure in a coat was at the end of the alley, leaning against the wall.

"_I saw my contact at the end of the alley. She looked like she could handle a gun, as well as a meatball sub. She should probably work out more._"

The figure looked up at him.

It was Candace.

"Calvin," she said.

"Candace?" Calvin asked, staring at her.

"_It was an accomplice of the Derkins dame. It was beginning to become a bit clearer, but there was still some fog on the horizon. It's time to put on my high-beams and get to the other side of this cloud._"

"What do you want, toots?" Calvin asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Calvin, this election means a lot to Susie," Candace said. "If you drop out of the race for us, Susie's first act as president will be to make you the hall monitor."

Calvin watched her intently.

"_Evidently, the dame expected me to sellout. I wanted to give her what for, but first I had to figure the angles out._"

"Why would I want to be hall monitor?" Calvin asked.

"Because when the hall monitor looks the other way, the president gives him an envelope."

"Well, what if he _doesn't _look the other way?"

"He _always_ looks the other way."

"What's so _special_ about the other way?"

"The _envelope _is special!"

"What's in the envelope?"

Candace chuckled slightly.

"I can't tell you what's in the envelope."

"Well, you don't have to, but I sure would appreciate it."

"Look, what will it take you to drop out of this race?" Candace continued, clearly annoyed.

"You'd have to pry it from my cold dead hands, kid," Calvin said, taking the toothpick from his mouth. "If you think you can buy me off, you're lower than the South Pole, and that's pretty low."

Candace grumbled, and then fled.

"_It was becoming all too clear that this went further down than it seemed. I made a silent vow to never let myself drop to that level. I would just have to wait until the results came in to do anything else._"

Calvin left the alley in disgust.

* * *

The next day at school, Calvin saw Susie at her locker. He approached her. 

"Listen, Derkins," he said, pointing a finger at her. "Tell your little four-eyed accomplice that I'm not taking bribes, okay?"

"Huh?" Susie asked.

"I've said my piece," Calvin said, walking away.

Susie watched him leave.

Then she looked at Candace, who simply looked back sheepishly.

"Oh, Candace, you didn't…," she sighed.

* * *

A few days later, Calvin was in his room. 

Hobbes and Socrates were there as well, putting away picket signs and boxes of buttons and flags.

Everything said, **VOTE 4 CALVIN **or **CALVIN FOR PREZ**.

"Guys, I'm beginning to have fourth thoughts about this election," he said, lying on the bed.

"What do you mean?" asked Hobbes, putting the straw hats away.

"Well, this whole scandal thing is beginning to take a toll on my conscience. Then of course, there's the added bonus that I don't really know _what _to do as president."

"You should've run for _vice_-president. They're the ones that run things for real," Socrates said.

"Hobbes, what should I do? I can't back out now! I'm too far deep!" Calvin whined.

"Just sit it out! Odds are that you're not going to win anyway, and besides, it's just a friendly competition," Hobbes said.

Calvin sighed.

"Why was I made so brilliant, and yet so competitive?" he asked the sky. "It would be better if the winner wasn't left with a big responsibility!"

Socrates simply grinned.

"Don't worry. Maybe things will go your way tomorrow," he said.

"How?"

"Oh, you'll see," Socrates said mysteriously.

And with that, he departed.

Calvin and Hobbes watched him leave.

"He's scary," Calvin sighed.

Hobbes nodded.

* * *

The next day was the voting day, and a bunch of students went into the booths. 

Calvin and Hobbes stood at the sidelines.

"How do you think I'm doing?" Calvin asked.

"Bombing," Hobbes said, not looking up from his comic book.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

Then he saw Susie nearby.

Calvin glared at her.

She glared right back at him.

"Come on, Hobbes," he said. "The view just got ugly."

He picked Hobbes up and walked away.

* * *

Later that day, Hobbes had already gone home. He was in the bedroom reading another comic book. 

Suddenly, the door burst open.

**_WHAM!_**

Hobbes listened to the footsteps get louder and louder as Calvin ran to the room.

The door then exploded open.

**_WHAM!_**

Calvin was looking at Hobbes with a strange expression.

It was a mixture of anger and happiness.

"Hey. How'd it go?" he asked.

"I LOST!" Calvin shouted angrily.

Then his face changed completely.

"I LOST!" he shouted again, but this time he looked happy.

"I'm sensing some mixed emotions here," Hobbes commented.

"Well, I'm angry that I was humiliated during the campaign and that I used up a perfectly good slander speech against Susie for nothing, but I'm happy that I don't have the responsibilities!"

"So…you just don't know what to do with yourself, do you?" Hobbes asked.

"Yeah, so I'm just going to let this recede into the background and forget it ever happened."

**_DING-DONG!_**

Calvin looked up.

"Uh…maybe I should get that," he said.

"Go for it," Hobbes said, not looking up.

Calvin walked downstairs and answered the door.

It was Susie.

"Oh…Derkins," Calvin said, eyeing her suspiciously. "What are _you_ doing here? If it's to gloat, make it quick. I have better things to do."

"Look, Calvin, I just wanted to apologize," she said.

Calvin stared.

"Seriously?" he asked.

Susie nodded.

Calvin was tempted to say something rude in response, but for some reason, he felt a strange change of heart.

"Um…thank you, Susie," he said awkwardly. "And I suppose…I myself…am also…_sorry_…for what I did…and said…during this campaign…_Susie_."

Susie couldn't help but grin.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I suppose my methods were ruthless and rude, but I guess it all worked out in the end. You won the election, and our school can bow down under your gaze."

"Actually, I didn't win either," she said.

Calvin's eyes popped open.

"Huh?!" he asked.

"Yeah, some kid named Elliot won," she said.

Calvin stared at her with wider eyes.

"Huh, that explains his attitude yesterday," Calvin muttered, thinking back.

"Huh?"

"Uh, nothing!" Calvin said quickly. "So…neither of us won?"

"Ironic, huh?"

"Very."

There was an awkward pause.

"Well, thanks of apologizing," Calvin said.

"And you," said Susie.

Calvin went to close the door, but before doing so, he looked at Susie again.

"You know, Susie," he said slowly. "For a slimy girl, you're actually pretty cool."

Susie beamed.

"Really?!" she asked.

"As long as you don't tell anyone," Calvin sighed, closing the door.

The minute the door was shut, Calvin gagged to himself.

"Man, that was _sappy_!" he grunted.

And he went upstairs to fill up some water balloons.

**The End**

**Voice Work**

**Pamela Segall Adlon: **Calvin  
**Tom Hanks: **Hobbes  
**Ryan Stiles: **Socrates  
**Dakota Fanning: **Susie Derkins  
**Lauren Tom: **Candace  
**Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom

* * *

**Coming up Next: **Roughin' It 


	34. Roughin' It

**Summary: **Calvin and Hobbes spend a fun filled night camping on Sneer Hill.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Roughin' it  
**

Hobbes was busily loading things into a duffel bag in the bedroom.

He quickly opened the closet and went inside.

Several items flew from it and started to land in the bottomless duffel bag.

Two fishing rods, a coloring book, a bottle of bubbles, a yo-yo, some tuna cans, a can opener, a flashlight, a lunchbox, a can of bug spray, two sets of sunglasses, two lawn chairs, a plastic flamingo, a thermos, a box of Hostess Twinkies, a box of Big Cheez-Its and a set of comic books went sailing into the bag.

Hobbes reemerged, dusting his paws off, and he began looking around for anything he'd forgotten.

He noticed one of Calvin's old picture books lying in the corner. He picked it up and looked it over.

"Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie," he read. "It's an undoubted classic."

Hobbes tossed the book in the bag.

Then he picked up an extra book and read the title.

"Monsters by the Moon," he read. "Eh, why not?"

He put it in with the rest.

With that, Hobbes picked the duffel bag and made his way out of the house. He found the wagon sitting by the door. He loaded up the bag and pulled the wagon up Sneer Hill.

* * *

Calvin was on one of Sneer Hill's cliffs. He had set up a tent and was now setting up the sleeping bags. 

Calvin then got the urge to recite one of his award-winning poems.

"I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree," he said, observing his surroundings. "And under trees I take my rest…for camping seems to me the best! On pebbled ground and hardened earth…I lay my happy body's girth. I find, at morning, as I rise, my back don't work, to my surprise."

"And thus, we also discover the creation of the great Motel Six," a voice said.

Calvin whipped around.

Hobbes was approaching with the wagon.

"Hey, Hobbes. Did you get everything for our night out?"

"Yep. And odds are, we're only going to use three of these things," Hobbes said, opening the bag.

"Excellent," said Calvin, reaching in and pulling out a few things.

"Now then, may you remind me why we are camping?" Hobbes asked. "I do seem to recall that none of us _like_ camping. In fact, I also believe that we hate it with every ounce of our beings that aren't taken up with slimy girls and the gymnasium membership spokesmen."

"Well, if you must know, Hobbes, we're only a quarter of a mile from the house, unlike when Dad takes us out on a rock in a lake," Calvin pointed out. "Plus, the wagon is here for a quick getaway, should it ever come to that."

"Ah," said Hobbes. "Oh, by the way. I brought some bug spray."

"Toss it over."

Hobbes handed Calvin the bug spray, and he promptly began spraying himself with it.

"That's the thing about bugs and camping," Calvin commented, giving himself a good going over. "Bugs can ruin a good night's sleep when you're camping. So you're very careful to close up the tent quickly when you get in, and before you lay down, you scan the tent thoroughly with a flashlight."

"And yet somehow, a big ol' honkin' mosquito always gets in," said Hobbes scornfully.

"Shall we enter?"

"Ready when you are."

Calvin and Hobbes crawled inside their tent with the duffel bag.

Calvin had already laid out two sleeping bags.

"Oh, big news today," said Calvin. "Dad's finally down to his last Y2k razor."

"Y2k razor?" asked Hobbes.

"Yeah. Remember how people got all crazy at Y2K and stockpiled water and canned food?"

Hobbes nodded.

"Well, Dad didn't do any of that. Then, of course, on New Year's Eve, 1999, Dad panicked and bought seventy-two packs of shaving razors," Calvin said.

Hobbes stared.

"In retrospect, not his finest moment as a consumer."

"But think about the close, clean, comfortable shave he would've had for the apocalypse," Hobbes joked. "Speaking of your dad, did he say when we could have our _Lord of the Rings _video back yet?"

"Nah. He's still ticked we dropped his college ring into the chili Mom was making for dinner while we were reenacting it a few days ago," said Calvin.

There was a pause.

"Oh! Fun fact!" said Hobbes. "Did you know that 'five' in German is 'foomf'?"

Calvin grinned.

"As in, I have foomf fingers on my hand?" he asked.

"Or the human body has foomf senses," said Hobbes.

"Or Bruce Willis starred in the _Foomf Element_?"

There was a pause as they both thought.

"…Michael Jackson and the Jackson Foomf!" said Hobbes at last.

"And we have a winner!" Calvin laughed. "And staying on the German topic, you know how Andy and Sherman have cable, and their cable company gets that German Channel?"

"Yeah."

"They were once playing a horribly translated version of _Batman_. The _'I'm Batman'_ line killed me! It sounded all weird like 'Ich bin der Fledermaus-Mann'!"

They both started laughing.

"Ahhh, we kid the Germans," Hobbes laughed.

There was a long pause.

"Well, I'm bored. Let's go outside," Calvin said at last.

"Okay."

Calvin and Hobbes walked outside and looked around.

It was very peaceful and serene.

They began walking around the woods.

"Say, if penguins only live in the South Pole, why haven't humans flown a few hundred to the North Pole? You know, start a new breeding colony?" Hobbes asked.

"Because we don't mess with nature like that," Calvin replied.

"Oh, you don't?" Hobbes said accusingly. "What about the introduction of the tomato, the potato and a hundred other American crops to Europe? What about introducing the 'Indian Mongoose' to Puerto Rico, directly causing the extinction of seven species of amphibians and reptiles? What about Monsanto's creation of a seed that can only be used once, so farmers have to keep paying for more? What about the Russian-Japanese consortium that's actively working on bringing back the woolly mammoth?"

There was an incredibly awkward silence.

"…I don't know why no one's moved penguins yet," Calvin finally said.

"Yeah. It just seems like something you'd have done by now," Hobbes commented.

They then spotted a tree just ahead.

They immediately started climbing it.

Hobbes leaned against the tree trunk while Calvin sat out on a branch.

"You ever do that thing where you hold your nose while pushing air into your sinuses and the air has nowhere to go, so it comes out of your eye sockets?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes stared at him.

"You and I lead very different lives," Hobbes commented.

Calvin sighed and looked at the setting sun.

"All life on Earth derives its energy from the sun, right?" he asked.

"I'm guessing so," said Hobbes.

"The sun feeds the photosynthetic plant, which is eaten by the herbivore, which is eaten by the carnivore, and so on and so forth."

"True."

"But deep in the Pacific, where sunlight can't reach, there are squat lobsters whose food chain is based on chemosynthesis. They get their energy from chemical plumes in heat vents."

"I see."

"Right, and so long after our sun goes kaput, and the rest of the living Earth dies out, those lobsters will still be kicking around, livin' la vida loca," Calvin said.

"Huh," said Hobbes. "So the bible had it wrong. It's no the meek that shall inherit the Earth, but instead its eyeless deep-sea squat lobsters."

Calvin sighed. "It's less poetic, granted."

"And speaking of the bible—"

"Be careful. We've got censors," Calvin warned, pointing at the camera.

"Relax. Anyway, David killed Goliath with a stone, right?"

"Right."

"Wrong," Hobbes said. "Goliath was a _giant_, which probably means he had acromegaly."

"What's that?" asked Calvin.

"The body produces too much growth hormone, creating a huge human being. But the heart can't keep up, and eventually just gives out."

"I see. So David killed Goliath…?"

"…by making him jog a little," said Hobbes.

Calvin stared.

"We probably ticked off _so_ many people by saying that," he sighed.

Hobbes simply chuckled, and they climbed back down the tree.

* * *

They returned to the tent as the stars were coming out. 

"Mosquito check?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes checked everywhere.

"We're in the clear," he said, pausing for dramatic effect. "…_Supposedly_."

"Good boy, Shatner," Calvin muttered, who zipped up the tent.

Calvin pulled out a book from the duffel.

"Ooh, that old monster book. I haven't read this since I was three."

"Indeed, it was an interesting read," Hobbes said.

Calvin opened it as Hobbes got comfortable.

"_Two little monsters danced by the moon. They danced as a comet whistled a tune. One jumped up and then jumped down. The other one ran around and around. One little monster jumps over big trees. The other little monster's on his hands and knees. One little monster jumps over a river. The other little monster feels a cold shiver. One little monster bumps his head. The other little monster says, 'It's time for bed'._ The End."

Calvin closed the book.

"T'was a short tale," Hobbes sighed.

Calvin then opened a window flap on the tent.

"Hey. Whaddya know? We have a full moon tonight, Hobbes," he said.

"So?"

"A full moon is when the little monsters come out," Calvin said.

Hobbes grinned.

"Ah… And I take it we are those monsters?" he asked.

"Indeed, Hobbes," Calvin said in a gruff voice. "What say we bound around the forest and have some nighttime fun like the other little monsters of the world?"

"Wondrous idea, Calvin," said Hobbes in a gruff voice. "Let's go."

Calvin unzipped the tent.

They scurried outside quickly, and then Hobbes quickly zipped it up again.

"Do monsters hate mosquitoes?" asked Hobbes.

"_Every_one hates mosquitoes," Calvin replied.

They then stalked off into the night.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes crept around their campsite, pretending to be monsters. 

Calvin had his arms outstretched, and was walking very slowly and Hobbes was walking on all fours, creeping through the grass.

They did this for a few minutes.

Finally, Calvin stopped, and stretched his arms.

"Well, Hobbes, we've been friendly monsters for about fifteen minutes, now." He said, looking around the forest. "What do you want to do, now?"

Hobbes stood up, and looked off towards the campsite.

"Well, the sun's starting to set. Shall we go watch it?" He suggested.

"Yes, let's." Calvin grinned.

Calvin and Hobbes ran through the trees, onto the small platform where their tents were set up.

"Wow!" Hobbes sighed, looking at the pink and blue sky before them. "The wonders of nature never cease to amaze me!"

"Ditto." Calvin nodded. "It's Mother Nature's own TV."

Calvin and Hobbes sat down at the edge of the cliff, and stared off at the sunset.

There was a moment of silence.

"So, Hobbes, do you ever think about the infiniteness of the universe?" Calvin asked, looking up.

Hobbes paused.

"Uh, no, not really." He replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering." Calvin said. "Ya know when you think about it, our planet is just a tiny dust speck in an ever expanding universe."

"True." Hobbes nodded. "Makes one wonder why this is the planet all the aliens are concentrating their attention on."

"Yep." Calvin agreed. "And another thing, I read that there's a giant black hole at the center of our galaxy. What's keeping it from pulling us into the great unknown?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Good question." Hobbes considered. "Well, I'm sure the Earth has avoided several horrific disasters on many occasions."

"Right." Calvin said.

By this time, the sun had completely set, and the only light was the few bits of pink still showing over the mountain.

Calvin and Hobbes sat on the hill watching as the stars began to become visible, and the full moon overhead became the best source of light.

Calvin and Hobbes remained silent for a while, listening to the sounds of forests, crickets chirping, squirrels jumping from the trees, and so on.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Well, it's time for the most fun part about camping!" Calvin said, suddenly, getting up.

"Really?" Hobbes said, looking up. "What's that?"

"Marshmallow roasting!" Calvin cheered.

Hobbes grinned.

"Ah yes, there's nothing that can top stuffing fiery s'mores into one's mouth." He said, getting up.

"You said it, I'll get the special oven I invented." Calvin said, walking towards the hypercube.

Hobbes blinked.

"Uhhh... maybe we should just eat them raw..." He started.

Calvin shrugged.

"Fine with me... Now let's see here..."

Calvin began rooting through the hypercube, and then pulled out a giant bag stuffed with marshmallows.

"Now, if Dad was here, this bag of marshmallows would instead be three hundred cans of pure spam." Calvin said, tugging at the top of the bag.

Hobbes nodded.

"Yep. heart burn galore. Now, then, do you need any help?"

"No, I got it, I just gotta..."

Calvin struggled with bag, tugging at it, and attempting to open it.

"RRRRGH!! I think I've almost... RRRRRGH!!!!!"

Hobbes watched, silently as Calvin held the bag to the ground with his feet, while yanking upward on it with his hands.

The bag refused to break.

"Wow, what do these factories use?" Calvin demanded. "Plastic cement?"

"Here, let me see it." Hobbes said, taking the bag from Calvin.

He extended a single claw, and ran it along the top of the bag.

_ RRIIIIIIP!!!_

"There we go." He grinned, handing the bag back to Calvin.

Calvin stared at Hobbes for second.

He shrugged.

"Ah well, it's opened."

Calvin and Hobbes then began stuffing their faces with marshmallows.

This went on for a while, before the bag finally emptied, and they were left full and happy, and with sticky marshmallow all over their mouths.

"Aaaaah..." Calvin sighed, patting his stomach. "There's nothing better."

"Yep. Say what time is it?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin checked his watch.

"About nine thirty." He replied.

"Hmm, time flies when your eating dense sugar." Hobbes considered.

"Indeed." Calvin nodded. "Have you ever noticed that the more fun you have the faster time goes? And the more bored you are, the slower time goes, and when Christmas rolls around, time stands at a complete standstill?"

"Yes, that is something I've noticed." Hobbes nodded.

"It makes you wonder. Technically, it means your fun ends sooner, your misery lasts longer, and your anticipation drives you to the brink!"

"Yes, well if it was the other way around, what would be the point of life lessons?" Hobbes asked.

"How do you mean?"

"Well, if time slowed down while you were having fun, sped up when you were bored, and then just shot through December, how would be able to appreciate it?"

Calvin paused.

"I guess that's true." He considered. "Still, it would be nice to be able to control how fast time goes when your bored or having fun."

"You do. You have the Time Pauser." Hobbes replied.

"Right..."

There was a moment of silence, in which Calvin and Hobbes watched the stars.

"They sure do go on for a long time." Calvin commented.

"Yes," Hobbes nodded. "Kind of makes you feel small and insignificant."

"They do." Calvin agreed. "Hey look, there's Venus!"

Calvin pointed towards the sky.

"And there's Jupiter!" Hobbes said, pointing at another part of the sky.

"Looks like Mars isn't here, tonight." Calvin said. "But I can see the Big Dipper!"

Yes, and there's that hunter guy. What was his name, again?" Hobbes asked.

"Not a clue. I pay no attention to anything in astrology."

Hobbes looked down and stared at him.

"How did you know how to find the Big Dipper, then?" He asked.

There was a pause.

"Uuuh... I don't know..."

"Huh."

They both watched the sky a little longer.

"Well," Hobbes said, finally. "How about a small hike through the woods, before bed?"

"Agreed." Calvin nodded.

They both stood up, stretched, and started off into the woods.

"Nice night, tonight, huh?" Hobbes said, as they walked along the trail.

"Indeed." Calvin said. "I'm glad we live in a place where adventure and wonder is right in our backyard."

"Hmm, we get enough action and adventure as it is." Hobbes said.

Calvin looked around.

Fireflies flew all around them with each step they took. Crickets were chirping, and... there was a chipmunk chattering at them from a tree.

"It's a good life, Hobbes ol' buddy." Calvin sighed.

"A magical world." Hobbes nodded.

It wasn't long before they had made a large loop around the campsite, and were back, again.

"Yeah, there goes time again." Calvin sighed. "Seems like we just left."

"What time is it?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin checked his watch.

"It's eleven o'clock."

"Well, I'm pretty tired. What do you say we hit the hay?" Hobbes yawned.

"Agreed." Calvin said. "I'm on mosquito patrol."

Calvin and Hobbes both leaped through the air to the tent, unzipped it, dove inside, and zipped it back up.

Then, with the fury of two rhinos, they explored every inch of the tent with a flashlight and a flyswatter.

"OK, coast is clear." Calvin said, putting his flyswatter down.

"Yep." Hobbes said. "We better keep the swatters near though, just in case."

"Got that covered." Calvin nodded.

He placed the swatters on both sides of the tent, and then yawned.

"What a day, eh, Hobbes?"

"Very philosophical." Hobbes replied.

Still with the flashlights on, the duo unzipped the two sleeping bags laid out in the tent.

Calvin crawled inside first, and zipped it all the back up, so the only thing showing was half of his head.

Hobbes did a large stretch, circled his bag a couple of times, and then crawled inside, so only his tail stuck out at the top.

"Well, goodnight, Hobbes." Calvin said.

"Goodnight, Calvin." Hobbes replied from under the bag.

"Tomorrow let's play pirates over by lake, have another G.R.O.S.S. meeting in the tree house, and take some long hikes through the woods, after we're done with a nice game of Calvinball!"

Hobbes grinned.

"Nothing would please me more!" He chuckled.

And with that, Calvin turned the flashlight off, and they both fell asleep.

Calvin and Hobbes were inseparable companions.

Nothing and nobody could ever disrupt their friendship.

They were friends forever.

**The End**

**Voice work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon** Calvin  
**Tom Hanks** Hobbes

* * *

**Coming up next: **_The Calvin and Hobbes: The Series Season two Finale,_ THE ALIEN HUNTRESS 


	35. The Alien Huntress

**Summary:** An unlikely villain attacks Calvin after leaping to the conclusion that he's an alien.

* * *

_And now the Calvin and Hobbes: The Series Season two finale!  
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

**The Alien Huntress**

Jack the robot walked over to the edge of Dr Frank Brainstorm's lab in Yellowstone one day.

He was his usual cheery self.

His eyes half closed, his mouth stuck in that bored angle, and he was wearing his yellow "My boss is an idiot" T-shirt.

It was not a pretty sight when Brainstorm caught him.

He tore the shirt off Jack, and threw it into his Brainstorm shirt cutting machine, which immediately shot it back out into his face.

Jack took hold of a lever, and pulled it down.

Jack began to move upward, as a small section of the floor pushed him upward.

Outside, there was about seventeen people standing across from Old Faithful with cameras.

They were waiting for it to shoot the water upward.

Guess what they saw?

Suddenly, a small boulder near the geyser flipped over, and a tall, thin, silver robot emerged from it.

People stared in shock as Jack emerged from the ground.

He put the rock back down, and faced the thunderstruck crowd.

"'sup?" He asked, holding up a hand.

The crowd gawked at Jack.

Jack walked over to tall rock, and reached his hand into a hole in it.

He pulled out several envelopes, and a magazine, and walked back to the bolder to which he had emerged.

He flipped the boulder over, and stood on the ground where it had been.

He pushed a button on his arm, and slowly, he began to sink back into the ground.

When he was completely underneath it, the rock flipped back into place.

There was a moment of silence.

Everyone stared at the rock where a robot had just been.

The ranger guiding the tour was equally shocked.

He glared at building nearby, and muttered.

"I have _got_ to see George about his stupid projector jokes." He muttered.

* * *

Jack lowered back into Brainstorm's lab.

Brainstorm was waiting.

"Did anyone see you!" He demanded.

"Nope." Jack said.

"Good. We may just pull off this 'mailbox disguised as a tall rock' thing!" He yelled.

"Sure." Jack said, filing through the mail. "let's see, electric bills, cable bills, radar bills, your Evil Genius magazine, a letter from that freak giving you the free 'Take over the world in three days' book, some package from the 'make your evil genius inventions work' company, and another letter from your sister."

Brainstorm had been nodding along with Jack, but when he reached the part about his sister, he grabbed the letter away and screamed, "**_MY SISTER?!?!_**"

"Yep." Jack said. "She said something about coming over at two o'clock."

Brainstorm checked his watch.

"THAT'S IN ONE HOUR! OH NO! Do you have any idea how much I don't want to see my sister?!?"

"Yes." Jack said.

"How do you know?!" Brainstorm demanded.

"You tell me every day." Jack said.

Brainstorm blinked.

"Uhhh... No I don't." he stammered.

"Sure you don't." Jack said.

Brainstorm glared at Jack.

"The point is that she's coming over, and we have to do something if we want to stop it!"

"Have fun." Jack said, turning to walk away.

"GET OVER HERE! YOU'RE HELPING ME!"

Jack sighed, and walked back over to Brainstorm.

"OK," He said. "But before we begin might I say something, real quick?"

"Sure." Brainstorm shrugged.

"Your watch is off by an hour." He said.

At that very moment, a doorbell rang.

Brainstorm spent three seconds staring off into space, then he turned to Jack.

"Jack I'm afraid this will have to go into my report."

"Oh, that's just terrible. Please spare me."

Brainstorm glared at Jack, then walked over to the computer.

"Who is it?" He asked, wearily.

"It's me!" yelled a shrill female voice. "Open the door or face my wrath!"

"She's _your _sister, alright." Jack said, turning the page to his novel.

Brainstorm groaned, and pushed a button.

A piece of wall began to roll away, and a tall woman stood waiting.

Jack gave her a blank stare.

You could tell at a glance that She and Brainstorm were related.

Her eyes were bright green, her hair, which was dyed blue, stuck straight upward, ending in sharp spikes as if she had been electrocuted, and she wore the same lab coat, black shirt and pants, brown sneakers, and green gloves that Brainstorm wore.

Jack's eyes went back and forth between Brainstorm and his sister.

They both had stupid expressions on their faces.

"It's a regular Brainstorm family reunion." He sighed, shaking his head.

"Sheila." Brainstorm muttered. "Good to see you again."

"SAME HERE!" Screeched the woman. "GENIUSES UNITE!"

Jack slapped his forehead.

"Can I show you around?" Brainstorm asked.

"NEGATORY ON THAT, BROTHER!" She screeched, looking around her brother's lab.

"WOW, WHAT A PRIMITIVE LABORATORY!" She screamed, examining his experiments. "I'VE SEEN TWO YEAR OLDS WITH MORE ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY!"

"Well, I've been working on it." Brainstorm growled.

"Must have been because mother always liked me better." Sheila said, turning around, and giving Brainstorm a goofy grin.

Brainstorm's shoulders, rose up to his ears, his eyes slammed shut, his teeth gritted, and his face turned red.

Jack watched, emotionlessly.

Suddenly, Sheila's stomach began growling.

"Are you hungry?" Brainstorm asked, through gritted teeth.

"I haven't had anything to eat in five minutes!" she yelled. She went nose to nose with Brainstorm. "I DEMAND FOOD! _NOW!_"

Brainstorm ran out of the room.

Sheila stood there, impatiently.

Then, she spotted Jack.

"WHO THE HECK ARE YOU!" She demanded, jabbing a finger at him.

Jack stared at her expressionlessly.

Just then Brainstorm came running back, holding an armload of food.

"It's about time you got here!" She screamed. "I've been waiting _forever!_ What are you trying to do? _Starve me?!_"

She grabbed the tray away from Brainstorm, then jabbed a finger at Jack, who remained still.

"And who the heck is that!" She yelled.

"That's Jack, my robot assistant." Brainstorm growled. He turned to Jack. "Jack where are your manners?"

"Frank, your sister's a whack." Jack said. "Even more so than you."

Brainstorm grumbled to himself.

He turned to Sheila.

"Please disregard everything Jack says." He told her.

Sheila glared at him.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER!" She screeched.

"I'm going to go hide somewhere." Jack said, standing up, and walking away.

Brainstorm grabbed Jack by the shoulders.

"Oh no you aren't! We're in this together!" Brainstorm growled.

Just then Sheila got bored and walked away.

"HEY!" Brainstorm yelled. "Get back!"

Jack leaned over to Brainstorm's ear.

"Hey, Frank, here's a suggestion. Pitch her out."

Brainstorm glared at Jack.

"IT'S DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!" he shouted.

He then marched out of the room and towards his sister.

Jack followed.

Sheila was standing impatiently in the kitchen.

Brainstorm glared at her.

"Sheila, what are you doing?" He demanded.

"You're not the boss of me!" She yelled.

Jack came walking in, just then.

"Hey Frank. Hey whacko." He said.

"MY NAME IS DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!" Brainstorm bellowed.

Jack ignored him, and reached for the fridge.

"Well, two lunatics in one day is too much for me." he said. "I need a soda."

Just then, Sheila spotted Jack, and acted as if she had just seen him.

"AAAAAAAHHHH! THE ROBOT'S TRYING TO EAT ME!!!!"

She grabbed a hammer off the counter, and slammed it into Jack's head.

"OOF!" Jack yelled.

Brainstorm stared in shock at Jack.

Jack stood there, glaring at Sheila while sparks flew from the area where the hammer was sticking out of his head.

"OK, I'm officially ticked off." he growled, pulling the hammer out his head.

He pushed a button on his arm, and immediately, all the misplaced wires in Jack's head reconnected themselves, and his chrome head flattened back down.

Sheila watched in utter shock.

She jabbed a finger at Jack, while chanting, "GET HIM AWAY! GET HIM AWAY! GET HIM AWAY!"

"Jack, would you come here, a moment?" Brainstorm hissed, grabbing Jack's free arm, and leading him away from his sister.

He was inches from the door, when Sheila blocked his path.

"_Now_ what are you doing! You aren't abandoning me like you did in 1987. _ARE YOU!!!!_"

Brainstorm's eyes narrowed, his teeth gritted, and his face began trembling.

"I'm not." He growled. "I'm just going into the main lab to discuss something with my assistant."

Sheila grumbled to herself, but let Brainstorm pass.

Brainstorm and Jack walked into the Main lab.

Jack glared at Brainstorm.

"You just had to tell your family where your 'secret' hideout was." He snapped.

Brainstorm ignored him.

"Sheila is going to drive me nuts!" He muttered.

"You mean even more nuts than you already are?" Jack asked.

Brainstorm ignored him.

"What am I going to do? How can I continue my diabolical plan to rule the Earth if she's in my face every second!"

Brainstorm began pacing.

Jack yawned, and sat down in a chair.

"Well, maybe we could ditch her." He said.

"And leave my view of Old Faithful?! No way, Charlie! I need a better plan!"

"HELP! FRANK! MY SHOES ARE CAUGHT IN MY LAB COAT!"

"Ah, family traditions." Jack sighed.

Brainstorm slapped his forehead.

"There has to be something I can do! I could send her back in time!"

He paused.

Then his face brightened.

"OR, I could freeze her in a solid block of ice! Then thaw her out in a million years! Boy would she be surprised!"

Jack stared at Brainstorm for a long moment.

"Let me write that down." he said.

He took out a notepad and pencil.

"...freeze...her..." He said, pretending to write.

"You didn't actually write that down." Brainstorm said.

"No!" Jack yelled, slamming the notepad down.

Jack accidentally pushed a button, slamming the notepad down, and the giant computer screen roared to life.

Brainstorm and Jack looked up.

There, on the screen, was a picture of Calvin and Hobbes riding down a hill towards a cliff on Sneer Hill.

Brainstorm's lips curled up into a grin.

"I've found the solution to all our problems." He said.

He turned to the kitchen door.

"Oh, SHEEEEEEEEEEEEILA!" He sang.

The door burst open, and Sheila stood there, staring at him, blankly.

"FRANK! THERE'S A MULTI LEGGED BLACK THING IN THE KITCHEN!"

"They're called spiders." Jack said.

"No, spiders are those people who flip hamburgers."

Jack closed his eyes.

Brainstorm's brow furrowed.

"Sheila, I have a little job for you."

Sheila's face brightened.

"A JOB! I LOVE JOBS! WONDER! JOY! HAPPINESS!"

Jack buried his face into his hands.

Brainstorm glared ice picks at his sister.

"I need you to go after a certain boy and his friend."

He pointed at the screen.

Sheila studied it.

"GOOD GRIEF!" She screamed. "THERE'S A ROBOT IN THAT WAGON!"

Jack sighed, heavily.

"Look," Brainstorm growled. "Just go and spy on them. Pick up information so I can continue with my..."

He threw his hands into the air.

"...DIABOLICAL PLAN! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Jack looked up and stared at the two lunatics in front of him.

"I wonder if Charlie Brown could use a robot..." He said to himself, rubbing his chin.

Sheila grumbled to herself, and walked towards the door.

She pulled the lever, and shot upward towards the ground.

Brainstorm watched her go.

Then he heaved a sigh.

"Whew! Rid of _her_. Now come, Jack, as I continue to haunt the Earth with my terrible INVENTIONS!"

"I think I'll sit this one out, Frank." Jack said.

"For the final time it's **_DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!_**"

* * *

Sheila climbed out from under the boulder, and tiptoed away from the crowd at Old Faithful. All of which were staring at her.

It didn't take that long before Sheila reached Calvin's neighborhood.

Once there, she began wondering how she was going to spy on them.

A man at Radio Shack sat at the front desk, wiping it down.

Suddenly, the door burst open, sending the bell shooting forward.

The man looked up.

Sheila was standing in the doorway, grinning like a lunatic.

"Welcome to Radio Shack." The man said in a dull voice. "How may I help you?"

Sheila shot over to the desk.

"SPY EQUIPMENT!" She hollered. "IT'S FOR MY SON'S BIRTHDAY! NOT FOR ME! MY SON! NOTHING _SUSPICIONS_ ABOUT BUYING _SPY_ STUFF!"

Her left eye twitched.

The man's expression remained blank, as he stared at the maniac in front of him.

"Isle five." he said. "toys, and spy equipment."

There was a high gust of wind, and Sheila vanished.

"Why do I always get the nuts?" The man asked himself, before going back to his cleaning.

* * *

Sheila began piling her arms with, ahem, "spy equipment" that just happened to be in the toy isle.

She rushed over to desk, again, and piled it high with the toys.

The man stared at it.

"You're going to buy all this?" He asked.

Sheila's head popped through the middle of the pile.

"WHY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT!!!!!"

"Nothing." the man said. "That will be two hundred and fifty three dollars and two cents, ma'am."

Sheila's eye twitched.

"YOU'LL NEVER GET A _CENT _OUT OF ME!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.

And with that, she grabbed the pile, or however much she could manage to lift, and rushed out of the store with it.

The man watched her.

"This happens every day." He sighed, pushing the emergency button under the counter.

Sheila burst out the radio shack, and ran over to a red sport's car.

She flung the door open, and managed to jam everything inside of it.

Then she leaped into the driver's seat.

A teenager looked up, and saw a tall haired stranger in his car, hot-wiring it.

"HEY!" He shouted. "THAT'S MY CAR!"

Sheila stared at him for a moment.

"No it isn't." She said.

And with that, she started the car up, and roared away with it, just as two police cars arrived.

Sheila looked back at the chaos she had caused through the rear view mirror.

She sighed.

"I am smoooooth." She said.

Uh huh.

* * *

After a while, Sheila finally reached Calvin's house.

There, she parked... uh... _crashed_ the car into a parking lot a block down, gathered up the spy stuff, and ran towards Calvin's house.

She dove into a bush across the street, took some toy binoculars, and peered at Calvin's house.

It focused on Calvin.

He was wearing a black mask, and holding a volleyball.

"OK, then." He said. "I have the Calvinball."

He paused.

"I also happen to be in the Anti-new rule zone so no one can make any new reals until I let go of the ball."

The binoculars swung around to Socrates, who was also wearing a mask.

His brow furrowed.

"What kind of rule is that?" He asked.

"A good one." Calvin sniffed. "one I should have thought of months ago."

The binoculars then went from Socrates to Hobbes, who talking to Andy. Both of which had masks on.

Then Sheila spotted Sherman.

He was sitting on the front porch, ignoring Calvin and Hobbes, and was reading a miniature version of _Moby Dick_.

He was the only one not wearing a mask.

"They're performing some kind of strange ritual!" Sheila muttered. "I've broken this case wide open!"

Yeah.

She threw the binoculars away, and grabbed something that resembled a tape recorder.

She flipped a switch on it, and took a microphone out of it.

She attempted to wire the microphone up, then tossed it out of the bush.

It landed in another bush a few feet from where they were playing.

Sheila then took a pair of headphones, and slipped them onto her head.

She waited for a long time, before realizing that she forgot to turn the recorder on.

She flipped it on, and began listening.

By that time, Socrates had managed to get the Calvinball away from Calvin, and was now chasing him around the yard, throwing it at him.

Hobbes and Andy watched, ignoring Calvin's cries to help him.

Suddenly, Socrates stopped chasing Calvin.

He dropped the Calvinball, leaped into the air did a midair flip, and landed on his tail with his hands and feet out.

"IMCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM GALIXOID AND NEBULAR!" he said in a robotic voice.

Calvin stopped running, and spun around.

He told Hobbes and Andy to shut up, and turned to Socrates.

"Hi Galixoid, hi Nebular." He said.

"Hello, Earth Potentate." Said Galixoid.

"Let me begin by thanking you for saving me from that stupid tiger!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Uh... sure, your welcome." Galixoid said, uneasily. "Anyway, We need some more information about Earth."

"Sure, what do you want to know?" Hobbes asked, walking over.

"We told our leader we had to go to the bathroom." Nebular said. "Quick, what are the names of the eight continents?"

"There's only seven." Hobbes said. "They're North America, South America, Asia, Europe, Africa, Antarctica, and Australia."

The sound of a notepad being scratched on with a pen emitted from Socrates, then Galixoid returned.

"OK, and those cubic things with the screens, and multiple entertainment transmission channels?"

"Televisions." Calvin said.

More writing.

"OK, and that square yellow thing with the holes and buck teeth?"

"Spongebob Squarepants." Calvin said.

More writing.

"That oughta do it, thanks, Earth Potentate!"

"Sure thing." Calvin said through Sheila's microphone.

Sheila sat there for a long moment, trying to figure out what had just happened.

"Um, would someone turn him off?" Hobbes asked.

"Yeah, I will." Calvin said.

A light came on in Sheila's eyes.

"Transmitter?!" She muttered to herself. "The boy has a transmitter in him?!?!"

Ho boy.

* * *

Calvin walked up to Socrates and squeezed his nose.

Socrates's eyes squinted.

"Resume normal functions in 3...2...1..."

Socrates collapsed onto the ground.

"Whoo! What happened?"

"You fainted." Calvin said. "Now, who has the Calvinball?"

While Calvin and Hobbes continued with the game, Sheila rushed out of the bushes, frantically.

"I've gotta contact Frank!" She shouted.

Calvin and Hobbes looked up.

There was a moment of silence, as Sheila ran around in circles before rushing off.

"Who the heck was that?" Hobbes asked.

"Sherman, is there anything in the newspaper about anything escaping from the zoo?" Socrates asked.

"No." Sherman said, without looking up from his novel.

They shrugged it off, and continued the game.

* * *

Dr Brainstorm stood transfixed at his desk.

His eyes were wide open, and he was staring at a metal box with a bunch of wires sticking out of them.

He turned took a yellow booklet out of his pocket, and began flipping through it.

"Make sure evil genius invention doesn't have sparks of electricity shooting from it." he read.

He looked down at the box, then went back to the book.

"Check wiring to make sure none of them are in the self destruct sequencer."

He checked the box again.

"Make sure there isn't a self destruct sequencer."

He looked at the box, again, and grinned.

"OH JAAAAAACK!" he sang.

Jack came walking into the room sipping a soda.

"What now?" he grumbled.

Brainstorm gave Jack a goofy grin, and pointed at the box.

"Everything checks out! My Channel Device is completely safe!"

"I'll bet." Jack said, continuing to sip on his soda.

"With this device, I can take control of every channel in the world, and broadcast my threat to every TV in the world!!! THIS CAN'T FAIL!!"

He threw his hands into the air, and laughed, insanely.

Jack's expression remained blank.

"And what did you plan to threaten them with?" He inquired.

Brainstorm's grin dropped like a brick, and his eyes blanked out.

"Uhh... I haven't figured that out, yet. But never fear! My ingenious mind will come up with something horrible and terrible!"

"I see." Jack said. "Well, have fun."

Jack turned around and walked away.

"Wait!" Brainstorm shouted. "Before I push the button..."

"Yes, I've already called 911." Jack said.

"Thank you."

Brainstorm turned back to his invention.

"And now to activate the device and cause total chaos around the world! NOBODY CAN STOP ME NOW!!!"

Brainstorm lifted his hand over his head, one finger extended, and brought in down heavily onto the button.

Suddenly, several sirens in the lab went off.

Brainstorm's grin faded.

"Uh oh. What did I do?"

"It's the doorbell." Jack said. "Somebody pushed the Urgent Emergency button."

"Oh no! I hope Superman hasn't discovered my secret hideout!"

"I seriously doubt that he would waste his time here." Jack said.

"Jack! Go see who it is! If it's that salesperson with all those take over the universe books, tell them we don't want any!"

"Universe too much trouble for ya, huh?" Jack said, checking into the security camera.

There was a moment of silence.

"Huh. It's your sister."

Brainstorm's eyes nearly exploded out of his head.

Which technically happens all the time so it was no big shock.

"_HER _AGAIN! She's only been gone for a few hours!!!"

Jack stared at Brainstorm in disbelief.

"When did _you_ learn to tell time?" He asked.

"I didn't, I just used a stopwatch." Brainstorm said.

Jack started to calm down.

"That's a relief. For a second there, I thought your IQ was raising."

"Shut up, and answer the door." Brainstorm grumbled.

Jack walked over to the door, and pulled a lever.

Sheila came bursting in, as frantic as ever.

"I FOUND SOMETHING OUT! I SOMETHING OUT! I FOUND SOMETHING OUT! I FOUND SOMETHING OUT! I SOMETHING OUT! I FOUND SOMETHING OUT! I FOUND SOMETHING OUT! I SOMETHING OUT! I FOUND SOMETHING OUT!" She screeched, bouncing around the lab.

Brainstorm and Jack watched her.

"I'm going to go hide, now." Jack said, turning around, to go.

Brainstorm grabbed him.

"Stay here, you little traitor!" He growled.

Brainstorm walked over to Sheila.

"Uh, Sheila, would you please stop bouncing around like that?" He asked.

Sheila didn't hear him. Either that she had no interest in stopping.

Jack watched, silently with his hands behind his back.

It took Brainstorm fifteen minutes to calm Sheila down.

When she finally did, she turned to the two, and hollered, "I DISCOVERED THAT ONE OF THEM HAS A TRANSMITTER IN THEM!!"

There was a long moment of silence.

"Uh, yes, we know that." Jack said.

Sheila jabbed a finger at him.

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, ROBOT _SCUM!!!!_" She shouted.

Jack's eyes narrowed.

Sheila turned back to Brainstorm.

"I can even tell you which one has it!"

"We already know." Brainstorm said.

"IT'S THE BOY! THE BOY IS AN ALIEN THAT TRANSMITS TRAMSITIONS! HE'S AN ALIEN I TELL YOU!!! AND HE WAS TALKING TO HIS PEOPLE!!!!!"

There was another long moment of silence, in which Brainstorm and Jack tried to figure out what Sheila had just said.

"Uhh... no.." Brainstorm said, slowly. "It's not Calvin, it's the..."

"BUT I WILL NOT DISAPPOINT YOU!" Sheila screamed. "I SHALL GET THE TRANSMITTER IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE!!!"

Sheila threw her arms in the air like Brainstorm does, and began laughing, diabolically.

She then rushed out of the lab.

There was another moment of silence.

"I vote Canada." Jack said.

* * *

The next day, Calvin got off the bus with an exhausted look on his face.

"What a day," he sighed. "I'm exhausted. I feel like I've been hit by a train!"

Calvin opened the door and yelled, "I'M HOME!"

**_KA-POW!_**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHH!"

Hobbes exploded from the house and collided with Calvin, and they both flew into a yard across the street.

**_WHUMP!_**

Calvin slowly got to his feet.

"Oh…," he groaned. "_Now_ I feel like I was hit by a train."

"Never use hyperbole until the appropriate moment," Hobbes said sternly.

Calvin growled at him.

"Oh my!" said a female voice. "Let me help you up, young man!"

"Yeah, thanks, lady, I…"

Calvin's voice trailed off as his hand grabbed onto a rubber glove. He looked at it, and then up at who was helping him.

It was Sheila.

But Calvin didn't know this yet.

All he saw was an idiotic-looking woman.

Sheila helped him to his feet.

"Hello," she said. "I'm Sheila."

"Nice," said Calvin. "I'm leaving."

Calvin started to leave with Hobbes.

"You're Calvin, aren't you?" she asked.

Calvin and Hobbes stopped walking.

"How do you know me?" Calvin demanded, whirling around.

"Well, you're the brave little boy who saved the Earth from aliens!" she said.

Calvin and Hobbes' eyes popped open.

"You _believe_ me?" he cried.

"You _believe _him?" Hobbes cried.

"Of course," said Sheila. "And ever since then, I have been living in your shadow, idolizing your life."

Calvin grinned big and wide.

Hobbes groaned.

"I'm gonna go walk in front of bus. See ya later," said Hobbes.

And he left.

Calvin sighed.

"I swear, Hobbes is great, but sometimes, I swear…," he muttered.

"I know," said Sheila. "Tigers can be such a pain. They'd be lost without us."

"Exactly. Still, they're more fun than hanging out with people. Hobbes has always given me some enlightenment on religious questions."

"How nice, Calvin. However, I'm here to find out more about _you_."

"Oh, okay. You wanna come to my house?"

"Why, certainly."

Calvin led her across the street.

As they were walking, Sheila whispered into a small recording device.

"Captain's log. 3:46 PM. The transmitter is leading me to his house. My special pills that make me a normal human being have worked like a charm. I shall soon get his transmitter."

Calvin and Sheila entered the house.

Mom and Dad were in the living room reading.

"Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! I brought a friend home!" he said.

Mom and Dad looked up.

They saw Sheila.

They stared at her crazy hairdo.

"Um…hello," said Mom.

"Nice hair," commented Dad.

"Thank you," Sheila said sweetly.

"She believes me about the aliens!" Calvin exclaimed.

Mom and Dad sighed.

"Whatever," said Mom. "We're going out tonight, so that means Rosalyn is coming to stay tonight."

Calvin stared at her with wide eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, and he tore upstairs and dove into his room.

Sheila stood there for a moment watching the direction he'd gone in.

Then she noticed Mom and Dad were still staring at her.

She grinned nervously and made her way to the stairs and ran to Calvin's room.

Mom and Dad exchanged glances.

* * *

Up in the bedroom, Calvin had located Hobbes and they were wearing green army helmets and dart guns. 

"Are we ready for babysitter maneuver number forty-six?" Calvin asked.

"Yep," said Hobbes. "The balloons filled with syrup are at the ready. By the way, whatever happened to Sheila?"

"Oh! I left her in the living room! I'll go get her."

Calvin left the bedroom.

Big mistake.

The minute he was out the door and out of Hobbes' sights, a giant sledgehammer conked him on the noggin.

**_WHAM!_**

Calvin stood there with a dazed expression on his face for a split second, and then collapsed to the floor.

Sheila stood there evilly, holding onto the giant hammer.

She grabbed Calvin and dragged him away to the attic.

* * *

Calvin awoke a half hour later. He found himself tied to a chair in the attic. 

"Flubber Nutter," he moaned. "Man, what happened?"

Suddenly, a crazy-looking woman with an electric blue hairdo appeared an inch from his nose.

"Y'ello!" she shouted.

"D'AAAH!" Calvin screamed, nearly tipping over in the chair.

"How are ya, alien boy?" she asked sweetly.

Calvin stared.

"Sheila, what the heck…?"

"I'm asking how you are! ANSWER ME, PUNK!"

"I'm terrified!"

"Perfect! This'll teach you to come down here and attack the good people of Earth!"

"What are you talking about?"

"YOU ARE AN ALIEN BOY WITH A TRANSMITTER CHIP IN YOUR BRAIN!" she howled.

Calvin stared at her with wide eyes.

"I am _NOT_!" he bellowed.

"Don't play dumb with me. I've heard your message from your leaders, Galaxar and Nebuloid."

"Galaxoid and Nebular?"

"And you are gathering bits of information for them! You are plotting an invasion, aren't you? You're going to make us all walk about the streets and chant your great leader's name and make us clean your toilets with our tongues, aren't you?"

Calvin stared for a long time.

"Eh…," he started. "What are you gonna do to me?"

Sheila pulled out a chainsaw.

"I'm gonna cut your head open and remove the transmitter."

"WHAT?!?" Calvin shouted.

Sheila grinned evilly and started to rev up the chainsaw.

But right when she had almost gotten it started…

"CALVIN! WE'RE LEAVING!" Mom shouted.

Calvin went to yell something, but immediately got stuck with duct tape over his mouth.

"Make a noise and I'll kill you now!" Sheila hissed.

Calvin nodded nervously.

Sheila sighed to herself and walked downstairs.

* * *

Mom and Dad were just putting their coats on when Sheila came downstairs. 

"Ah, Mr and Mrs. Whatever!" she said.

"Actually, it's—" Dad began.

"Yes, how lovely. Anyway, I understand you two are going out tonight?"

"Uh huh, so we're going to have to ask you to leave," said Mom politely.

"Oh, I see. Very well," Sheila said. "I shall depart. But before I go…"

Sheila held up a ray gun and blasted Mom and Dad in the heads.

Immediately, Mom and Dad got dumb expressions on their faces and their eyes went out of focus.

Sheila looked at them in confusion, and then examined the guns.

"Hypnosis? I was going for flaming ball of flames!" she moaned. "Ah well. I'll store them in the basement."

She grabbed hold of them both and started to drag them downstairs to the basement.

* * *

Hobbes was still wearing his army helmet and waiting for Calvin to return. 

"Why do I have this feeling I'm being left out of something important here?" he wondered.

Hobbes got out of bed and walked towards the railing over the living room.

He stared at Sheila as she dragged Mom and Dad down into the basement.

"HEY!" he shouted.

Sheila looked up and saw Hobbes jumping down the stairs towards her.

"Unhand them, you female fiend!" he said, showing his claws.

Sheila pulled her same gun.

"NOT SO FAST, ROBOTIC TIGER!" she yelled.

Hobbes froze.

"Wait… Did you call me a robot?" he asked slowly.

"Yes! Now hold still!"

"But…but the only one who ever calls me a robot is…_Dr Brainstorm_!"

"Yeah, I'm his sister, Sheila. What's it to ya?"

Hobbes was so completely blown away by the whole idea that he didn't react when Sheila hypnotized him with the gun.

"Into the basement with you three!" she ordered.

Mom, Dad and Hobbes slowly walked towards the basement, dopey expressions on their faces.

Sheila grinned triumphantly.

Just then, in came Rosalyn!

"Um, excuse me? Who are you?" she asked.

Sheila whipped around.

"I'm…a friend," she said.

"Well, I'm Rosalyn. I'm Calvin's babysitter. Where are his parents?"

"Um, they're down in the basement," Sheila said slyly. "Would you care to join them?"

"I guess so," Rosalyn said unsurely.

Rosalyn turned towards the basement, and while her back was turned, Sheila blasted her with the hypnosis gun.

Rosalyn flinched slightly, and then slowly walked into the basement.

Sheila grinned happily.

"Now for the alien boy…," she said.

But as she turned to the stairs, she realized that Socrates, Andy and Sherman were standing in front of her.

"Ack!" she cried.

"Hi," said Andy.

"Good day," said Socrates.

"Hello," said Sherman.

Sheila recognized them.

"YOU'RE FRIENDS OF THE ALIEN BOY!" she yelled.

Before they could ask what she meant, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were blasted by the gun.

They all acquired dopey expressions and wandered down to the basement.

Sheila growled.

"OKAY! DOES ANYONE ELSE WANNA TRY AND STOP ME?!" she hollered. "BECAUSE THIS IS GETTING _REALLY_ OLD!"

Just then, Susie entered.

"Uh, I heard a lot of racket at my house. Is everything okay?" she asked.

**_ZZAP!_**

Susie didn't realize what happened. She just looked real dumb and wandered down to the basement.

Sheila sighed and looked outside to make sure no one else was coming.

No one.

She checked the house.

Nobody else around.

"Alien boy, your days are numbered!" she hissed.

* * *

Down in the basement, everyone was coming to as the hypnosis wore off. 

"Ooh, what happened?" asked Rosalyn.

"Why are we in the basement?" wondered Mom.

"Who was that woman in the living room?" asked Andy.

"EVERYONE DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION TO ME!" a voice shouted.

Everyone stared.

Sheila stood behind them, holding a chainsaw.

Everyone's eyes burst open.

"Uh…what are you gonna do with that?" Susie asked slowly.

"Oh, don't worry. I'm not using this on you. I'm using this on the alien boy!" she said calmly.

Everyone stared.

"…who?" asked Andy.

"THE SPIKY-HAIRED KID!" she shouted.

Everyone gasped.

"YOU'RE GOING TO KILL CALVIN? WHY?" Mom shrieked.

"Because he's an alien boy with a transmitter in his head! He uses it to contact his people! But never fear citizens! I have captured the boy in your attic, and I shall remove the chip, and then I shall use it to help me rule the world!" she cackled.

Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared at her.

"Related to Brainstorm?" asked Socrates.

"Yup," said Hobbes.

"Now, if you don't mind, I have to gas this thing up," said Sheila, carrying the chainsaw upstairs.

And she left.

Everyone sat in a cold silence.

* * *

Up in the attic, Calvin was desperately trying to escape. 

He had been hopping around in the chair, and was trying to get a box that held the Mega-Shrinker. He was almost there, but suddenly, Sheila burst in.

"TRYING TO ESCAPE, ARE YA? WELL, TOO BAD! I'M GONNA RIP YOU OPEN!" she shouted, holding up the chainsaw.

Calvin gulped.

* * *

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were struggling with the ropes. 

"Come on! Come on!" Hobbes grunted.

"Oh, it's hopeless," said Sherman. "There's no way we'll get free in time."

"Maybe not," said Andy. "There may be a way to cut the ropes."

"But how?" asked Socrates.

Hobbes suddenly lit up.

"Hey, Socrates. You know what would lighten the mood a bit?"

"What?"

"If you said our favorite number!"

"Which is?"

"What, you mean you don't remember after all this time?"

Socrates thought for a while.

"Oh…you mean 98,462?" he asked.

**_KA-TROING!_**

Socrates went into his transmission mode, and in the process, his arms forced the ropes to snap!

Hobbes, Andy and Sherman were freed as well.

"All right!" said Andy, who pinched Socrates' nose.

"Whoa!" said Socrates. "What the heck happened? How are we free?"

"Lucky break, I guess," said Hobbes. "Come on! We gotta save Calvin!"

Hobbes and Socrates tore up the stairs, leaving Andy and Sherman to untie the others.

* * *

The chainsaw was whirring loudly as Sheila moved in closer. 

Calvin was desperately trying to back away.

But just then, Hobbes and Socrates burst into the room.

"STOP RIGHT THERE, BRAINSTORM'S SISTER!" he shouted.

Sheila turned off the chainsaw and looked back.

"What the heck…?" she wondered.

The duct tape came off of Calvin's mouth.

"Brainstorm's sister?" he asked.

"ATTACK!" shouted Socrates.

Two tigers suddenly jumped the crazy lady and knocked her down.

"AAHH!" she screamed. "CRAZY ROBOTS! HELP ME!"

Calvin watched with great interest.

"GO HOBBES! GO SOCRATES! GO, GO, GO!" he chanted from his prison.

Just then, Andy, Sherman and the rest of the gang entered the room.

Mom, Dad, Susie and Rosalyn watched as a crazed woman rolled around on the floor with two stuffed tigers on her chest.

"HELP! HELP!" she screamed.

Andy and Sherman ran over and untied Calvin.

"Thanks, guys," said Calvin, getting down from the chair. "Man, I didn't think Dr Brainstorm had a family. I always figured he'd just sprung from the ground."

"Same here," said Andy.

Just then, they heard a bunch of footsteps as a man came in through the crowd. He was dressed in a policeman's, but he also had a really tall red hairdo. Behind him was a man who wore a similar uniform, but he was very gray and shiny.

It was Dr Brainstorm and Jack.

"There you are!" he shouted.

Everyone stopped and stared at him.

Brainstorm stormed over towards Sheila and yanked Hobbes and Socrates off of her.

"Okay, Sheila. Come with me. You are under arrest!" he yelled.

"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I DEMAND MY ATTORNY!" she yelled.

"You _have _no attorney. Jack, let's book her!"

"Whatever you say, Frank," said Jack, getting out a notepad.

"**_DEPUTY BRAINSTORM!_**" he shouted.

They dragged Sheila away.

"JUST YOU WAIT! ALIEN! HE'S AN ALIEN! IT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION! HOW ELSE COULD HIS HAIR DO THAT? _ALIEN!!_"

Jack dragged Sheila out of the house.

Calvin and Hobbes watched.

Dr Brainstorm leaned in towards them.

"Yeah, don't get used to me helping you out," he muttered. "I only did this for two reasons. One: I can't stand her. And two: if anyone is going to kill you two, it'll be _me_!"

Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes.

Brainstorm piled into the cop car with Jack at his side, and tied and bound Sheila trapped in the back.

"Okay, Sheila, you're going home to mother," said Dr Brainstorm.

"What? NO! NOT MOMMY! PLEASE! _SPARE ME!_"

Jack stuck some earplugs into his head and they drove into the sunset, and Sheila's screaming was heard for miles around.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman watched them leave.

"A transmitter in a brain, huh?" Socrates asked, looking at the others.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman suddenly looked very nervous.

Socrates stared for a second. Then he started to laugh.

"That's the craziest thing I've ever heard! Ha!"

The others laughed slightly, but not quite as hard.

**The End**

**Voice Work**

**Pamela Segal Adlon **Calvin  
**Tom Hanks** Hobbes  
**Ryan Stiles** Socrates / teenager at Radio Shack  
**Andrew Lawrence** Andy  
**Colin Mochrie** Sherman / Nebular  
**Jennifer Love Hewitt** Mom  
**Norman Lovett** Radio Shack employee  
**Bill Murray **Dad / Galixoid  
**Dakota Fanning** Susie  
**Daveigh Chase** Rosalyn  
**Neil Crone** Dr Brainstorm  
**Micheal Brandon** Jack  
**Bridget Nelson** Sheila Brainstorm

* * *

**Coming up next: **The Calvin and Hobbes: The Series (SEASON TWO)** End of Season Bonus Chapter!  
**


	36. End of Season Bonus!

**End of Season Bonus**

**Invention code**

**Airplane / Book Transport / Duplicator / Movie Transport/ Time Machine / Transmogrifier **- A large cardboard box.

**Atomic Freezer** - A regular wooden clothespin

**Hypercube** - A rubix cube

**Mega-Shrinker 5000** - A Computer microphone with an extendable neck. _(originally, it was going to be a pen)_

**Mini Duplicator** - a regular unsharpened number 2 pencil.

**Mini Time Machine (MTM)** - A round miniature chrome CD player with a red stripe going around it.

**Scream Horn** - A regular green megaphone _(started out as an air horn. Became a megaphone at the middle of Season two.)_

**Time Pauser** - A yellow Burger King top spinner.

**Transmogrifier Gun** - A regular small water pistol.

* * *

**Character Profiles**

**Socrates:**_Socrates is a tiger who moved into Calvin's neighborhood in mid season one. He looks just like Hobbes with one small difference. Through some unknown freak of nature, he has red stripes on his tail. He belongs to a rich owner, who's family has enough money to afford the giant mansion at the end of town. Oddly enough, Socrates never gets a cent of that money. Socrates spends most of his time acquiring blank blueprints, and using them to plan out his various pranks. Socrates pranks just about everyone he knows. So in other words, he makes at least fifteen enemies a day. Calvin, of course, is at the top of this list, since he's Socrates' main target. Socrates' friends, however, consists of two people. Hobbes and Andy, who are the only ones who can put up with his occasional prank on them. Not that Socrates cares about his social reputation, of course._

**Doctor Franklin Brainstorm:**_A evil genius who isn't that evil or that much of a genius. He wears a lab coat with a black shirt underneath, as well as green gloves, brown pants and black shoes. During his first few episodes, he had yellow eyes that were always out of focus, to give him more of the "stupid" look. Starting in more recent episodes, his eyes have turned grass green, and are no longer out of focus, since his personality gives him enough stupidity as it is. He also has bright red hair that sticks straight upward into spikes as if he had been electrocuted. His ultimate goal in life is to invent something so incredibly dangerous and diabolical, that it would frighten everyone into making him the ultimate leader of the world. The downside, however, is that every single invention he makes has something wrong with it, that he can't fix. His Servant Ray does the opposite of whatever he tells it to do, his hypercube is always jamming up, and his robot assistant is smarter than he is. One trademark about Brainstorm is that he's always yelling. And being the stupid genius he is, he's always coming up with some other weird idea to yell about. He still thinks that Hobbes and Socrates are robots, despite every single bit of proof that they aren't and that Calvin is out to "overthrow him"._

**Jack T. Robot:**_Dr Brainstorm built Jack originally to be his robot slave, who would do anything and everything he told him to do. Unfortunately, this is not what he got. Jack is a shiny, silver robot, about as tall as an average adult. Whenever he's in Brainstorm's lab, he's always reflecting whatever he's standing in front of. He has a round head with bolts and screws on the top, and a long pointed silver nose. His legs are segmented so that he can extend them outward, and take long strides. He never uses this feature though. His feet are simply metal rounded blocks. He has arms and five fingers on each hand just like any human. Jack never takes Brainstorm seriously. Always calling him by his dreaded first name, Jack is more of a good guy than a bad one. He does nothing to help Brainstorm whatsoever, and yet only slightly helps Calvin and Hobbes when they're in trouble. Whenever he's not walking or sitting, he leans against whatever's handy. He's always being sarcastic at everyone, especially Brainstorm, and whenever he's not reading his _Robots Weekly _magazine sipping milkshakes or sodas, or being forced to come along on Brainstorm's lunatic missions, he's watches with silent entertainment, as Brainstorm makes pathetic attempts to take over the world._

**Andy: **_Andy is 8 years old, making him older than Calvin, Susie and Moe, but he hardly interacts with the other two. His sarcasm and wit match those of Mike Nelson and Jon Stewart. He somehow always has a wry comment on everything. Although he is somewhat bland in his first appearances, he comes out of his "shell" in INSANITY IN THE AIR, when he finally shows some real emotion. Andy doesn't go to Calvin's school because he is homeschooled by his parents. Andy often finds himself as the peacemaker between his "friends". He is named after his voice actor, Andrew Lawrence._

**Sherman: **_Andy's pet hamster was an experiment at some university, and he is now named Sherman J Hamster and is a renowned genius. He has a secret lab under Andy's house and a not-so-secret resentment towards Hobbes and Socrates. Sherman truly is good-natured, but with such great knowledge come a great big honkin' ego. He enjoys citing interesting facts and reminiscing back on the days at the university. His hostility towards Hobbes and Socrates stems from the food chain, of which Sherman is close to the bottom on. They respond by referring to him as "Vermin". Andy is his only true friend. As for Calvin, the two had a similar relationship to the one between Hobbes and Sherman, but as the show progressed, they have gotten along better as Sherman is usually the first to catch on to Calvin's plans, and Calvin sometimes tries to help him out of Hobbes and Socrates' teasing._

**Holographic Retro Griffin: **_While the real human Retro is still trapped on an alien planet after the events of CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT, he has sent a hardlight holographic version of himself in his place. This means that when human Retro finally manages to escape, he will have no knowledge of what his holographic version has gained. So far, the holographic Retro has abandoned the original plan of remaking the Imaginator, and is currently experimenting with other ideas. Retro, along with Rupert Chill, is one of the few "serious" villains, as in he is not goofy and clumsy (i.e., Dr Brainstorm), and he is considered someone whom Calvin and Hobbes are actually afraid of._

**The Klein Family: **_From time to time, a character known as Klein shows up in the show, A DAY AT THE OFFICE, CHAOS TO MY EARS, INSANE ROAD TRIP. The character is in a different profession every time, just for the sake of comedic affect. He is considered by Calvin to be the one cool adult in the world, as the two always seem to get on fabulously whenever they meet. Klein is named after the his voice actor, world famous comedian Robert Klein._

* * *

**Calvin and Hobbes marathon host segments**

The screen is totally in static, a voice fades in and out.

"Hello? Hello? Come in, Nickelodeon, or whatever station we're on. This is Socrates, Andy and Sherman!"

Suddenly the static disappears and Socrates face appears in front of the screen, fiddling with some knobs.

"HA! There we go! We have now hacked into Nickelodeon's main computer! Good work on this, hamster!"

"Whatever." Sherman said, who was perched on Andy's shoulder.

Socrates took a clipboard, and read over it.

"Let's see what was on Nick's schedule for today. Hmm, Spongebob Squarepants? Danny Phantom? Fairly Odd Parents? Jimmy Neutron? I don't _think _so!"

Socrates put the clipboard, down.

"_WE _control you're television now! We control what you hear and see! So deal with it, pink boy!"

Andy and Sherman stared at Socrates for a long moment.

"Uh, right." Andy said. "Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, we're bringing you a full day of Calvin and Hobbes: The Series!"

"Whether you like it or not!" Socrates spat.

"Socrates, you're taking this too seriously, again." Andy sighed, turning to the tiger.

Socrates blinked.

"Oh, whatever, anyway, we're gonna stop rambling now, and get on to the first episode." He said.

Andy stepped up.

"Today's first episode is a little gem from early season one called_ The Black Turning Funnel_. It's a personal favorite of mine."

"Yes," Socrates said, stepping in front of Andy. "Imagine a terrible storm raging through your town! There's nothing you can do to stop it! And it's heading straight for your house! What would you do? Die horribly or actually do something stupid like Calvin did? _YOU DECIDE!!_"

"Socrates,"

"Right. Anyway, that's our first episode of the day. And I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

There was a pause.

"_YOU HAD BETTER!!!_"

"SOCRATES!!" Andy and Sherman screamed.

"What?! What did I do? what?" Socrates yelled, defensively.

* * *

Andy and Sherman were sitting at the lab computers checking gauges and monitors.

Andy looked up and saw the screen.

"Oop! The first one's over!" he announced.

"Ah, good," said Sherman . "I'll start the next one."

Socrates suddenly walked in.

"How goes the battle, men?" he asked.

"Socrates, take a chilly pill," said Andy, typing something in. "We're preparing the next episode."

"Very good. Sherman , how are we fuel-wise?"

"Pizza Hut said they'd have it here in thirty minutes or less," Sherman replied, putting on a set of headphones.

"Excellent. Good work, men. Andrew, what's our next episode for the marathon? I've got the FCC on the phone about canceling all the other shows and letting us take over all the channels!" Socrates said, holding up a cell phone.

Andy instantly reached up and yanked it away from him.

"Ignore him, he's crazy," he said. "And please renew _Blue Collar TV_."

And he hung up.

"Socrates, you need some therapy and a glass of warm milk. Sit down so we can introduce the next show," he continued.

Socrates simply saluted and marched away.

Andy sighed and looked at the camera.

"Okay, our next episode tonight is a very famous episode. It's known as THE YELLOWSTONE MONSTER. It features the debut of our most popular enemies, Dr Brainstorm and Jack. Thrill as Calvin and Hobbes stop them from destroying the world," he said.

"And it's also the first episode to feature Socrates'…extra feature," Sherman added.

"What was that?" Socrates shouted, off-screen.

"Nothing!" Andy shouted back. "Shermie, roll the episode and get back to work."

Sherman simply grinned and pressed some buttons.

* * *

Socrates looked up and saw the monitor change.

"Ah, excellent! Boys? We've finished yet another episode in our Calvin and Hobbes: the Series marathon!" he said. "Come on out!"

Andy and Sherman, eating some pizza, entered the lab.

"What's our next episode?" Andy asked.

"I'll tell you later. Before we start, I've set up an interview with a star of the show!"

"Who?" Sherman asked.

Socrates found a remote and clicked it on.

Jack appeared on the monitor.

"This is Socrates, Andy and Sherman calling Jack T Robot. Can you hear us, Jack?"

"Loud and clear, Crateso," Jack said, clearly bored out of his metal skull.

"Good! We're going to be asking you about your career on television," said Socrates.

"Actually, my career is assisting a whacked out scientist who isn't all that evil," said Jack.

"I see, and do you get any satisfaction out of it?" Socrates went on.

"Well, sometimes Frank hits his head on something. It's good for a laugh."

"Uh-huh and how long do you plan to work in this profession?"

"Ummm…until Frank goes and kills himself, I suppose."

"That's nice, and what was it like working with Neil Crone?"

"Who?"

Andy and Sherman sighed.

"Jack, Neil Crone is a Canadian improv comic," said Sherman .

"Never heard of him," said Jack.

Andy approached the camera.

"Anywho, our next episode is NIGHT OF THE LIVING TELEVISION," Andy said. "Please enjoy. We've got to help Jack out."

Andy pressed a few buttons, and then rejoined the others.

"Yes, fascinating," said Socrates. "And what is the deal with Kevin Frank?"

"Socrates, can tigers suffer from testosterone?" asked Jack, who looked ready to leave.

* * *

Socrates was grinning happily at the camera.

"And we're back! Andy and Sherman have had a long talk with me about our marathon, and I've come to apologize for being so intent on this. After all, Calvin and Hobbes are the main characters, and we are merely the supporting cast," he said cheerfully.

Andy and Sherman were watching him now.

"In fact, we weren't even in the comic strip, so we probably shouldn't even be here," he added.

Andy simply shrugged.

"But I've been given some medication from the hamster genius over there, and I've realized that this is just a marathon of a show that just barely ranks with SpongeBob, and our DVD sales just barely topped those Cindy Crawford Workout tapes," he went on.

Andy finally pushed him aside.

"Nice. Thank you, Socrates. Good day," he said.

Sherman appeared on the screen.

"Now then, back to planet Earth," he said. "Our next episode is a personal favorite of mine because it's the debut of Andy and me after our appearance in the TV Movie about the Teacher Creature. The episode is TWO LOONS AND A KID. We finally see someone else in Calvin's family. Ready? Here we go," he said, pressing a button.

"Free Bird!" Socrates shouted.

"Shut up!" Sherman retorted angrily.

* * *

"_AND _WE'RE BACK!!!" Socrates shouted, stepping in front of a very annoyed Andy and Sherman. "Having completed another episode of Calvin and Hobbes: The Series! Which we're cramming down your throat totally against your will! What's that? You wanted to see that first air episode of _Avatar_, today? Episode of _Drake and Josh _coming on that you haven't seen in a while? _WELL, TOO BAD!!! _Yes it's a full day of Calvin and Hobbes TV show episodes with no end in sight!!"

Andy and Sherman glared, murderously at Socrates.

"Also," Socrates said, turning to Andy and Sherman. "Since Sherman connected that thing of his to Nickelodeon's main hard drive, I've been aiming on hacking into all the other major channels! CBS, FOX, Hallmark, ABC, HBO, Showtime, Comedy Central, A&E, Cartoon Network, Scifi, Boomerang, CNN... The list is endless! Soon, we'll be broadcasting Calvin and Hobbes to every single channel available!! Rendering everyone's remote control _useless!!_"

"Sure, Socrates." Andy said, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, what's up next?"

Socrates took the clipboard, and stared at it.

"Ah, _A Day at the Office_, one of my favorites. Imagine if you will, a character obsessed patent attorney being hired for something that has absolutely nothing to patents! He doesn't know it, but soon this man will be pulled into the deepest regions of the _Calvin and Hobbes: The Series_ zone! Now then..."

Socrates took some wires, and began sticking them into a cable box.

"We should have total control over Court TV's programming within the next fifteen minutes! Then I'll start working on all the Disney channels! Jake Long, _YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!_"

"Tell me, Socrates, do you take _everything_ this seriously?" Andy asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Socrates said.

"Whatever," Sherman said. "Anyway, our next episode is _A Day at the Office_, and I hope you enjoy it. Andy, where are those sedatives?"

* * *

There was a moment of silence.

Then, Andy's head peeked on screen.

"Oh, hey, we're back." He said, holding his hands in his pocket, and walking up to the screen. "I hope you enjoyed that last episode, it was pretty good in my humble..."

_CRASH!!!!!_

"...Uh, opinion..." Andy said, looking nervously towards a door, nearby. "Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, Sherman is sedating Socrates for the time being, just to try and calm him down, so I'll be introducing the next episode."

"NO!!! NO!!! I WON'T TAKE IT!!!!" Socrates screamed from other room.

"Fine, I'll just _force _it down then!!" Sherman retorted.

"NO, NO!! BLAH!! BEAEH!! BLEH!!"

Andy cast nervous glances toward the door.

"Uh, the next episode is called _Wild Movie_. It's another good episode, where Calvin tries to... uh..."

"CAT!!! GET BACK HERE!!"

_SCRATCH!! SCRATCH!! HISSS!!! CRASH!!! __**BOOM!!!!**_

"...uh... tries to make a movie..." Andy said, turning a glance on the door.

"OK, Kitty! You asked for it!!!"

_CRASH!! SCRATCH!! BOOM!! WHACK!!! CRAM!!! ZOOOM! ZAAAP!!_

"And... I think you'll enjoy it, immensely..." Andy said, ginning nervously and shrugging.

"HELP!! THE RAT IS MAD!!! _MAD!!!_"

"GET OVER HERE!!!"

Andy threw another glance at the door.

"Uh, we're trying to calm his nerves." He said.

_CRASH!!!!_

"I should probably go check up on them."

Slowly, Andy made his way to the door.

"Anyway, our next episode is called _Wild Movie_. Please enjoy."

And with that, Andy walked off screen.

"ANDY!! GRAB HIS LEGS!!"

_CRASH!!!!_

_BOOM!!_

"BLOCK THE DOOR!! BLOCK THE DOOR!!"

_SLAM!!!!_

"GET HIM!!!"

"HELP!!! THEY'RE ALL CRAZY!!!!"

* * *

Andy and Sherman stared at Socrates.

He was sleeping on a conveniently placed bed, with the covers pulled up over his head.

Sherman looked up.

"Oh. Andy we're back on." Sherman said.

Andy looked up.

"Oh, hello, ladies and gentlemen, Sherman has finally gotten Socrates to sleep so I don't think we'll be having any more trouble tonight." He said.

Sherman nodded.

"Anyway, in case you just turned your TV on, you're watching the Calvin and Hobbes: The Series all day marathon. And we're almost done with it, Andy?"

"Right." Andy said. "Anyway, the next episode is called..."

Suddenly, Socrates began stirring.

Andy and Sherman froze, their eyes wide with fear.

Socrates' eyes popped open.

He stared at the wide eyed Andy and Sherman for a moment.

"Oh, hello," He yawned, sitting up. "Boy, that was a good rest. How'd you get me to sleep?"

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

"Uhh... I... don't know." Andy said.

Socrates blinked.

"Huh. Well, I'm feeling a lot better now." He yawned and stretched. "Yeah, I needed that. Real good sleep. Thanks, Vermin!"

"Don't push it." Sherman growled.

Socrates' eyes turned back to the camera.

"Ah, and we're back! Anyway ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to apologize for my _gruesome _actions earlier tonight. Temporary insanity. It happens all the time."

Andy and Sherman stared at Socrates, suspiciously.

"Uhh... OK." Andy said, "Well, Socrates, if you're feeling better, maybe you'd like to introduce the next episode?"

"Gladly."

Socrates stood up, walked over to the clipboard, and picked it up.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our next episode is not special in any way, because I don't appear in it. I don't even make a cameo, which kind of makes you wonder. The only side-character who's in it is fuzzball, there."

"HEY!" Sherman yelled.

Andy rolled his eyes.

"Anyway," He said. "It's called _Super Calvin_, and it involves Calvin getting the idea to combine his inventions into one. Unfortunately, everything goes wrong, and the inventions..."

"ANDY!!" Socrates yelled. "Don't ruin the surprise! Anyway, please enjoy our next episode, _Super Calvin_. I'm sure it will blow you're mind."

There was a moment of silence.

"Now then, I need to go hack into Ion television." Socrates said, turning around.

Andy and Sherman groaned loudly.

"I'll get the rope." Sherman growled.

* * *

Socrates lay bound and gagged in the corner of the room.

Andy and Sherman were standing in front of him.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Andy said. "Due to circumstances beyond our control…"

"Also known as Socrates," Sherman said.

"…we have had to tie Socrates up and insert an oily rag into his mouth so that we may bring you the final episode of our Calvin and Hobbes: the Series Marathon!" said Andy.

"Right, now this episode is a rather interesting episode because it is an all-new episode. The last episode of the second season, as a matter of fact! It's the whole reason we had this marathon in the first place," said Sherman .

"This episode features a new fact about Dr Brainstorm, and gives Rosalyn her first lines since that one babysitter episode in the first season," said Andy.

"So we present to you, _The Alien Huntress_," said Sherman .

Then they glanced back at Socrates.

"Now then," said Andy. "We have a little more time, so we're going to tell that one joke that Socrates hates with a passion."

Socrates immediately started jumping up and down.

"Who here has heard of the movie Thunderdome? At some point, someone shall say the word Thunderdome in your presence, and we're guessing that you don't have a snappy comeback ready. Well, we're gonna give you one!"

Socrates screamed through the oily rag.

"Shermie, let's give them whole demonstration, huh?"

"Sure," said Sherman . "Boy, I think we sure messed up on that whole Thunderdome fiasco."

"Oh come on," said Andy.

Socrates frantically made his way over to them.

"Can't we just get beyond Thunderdome?" Andy said triumphantly.

Socrates groaned and fell over.

Andy and Sherman laughed playfully.

"Ah, yes. Thank you, thank you," they said.

"Well, thanks for joining us here on the Calvin and Hobbes: the Series Marathon. We apologize to the FCC, all those channels we mentioned, and all those TV shows Socrates insulted," Andy said.

"In fact, we apologize for Socrates in general," said Sherman .

"Good night, everyone!" they chimed, waving goodbye.

Socrates just glared at them.

* * *

**Season two episode trailers**

_**Super Calvin**_

_(Shows a shot of Calvin blasting ice from his hands. Jazzy music begins playing)_

_**Narrator: **__On an all new, Calvin and Hobbes: The Series_

_**Calvin (being electrocuted by the box): **__YAAAAAAUGH!!_

_**Sherman:**__ Calvin's like a mutant now!_

_**Calvin: **__I am? Really? Cool!!_

_(Cuts to Calvin in his Super Calvin costume)_

_**Calvin (triumphantly):**__ I will use my amazing powers to save worlds, and fifth dimensions from monkey people!_

_**Dr Brainstorm (rubbing his chin, thoughtfully):**__ So, the six year old brat has super powers, now, eh?_

_(Cuts to Brainstorm shooting Calvin down from his rocket)_

_**Calvin:**__ YEEEK!!!!_

_(Cuts to Calvin throwing an electrical blast at Brainstorm in the neighborhood)_

_**Brainstorm: **__Jack! He's taking countermeasures!! DO something!!"_

_**Jack: **__Sure.__Calvin, do you know where I can find a soda machine?_

_**Calvin: **__Sure there's one at the entrance of Brown's General Store,_

_**Jack: **__Thanks._

_(Cuts to Calvin holding his hands up, which have frost swirling around them._

_Shows Brainstorm firing his laser cannon at Calvin in his all body metal suit.)_

_**Calvin: **__ACK!!!_

_**Brainstorm (Throwing his arms back in his all metal body suit): **__BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!_

_**Sherman: **__If Calvin uses too much of his powers, it'll kill him._

_**Calvin (taking a deep breath in): **__YAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!_

_**Brainstorm (the scream throwing him backward): **__AAAAAAAUGH!!_

_(Shows Calvin panting heavily and wiping some sweat from his brow_

_Cuts to Brainstorm in his all metal body suit clutching his fists, and laughing.)_

_**Brainstorm: **__GIVE ME YOU'RE WORST!!!!_

_**Narrator: **__Calvin and Hobbes: The Series!__Friday, June first at seven PM eastern._

_**Personality Test**_

_(Jazzy music begins playing)_

_**Narrator:**__ Next time on a brand new Calvin and Hobbes: The Series_

_**Dad: **__Calvin, you haven't really been building character lately,_

_**Calvin: **__Of course I have! I got involved in a love affair, made a movie, got stuck in a hurricane, and had my superpowers erased through a time distortion vortex!_

_**Dad: **__Sure you did, but I have some real chores for you._

_(Switches to Calvin holding some pine cones and sticks in his hands. He jabs his finger at Susie.)_

_**Calvin: **__YOU!! I'LL PAY YOU TWENTY BUCKS IF YOU SAY YOU'RE ME!!_

_**Susie: **__Get lost, you little freak!!_

_**Calvin: **__Dad doesn't believe I have enough character! It's so untrue! I've got character as far as the eye can see!_

_**Socrates (glaring at Calvin): **__Well, do you have any concrete proof?_

_**Calvin:**__ Well…I don't think so..._

_(Cuts to Socrates wearing a black top hat and standing in front of a crate with the sign next to it.)_

_**Socrates:**__ Enter the magical world of Socrates' Personalized Personality Tests! Only one measly dollar!_

_(Shows four shots of Socrates handing a personality test to Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman.)_

_**Sherman (angrily): **__Andy, you and I have been HAD!!_

_(Shows Socrates' nervously looking out his window.)_

_**Socrates (frantically): **__It's a madhouse!! A MADHOUSE!!!_

_(Shows net flinging Socrates through the air.)_

_**Narrator: **__CALVIN AND HOBBES: THE SERIES. Today at five PM, eastern._

_**Night of the Living Television II**_

_(Shots of the sky, the buildings and the telephone wires flashing by to a drum beat.)_

_**Narrator: **__In a world run on electricity, any villain can appear._

_(The shot of the telephone lines comes back, only know they're swaying roughly. Suddenly, in a bright bolt of electricity, Electro some soaring out of them and smashes into Retro)_

_**Electro: **__FFRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!_

_**Retro: **__What the heck—?! D'OH!_

_**Narrator: **__And now, two old foes are coming back for revenge._

_**Electro: **__Team up?_

_**Retro: **__Glad to._

_**Narrator: **__And they actually know what they're doing!_

_(Calvin and Hobbes run away as Electro hovers above them, sending streams of electricity through the air, and a bunch of electrical items fly after them. Shot of Calvin and Hobbes ducking as a light bulb explodes. Shot of Retro untangling himself from some phone wires. Shot of Calvin firing the MTM at the forest. Shot of an eruption of water.)_

_**Calvin: (V.O.) **__Let's ante up and play some really lousy Poker!_

_**Sherman: **__I fold._

_**Narrator: **__Night of the Living Television II. A brand new Calvin and Hobbes TV movie. This Saturday at six PM eastern._

_**Sherman Goes to the Vet**_

_(Shot of a calendar with the date circled "Sherman goes to the Vet")_

_**Narrator:**__ On an all-new Calvin and Hobbes: the Series…!_

_**Sherman:**__ (yelling) WHAT'S SO HORRIBLE ABOUT THE VET?! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S SO HORRIBLE ABOUT THE VET!_

_**Calvin:**__ Sherman, do have you ever noticed that you always seem to take simple questions personally?_

_**Narrator:**__ Sherman's going to the vet, and two tigers have a plan…_

_**Socrates:**__ Vets don't like smart animals because they try to rule the world!_

_**Sherman:**__ They do?_

_**Hobbes: **__Ever seen "Pinky and the Brain"?_

_**Narrator: **__…to make it a living nightmare!_

_**Sherman: **__AAAHH! I'M NOT GOING TO THE VET! THIS IS A BUGHUNT, MAN! A BUGHUNT! GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER! WHAAAAAAAAHH!_

_(Hobbes and Socrates stare at him.)_

_**Narrator: **__Calvin & Hobbes: the Series! This Friday at seven PM eastern._

_**The Alien Huntress**_

_(The trailer begins with a black screen. The sound of a chainsaw being revved up is heard in the background. fast suspense music begins playing.)_

_**Narrator: **__Today on the brand new Calvin and Hobbes: The Series__ season finale!_

_**Jack (filing through some mail): **__Let's see, electric bills, cable bills, radar bills, your Evil Genius magazine, a letter from that freak giving you the free 'Take over the world in three days' book, some package from the 'make your evil genius inventions work' company, and another letter from your sister._

_**Brainstorm (frantically): MY SISTER?!?!**_

_**Sheila: **__WOW, WHAT A PRIMITIVE LABORATORY!! I'VE SEEN TWO YEAR OLDS WITH MORE ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY!_

_**Brainstorm (angrily): **__Sheila, I have a little job for you._

_(Brainstorm points to the screen with Calvin and Hobbes on it)_

_**Sheila: **__GOOD GRIEF! THERE'S A ROBOT IN THAT WAGON!!!!_

_**Jack: **__siiiiigh..._

_**Socrates (in transmission mode): **__INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM GALAXOID AND NEBULAR!!!_

_**Sheila (hearing everything from a listening device.): **__Transmitter?__The boy has a transmitter in him?!?_

_(Cuts to Shiela attacking Calvin's parents with the hypnotizing gun. Then cuts to the basement)_

_**Sheila (leaning over and grinning at Calvin, who's tied up in a chair): **__How are you doing, alien boy?_

_**Calvin: **__What?!_

_**Sheila: **__Don't play dumb with me!! You are gathering bits of information for the aliens!! You are plotting an invasion, aren't you? You're going to make us all walk about the streets and chant your great leader's name and make us clean your toilets with our tongues, aren't you?_

_**Calvin (blankly): **__Eh, what are you going to do to me?_

_**Sheila (holding up a chainsaw): **__I'm gonna cut your head open and remove the transmitter._

_**Calvin: **__WHAT?!?!_

_**Narrator: **__Watch the Calvin and Hobbes: The Series__ season finale. Tonight at seven, part of today's seven hour Calvin and Hobbes marathon!_

* * *

**Season three preview trailer**

_**Narrator: **__Coming soon to Nickelodeon…_

_Calvin and Hobbes looking up in surprise at the night sky._

_**Narrator: **__...Calvin and Hobbes are back in an all-new season!_

_**Socrates: **__Yep-er-doodles!_

_**Narrator: **__A season of danger!_

_Hobbes charges through a collapsing space ship with the MTM._

_**Narrator: **__A season of confusion!_

_Calvin and Hobbes stare at backwards versions of themselves._

_**Calvin: **__You guys are evil, aren't you?_

_**Nivlac: **__Evil is such a strong word. We perfer "dark"._

_**Narrator:**__ A season of great change!_

_Calvin holds up the upgraded MTM._

_**Calvin: **__Nothing can possibly go wrong!_

_**MTM: **__Ah, I beg to differ._

_**Hobbes:**__ We have so much in common._

_**Narrator:**__ A season of fantasy!_

_**Tiger Eye:**__ Dejour. Is she French?_

_**Lana:**__ That's just her stage name. Her real name is Mimi Coffee._

_**Tiger Eye:**__ Coffee?_

_**Lana: **__No, thank you._

_Shot of Calvin and Socrates at a buffet table._

_Shot of Dr Brainstorm waving a leaf blower at Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman._

_Shot of Rupert Chill hanging Socrates by the tail._

_Shot of Hobbes loading the MTM._

_Shot of Sherman staring at something while Andy downs a glass of juice._

_The words CALVIN & HOBBES pop up on the screen._

_**Narrator:**__ Catch an all new season of Calvin & Hobbes: The Series this September on Nick._

_Shot of Jack talking to Dr Brainstorm, who is dressed in black._

_Shot of Calvin being pulled through a bathroom mirror._

_Shot of a beaten up Susie limping by._

_Shot of a pale ghost attacking Socrates._

_Shot of Calvin and Hobbes giving each other a high five._

* * *

**Coming up Next:**The Calvin and Hobbes: The Series Season 3 premiere, _DR BRAINCHILL.  
_Please refer to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series (SEASON THREE), or my profile if it hasn't been posted, yet. The titles for first five episodes of the third season have been released!_  
_


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